The Island of Pure Fire | Date Your Wife | EP 120

Just slipping right off the seat.

Why are your pants so slippery?

I got my weightlifting pants on.

Why do you wear weightlifting pants to the studio?

To turn you on.

Well, it's working. And that's the intro to the date your wife podcast. Yes. Here we are. Welcome again to another show. We got NBR on the sweater. If you're not watching this here in the studio, I got Warrior, and we got MBR in studio right now. We did that in our garage.

Oh, yeah, we did.

We changed up the garage. Tell them about what we did with the garage.

We had these huge event site. Well, first off, Garrett, like, hung his surfboards, like, foam top boards. Like, right when you come to the garage, I'm like, that doesn't look cool. And it's hard to pull in. And so we had these event signs that one said, like, NBR tribe, and one says Warrior. And it looks pretty sick. Like, you open our garage, and you see this, like, giant sign on the wall that just says Warrior. Can you see from the road?

You can.

That looks cool.

You can see it from the sidewalk, too, across the street. So, like, when the garage is open, it's like I'm pulling into the Warrior bat cave.

Yeah, it looks cool.

I feel like Batman. One time, I was pulling into the driveway, and there was some young kids walking by, and they didn't hear. Didn't know I heard them.

Wait, that's what's so funny.

He's like, Batman.

And I'm like, people don't understand where. Where our neighborhood is and where we sit. We literally. I can, like, people walk on the walking trail, and I'm like. It's almost like they think there's a secret bubble. Like, we can't see him. Like, I'm like. I can hear everything you're saying. Like, you're on the sidewalk across the street from my driveway. Like, I'm a real human being. I can hear what you're saying.

They might think we're deaf. I don't know.

It's so funny.

Or, you know what? Or they. There is kind of a weirdness about it because you wouldn't think you could talk from up above our house when.

We could hear you. I used to, like, look at our neighborhood and our house when we first moved here, and I just think, like, oh, my God.

Who would.

You need to.

You are avoiding this microphone. Why are you doing this?

Because it's. Every time you should.

There you go. Okay.

So anyway, but, yeah, I think you like, when people are. When you see that, you're like, oh, it's almost like you're at a different point frequency and a different, like, vibration. Maybe you think they can't hear you.

I don't know. I mean, I would have been the same way, I mean, if I'd seen.

A warrior song High and Mighty. I just, I think it's funny.

Like the.

I hear people like, oh, that's hot. That's a cool car. Oh, did you see that? I'm like, I'm right here.

I was like, yeah, it's pretty sweet.

You know?

You know what, though? I like it.

Speaking of bat cave, I feel like Batwoman this week.

Last week, you feel like Batwoman for a reason.

I, I.

Why do you feel like Batwoman? Tell them. Tell them why you feel like Batwoman. Last week was. Last week was one of. Last week was one of the greatest of your birthday celebration of all time. 38 years on the planet, and year number 38 was your best. Yes.

I mean, it was, it was like a great week. I was like, wow.

I think it was a great year. Year 38 was great for you. It was a great year. I think it's your best year ever.

I think I persevered in 2020, so, like, 2021 was, like, nice. In fact, I though this last week, so it was my birthday and I, I got my first sports car, and I'm first, but, like, it's just.

It's your first supercar.

It's a Ferrari. So I feel like I'm like, playing with the boys. I'm like, yeah, so good.

What was that like for you, getting that vehicle? As a woman, I'm not talking about.

Like, I think when you're a super.

Oh, women shouldn't have it. I'm just like, what's that? Like?

I feel like, super powerful. I'm like, nice. And what's so funny is, like, it's a small car, but I can actually fit a car seat in the back. And so I pull up to lights, and men are so confused. The first they're like, oh, hot car. And then they're like, oh, there's a mom or a girl. And then they're like, oh, there's a kid in the back. And then I just kind of smile.

Nobody's pulling up next to that and going, oh, look, there's a girl. Girl in the car thinking, in our.

Work garage or our parking lot yesterday. And men are so funny. They can be 50, 60, 70. It doesn't matter how old they are. I get out, I'm just in, like, workout gear. This guy's got to be like 70 something and he's all, oh, hey. And like this big grin on his face. I'm like, hi, how are you?

He's 74 and he's got blood pump into the middle.

You just thought it was funny.

I was like, that's how guys are. We're never going to change. I hope that. In my 70s, I asked this question to my friend's father. He's 72 years old. I asked him a question he was playing billiards with. I said, do you still get sexually, like, aroused? Meaning do you wake up in the morning, you're like, man, I'd really like to get laid. Like, do you think this in your 70s? And he got kind of embarrassed and he was like, well. And his son was like looking at me because I was asking the question in front of everybody.

Oh, don't ask him friendly.

Why would I not? That's what I do. So I asked him and he confirmed. He said, and he kind of gave me the elbow, elbow. And I was like, no, I'm serious. How many times a week are you having sex right now?

Is he married?

Yeah, he's married.

Okay.

His wife, let's see. His wife's 10 years older than him though. So he's like 72. His wife's like 82. I was like, are you guys still having sex? I mean, that's a lot to ask from an 82 year old. Do you think we're having sex in our 80s?

Probably.

Do you think you're eating a Milky Way while having sex with us in our 80s?

Okay, so for me.

Oh, wow, you're gonna go there.

I'm not gonna go there. I'm gonna keep it classy. I'm just gonna say for birthday week, we went to Punta Minta. And there's a lot of things that I can't undo that trip. So.

Why would you want to undo anything?

I don't. I'm just saying, like, there's things I.

Will never forget my entire life.

Obviously we were drinking, but we were not drinking too and still having fun. And there was like moments I'd wake up and I was like, wow, good for me.

Good for you is right. It was. Good for you is right. So let's come back to the Ferrari. So you get the Ferrari and you're racing down the road and you're racing me. I'm in my ventador. You're in your Ferrari. We're racing back and forth down pch. Like, what? And then we're on the freeway and you can't go slower than 100 miles an hour. What do you think this. What's this like for you as a world?

It's just, like, a really fun experience because I feel like I kind of, like, acknowledged this piece of me that it's like, yeah, I'm your wife, but, like, this is my car. Like, I am a producer as well, and it was cool to, like. I always feel like we have, like, the same appetite for life and success, and so it was, like, cool to, like, be, like, with my guy, like, racing around. Like, it's not like. Like, it was like my car was like my. It was just. It felt like very powerful. I was like, oh, cool. I'm, like, playing with the big boys and having a good time doing it.

You were stunning in the vehicle. I loved it. You know what? I think it did. I think it's why we had such a great time in Mexico. It's not because you got the car. I think the car in all of the year 38. And people might get confused by this, like, oh, he's talking about Lamborghinis and Ferraris. Listen, you rewind. Back in our life. Number one, we re back. Ben, we met each other. Daniel's not some sugar baby I picked up on the side of the street. Oh, there's a hot girl with a nice ass who squats. Absolutely. And I'm gonna take her home. That didn't happen when we met. She did. She was very, very hot. And yet there was a connection for us that existed beyond our physicality. Even though we were sexually very attracted to one another and very compatible, we didn't have money. There was none. There was no money. And not only was there no money in our world, there was no money coming from her side. Really. There was money coming from her side, but never really looked at as serious money until the last couple years.

Oh, from my side from doing hair.

Yeah. Just as a producer. Right. And then the last couple years, there was. There was a rise. Yeah. I mean, there were moments. There were moments.

No, I remember when we first moved to California, I was out. I was doing very well, but I had my own bank account, and I wasn't telling you what I was making.

No, no, no. We're still. That's still the pocket years, though. That's like a decade ago. And we're talking about the S. For sure. You outproduced me for a period of time. For sure. You did. I was making nothing. So it's, like, quite easy to outproduce me when I'M making nothing. Then I dominate you. Let's be straight for a long time. And then you rose, and then you took over your companies, and then you took them to where they are. And now this is kind of an equal competition.

That's what I'm saying. Like, I feel like I'm like, you and I have always been, like.

Like, yeah, that's our car. Racing down the freeway is exactly what goes on with us.

Okay, you go now. I lead now. You go now. I lead now. You go now. I lead. And it's just like, it's kind of how it's gone.

But does it feel great as a woman? Like, what's it feel great as a woman having children? Like, I always put it this way. I'm like, listen, at the end of the day, you push babies out of your body. Like, what can a guy ever really do? You know, hey, I got another car. No, you still can't push a baby out of your body. So pushed three babies out of your body. And you're a producer, and you're hot, and you're married, and we're not divorced. Like, what, at 38 years of age? Let's go. Give it to us. What is the key to success?

I think it is hard to. I feel like I balance all those roles pretty well. Like, I. I love what I do. I'm extremely passionate about my career. I also, like, I love being a wife. I love being a mom. And for me, if I'm, like, kind of off balance in one area, then, like, another area of my life kind of suffers, right? So. And I do have a hungry appetite for life and everything in it. And I always, like, I'm pushing to grow and become more. And like. Like, once you kind of get that bug, you're like, ooh, if I went this far, maybe I could go this far. Okay, if I did this, maybe I could do this. But. But, like, even, like, where I'm at with my. My companies, like, I know there was a point where you're like, get in the trenches. You need to. You need to be working. I'm like, I don't want to work 50, 60 hours a week. There might be a time, but I have a little, you know, year and a half year old, almost two at home. I'm like, I don't want to miss these years. And. And even in the past, when my kids are really little in that window, I don't. I don't work. I work. I've always worked. I've always worked, But I love that stage from like 1 to like 5, it's so what about 14?

You like that stage?

No, just kidding, just kidding. Bailey, I love you.

Okay, what about 10? You like that stage?

No, 10's cute. It starts to get like around 12. You're like, oh no, there they go disappear. They go disappear. But then they come back and turn super sweet.

Parker kind of came back around at 22.

Yeah. Everything will circle back around. But what I'm saying is like, I really, I think that women kind of get to this place where they don't allow them. They say, oh, I have to just be focused on this or I have to just focus on being a mom. Or you know, maybe when my kids are raised, then I'll find something. And then I'm like, I've always worked and I've always worked at kind of like slowly building and staying consistent. And that's how I've gotten to where I have.

So people say, there are many people who would say we were raised in cultures like this, that being a working moment or being a producing mother is bad for your children. What are your thoughts about this?

Why is it bad for your children?

Because you're not there.

I think things have changed though.

You're not there, you're not in the mix, you're not part of the day to day.

I did a post that I was like, I am a stay at home mom. And somebody commented was like, you're far from a stay at home mom. I'm like, how do you know? Are you living in my life? Do you see my day to day routine? Oh, you don't? Okay, so there's like moments of hustle and there's pockets where I put pour into my business and things like that. And meetings every week and it's scheduled. But guess what? Stay at home moms do the same thing they literally do. They schedule luncheons and they schedule whatever they do. They schedule little things. Cause they have to have their own independence. So for me, I'm like, I kind of got to this place where I was like, I need to let go of the guilt and allow myself to have success as a working mom and also be really involved with my children. And I think that I don't know if men feel this like the guilt pocket. And so ultimately guilt kind of holds you back from what you can actually become and what you can do. So I just kind of, I was like, you know what, this is not serving me. And I think it's an excuse and I need to just prioritize my time.

So I was at the park.

You were?

Yeah. I was having a mom moment Monday while you were in a business meeting. We didn't have the nanny because the nanny would watch the babies for like, five days while we were in Mexico, AKA Milky Way. We might tell a little bit about that. We may not. I don't know. We'll see where this goes. It'll be up to Danielle. I cannot tell the Milky Way story, but just know chocolate was involved. And if she talks about it, we'll be all on her and embedded in the on demand interwebs for life. But anyways, for right now, it's just embedded in the interwebs of my mind. So we go to. You had a meeting on Monday with your team. I missed our baby and hadn't got hung out with her much. So I said, hey, I'll take the baby while you do your meeting, and we went to the park. So I took her in your Ferrari, put her in the backseat. I thought it was kind of fun. She likes the windows down and, like.

The hair goes everywhere. It's fun to have those during the day mom moments, huh?

I had a during the day mom moment.

Like, I don't think I push swings every day, but, like, when I do, I'm like, this is fun.

Yeah. Well, I was the only dad at the park at 1:30 in the afternoon on Monday. So there was me. We went to the park, and there were five of the moms and their babies, and they had all coordinated play times with each other. I didn't know this is a thing. So, like, the moms were waiting for another mom, and mom sat on the social time. Yeah, the mom sat on the bench.

I know.

They're pulling little flasks out of their purses. Oh, yeah. Liquor. Liquor. Drinking 1:30 in the afternoon. More like a truly drunken stupor. I'm just kidding. That wasn't happening. But what was happening was an amazing experience at the park, which is this parenting moment I'm talking about. So I'm sitting there. I'm completely present with my eyelad playing at the park. We're running up and down the slides, and she's learned how to swing by herself, and she's having her moment. And then the moms show up and they're doing thing, and I'm talking to the moms. I'm just one of the moms. We're having a talk. One of the moms had a new baby. It's two months old. She's, like, super excited. So she's only got two Kids. So I was like, well, tell them about what it's like, mom than me for sure.

When I. I'd be.

I'd be king of the park, mama.

Park mama. I'm like, hat. I'm like, nobody talk to me.

Yeah, I get to know everybody. I got to meet Patricia. I got to meet. I got to meet Fernando and his wife who were there with their kids.

Guys, I'll meet you here next Tuesday, 10:30, same spot, you know, legit.

This happened one time. This happened one time with Ruby. We went to the park and that we. They had so much fun. That of course then I got cell phone numbers from all the moms because the kids were having so fun. And then this mom started texting me. I was like, this is kind of weird. I don't like the fact you're texting me to set a play dates. I was like, I should cut this down. So I just like, if you.

If you. That's like mom code. Like, if a guy's at the park and he's like, can I get your number? Then it's like, oh, he's the mom. Like, he's the stay at home dad. That's code for mom. It's code for like, set it up with the dad. Which, you know, I think people like, equally text us. I'll be like, hey, I think most people coordinate with. Yeah, they do actually.

Like, yeah, they're not sure if you're gonna read their text. They know you're gonna read it. They're just not sure if you're gonna respond to it.

That's true.

Why do you do that?

I don't know.

Okay. People be like, why is your wife ghosting me? I was like, I have no idea. She ghosts me too.

So I don't know if you can't read me. They're like, I don't know. She seems really friendly. I'm like, I am.

Sometimes people wonder if you can read, but because there response to the text. But I tell them that you can.

I like to collect my thoughts before I respond.

AKA swipe through some online store and buy another T shirt. Okay, so here's the thing. We come back to the park. Let me tell you the tale that happened though. So fun. So I'm sitting in the park with Isla, and Our baby is 18, 19, 20 months old. What is she going to be two years in July? So what is that, 20 months old, right? So is it May, June, July?

No, no, no, she's 20. Isla.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. 21 months old. So she's coming up on two. So now the kids at the park were four and five years old.

Oh, you told me this, right?

So now the four and five year olds want to play tag. Now, of course, Isla knows nothing about tag because she's gone through the COVID years, which means she didn't get dropped to the gym, she didn't go to. She barely started going to the church kids groups. But I don't know if we're gonna take her there because she keeps getting a cold. So like I'm like a little paranoid about whatever. So she, she hasn't had a lot of kid interaction. She hangs out with adults who all cheerlead for her 24, 7 and tell her she's the greatest thing to ever walk the planet. So she's at the park, she's in the wild. She's in the wild.

She confronted, she shoved, put, pushed down.

She got confronted by her first older bully. Wasn't really a bully. It was just like part of being apart. And they come up to her like, how old is she? And I was like, she's in. Yeah, they were like five and six. She's not even two years old yet. She's not old enough to play with us. I was like, okay. And they're like, well. Cause she was standing right over by where they were doing their little huddle for dinosaur tag or whatever they're playing. And she's just hanging out by them and going, hi guys. Hi guys. And they're all, she's not old enough to play with us. And I was like, okay. So I'm just standing there and then I'm watching the little mind go, no, that's code for you should take her away from us right now. And I said, and so I kept standing there looking at the five year old and she's like, well, she needs to move. I was like, she doesn't need to move. She's playing right there. You guys can play wherever you need to play now. Moments later, they finally include her in the shenanigans and realize that she is conscious enough to play tag with them. So they're running around. Same 5 year old who told her she was not old enough to play. Follow me on this one. The story continues in great dramatic fashion. So I'm standing on this, it's got that rubbery bouncy floor that you could fall down on and not really hurt yourself, which I really like. And they're running around the playground and Isla's running super fast, doing her waddle run that she's so fun. Thinks she's blinding fast with her running sho. She's running around. I've got her dress tied up on the side of her because it keeps getting in the way on the slide. She got a little jean shorts. She comes running and whipping around one side. The little five year old who told her she was not old enough to play and that I should get her out of the way comes around the other side and there is an inevitable collision. I look over at the mom like.

They crashed into each other.

Yeah, they're. They're. They're about to crash. I know this is gonna happen, but it's too late. You can't stop it. They're both in full locomotion.

Why do men, when they see their kids, like gonna fall, they're like, let them fall. They're gonna figure it out. Where's the fall out of the. But why wouldn't you protect her? You should protect her for as long as possible.

Yeah, well, I was protecting her because what happen proof to this? So she bonks straight into. These girls are not looking at each other, looking over their shoulders, and they run straight into each other and they both fall down. Now what happens next is where the greatness of my daughter rose, right? She stands up, she looks over at me and she goes, ouch. And then that's it. And then I look at her, and the little five year old's now in sobbing tears. Then Isla goes over, does the primal squat right next to the little girl, squats down, puts her hands on her.

Cheeks and goes, oh, cute.

Baby crying, Daddy. Baby crying. So, yes, the moral of the story is karma's a bitch. And this comes back to bite you no matter if you're five years old or not. So if you want to not include people, karma's gonna come around and give you away. Aw. Baby crying. Oh, here I am making fun of a five year old. They ended up being happy. She went and had her little apple with her mom on a bench. We went over and talked and see if she was okay.

It was quite the mom moment.

It was great.

You were gone for like an hour and a half. I remember I was like, oh, man, Garrett should be back, by the way.

Well, here was the thing of the point though, like, to your point is like, we went to the park and then time came, I had to get on a business call and you were done. So I literally rally home with her in a car, hand her off to you, and go directly to zoom calls.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Wow. So there we Got there. We got it. Let's go to another topic. You ready?

What? I'm scared. Wow.

Mexico.

Mexico.

I mean, let's list the top five reasons why this was the greatest three night, four day getaway of our entire marriage.

I keep having, like, screenshots.

Yeah, you keep having mental movies is what you got going on.

I feel like I was. Yes.

You feel like what? Just say it. You just say it.

I was like, say, I feel like. I feel like we connected on a whole nother level. I didn't even, like, Was like, oh, okay.

But it was. It was intense. So let's. Let's be straight with it. There was a lot of sex and it was. It was intense. It was amazing. It was a lot of flirting. There was a lot of seduction.

Yeah.

There was a lot of fun and there was a lot of. There was a lot of fire.

A lot of talking, a lot of hanging out. A lot of fun. Yeah, we golfed, we ATV'd or whatever. We.

There was a lot of fire. There was a lot of fun. There was a lot of fucking. There was a lot of those things happening.

Oh, okay.

And it was exciting. Now, I had wanted this vacation, what we experienced. I've wanted this to be our vacation for like 20 years. But I was never the kind of guy. No, I was not even ready for this because I let. Here, I'm gonna throw myself under the. I lacked the confidence and certainty in myself to be the kind of man that could show up in a way that would allow my wife to feel safe and secure and to be herself without being a weird, pouty, whiny. Weird, pouty, whiny. I don't know how you describe it outside the fact that this is a normal thing for guys to go to. They either go to asshole mode or pouty mode as married men.

Yeah.

Because we don't. We get trapped. Guys get trapped. They don't know how to deal with it.

They don't know how to deal with the sexual frustration.

Or we just don't know how to deal with a pro. It. Marriage gets kind of crazy because what we experienced was like, we had no children. We had just met each other on exotic island and it was like, off we go. I mean, I've waited for this moment for a lot. I've been on a lot of islands with you. It's not gone this way. What was different about this trip? I mean, it was just pure fire. The whole island was on fire.

I just let go. I was like, I don't. I was Like, I don't care. Like, I'm not. I don't care. I just, like, let go. But, you know, you're getting more images. I know. I can't.

I know exactly where your mind went on that one, too. You were in a basket, weren't you? I have some mental movies that I'll never forget too.

I think because I grew up super religious and it was always, like, sex was very, like, taboo. And then even when I got married, like, we always had connection. Then when you even. We got married, like, we had like, okay sex, good sex. And then we, like, kind of like didn't really have good sex for a while. And then like, we worked really hard. Then, like, we've really kind of come back together. And I feel like it was just like, I don't know, I just was like, fuck it. I just let go.

So there was a guy who I've known for a long time, and he's in one of our warrior programs right now, and he and his wife have five kids and they got divorced in the last two years. I didn't know this. And so he was on one of our calls a couple days ago and he was talking about this. And I know one of the things went down for them was really rough time with, you know, you're married for 10 years, you have five kids. That's rough, right? That's a lot. And then that's a lot of kids in 10 years. That's a lot. It's a lot of kids in 10 years, right?

That is true.

Five kids in 10 years. That basically means that every two years she was either pregnant or recovering from being pregnant. That fucks up her marriage.

Well. And you know what? Even with Isla, like, I feel like I was thinking this this morning. I'm like, we're in a totally different space with a toddler. I'm like, number one. Like, I'm cool with myself. Like, I'm like, way more confident now than I was in my 20s. And I don't allow, like, the mom guilt take over me. Like, I'm like, I like being with my children, but I'm also cool to have a full time nanny help me even if I'm home working on other stuff. So I've kind of gotten to this place where I'm like, my older kids are in school all day, so I get to experience being a mom. And like, like when your kids are in school. But I also have this adorable toddler, but I'm like, I have help with and I get like. And we can Travel. And I just feel like I'm, like, living, like, in two alternate realities. I'm, like, living because it's like, we had our. We had our two kids, and then we had a space, and now we, like, it's like we're starting over. Right. But we're not start like we did in our 20s. We have money. We have help. I'm more, like, confident. I'm more, like, less mommy guilt. Like, and I've heard older people that have children talk about this, and, like, you're. You're. When you have kids later in life, it's a totally different experience. So I think it's cool because I got to experience being a young mom, but I. And I'm still young. Still young, 38. And I also feel like I'm experiencing being, like. Like a mom a little bit older. You know what I mean? And it's just, like, a cool space. It's just a totally different space to be in. And I'm, like, very happy right now.

Mother's Day is coming up.

Yeah. You didn't finish your story about the couple. You were just saying, like, oh, yeah, yeah.

Thanks for bringing me back on that one. I was testing you. Well done. You passed. All right, so they get divorced two years ago, and one of the primary. There were two primary issues going on, which are the primary issues that we see in relationships happen all the time. He was not getting it done financially, so she was turned off by his inability to pay the bills.

She's like, dude, I got five kids.

Okay. Yep. And on the flip side, he's feeling unappreciated because they're not having a lot of sex. So you've got these two things going on, these two pedals. If you had two gas pedals inside of a car, which would be super weird, but imagine you did a left pedal and a right pedal. You had sex, and you have money, and you have these two conversations. This is a constant. We know people recently, too. I mean, this keeps happening with single people we know they either break up because of sex or money. It's like, one of those two things constantly.

Even successful women, we still want. We. We want someone who is more successful than us. Like, I'll just say it like, I. I don't even want you. I want you to, like. I want to, like, be successful. I want you to be, like, 10 times more successful.

Well, don't worry. You caught me in 2020.

Yeah. So.

And you will never catch me again.

I disagree, but I think that's a healthy answer.

I Like, your passion.

But I want. I. Like, we push each other that way. You think about the basket.

Now go.

We push each other in, like, a very healthy way. And I don't think there's nothing wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with, like, you wanting more and me wanting more, and that. That's kind of how we've gotten to where we've gotten. And I think that a lot of times women just accept their role. And maybe in this specific situation. Well, I'm. I'm the mom, and I'm. I'm doing my part. You're not doing your part, so you don't get sex. Like. And I remember.

This is a real thing.

I'm serious, because I remember being in this situation in. In our lives where I was like, cool. I was like, I'm producing more than Garrett, and he's not really even, like, showing up at all. Like, I'm playing the mom and I'm playing the wife. And then I kind of, like, was like, you know what, Danielle? Maybe. Maybe you need to switch your mindset. Like, maybe you're supposed to be the producer. And I. And I thought of it as, like, I. I was, like. Kind of, like, had a moment where I, like, gave up on you. Like, I was like, okay, I'm supposed to, like, I'm supposed to be the producer. I'm supposed to bring the family, like, around, like, okay, I gotta accept that responsibility. And it wasn't. I was like. And I was more like, I'm gonna work on me. And, like, maybe Garrett will. Like, maybe he'll figure out a shit, like, whatever, but maybe this is my role. So I kind of accepted, like, hey, I am a mom. And women act a lot different than men do with their children. Not good, bad, just different. And I was like, but I believe that I can. My role might be to take care of my family. So I accepted that role and just worked on me.

Do you think you. You actually would have stayed with me if that continued?

No.

Yeah. So I have.

As I rise in power, I'm like, you better fucking keep up with me. Like, literally, I always feel that, like, the minute I rise, I'm like, if you, like, you, like, treat me really, really good. But I remember when I felt like, when I feel like my. Like, I'm, like, growing and learning and, like, rising, I'm like, you better keep up with me.

That's probably why Mexico is so great, because I actually relished in your power. It turns me on. And I'm happy for Your success versus in the past, I may have, like.

Kind of cut your legs out totally. But I think I was being rude to you. Like, I would be like, well, if you fucking pretty, you know, Like, I was probably doing little jabs at you too, so it's not. And now I'm like, I understand that there's two roles. There's business in you, and there's, like, doty wife, like, like flirty, fun, whatever. Let go, Danielle. And I think that when I. When I. When I do both roles, then we can kind of like. Like I said, I, like, let go and I can be wife Danielle. And then I can go back and it's a. It's a healthier balance. Because if I'm constantly, like, nab, nagging and jabbing you, then, like, as a man, you're gonna be like, God, like that. No guy wants.

It's not really motivating.

I realize that guys love words of affirmation. Whether they'll admit it or not. They want to be told they're the man at any given time in some way, form, or shape or another. They just want to feel appreciated. And men are so simple in that way. But women also want to be appreciated, too. But I think we're a lot more complex than women or than men.

Yeah, I think when you say complex, yeah, you're right. They're a little more complicated, but also pretty simple, which is like, women want to feel safe and secure, and they want to be seduced. And if you only provide safety and security, but no seduction. Doesn't matter. If you only provide seduction but no safety and security, at the end of the day, you're fine.

Like, even when, like, I, like, we've been married how many years?

18.

And I still love sometimes when you're, like, kind of nervous and, like, you're trying to, like, come on to me, but you don't know. And, like, you're like, how do I do this? And I'm like, nice.

There are some moments I don't know why, I feel. I feel a little nervous.

My neck into you, and I'm like, babe, it's all right.

I didn't know you like to be kissed on the back of your neck. You've told me that in Mexico. Now I know I got a secret code.

But, I mean, I don't think. I think it's like, you. I love that you're like. Men are like, ah. Like, can I come under? Can I not? Because, like, no guy wants to be shut down, right? Where even if you're Married.

It's a hard thing to be shut down as a guy. I think it's easier to. I think it's easier to go for it when you're dating or single than.

It is when you're married. I realize, too, like, a lot of women won't, like, instigate, and they want their man to, like, even if you're married, they want their man to kind of come on to him, but they don't give him any signs. Like, for me, it's real simple. I know all I have to do is. I might just reach over and I, like, just tickle your back.

No, it's easier. It's even easier than that. Like, well, it's easier than that.

You just know, like.

Yeah, that's one reason.

If I reach over, touch your neck, touch your hair, touch your face.

Yeah. That means it's go time.

Like, that means, like, hey, I'm open to it, right? If I'm passed out snoring, I'm like, with a snowsuit on. Like, don't come near me. I'm going to bed.

But if you're laying in the bed and your thong and your ass is hanging out in the top of the sheets and you got a half T.

Shirt on, it's still not a go. Sometimes I just fall asleep like that. No, it has to be.

Nah, it's a go.

Well, sometimes it's a green light, actually. Sometimes I do like that, too.

Yeah, you do. Wait, that's a go. 100% if I want to.

That's true. But.

But I.

Like, I'm just saying, like, sometimes you have to give your man a little permission. And it could be something as simple as, like, hey, you.

Yeah, like, when you're wearing the Eskimo suit, for sure. I lock down. If the air conditioning has been turned up, you're in sweats and a hoodie, a beanie, gloves, you're underneath five comforters, snoring.

I'm not interested. Because I don't snore.

And I come in and there's a wall of pillows between you and me in the bed.

That doesn't happen in the.

You know what that is? That sign just says, hey, it's time for a cigar and a good, good Netflix show.

Okay. You know, I gotta disagree with that a little bit because I don't. I don't. I don't do that anymore. I used to.

I love that you acknowledge that. You did used to do that.

I did.

I was like, oh, this is why I called you Barbie in a box. Barbie in an ice box.

But you know what? Now I think it's funny because. And I said this on one of our other podcasts, I can always tell, like, I'm. I'll be tired, but I'm like, open to whatever happens. But I can tell when you want to go watch TV and you're not tired because you come in and you almost like, tuck me in. You're like, all right, babe, you look tired. I'm like, like, I am. But I'm like, whatever. Like, and then you literally go down and I'm like, oh, he wants to watch.

But you know what? The only reason that's happened is Vikings. And now I've watched all of it. And so now I'm like, lost in my life. Now I have no way, no so now purpose. I have no purpose in my life.

Sad.

I've watched all the seasons. It's over, it's done. The Vikings done.

Maybe you should lift weights.

I don't even like lifting weights. I do like surfing. I've been surfing my ass off and I've been getting barrel shacked the last couple days. So let's come back to our sex and money thing though, here. Cause here's the deal. So I have another. Another guy that's on a call and I'm talking to him, and this guy's on unemployment. He's got two kids and his wife is a full time work employee, like a full time job. And she makes the money to pay the bills while he collects unemployment while trying to get a business off the ground that he's never been successful pulling off. And I asked him really straight, I said, and he was really honest with me. I said, dude, like, do you think your wife actually likes this? No. And he's looking at me and he's like, what do you mean? I was like, do you think your wife actually respects you? I'm just asking you, like, if do you feel like you're being respected, like, based on where you are? And he's like, yeah, you know, probably not. I said, let's eliminate probably. Like, let's face it, your wife thinks you're a pussy, dude. Like, let's face it, like, under any man code, there are very. There are a handful of women that love to have handbag men that they can just control and jerk around. Same way with guys who want to have brain dead girls. There are some powerful women that just want to have a handbag husband they can control and manipulate. Really? Yeah. Hell yes. No, different. Yeah. Dude, are you kidding me? I know completely Staunchly, very intense, masculine, driven women. They do not want a powerful, masculine man in their life because that guy will headbutt the fuck out of her. So they end up getting this handbag guys kind of a pussy. Drives the kids everywhere.

It's like the older guy that marries that gets a little hot 20 year old because he's like.

It's no different. Right. So it exists for women where they just want a handbag husband. And then you've got men who just want a handbag wife.

But that come on.

And they're both producers. So when you put.

If I was a producer and a handbag boy, I'd have loved lots of them because I would just get bored.

Well, that's what they do too. They have a lot of handbag boys. You hear that? Boys. A lot of handbag boys. And then it's just purely sexual and feeling like you're getting lots of attention.

Yeah.

Now I'm gonna bring this to a different topic because, like, this is an interesting one.

Okay.

So you had your first cigar with me, which was fun. That was fun. In Mexico.

I've had a scar before. It was like. Yeah, but it was like four or five years ago.

But it was like. It was the first time we really sat down. We were in a cigar bar, and it was super fun. We're gonna talk.

I had, like a really good, really cute, classy, like, white dress on.

It was hot. You look great.

It wasn't even, like.

It wasn't tight and nothing. It was kind of. It was almost Spanish style. It was almost a Latin. Cute.

Very classy. Like, it was cute. And I walk in and it was funny. I was like, yeah, I'll try one. And then we, like, smoked the whole thing. It was great.

So we both had a cigar, but you're skipping the entire point of the story. So we go to the cigar bar. It's pretty much filled with all guys, right? Yeah, pretty much all guys. Now, let me tell you an experience we had, which was interesting because I had this conversation with my best friend Keith about this too, which I. I understand. And he's told me about this in the past, and I kind of got it, but I kind of didn't. Here was the thing about what happened. So we walk in, we sit down at cigar bar. Daniel doesn't know cigars. I now know cigars. So we're doing the cigars. We get a cigar for each other. I don't smoke every night, but it's something I do like once a week. So we're Sitting down to smoke some cigars and all the. It's impossible to not see my wife. A, she's one of the only women in the room, and B, she's like, smoking this cigar with all the men in the room. And. And she doesn't look like, you know, she doesn't look like a girl that, you know, is like a steel worker that headbutts iron with her face and smokes cigars and shoes shots with the boys.

It wasn't like a tight, slutty dress either.

No, you were kind of covered up, but your shoulders were popping out a bit. It was like, very seductive. But here's my point. In that environment, all of those men at the dinner we were at that night and at the cigar bar, every man in the room couldn't keep their eyes off my wife. Now, I knew this was happening, and I thought it was funny. I didn't have any issues with it whatsoever. And this was a problem in the past for me, which is I felt like I had to energetically be like, fuck you. So I would do like this new energy to mentors.

There were guys. But I'm sure you felt how into I was with you in that moment.

But there was an into with me that was fueled by the fact that you had lots of eyeballs on you.

Yes, I was into you.

Yeah. I'm not saying that you're not into me. I'm saying that the attention factor.

Well, I mean, don't.

Don't backpedal right now and talk some bullshit on this. Yes, you were doing some. You were doing some moves.

I got. I. Yeah, I. Can. I.

Well, listen, I put you in an uncomfortable pocket, so I'm just gonna say it how it is and not just let you avoid trying to stumble on your words right now. Like, women want to feel sexy. The problem with most marriages is the fact that a guy's either overbearing and so he tries to protect and hide the beauty of his wife from the other men. Because men, fun men, hunt and fight for two things. Women and resources and power. Power is who has most resource and who has the most beautiful woman or who has the most women. This has been the case for thousands of years. This shit will never change. Now, as a married guy, it's kind of weird deal. Because if you walk in a room and you feel uncomfortable with who you are, then you create this weird environment and you either go to defense mode where you're kind of doing the fuck you energy to everybody, or you start to feel weak. And if your Wife is in that place. I've watched tons of men who then attack their wives, or not physically or verbally. They will actually try to get their wives to downplay their beauty, downplay their power, downplay the purity of who they are, because it makes them uncomfortable that everyone. All these other men are looking.

They don't like that. Otherwise, looking after.

They're what now? Natural, primal desire as a man is to want women. It doesn't matter who you are. You'll be married and a beautiful woman walks by, you don't have a choice. There's a chip in you that goes whoop. And there's blood that flows to your penis. Next thing you know, you're like, oh, she's fucking hot. Like, you don't not have that thought. Now. What you do next, well, that determines who you are as a man, right? But in this environment, I always felt very protective for years. Like, almost in scarcity. Like, I was. Like, my wife was gonna leave me at any moment type of deal.

Funny too, because now I'll be like, oh, that photo's too sexy. Should I post it? And you're like, yeah, okay, that looks great. You're the one that's encouraging me through my whole fitness journey. And even bikini photos. You're like, baby, like, hot. We should take photos. I'm like, okay.

And then the cigar bar, it happened. But here was the magic of what I saw happen. It was the fact that everyone in the room was watching a fully expressed, absolutely open woman in a safe environment with me as her husband. Like, your focus was on me. But the energy of all these guys looking at you also was deeply inspiring you as a woman. Because. And guy, every man and woman wants this. They all feel this. It's bullshit to say that you don't. Nobody walks into a room and wants to not be seen. Yeah, everyone walks in a room and wants to be seen. And women want significant. Every woman wants to walk into a room and feel like she is sexy and that men desire her. It's bullshit. That's like. It's like Wimbledon. Oh, no, I don't. I was like, then why are you wearing the cleavage top to the gym? You're trying to impress your girlfriend with your boobs. Like, what are you trying to do? I was like, you want attention, and that's okay. It's okay. Of course men want attention. That's why men will stick their chests out when they walk into rooms. Guys will eye each other up, trying for alpha authority inside a room.

This is primal nature.

And men, if they're honest, honest men. Even if they are married to a beautiful woman or they love their wife, when they walk in a room, they want other women to notice them. This is a fact. Now, when it doesn't, it makes you.

Feel more wanted to say. It goes both ways.

For me, it makes you feel more wanted. But if you're not safe in your relationship and you're not safe with yourself, this is a massive threat. So I was not feeling threatened. I was at the opposite. I was like, I love it. She's mine. She's with me. I'm with you. I love it. So all this energy and attention is coming to me.

We went to the cigar bar the next night, and the energy was not as hot.

Like, why wasn't it as hot the next night?

Because it was a bunch of women.

Because there's a whole bunch of women, right?

And I was like, no, I wore an even slutty or dressed tonight.

Exactly.

No one sees what I'm wearing.

Exactly. So, like, this piece inside of our. This is just one simple example of where, as a husband, I had to rise in my own certainty with myself and also more certainty in who we are as a couple. Like, they're just trust levels that are really high. What's gonna happen?

It sounds like, I would say I like when men notice me, but I don't ever entertain. Like, I don't. I'm very, like, kind of like, yeah, I don't ever entertain it, but I do, like, when I'm like, oh, yeah, I feel hot. Cool. Thanks.

I don't entertain it either.

That's good.

A lot of couples do entertain it. This couple that got divorced, he was entertaining it. Yep. Yep. This other couple. Listen, this happens all the time, though. It's not just guys. It's girls, too. There's a. There's a window that opens up with.

Being okay with Val. Because it was like. I was like. It's so funny because, like, we're all human, right? Like, if a hot. Like, even though I'm a woman, if a hot guy walks by, I'm gonna be like, oh, shoot.

Yeah, he's hot.

That's a hot man. Or if I'm watching a movie and I'm like, there's a hot actor. I'm like, shoot, that's a hot man. Like, it's fine to notice that. And, like, there's nothing wrong with that, but you can't put yourself in a. A situation where anything would happen or could happen. And I think that if you are not happy in your Relationship like that, something that can happen.

It happens all the time. So again, I train thousands of men and I will tell you now, inside of marriage, what ends up happening is when a guy nowadays doesn't feel wanted or doesn't know how to communicate what he's feeling with his wife right now through social media, the ability for them to get into chatting conversations with women, which for all they know, it's a guy with a female profile but who knows is very high. And this happens a lot, right? The guys are sliding in DMs to you all the time. I don't know because I don't do social media anymore. I don't give a shit.

But it's usually like your guy friends, they're like, you guys look great. And then Keith will randomly message me like, hey, lookin hot. I'm like, thanks, Keith.

Like, I thought you said it was like, more than that.

I don't ever.

I mean, my best friend sending you like, messages. Who cares? But it's like, I'm talking about, like.

No, I don't get. I. They're in my, like, other chat group and if it's like, hey, how are you? I'm like, no, I don't accept it. I don't like, accepted into my, like, primary, whatever it is.

Oh, they go into the secondary disappear vault.

Yeah. Like, I have to actually go over. Sometimes I go over to that. I don't check my DMs a ton, but I'll go over to that side just so that I can see like, if there's any hair questions or whatever. And then I'll see like some, some random guy that's like, hey. I'm like, no.

So you shut it down.

I just. So you can't. I don't accept it until like my primary.

Okay, that makes sense.

I don't know who it is. If I don't know who it is and it's a man, I'm like, I don't know who you are. Why would I? Why do I care?

There was, there was a time though, in both of our, in our marriage that both of us. I would have entertained it. I did entertain it. Like, I'm just saying, like, this happens a lot right now, which is couples that can't communicate start entertaining through social media platforms, not through, you know, Ashley Madison going and looking for somebody to cheat with. But they start to socially fill themselves up through chat with other people. Right? And they. The crazy part about it is they're doing it like. And again, this is a conversation came up Multiple times this week inside our trainings at Wake Up Warrior, where men were. Men got caught in text and DM conversations with other women, younger women that were flirting with them. And they're going back and forth, talking sexually with each other, and then the spouse catches them in the act and, like, just catches it on the phone, like, sees it something stupid because they're, like, shared Icloud accounts or something, and next day, they're seeing it all like, this, for me, is like a shutdown meme, but I'm amazed at how many couples are still allowing this shit to go down.

Yeah. And even if nothing, like, is happening physically, you're like, why are you entertaining that?

Right?

Like, why are you. You're entertaining the idea that something might happen. And then it starts there, and next thing you know, like, maybe you do end up, like, meeting. You're like, hey, let's go for a walk. Hey, let's do, like, whatever it is, it's how it all starts. So you have be, like, very protective of, like, your energy. And even if. You know, it's so funny. When our relationship wasn't great, I actually. I didn't. There was social media wasn't, like, social.

Media wasn't a thing.

Yeah. And I was like, I don't.

It was not a thing at all.

I mean, if. I never felt like.

If it was, I think it had been a problem.

Yeah. I was like, I think it had.

Been a big problem.

I never felt like I got approached by men. I didn't get DMs. There wasn't. I didn't.

When we were going through our shit, though, we were kind of still. Like, we were kind of still in the middle of the Mormon pocket, I think.

I think I was very much like, fuck everybody. Like, I was like, blinders up whether I stay married or not. Like, I just went to this place where I'm like, I might not be happy, but, like, fuck everyone. Like. And I just was kind of like, I'm gonna work on me. I'm gonna work on my kids. Hopefully this works out. Like, I was like, that's. Like, that literally was my mindset. I'm. I'm not very. You're naturally. Very much more, like, friendly. Yeah, I'm not that friendly. Like, I mean, I feel like I am a friendly person. That sounds bad, but I'm not naturally, like. I don't naturally engage with people. Whereas you can come across, like, a little more flirty, I would say, for sure. So, like, if we're not in a good space and you were like talking to a girl and she's not saying, like, I'm super insecure and I'm not in a good space. I might be like, oh my God, I think Garrett likes me. But it's. You're just like a friendly man, right?

Yeah. But you know what's interesting? Like the energy inside of me has completely shit that I used to not know how to be social with people and not flirt. So there was always a flirt. If it was a woman, there was always kind of a little flirt to it. Now that like there's none, like, it's like dead. It's like there's a piece of me that like, I can talk to him. It's purely cerebral, but I don't have it. I don't have conversations much. Like the people I talk to work for us. That's it. I don't have conversation with anybody else. And those individuals are all in relationship with people that we love and respect and that's more family than anything. But I legitimately do not put myself in environment. I hear guys will hire a couple guys that last couple months that I know. They hire personal assistants who are young, 20s and they're beautiful girls. And I'm like, okay, listen bro, they're.

Like, dude, I wouldn't even hire a hot Danny.

Yeah, no way, dude. It's bad. Yeah, I mean, that's why we went for somebody who's in their 50s and she's amazing. We love Rosie, but it's like we're not hiring a 22 year old nanny to come and be at the house every single day. So like, final message on this is don't put yourself in stupid situations. That's it. Don't put yourself in stupid situations. Right? It's, it's really easy to do.

But also you have to like, if you're not happy, you need to like address what the problems are and probably like, like either work on those or maybe move on, right? Like stop dancing on the fence and entertaining. Like another option. Like you're obviously, if it's not working out, if you don't trust and respect the person that you're with, why, like.

Why are you with them?

Why are you with them? Because it's comfortable and you're waiting till it's like there's a better option. So then you can make a slow exit. Side door Sally.

Side door Sally.

Don't Side door Sally your relationship, okay?

So don't put yourself in uncomfortable situations and problem situations. But on top of that, the reason why you're probably putting yourself into problem situations because you're lying to yourself and you're not having real conversations. Like this has been the foundation of what allows us to be able to be in deep respect and trust as a couple and to go through the five stages of what we call relationship. Right. If you haven't checked that out, you can check that out@divorceyourwife.com. there's an entire movie there that we'll go through that I created. Walking through the Stages. Stage one, Seduction. Stage two, strangulation. Stage three, suffocation.

Is that your new movie?

No, it's not the new one. I got a new movie@wakeupwarrior.com but that process and then being able to make the jump across the gap to the last two stages, which is submission and then salvation, which this weekend in Mexico's past weekend was salvation weekend.

Salvation weekend.

Yeah. It was amazing. It was like rebirth.

It was fun. I felt like I was like, I.

Was with my best. Best. Best friend. Yeah, like, friend.

Totally. Like, it was like I felt very connected to you. I felt very safe. I felt like we were having fun. Like, it was. It was just like another level to our relationship. For sure.

I think it's cause I gotta surf every morning.

I knew. I knew if I. Cause you were like, we can't take any more trips. And I was like, couldn't we take a trip where you surf and golf and have sex? And you were like, like, okay, so.

Let me think about it.

Absolutely.

Sure. Yeah. Let's go. Let's do this. All right. We're going to wrap up this show. We had a bunch of topics. Some were random, some were all over the place. Some of them we didn't go deep enough on. Some we did go really deep on.

Kind of like a.

Some were like some topics from the park, etc, hopefully enjoyed it. Either way. Here's the thing I will tell you. If you are not dating your spouse, you got to get off the couch and make it happen. Men, I'm going to speak directly to you. Coordinate the shit. Now. Danielle's gonna talk shit right now. Cause she's like, oh, my. Gonna coordinate everything. And that's because my wife doesn't like any of the plans I ever make. So she wants to be in control of the plans. I'm okay. But she still will never drive on date night. I don't care if it's her car. Get in. Shotgun. I'm the man. I drive. That may be old school. You can drive.

Just get the door for me, babe.

That's right. That's what I'm doing. If you're not doing date nights, get your date night on. And if you are doing the date night, here is a topic for you to look at this week. What are you currently holding back on in conversation with your spouse? What are you not talking about that can ultimately brew into you doing and thinking some stupid shit? Talk about it. If it's about sex, talk about it. If it's about money, if it's about how people are showing up or not showing up beside the relationship, take a topic this week, and you've been showing up, babe. Thank you.

I've been showing up. I'm excited to say. I was worried you weren't gonna show up. Cause Mother's Day's coming up, and I was like, you know, mother's Day's coming up. And you were like, you just had your birthday. And I was like, I'm still mother.

So I know you're going for the twofer. This is the twofer. Twofer. Twofer. All right. This is when mother's gonna sleep and do the thing that they do.

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna let. I don't even. Actually, you know what? I don't even really care. Just like, actually, I do. I want you to. I want you to.

I've already got things handled. Stop it. Stop it. You think I'm gonna stop this? Momentum. Mexico was amazing. You think I don't want the basket experience again? You don't want Milky Way? All right, listen. All the amazing, glorious things that happened.

I just wanted to make sure you had so many images in your mind.

That, like, listen, Zumba.

Okay.

All right, we're done with the show. We'll see you guys here next week. This is Gary J. White and Danielle signing off here with this week's date your wife podcast. 3, 2, 1, and off we go.