The Cirque du Soleil of Married Sex | Date Your Wife | Ep 062

Money, money, money, money.

Hey, everybody. This is your boy, Garrett J. White, the founder of Wake Up Warrior and the CEO of DKW Styling. I'm sitting here with my wife, Danielle K. White, the creator of Natural Beader Bros. You can learn more about that.

The creator of life and your babies.

The creator of life and my baby. The life of my babies or just the life of babies? You don't know what you've created.

I've created our babies.

Our babies. Okay. We're gonna create our babies. All right, well, listen, I'm all about. And I completely, 100% support you creating babies with me. And that's interesting, because our topic today in Date your wife happens to be the topic of sex.

That's your favorite.

It is my favorite. You're not actually talking into the microphone.

I'm sorry, you're not right now.

Nope. You're not even. You're not even doing it. You're literally just, like, messing around right now on your Instagram. Now I'm messing around on my Instagram, and I'm gonna show you what I'm gonna do on my Instagram right now. I don't know how to Instagram, but I think I can figure it out. Here we go. We're gonna. There we go. Live on the Instagram. Live on the Instagram. There you are. Live on the Instagram. Okay, listen, here's the deal. We don't have much time. We're gonna go. We're gonna go after this show. We're gonna actually put this right here. Hold on.

No, don't go live. End your life. I don't wanna be on.

No, we're gonna go live for just a minute. Just a minute. We're gonna go live. Just one second. We're gonna go live. All right, listen, our topic today, if you were here tuning in for the very first time to the Date your wife podcast, I am excited to have you here with us as we jump into another episode of the conversation of sex, Money Sex or the conversation of what? What's the second week's topic?

Second week's.

Yes. If the first week's topic is money, what's the second week's topic?

I don't remember.

Money. You just said it. You just said it. It's money.

All right, so the sex, money, communication and parenting.

Okay, good. But not in that order. What is it? It's sex. It's sex and then sex again. No, I like where you're going with this, but it's not sex and sex. It's sex and money. And then it's what?

Communication.

And then it's communication. And then it's what?

Communication?

Nope.

Kids.

Communication comes after parenting. It's parenting. You're forgetting about the kids, for goodness sakes.

I don't ever forget about the kids.

No, you do. You are forgetting about the kids. Okay, listen. Like, here, here's the deal. We are having a topical conversation today.

Topical.

Topical. Not to be confused with the topical ointment that you place on yourself. On the topic of sex, at one point in the game, I'm not gonna lie to you, I was really wanting to endure the game of sex longer in marriage. And so what I did was this.

Wow.

What I did was the following. Jody says you've had too much tequila already.

I have not had any tequila. Jody.

Jody, listen. You need to live by the code, okay?

I had a half full.

You're not living by the code at all right now. You literally are lying. You're fucking lying to our entire live audience.

It hasn't even set in.

Okay, have you had a shot of tequila, yes or no?

I had a shot of tequila.

Half or a full?

It was a big.

Live by the code, woman.

I'm living by the code.

Living by the fucking schmode you're living by. You had a full shot. Tell the truth.

I did not.

You didn't have a full shot of tequila as we started the show yesterday?

No, I had a half.

That's the evidence right there. I'm telling you right now. She had a full shot of tequila to start today's topic. Are you ready to talk about. Are you ready? I'm living by the code. I didn't say I didn't take a shot. I took a shot with you. I took a shot with you.

Baby shots.

Baby shot. Compared to what? A giant. You know, a giant.

Let's get on with the topic of the Eskimo. Let's do this. Let's do this. End your life. Peace out.

Okay, listen, here's the deal. We're gonna talk about sex. Instagram. We're outta here. If you wanna join us on this. Well, we can't do it live anymore for you. Cause we're gonna focus and we're gonna talk about this. We to you subscribe to the podcast. Head on over to date your wife on itunes or Google Play and. Or head over to dateyourwifenow.com. you can check out past episodes and. Or this episode today. All right, gentlemen. I'm out of here, ladies. I'm out of here. Instagram. Bye. Bye. Okay, so We've ended the promotion.

All right, let's do this.

All right.

Oh, let's talk about it.

Okay, so we're going to talk about sex. Let me ask you this. Why do we talk about sex, like, literally, as a married couple? Why is this even a topic? Because this is one of our more popular shows right here, this episode.

This is only a popular show with your guys.

And guess what? 70% of our listeners are.

I disagree.

Probably. I haven't actually studied that.

Yeah, that's why. Live by the code carrot.

I'm just gonna tell you that literally, there are a lot of guys that listen to this show. I'm shorter than you.

I know that's not gonna work.

I'm set up taller. Okay.

Like, five, nine.

For real, though? Like, why. Like, why? Why do we talk? My voice is blasted from an entire week of training. Why do we talk about sex on the show?

I think that. I think when you're married, like, you, like, there's a part of you that's like, oh, what's going on? Why, like, you wonder, like, is this. How is this how it is? And then you talk to other married couple, and you're like, yeah, this is how it is.

And you're. And you start to realize that is how it is.

It is how it is.

Why do you think that married. Why does married sex go to the shithole?

You know what I'm starting to realize? Like, I'm just gonna, like, pat myself on the back.

Pat yourself right on your espalda. That's the Spanish word for back.

I feel like I keep it spicy.

I like it.

Yeah. Don't even. You had a smirk because you had.

A visual, and you're like, I had a visual. The moon was out. The doors on our bedroom were open. It was go time. Okay, so literally, let's talk about this spicy topic. No, we're gonna. We're talking about sex, but we're talking about spicy.

Okay, so we've always. Our first sex show we ever did. We talked about qqpe, which was Quickie. Quickie Porn Star.

Explain what this is. Explain what it is. Because we have new listeners. They need to understand the QQPE option.

I own a salon in Laguna Beach, California, called DKW Styling Blog. DKW Styling. And it's funny because Garrett's always like, you're not normal. And I'm like, honey, I work with all women. I promise you, I'm normal. And the more I talk to women, if I get to know them a little more, I. I ask Him. I'm like, so what's, like, normal for you? Like, how many times you have sex?

Like, what is. What's the answer you get? How many times a week are women having sex?

A good number for girls. Like, literally, if they say three times a week, I'm like, good for you. They're like, I know. My husband's so lucky, but here's what I want to get to. Here's what I want to get to.

So what's the average? Is that the high? What's the.

That's kind of high.

Like, that has to be fucking high.

That's high.

That's really high.

That's high.

And then, okay, so talk about the average.

The women that ask that. I'm like, good for you.

Do those women want to be having sex three times a week?

That's where I'm getting to. So women. Women, like, it's like you. Katie's friend said it best last week. She goes, if you don't mop your floors, somebody else will do it for you. And I was like, oh, if you.

Don'T mop your floor.

But the problem is, women go approach sex as like, I'm just gonna mop the floors, like, get her done. And then there's no fun in that. And I think with if guys, if they go so long with just like, a. A simple cleanup, they're not gonna be satisfied.

I love if you related sex to cleaning. Yeah, it's a cleanup job. I mean, literally, it is a cleanup job afterwards.

So when she said that analogy, I was just kinda like, ah, makes sense. Got them off the floors. But then I'm like, isn't that funny that women think of sex as, like, gotta give it her. Give it my go. Gotta mop my floors. When she said that, I was like.

Oh, if you don't mop your floor, somebody else will.

I'm doing cartwheels on my floors, then mopping them, then doing more cartwheels back to them and a back flick over them.

I'm not gonna lie to you. Your sex game in the last six months has gone through the roof. Do you think it's because of this show?

No.

Why do you think your sex game has gone through the roof? Because you as a woman have literally, I'm not gonna tell you, blown my mind.

I can't tell you. You can't tell me because it's all about the qqp. Like, for some reason, I feel like.

It'S all about the qqp.

I'm telling you, like, I get it. You gotta get her done. You gotta mop the floor some nights, but some nights.

Some nights you got to put on a circus ole show.

Yes. And sometimes you're like, God, this is. This is weird. And then you get like, halfway in, you're like, I'm an acrobat. And you didn't even know you were an acrobat. And then you wake up the next morning, you're like, fuck, my back hurts.

This was literally the case in last week. But you came for the first. For the first time, you came into a situation where your back was hurting.

I'm like, I'm 35. My back hurts less. Back bends.

All right, so.

But no, there's like this. There's this piece of it that you're like, oh. Like, you're kind of having fun with it.

Like, you're talk about this. Because I swear to you, women, I mean, listen, men are uncomfortable with it. I'm not gonna lie.

I think that you get to this.

But women. Women are even more uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable.

I agree.

You get married and you get so busy and like. And you're kind of like, ooh. Like, I'm not gonna tell you who, but I was talking to somebody we know.

You're talking to someone we know. Okay.

And she's like. And I hang out with some probably some alpha women, and she's sitting there and we were joking about sex, and she's like, I literally had it in my hand and I was wondering, like, I had to cut him off of conversation because he wanted to share his feelings, and I had it in my hand and I was like, are we gonna do this or not? Are you. Do we. You want to keep telling me your feelings or are we gonna do this? And I was like, okay, don't do that, because that's. That's kind of a turn off.

Did she say that? She said this?

She said that to him?

Oh, shit. That's for sure an erection killer.

No, but she.

Did his erection die.

I'm like, if you have to say, say that. Like, that's when you ladies. Like, I'm just telling you. Like, I get it. Like, sometimes you gotta again mop the floors. I get it.

Yes, I get it.

But sometimes you don't need to mop the floors. Sometimes you gotta mop the floors to mop you.

Oh, wow.

So you're getting excited just listening Sometimes.

I'm already getting. This is foreplay. I'm literally getting turned on right now on the show.

Like, here's the thing, okay.

Talk about what this means. You have to. You have to. Literally, you have to.

Sometimes you're tired and you just gotta. You gotta get in there and get it done. But then sometimes, if you really want to have fun with it, you gotta act the part and play the role. It's literally how they do it in the movies. Entertain that idea. Have fun with it. Walk in the room in your underwear and just be like, oh, hey. I mean, that's what you do. You can't just be in bed and be like, are we gonna do this or not?

Are we gonna do this?

Cause that's not good. Just because your legs are open doesn't mean that's attractive. That's all I'm saying.

I love where you're going with this right now. Talk to me more about this. Continue to do.

I just. Okay. I always go back to, like, when you're dating. Like, if you're dating, are you gonna be like, are we gonna do this or not? No. You're gonna be like, oh, God, I can't tell. Does he like me? Does he not? Like, what do I need to do? You're gonna be like, oh, whoops, my towel dropped. Like, I don't know what that looks like for you, but I'm just saying, like, when you're married, if you expect to have that chemistry and that spark, play the fucking game.

So why do you think the women stop playing the game?

Because it becomes a chore. It becomes a chore of mopping your floors. That is the worst analogy I've ever heard. I'm sorry.

Yeah, you know what, though? You know what, though? It's real.

It is. And they're like, all right, I got some checks. I'm gonna mop the fucking floors. And you're like, no wonder your husband's sticking with you. Cause, like, you mop the floors three or four times a week. Good for you. Your cleaning analogy is amazing. You're spot on. However, what if you didn't mop the floors?

What if he did? What? I just think that, like a little Cirque du Soleil.

I just think that you gotta have a little bit of fun with it. And you know what's so funny?

Oh, what? Go. I mean, literally, here's the deal. Most. I don't know one guy that has to mop the floors. But I do know. I'm sure there's tens of millions of people.

I was watching the Today.

Who mop the floor?

The Today show, and I don't even know Huda and something, whatever her name is is on there.

I Don't even know who they had.

This sex specialist. And she comes in and she's like. And she's saying, not a sex specialist. I'm sorry, I don't know who this lady was, but she's saying, like, it's when you're busy, you should schedule sex.

Schedule it. Like it's on the calendar.

And I was thinking. I was like, ew, Schedule sex. Weird. But at the same time, we schedule, like, one to two date nights a week, and that's usually a guaranteed win. So I think I, like, I got her analogy of, like, you like schedule sex, but at the same time, I'm like, you can't be that girl. It's like, well, it's Monday and we scheduled. And it's 3:45. Cause then it takes the fun out of it. So you have to. That's great if you want to schedule pencil and sex, but it's also kind of a buzzkill. And you have to learn to have fun with it and relax and for both partners. I think when you're married, it doesn't matter if you're married. Sometimes it gets a little awkward, and you have to play that game of, what if we were dating? So ask yourself, what if we were dating? How would I act? And even though it seems like an act, because you're like, this is silly. We've been married for 15 years. This is silly. I. All of a sudden, it becomes kind of fun. And I'm not saying you have to, like, it's simpler than you think. It's literally just like, it's simpler than you think. It's not like role playing or anything like that. It's just like, what would you do if you were dating? You're not gonna be like, are we doing this or what? I'm gonna mop your floors. You're gonna be like, hey, you're gonna try and be kind of sexy.

Let me ask you a question. Do you end up feeling. Do you feel better about yourself when you go to that place? And what I mean by that is, like, instead of mop the floors, I'm.

Happy that my man is fulfilled.

Really?

Like, I know that, like, you can have sex. And you're like, yeah, that was great. I needed that. But when you. When you have fun with it, your man's feeling fulfilled. Like, he's not gonna be looking at other women, because he's gonna be like, God, last night was great.

No, literally, this is the case. I'm going to very.

I know, I know.

Literally, there is no thought women Want a secret formula?

And they say, like, oh, just put out for your man.

And I'm like, but it's not enough to just. It's not enough just to put out. You have to give him content.

Totally. And it's not even about content. It's just, like. It's more about the other party going in and being like, hey, I know this is fun for you, and it's fun for me, and it's fun to, like, please you. And it goes both ways.

It does.

And so, yeah, I'll tell you.

From the guy's side. From the guy's side. This is a. Like, I was having a conversation. I'm not shitting you. Today. I was having a conversation with an entrepreneur. I'm not gonna say who it was. I'm gonna say what he does. But he was sitting in my front yard. I have a small little patio.

Okay.

I have couches. And he came over and he sat down. He said, listen, can I have an hour? I said, no, you can have 30 minutes. So we sat down. We talked for 30 minutes.

This was today.

This was today. You were gone, getting your eyelashes done.

I was like, when did this happen?

Yeah, you were getting your eyelashes done. So anyways, he came over. He sat down on the couch. We're sitting on the couch in the front of. Front of our house, and we're having a conversation. And there were two situations that came up. One was she was upset about what he was wanting sexually.

Okay, who is this person?

I'm not saying any names. I would tell you after the date night, or I'll tell you later after the show. I want him to be able to be safe with who he is. Okay, so she's upset about the sex game. But the thing that was interesting was I looked at his patterns. He's hustling, he's grinding. He has three kids. His wife had a baby a year ago, so they're four children right now. And he is. He's trying to figure out the game. But I looked at him, and he has this faulty understanding about sex. And I looked at him. I said, listen, okay, you want to have sex, Your wife's putting out, you're having sex. But she actually said she wants him to move out. That's why he came over. I know. And I wasn't sad for him. I realized what was going on. I diagnosed it in about four minutes. Three minutes, Four minutes of questions. I knew what was going on. They don't go on date nights. Okay, Number one. Number two, she has no time away. From the children at all. Okay. Number three. In the last three weeks, she started going out drinking with her girlfriends. So she's finally giving time and he takes care of the kids, but she goes out to like, one in the morning. Yeah, you did the vase. You did the vase. Okay. So I looked at him and I said, here's the problem. You want to have sexual connection with your wife, and at the end of the day, your wife wants something different. It's not that she wants, doesn't want sexual connection. She actually wants something else. And if you'll give that to her, it will support you in the sex game, but it will also bring your marriage together. So I looked at him, I said, do you want. And I was really direct with him. Within, like four minutes, I'm asking a question, like, what's the deal? She's like, well, you know, I was like, what kind of sex you have? You know, is she okay? Blowjobs? Are you okay with going down on her? Like, anal? Do you have, you know, is it just vaginal? Oh, yeah. In two minutes, like, are you doing missionary? Are you doing cowgirl? Reverse cowgirl? Like, what's going on? Like, tell me. Give me the frontier right now. And he was super uncomfortable because no one's ever asked him these kind of questions at this speed and at this frequency and at this focus. And I'm asking him the questions, I'm laying out the terrain and I'm looking at the frontier and I'm asking him all this data. But at the end of the day, the real fuck up that he had was that he thought it was enough to just make money and invest in the children. No. Okay. Because I did this forever. Talk to me. Go, go, go, go, go, go.

I used to think that women wanted time, and then I was like, no, no, it's not time. We want validation and attention. I don't care if you're the shyest person on the planet. I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert. Like, women want attention. They will always, if they're not feeling like they are, have validation and attention. They will go look somewhere else for it. Just like guys will go look somewhere else for sex. And unfortunately, sometimes when women go look for validation and attention, it can lead.

To sex with somebody else.

With somebody else.

And it, like, a lot of the validity, like, and this is the thing is, like, if you're. If you're a woman and you're not feeling validated and you don't feel like you're getting Attention. Because your man is working. And then he comes home from. From the business and he starts pouring into the children. Which guys go through this. It's a weird thing. They think that pouring into the kids.

Is going to get them laid points. But I think.

But it ends up not. It ends up, yes.

Getting the points or not. Almost like I would imagine the guy feels awkward in the. A safe place is always the children, for sure. And so they're like, my wife, this tension, like she wants to rip my fucking face off. And I work so hard. I don't. The kids are safe. Double brownie points. Hanging out with the kids. Like, you think that and then you.

Think you're gonna get laid right after.

And then you're like, well, I put time in with the kids. And then you dump your lady. You're fucking scared of your wife because she's gonna rip your face off because she's pissed because you're not giving her any time or attention.

So my guess, I'm gonna validate this a man. This is literally what goes on for.

A lot of us. In fact, even when Garrett comes home some nights, he'll like, hang out with the kids. And I'm like. And he'll be like, I gotta put him to bed. And I'm like, hey, fucker. They'll put themselves to bed. They're old enough now. Like, quit using that as an excuse. If you want to get laid, if you want to hang out, you're gonna need to come over here.

Continue. You're beating my ass right now, but I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. Go. Go.

Sometimes even now, like, you'll. You'll be like, I gotta put the kids to bed. And I'm like, no, you don't. Like, I'll step in and be like, goodnight, girls. Brush your teeth. And he's like, what if they don't brush your teeth? I'm like, then they don't fucking brush their teeth. But I'm not like a. I'm not a very routine mom. I'm kind of like, I was even raised. Like, it was fend for yourself. And I think it taught us a lot of independency, I guess you could say. But I don't know, that's like my parenting strategy is like, they get to this point and I'm like, brush your own teeth. Say your own prayers, tuck yourself in. And then if it's like a story time or whatever, it's like a special treat. But that doesn't need to happen every single Night. I know that there's parents with young kids, and they're like, but we have the routine. I'm like, well, your marriage fucking sucks. So, like, maybe you have a routine. That's. That's not so.

You know what? I'm gonna throw my. I'm gonna throw myself under the bus on this. Okay. It was last night.

It was a couple nights ago.

Two nights.

And I was like, no, it was last night.

You were asking me to come lay by you.

I always buy me.

Like, it was last night.

I wasn't naked, but I'm always like.

Babe, you were wanting me to come lay by you, and I was like, I was in this weird place.

We just want attention.

I know, but you were asking me. I was thinking about this morning on my walk and talk. I walk and talk with myself. Every morning at 5am I walk and talk because I'm like, I'm literally a fucking crazy person. So for the first hour of my day, for between five and six, I walk and talk with myself so that I can just stabilize. Like, you're a fucking crazy person. How do we not be crazy today? How do we channel that crazy into creation? So, like. But. But this morning, my walk and talk, I was thinking about. It was last night. It was literally last night. And you said, come lay by me. I said, no, I'm tired. I gotta put the girls to bed.

You always say that, and I think it's.

Why do I do that?

Because it's your pattern, your routine.

Why do I do that? Like, you were literally asking me to come spend time with you. Please fuck me, is what you're saying.

Safety mechanism. Like, I don't want to get turned on or turned on. Turned down.

Turned down.

I don't know.

I don't know.

But I think it might have been, like, a past pattern where you're like, if I put the kids to bed, then I can come to bed and be like, oh, babe, what happened? You went to sleep. And I'm like. Because you fucking took an hour to put the girls to bed. They don't need an hour. And that's happened so much.

Like, and that happened last night, but.

That happened when our kids were littleer. And I feel like it's a pattern that I'm like, babe, I'm trying to break it. I know. And I'm trying to break you of it. And I'll be like, bailey, you're old enough. Go to bed.

And I think I literally. I think I literally did. I. You know, you're saying that right?

Now it's a defense mechanism for sure, from past patterns and behaviors.

I've never. I've never considered what you're saying right now until right this exact moment.

And even when I go in and I'm like, babe, I got it. You'd be like, I want to spend time with them. And I'm like, or we could just tell him to go to bed, lock.

The door, and we could have sex right now.

You know what I tell. This is probably bad, but my daughter will be like, mom, come snuggle, and come hang out. And I'm like, babe, I love you. Me and dad are gonna go have sex. She's like, so gross. And I'm like, yeah, don't open the door. We're gonna have sex.

It's true.

Gross, Mom. And I'm like, again, it's a good move. And then she doesn't come in.

You know what, though? I'm looking. I mean, We've been married 15 years, and I'm looking at. We've been together for 17. I'm looking at the patterns, and I am confident that what you just declared is a revelation for me, which is, at some level, I come home, and you know what it is? It's when I'm really tired from a lot of work.

But wouldn't you rather just snuggle and have sex?

Yeah. Yeah. But for some reason, I go to.

You don't even have to talk to me.

I'm guilt with the kids.

I don't care about your feelings. I just want to sit and watch Game of Thrones and have sex and go to bed.

Well, it's tough because Game of Thrones is pretty much a porno. But, like, I. Like I'm looking at this. This was last night. This is literally last night. You're saying I'm hearing in my mind an echoing voice. Come lay by me. Leave them alone. They can put themselves to bed. Come lay by me. Come lay by me. Come.

Why do women drink? Because they're like, oh, well, by me. Just gonna go drink and go to bed.

But, like. And what did I do? I did not. No, I did come lay by you.

I remember I fell asleep.

I did come lay by. No, I did come lay by you eventually, but it didn't matter because, like, I would. I had already. I had already gone down the pathway of this excuse.

I'm glad that you're having this aha moment with kids.

I didn't realize that I do this until right now, but I'm realizing that I do this right now.

What kind of mentoring can you give the guys? Stop using your kids as, like, a safety net.

Well, you.

I think you face the battle whether your wife's even. You know what would be good? If guys came home and even if they're, like, stressed or whatever, because I have to be careful if I approach you right after you come home, because I know if I say something that's like, if I'm, like, stressed and I release my stress on you right when you go home, then it's like a guaranteed, like, guaranteed blow up. So then it's, like, weird, because I'm excited to see you and I want to share my day. Whether it's stressful or drama or not, I want to share my day with you.

Right.

But I also know you're kind of, like, settling in. So my first step is like, feed him. And I usually take.

It's true. It is literally fucking true. If I don't have food and I come home and I get ambushed, it is no bueno.

I know. And sometimes that happens. But what I'm saying is, most of.

The time, it doesn't. You've been cooking a lot more.

I know.

Why is this?

I literally.

You have, like, four times a week you've been cooking.

My mom's a good cook. We grew up. My mom's always a good cook. And I think I have that in me. I just don't care.

I feel so loved when you cook. I don't know why.

I'm like, scrambled eggs, babe.

Even if it's scrambled eggs with a little tortilla, like, for some reason, like, I just. Or toast. I feel like. I feel loved.

Like, I'll be like, sit down. I got this. And I'll. Even if it's scrambled eggs, I'll make it. And I'll be like, hey, I got the kids. I'll go shove them in the bath. And then I think it's just like a pattern of, like, they. They go in the bath, and then I go on Instagram for a good 30 minutes. And then you debrief downstairs.

Yeah, I usually am eating and I'm.

Totally decompressing, but then we're good. And that's when you go into the pattern of, like, I've got to go put the kids to bed.

And I'm like, you know what it is? I think. I think a bit of it is, like, there's a lot of dad guilt that comes with, like, working a lot.

I spend time with him, but I.

Do in the morning. I spend time with my kids in the morning I take them to school. Well, I was loving taking Ruby to school.

Val says it the best. Because Val, I do my big money stylist podcast with her and she's always like, it's not about. You have to just have pockets of time. And if you have pockets of time where it's not on the checklist of like, hey, I spent 30 minutes today, okay. I put them to bed. Like, it's pockets of time where you're like on a Saturday or a Sunday. And those are the memory that kids are like, oh my God, my dad was so awesome. And this and this and this. Like, I mean, they might even, like I said, like bedtime stories could be like a separate special thing or back tickles or whatever it is. It doesn't necessarily have to be a 45 to an hour thing every single night. And I think that that's something that's stressed in general with young kids is like, I gotta do the routine. But the routine sometimes costs you a little bit of your relationship. So you have to minimize the routine to not 45 minutes to an hour.

I mean, I for sure have used the kids as I'm sitting here and thinking about this, I for sure have used the children as an excuse to not There is safety have to be intimate with you.

Well, because they're.

Even though I want to have sex with you, I don't want to be like, I'm not sure how to be intimate.

I'm seeing it too though. Like, I get it. Like, I'm like putting myself in your shoes and you're like, okay, I just worked a shit ton. I just want to decompress. I just want to like have a.

Play LOL dolls and do nothing.

Yeah, I want to like have a happy wife that's like doting and this and that and like whatever. And then if you want to share your feelings, great. Like, I get it. I work too. And then like when I come home, I feel bad because sometimes I'm not like totally plugged in and I don't want to play LOL dolls. And I'm just like, huh. I'm like in like survival mode. And I feel like not like the best parent, but at the same time, I know, like on the weekends I kind of make up for it. On my days off, I make up for it. And so it's like pockets of time where you can just really like have. Have fun, you know, and not worry about necessarily the guilt because I feel like guilt really actually is the enemy and kind of holds us back in everything, pretty much. So if we feel guilt with our parents or with our kids, that doesn't really serve us or our kids.

Let me ask you something. So we're gonna wrap up the show. Yeah, I'm starving, so. Yeah, I'm starving too. We gotta go eat. And we're gonna keep. Continue our date night. Here's the thing, though. What? Like, so to the guys in changing that pattern. I'm just becoming aware of this pattern on the show right now. So I obviously can't give you any fucking advice about what to do, because I've used my kids, obviously. My wife has seen this for 15 years. I'm finding this out right now on the fucking show. So in like, seven months.

I think women do it too, though.

I think, like, six months, I'm gonna be able to give you some advice on this right now. I got nothing for you.

I'm sure kids are always using an excuse. I wrote a whole blog post on using your children as an excuse. And I think if whatever you want in life, you can make it happen. But, yeah, the excuse of kids has to go.

I guess it has to go. Okay, so let me ask you a question, though, to finish your show, because I really do think this is a problem, because guys asked me this question. They hear about the qqp. How does a woman get herself to a place where she is.

Permission.

Yeah. Gives herself permission to just unleash. Like you have given yourself permission to unleash. And I'm not gonna lie, it's fucking changed my life. Like, it has literally changed my life in the past when you had not and you weren't giving yourself that permission. I was constantly struggling to keep my mind focused on you. But now I am telling you, I fucking think about no other woman ever in my life. I feel like I think about you. Like, I get triggered. I literally think about you. And moments we think, I think in.

Life, it's so funny because we put up this, like, this wall, and yet we want this, but we're not willing to submit or surrender or whatever it is. And so our end goal is. And it could go in just sex business, whatever. It's like, we know what we want, but we're fighting. We're doing everything we can to not make that happen. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

So I'm like, oh, why should I? Why should. I don't want to do that sex. I get it. I was there for, like, so many years. I was like, well, fuck you. Like, you pay the bills. Like, I don't want to give you that sex. You know what I mean? And then I guess this place where you're like, if you give, I give. And it's like, it kind of becomes a give on both ends. And then if you do that more often, it kind of all of a sudden you're like, this is fun. And it's like any habit or pattern or routine or whatever it is, like, the more you do it, the more it's just like the new norm. And the more it's all of a sudden you're like, this is kind of fun. It's like working out if you haven't worked out forever. And you're like, oh my God, this sucks so bad. And then all of a sudden you like crave it. And you're like, you're like, yes, I want to work out. And like. And it becomes like, you, you literally, it's like a piece of you that you need. You know what I mean? So I don't know. I think that in relationships if you say like, well, I don't want to, sometimes it's like, just think of it as honestly like starting a new workout. Like, put in the work now and then it gets easier and then before you know it, it's actually kind of fun.

There you go. So you've got some submission. I've obviously got some awareness here in my therapy session called this show with my wife. And realizing I've used my children in a completely inappropriate way to shield myself a bit from having to deal directly with my wife.

I don't want to take away from that time. And I can tell even the kids.

Are like, I mean, a part. I love being with my kids.

I think what I'm thinking, like, the solution should be because honestly, like, our bedtime routine kind of sucks because we wait way too long. So what if it was like a routine of. And that's why I'm always like pushing for you to get home a little bit earlier.

I'm like, come on, earlier I don't get home from work till like 7, 7:15.

I know. And that's why I'm always like. Even if it's like 6:30, and then.

At like, if I got home a little earlier, that would happen.

7:30 you debrief. And then like 7:30 to 8:30 is you and kid time. And then like 8:30 we're like, good night kids. And then like at 8:30 I'm not going to be tired. At 8:30. The only times I am like, well, I'm going to bed. It's like 9:30. And I'm like, I give up. He's still trying to put the kids to bed. I don't really care. I'm going to go look at Instagram for a good solid hour and then I'm going to fall Asle about 10:30.

And I'm still dealing with kids.

Yeah. So what I'm saying is if we just started this process earlier and it becomes, and I feel like I'm always trying to like get after it.

You are. And for some reason I end up getting lost in the child vortex.

No, you get lost on your laptop or whatever. So like what we have to do is just commit to like closing the laptop. Cause that's when I go to my phone and you're on the laptop and I'm on my phone. And so what we have to do is get that routine out of the way quickly. And then if we want to sit in bed and watch Game of Thrones and you have your laptop and I have my phone, but we're kind of hanging out like that's, that's. I like this show on like a Tuesday. I'm like, okay, good night.

So four weeks from now we're gonna report on this in the sex shell and we're gonna talk about how this new strategy works. Return and report.

Yeah, I'm like, repeat and report.

Repeat and report. All right, that's all we got for you now. We are starving. We're heading off the date night for a little din din. Hope you guys have a fantastic week again. A couple reminders here. If you are not currently getting access to Be the Man, the book, you can find Amazon available to the public now. We have had thousands and thousands right now. We have already sold out the first round of 4000 books. We have the second round coming in right now. Almost 500 full on multi paragraph reviews about this book. Gentlemen, if you've not picked it up or ladies, if you're listening to the show and you know your man needs a copy of this book. It's $20. It's actually $19.95. You can head on over to Amazon. The audiobook is going to be available at the time we're recording this show. Should be available within two weeks, maybe less from when recording the show. But we've got a version in print, paperback can be shipped to you with Prime. We've also got access to the Kindle version which can be downloaded immediately and the audiobook through Audible which will be available shortly. So thanks so much for being here. Hope you guys have a fantastic rest of your week, and we look forward to seeing you next week when we come back with the Date your wife podcast with the.