The Next Chapter | Date Your Wife | EP 122

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. We have. We've been on a break for a minute. I have been doing my own podcast, big money stylist with my work wife, Ani. And Garrett's always asking me questions from his guys in Warrior, and I'm like, why don't we just start up doing our podcast again? So if it's something that you think is going to give them value, we're going to try and be consistent. Consistency is key. So we're gonna try to be consistent every Monday.

We're gonna try to be consistent every Monday, releasing a new episode. Why did we stop in the first place?

I keep getting pregnant.

I mean, the last time we were consistent with this podcast was prior to two babies.

Yes. So we were really consistent. And then I got pregnant with Isla, and then, like, health issues and being pregnant and everything. And then I had Isla. And then, like, right after we had Isla and we moved into our new house, we relaunched it. Remember, we had Dan come and do, like, some cool videos and stuff, and we relaunched it, and then life got busy again. And then I got knocked up again. Then I was like, and now I'm for sure done because this guy went and got snipped.

Snipped.

Snipped.

So since you last saw us, not only did we had another baby, but on top of that, my wife got completely shredded, got some peaches, and also I got snipped, which I was worried about the snip thing. I didn't realize this was such a thing. Guys get worried about the sniper.

I'm a little worried, but you're worried still.

No, you kind of are worried. You thought maybe it had hindered my performance. I did, too.

I did it a little bit.

I thought I had Ed for a minute.

I could. I don't think you had that, but I could tell there was a slight difference. And I was like, come on. I'm pretty good at what I do. Like, step. What is going on?

I'm pretty good at what I do.

Sell in all areas.

Well, I was stressed out about that. I was. And I realized even one of my doctors doesn't want to get a vasectomy because he's, like, stressed out about it. And so I went. I didn't know this was a thing, but, like, you can get a vasectomy and then be, like, mentally, you can kind of fuck with yourself. And, like, inside of your mental frame of fucking with yourself, it's like you're in this place of, like, you mentally start having you Start messing up your ability to sexually perform because you're mentally having an issue with the idea that you just ended the ability for you to create life.

I just want to share just like a quick, like a brief story, because I know men don't experience this, but growing a child and your hormones and what your body goes through, and not only that. This was my fourth baby. Recovered the fastest, then went and had my boobs redone for the third time. Had a total reconstructive surgery, lift everything. It was gnarly. So when he's telling me these stories, I really want to be empathetic. I do. I really do. They're there.

Sorry. Here's the deal. There has been a driving and burning desire in my soul to write a book. I've talked about this for years called what to Expect when youn're Expecting Penis Addition. This is not a new desire. Because here's what I'll tell you.

You can't even keep a straight face. Cause you know you've lost. Like, you're like, I can't. I cannot even keep a straigh.

All right, well, in the female world, we cannot compete with the pain, the suffering, and the power of your commitment, period.

I don't think we can do it.

But in the man world, we still have hierarchy of suffering.

Do you need to pull together, sir?

So here's where our two topics of suffering come from. One, there's not just one person who is affected by a pregnancy. There are two.

I can't tell where you're going with this. I'm like, sir, you have lost. Stuck your tail and go.

No, there is again. So listen, when a guy's wife gets pregnant, he feels like two things. First thing he feels is like this.

I won't look at you so you can try to keep a straight face.

Go ahead, keep it together. Oh, God. He feels like, this is awesome. The second thing, he feels like, oh, shit, I'm kind of going to the place which is, some women are super horny when they're pregnant. I, I, you were horny, but you didn't talk about it too much. But, but I'm saying, like, it's, it's kind of a, it's kind of a sexual and unknown variable guys kind of go through and they don't know what the recovery time is going to be for their wife. So there's a mental place you got to go for. As a guy was, you're like, okay, listen, I'm, I'm a committed man. This penis is going in one Place in one place only. And like in the inside. Well, depending on the situation. But anyways, yeah, one person with one person only. And that commitment is like, okay, I'm locked in here. I'm locked in here for a minute. I'm locked in for a good six months, nine months. Because we get these questions come all the time from guys, which is like, well, coach, you know, my wife just got pregnant, man. She's not responding the same as she was before we got pregnant.

I said, oh yeah, your hormones are literally like. It's so funny because when I'm pregnant I don't get sick. And everyone's like, oh, you don't get sick? But I, I'm pretty level headed. And when I'm pregnant, it's like the one time where my hormones are so crazy that I'm like, I get severely depressed, I get really bad anxiety, I get super high blood pressure. Like they induce me five weeks early with this last baby because of high blood pressure. Like pregnancy is not fun for me. I don't love it. I love babies. The minute I have my babies, I'm like, okay, I'm doing it again. And it's interesting too because even right after I had Isla and that pregnancy was super rough and I just knew, I'm like, I definitely think I have one more baby. And I don't know where you were going with your topic, but I'm just.

Saying, like, there's an aspect for guys that it's like you kind of gotta hunker down. And the fear for a lot of guys too is they don't know if their wife's gonna come back. So like, come back from what? Well, there's a lot of women who after have the baby and they kind of are in the place, they stop feeling confident about their bodies. So then they don't wanna have sex as much and they kind of push it away and they feel uncomfortable. And then next thing you know, the blinds come up and the blankets cover up and the pillow. We need to make sure that Nobody within a 15 mile radius is awake. And then we can have sex. Like there's, there's a. So there's a fear from the guys, but. But then guys end up saying and doing all the wrong shit while the wife's pregnant too and mess it up.

I don't think it's necessarily about when their wife's pregnant or not. I'm sure like from what you have shared with me with like guy stories and things like that, it's just, it's one of Those topics that everybody has their own stories about everything. Like, and women are held to a super high standard as far as, like, how and when they should bounce back after babies. I got really into fitness with my third baby, and that's why I snapped back so fast with this one. And I love working out. I enjoy eating healthy. For me, it's not a chore. It's something that I look at as a challenge, and I enjoy doing. I enjoy the process. I think that. I think what's hard is just, like, watching your body go through all these changes. But even with this last baby, I. I. When I was, like, I was, like, super. I had really bad postpartum with her, and it was like, I'm not normally a depressed person. And I was like, I can't get myself out of bed today. Like, it was really bad. But I just kept telling myself, like, this is a season, this is a moment, and it will pass, and it'll pass sooner than you think. And so I kind of just kept focusing in on, like, doing positive things to get me to the end result that I wanted with my mental game and my physical game. And it was a rocky three months. And then I was like, okay, I'm back, and I don't feel like we had, like, a rocky, like, sex period after this baby. Like, I feel like it was fine.

No, no, no. You were in it. You were in it to win it after this baby, actually, surprisingly, at, like, two weeks. Yeah, I was actually very surprised. I was like, I was doing my listen, because, like, here's the mindset I had. I go into, though. I kept thinking, okay, why, here's the deal. Your wife's got. Your wife's pregnant. You got her pregnant. Which is interesting, because I never felt that way until the last few babies. I was like, it's never like, this soft press. Like, dude, you did this. Like, you did this. Like, be responsible, be accountable. You did this. You did this. Like, nothing that you.

You tend to be a little bit standoffish when I'm pregnant. I'm like, I need you to not be like, I like that you're, like, protecting my space and my energy, but I don't want to be treated differently. You know what I mean? And I. I felt like this last pregnancy, like, I felt like with being our fourth kid, you were better about it. You know what I mean? I kind of would snap back into some of your old patterns where you kind of were almost pushing me away, and I don't know why you would do that. And I had to have conversations where I'm like, I, why are you pushing me away? Like, I want to connect right now. Like, I don't feel super cute, but I. And I don't want you to treat me like I'm pregnant.

Well, that was hard to not treat you like you were pregnant because you were pregnant. So that was making it a little bit interesting. And then at the same time, I get exactly what you're talking about, which is the patterns and routines were having to change and shift. So it's tough. Like it's this tough. And we watch. I know a lot of, like, a lot of guys in our programs that they really struggle post pregnancy. If you look at most issues of cheating, you look at most issues of divorce, they have happened after you have a couple kids.

I think it's like a, it's like a series of bad patterns and habits that happens over like a decade. And all of a sudden you're, oh, it's been a decade. And then you're like surprised when things end in cheating or divorce or whatever it is. And you're like, well, you've had a non functioning sexual and relationship for the past 10 years and your excuse is your kids or your excuse is your stories.

Yeah. So we, so we made it through that. Made through that with the baby. We made it. And now we got.

I wasn't Rocky with this last.

Now she's six months old, Almost five months old. She's almost six months old.

Nope. She's just barely five months old.

It's. So what is it? June? What? What is it? June?

She'll be, she'll be six months old the end of June.

Okay, so like two weeks. She'll be six months old. So she's five and a half months old. And then I'm gonna be 46 years old.

You are. Congratulations.

Yeah. And I got Botox.

Oh my God. So I get super fit after this last baby. And I'm like, you know what? I'm having a little mommy makeover. I go get my. I don't get a lot done. I get like Botox done. I get my hair fixed. I get, I actually got PRP on my scalp. Wow, that was intense. So amongst having my boobs revised and losing weight, I also was getting needles injected in my scalp and I, I looked.

So wait, wait, so all, so all you did was have a baby?

Had a baby.

Get your boobs redone, get some Botox.

Well, I get severe.

Get your eyelashes severe.

Postpartum.

Get some postpartum. Get some prp. But can we talk about me for a second. I got a vasectomy.

Okay, here's some peas.

That's so funny, though. Like, if I sit there and stack it up and listen, like, you're like, what did you do? What did you do in the last six months? Had a baby, had high blood pressure, passed out. Baby was born early. Lost all my baby weight. Got a full boob job. Boob lift reconstruction under web bra. I had PRP on my hair, so I was falling out. Hired three new nannies, Managed a team inside the house. Have also got a Botox, plumpers and some eyelashes and four businesses.

Launched another hairline.

Launched another hairline. And I'm like, yeah, but what about me? I got a vasectomy. I had a lady shave my balls, and a guy snipped me.

You know, I'm just happy for you if that made you happy.

What, the girl shaved my balls or the guy cutting me?

I don't care.

I just like the fact that I can shoot and not be worried anymore.

I care.

Does that make you feel good to know that I'm not gonna get you pregnant?

Yes, it really.

You know what that means if you do get pregnant, this is like, you know, we're gonna have some serious problems on the show.

I. Yeah, I think because it's like, I was, like, so calculated because I didn't want to get pregnant, and I. The one time we didn't prevent with Charlie, that's when I got pregnant. So I definitely, Definitely. I think because my last two pregnancies were so rough, there was a minute, actually, after I had Charlie that I thought I was pregnant, and I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Like, I was, like, in severe panic mode. So, yeah, I mean, it definitely. It definitely helps. It feels. I feel like having this last baby, it's like, it's. It's not. It's the next chapter. Like, this last year, I felt like my world got flipped upside down. Like, now that I'm out of, like, wow, that was. That was a heavy, heavy year. It was, like, not only heavy finding out, I mean, it was like, so the world closes down. I'm coaching hundreds of stylists not to try to get their businesses to burn to the ground while training for a bikini competition. Then I find out I'm pregnant. Then I find out drama with my teenage daughter. We end up sending her to a therapeutic boarding school. Meanwhile, I'm pregnant. Plus, we moved into this new house. Like, my world. My world just got, like, flipped, and I don't think I realized how rough of a year was, but I almost knew, like, to prepare for the next chapter. It's going to be rocky for a minute. And I think oftentimes in life, we're not willing to accept these rocky moments as just a season. And that the person you become when you get out of it really dictates the path that you're going to take. And so, like, literally, like, the house we got into and, like, just where our life was going, it was like, get ready to fucking level up. Like, that's the message I kept receiving. And so I was like, okay. Like, and I. I've gone to this place, too. Or when it's hard, you have to remember, at least for us, like, how much we worked on our marriage, how much we worked on our kids, how much we worked on how we were able to purchase the home that we're in. And when you take a minute to look back about the work you did, you can. You're like, I feel solid. I'm a strong human being. Like, so when you have these moments of, like, weakness or whatever it is, like, you work too fucking hard to get to where we're at.

Yep.

I don't know if that has anything to do with what you're talking about.

Not has everything to do with it. Like, the sacrifice of, like, when you step back and look at how much work is required to create a great marriage, how much work is required to build a great business, how much work was required to build a great family, how much energy we put into our children, how much energy do we put into our kiddos? From Parker to Bailey to Ruby to Isla to Charlie. Like, five kids. You know, we went from one nanny that we fired last year to hiring.

And we did our 5 support.

Hell, yeah. We brought our kids home.

We're homeschooling all of our children.

I mean, holy shit. We've done a few things since we last started doing this show. Like, we've really dialed in.

Like, yeah, I think you see people through social media or whatever, and you don't. You don't. All of a sudden it seems like, oh, my God, they just, like, blew up overnight. And you're like, no, no. You didn't see the blood and tears to get here. You know what I mean? Like, you didn't see what you accomplished in five years. I just did in six months. That's how fast my world is moving right now.

Well, and that itself is a momentum game. Right. And that's why you see marriages just start turning around. With basic disciplines, like being honest with each other, Starting this foundation of, how can I be honest with my spouse? How can I be honest with my partner about what I'm wanting? How can I be honest about where I want to go? How can I be honest about, like, where we are? We came to terms with some of that last year in a big way. We came to terms about where we thought about the school system. We came to terms of what we thought about our kids being educated with, you know, the normal school. We thought we were sending our kids to a private school. You know, yay. We paid the money, we sent a private school. I mean, I, I, we didn't even talk about this on the show. I just, I had just a fucking meltdown one day, dropping the kids off, and I was like, fuck this, I'm done with this. And we like. And I was like, I'm pulling the kids out of school. And, like, I aggressively went after it, and it was rough.

I think sometimes we fight for things that people tell us should be normal, even when it's not working. Do you know what I mean? We're like, but it, but this is the best private school. But this is, it's just my kids. And then it, like, at some point, you have to kind of change the narrative, and you're like, you know what? Okay, well, what if I did entertain the possibility of homeschool or whatever it is? And it's like, people are like, oh, my God, you're crazy. I can't believe you do that. You guys don't have time. What is it like? It like. And there's like, all these, like, running stories or questions nobody's asking you but yourself. And I think that I see it so many times that people, I'm like, people ask me questions too, about, like, homeschool, about diet, about relationships, about whatever it is. And my answer is always like, if you don't, everybody has their patterns, right? It's like, does your patterns get you the end result that you want? How do you get that end result? Then you have to shift anything that you think is, like, I have to do this. Well, that's not working to give you your end result. If you are complaining about your kids and in private school or whatever, like, stop fucking complaining about them being in private school and be proactive and try something else, because you really, you don't know unless you try. And even when we started homeschooling our kids and everything was changing, like, I even fought it. Like, I was like, it was so much for me like, it was just overwhelming. But what is overwhelming in the beginning becomes the new norm. And that's really when you're like, wow, this was really scary for me. And now it's the new norm. Like, I'm used to having people in my house. I'm used to, you know, having certain conversations with my children and my homeschool teachers and things like that. Like, it becomes the new norm we went to.

Like, I just had a point where. Where I couldn't do it anymore. And I think everybody hits that point sometimes. You hit that point in your marriage. You hit that point with your kids, hit that point with your body. You hit that point with your relationship with God. You hit that point with business, with money, with sex life. You only get this point where you're like, I'm not gonna do this anymore. And I hit that point with school. And I realized I'd been sitting on social media and I was getting angry about it on social media. I was getting angry about it with the school board, I was getting angry about it with the teachers. And they sent out a notification. Notification was, hey, we're gonna start. It was over mask policies. And they said, I'm gonna start. We're gonna start offering detention and expulsion over not wearing your masks. And I fired back this email and I called the teacher and the president of the school. And then I had this huge board meeting set up and I was ready to roll in and just fucking blowtorch, people. And God's in there and he's like, hey, I got an idea for you. How about you do the shit I told you to do? How about you stop sitting here chirping and do something about it and know that I didn't tell you to just start doing something about it now. I told you to do something about it a while ago. So you weren't told you were open to it, but you weren't open to it at the same time. Like, I really took this on in the beginning. You had just had the baby. You had fired our nanny.

It's just a lot.

We hired. I hired three full time nannies and two full time teachers. We hired full time. Five full time employees in the home. Five new women in the home.

Here's what's so crazy, though, because, well, I've had people comment and say things will like, you know, I would love to homeschool my kids. I can't afford to do that, or, I would love to do this, but I can't afford to do it, or, I'd love to do this. And I can't do it. And my response is always, when you have more pressure, you're more likely to do things. Like, I look at some of the stuff we did when we had no money and we had nothing, we had to do something different. Like, we had to.

We had to keep.

We had to build pressure. That pressure really, like, molded us to who we are. Like, sometimes when you have that pressure, you're like, okay, well, what do I need to do? And you can almost see it more clearly because you don't have a choice. I actually just let go one of my artists this morning. Like, it was really hard. She's like a sweet human being. Like, and she said something interesting to me. She said, if I can't make it work at dkw, how am I gonna do it on my own? I go, I can't want it more than you want it for yourself. And I said. And if I said, my salon is a crutch for you right now. I was like, you're one foot in the door and one foot out of the door. And I said, that doesn't work for myself or my team members, and I have to protect my team. And I said, and guess what? I have to let you go. And if I didn't, I would be being selfish, because I think I've created an environment that's safe for you, and you don't need safety anymore. You need a little bit of pressure under your ass. And I just said, like, I love you. Like, I want you to know this doesn't need to be weird. I don't have time for drama. So if drama starts, I will not know or hear about it. And I'm like, but I would love you. Like, you need this pressure to succeed. So sometimes people get so comfortable in their little bubble that they're willing to have this teeniest amount of pressure for such a big outcome in life.

That was powerful. You're kind of a boss lady today. You're in boss lady mode.

I have a lot going on.

You got a lot going on? My wife, I joke constantly with my friends, and they're like, just my clients and friends. Like, dude, so what's the story with your wife? I was like, listen, first thing you have to understand, my wife is a unicorn. She's a superhero. She is her own woman. As I joke around, like, my wife and I met today. But based on who we are today, I would like to believe that we could work through and get together as a couple and be together. I don't know if we could or not based upon just the intensity with both of us and how we both operate and some of the little. I would like to think we would, but it's hard to say. Being together for you, we have so.

Muchness and so much history.

But if we had none of that rich people coming together. But anyways, like I said, and I look at you and some of the things that you do day to day, and that's super intimidating. Most guys are very intimidated by a powerful woman. So, like, guys will come to me like, well, you know, tell them about, you know, you and your relationship with your wife. I said, well, it's really simple. I was like, number one, I want my wife to win. Even. Even at times when my egoic male self doesn't want my wife to win.

Are men afraid that their women, their women are gonna be like, suit? Like, I went through a phase where I was a little bit, like, more. I'm pretty feminine, I would say, but I went through a phase where I wasn't masculine, but I was just emotionally unplugged and shut off because I was like, I gotta fucking grind and build this. And I was less loving. Do you know what I mean? But I'm naturally very feminine. So I feel like even women, I'm like, you can still be, like, very powerful and you don't have to be this boss lady. Like, just be you and be your own version of what a boss looks like to you. Like, stand in your own power and your own truth, and in that space comes integrity. And that's what radiates and that's what people see. Like, when people meet me, they're not like, I might be intimidating, but I'm like, I'm a pretty, like, grounded person. Do you know what I mean? I'm not going to come across, like. And so I think men are kind of scared that they're going to have this, like, crazy alpha intimidating. I'm like, no, let your woman rise. And in rising, guess what? You're gonna rise too. And if you're not a man enough to see that, then you're probably going after the wrong woman.

Wow. Well, I'll tell you, it's hard for guys. I mean, it's hard for them to deal with the ego side of not being in charge. I had this conversation with God last week with him and his wife, and I said, listen, dude, here's reality. Your wife's the producer. I was like, you need to back down. You stay in this fucking lane right here. I know how hard that's gonna be. Because you're being out produced by your wife. And that's a really difficult place to be as a guy. And women hear this and men hear this, and I was like, no, no, no. As a guy, it's a very difficult proposition to be in. You show me a powerful alpha man who is in a relationship with a woman that outproduces him, and I will show you man that's slowly becoming a wet noodle purse man. He's becoming a wet dog on a leash. And he will every single time. Because there has to be a sense of, I create and produce. That's why even in our world, as much as you create, as much as you do, and as much as you do in your business, like, the policy is always the same for me, which is like, to feel like the man in my relationship, I have to be the one that produces everything.

That's what I'm saying. Me, you, we push each other back and forth. So you push me to become more, and then when I come more, you're like, oh, hell no. And then you, you push yourself. I'm not pushing you. You're not pushing yourself. You're putting that pressure on yourself but while supporting me. And there's nothing wrong with that. And I think a lot of people ask, like, how. How does it work? How does your dynamic work? But that's literally, that's. That's how it works. It's not. There was. I mean, we've had times where we're kind of like competing and like, ah, like, whatever.

We had a few seasons like that.

I feel like we're in a, like a really good space where it's like, I start to rise and you encourage me and then you're like, okay, I need a rise. You know what I mean? Like, and I will say on the flip side, it. Women don't. In my experience, when I talk to women, like, we want to be taken care of, like, we really do like to have to be a powerful woman and have a man that makes more money than you, it's sexy. Like, it is. I don't care. Like, it's not. Every relationship might be different, but I'm just telling you right now, from women I talk to, like, they, we want to be taken care of even if we can't produce, period.

Powerful women. Powerful women who actually tell me that they'll go out of their way to tell me, they'll tell me how she'll do and I'll be like, well, how's that, how's that work out with your you and your husband. She's like, oh, my husband makes way more money than me. And I'm like, how does it make you feel? She's like, oh, yeah. And I've sat there. I sat in there, and I don't think it always has to be that way, but I think it's a frustrating place to be because you'll see I've been in conversations with women who make more than their husbands and women who make a lot but make less than their husbands or kind of equal to. And then men who are in business partnership with their wife. And if you play those three dynamics out, the dynamic that continues to play through the strongest over and over and over again, and as crazy as it sounds, is a man who has the capacity to outproduce his wife, no matter how big she produces. And I realize it's super controversial to say that. And my wife makes. My wife does great. So it puts a lot of pressure on me. But why? Because at the end of the day, I want my wife to be able to feel like a woman. I don't want her have to feel like she has to constantly be in the game of producing. And the minute my wife has to be the producer, there's a lack of respect that comes towards me as a man. And I've. Every woman I've talked to says the same exact thing to me.

Well, it's not that I'm. It's not that I'm trying to be disrespectful, but I go into this like, yeah, more of a masculine, like, alpha role where I'm like, ugh, like, I gotta make shit happen. You know what I mean? I'm like, okay. And the pressure is what makes me react like that when I don't have that pressure. And I can be creative and in flow and build my businesses. And that's really like a powerful space for me. And that stress and pressure is different. Then our relationship is a little bit different. Does that make sense?

So people hear this, and I'm sure some of you may be listening for the very first time. And if you were me listening to this, you know, 10 years ago, and you're hearing about three nannies and two homeschool teachers full time at the house and the world that we're discussing and out producing your wife, and maybe you're in a situation where your wife's out producing you, or maybe you're in a situation where you're just in it. And again, I realize that even saying it the way I'm saying it There are people who listening, they're going to be super pissed. There's going to be women that are going to be fired up. There's going to be. Some guys are going to be fired up hearing this. How dare you? How dare you. And listen, I get it. What I will tell you is each relationship is different. Each dynamic is different. So my friends that are married to women, that are full time moms, take care of the kids. I said, I get it. I was like, and you don't get it. You're not married to a producing woman. And they're like, what do you mean? I was like, not only do I have a wife who's a full time mother, but I also have a wife who. My wife spends more time, quality time with our children than most women I know who are full time moms at home. Yet running your kids to soccer practice and being a courier is not being a mom. Being a cleanupper and a laundry doer and a dish cleaner is not a requisite to being a high quality mom. These are tasks that need to be done to take care of a household. And when we got clear that taking care of a household and then raising children are two different. Taking care of the household is a process and systems game. Taking care of children requires love, attention, space and time. And that piece, Danielle crushes that.

Well, there's. But there's even been seasons where I felt like a shitty mom. Do you know what I mean? Like, we couldn't afford what we have now. But I am very. I always tell people, especially in my. I have an academy with hundreds of students. And I always tell them, I'm like, if I create time and space to be a mom, I am a better producer and I'm a better wife. Like, I really do have to create balance and I have to understand my own boundaries. So, like, there's been, yeah, there's been times where I'm like, God, this is really hard. I am like juggling kids. There's a lot of mommy guilt. Like, I've worked so hard on myself to build my business, but also, like, let go. Like, be like, okay, yeah, I'm not gonna do the dishes. Somebody in. And some I'm gonna hire somebody who does that. And the other thing that really shifted for me just this last year is I was like, I need to stop. Whether it's your cleaner or whoever it is helping you, like, my energy has to shift where I just need to be comfortable that people can serve me because I'm so used to serving others. And I'm so used to like taking care of others. Like I have to sit back and allow people to now take care of me so that my time is spent having quality time with my children. Even if it's sitting on the swings and reading a book, if it's going to the park instead of like trying to multitask and do dishes. Do I still multitask? Yes. There's moments where I'm making dinner and I put on a show for my kids, but my whole day doesn't consist of multitasking. So I think that really comes down to like, as a woman speaking, like whether you're a stay at home mom or not, it's really finding a balance of like letting go of that mommy guilt, but also creating pockets of quality time and just being really effective with your time. Like I've learned I can dance circles around people because I prioritize my time very, very well. So I can do a lot of stuff, stuff in a day. I usually go to bed at like 8:30 or 9.

But hello, melatonin.

I can get a lot done throughout the day because I'm very effective with my time. So I think like, I get it and I think women get like triggered. But I'm like, ultimately like, you can't expect somebody to help you if you don't. If you're not willing to let go and let them help you.

So I had somebody reach out to me, say, hey, well, what do you suggest to people who can't hire full time teachers? And I had another conversation with somebody who said, who makes plenty of money. Very good, very big producer.

See, I know producers too, where I'm like, you cheap asshole.

Well, that was the thing. So I had people that are more.

In your company than your children, who are your legacy. I'm like, let me get this straight. Hang on a second. You're just kind of, you're just stuck in your stories. Stop being a cheap dick.

Well, that was a conversation I had with a guy, a business owner and a big business owner. Big, owns three, four different brands worth tens of millions of dollars. And he said, dude, I heard you hired teachers. And he's like, you know, we tried that, it didn't really work out. And I was like, okay, well why didn't it work out? And he's like, I don't know. You know, we just, you know, we just couldn't get the quality. And I said, let me ask you a question. Like, how much you paid them? How much are we offering? He's like, you know, like the gourmet was like 56,000. So we offered 56,000. I was like, so let me get me this straight. The people that you brought into your home to help work with your kids, you pay them less than your front desk administration, and you thought you were gonna get high quality. So, like, there was a shift. So for those that have the resource, you tend to not have the frame on it and say, why would I not? And Danielle was really helpful with me that too, because we had two full time, essentially three. We had basically a preschool teacher for our little three year old. We have a elementary school teacher for our middle slash middle school for our 11 year old. And then we have a high school teacher for our 15 year old. And I can't ever foresee sending my kids back to school ever, ever, ever, ever again. Unless, of course, they were choosing to do it themselves. But, like, right now, like, there's no. I can't see him sending back to school ever.

It's so interesting. Yesterday, even, like, I feel like it's like taken me. Like, I feel like we're overstaffed. Yes. But when I look at the amount of stress it relieves in my life and what I can produce and create in that environment of not being stressed out, you can't put a dollar amount on that. I'm like, do you know what I just put back into my business? Do you know what I just put back into my children that's worth 56,000. I mean, we pay them more, but like, I'm. I'm like, how is that not worth it? It's a return on my investment.

So the second group of people come to me like, well, Garrett, I can't, you know, what do you suggest for people who can't afford it? And I say, well, what can you do from where you are? Well, we don't have time to be able to take care of the kids every day and to do it. I said, okay, cool. At least you're coming to terms with the fact that you use school's babysitting service. As long as you can come and be honest with yourself that you don't use school as really educational purposes. It's not about trying to serve your kids. It's about giving you free time every day, which is really what the reality is. Across the United States, most educational systems are not most elementary schools. Most high schools are not built. Most people are not sending their kids to school to become educated. So they become successful in life. They're sending because that's what we always do. And on top of that because it gives them free space every day to do something else. And moms can fuck around for six hours and dads can do whatever they need to and not be stressed because the kids are at school. Basically, you pay for high quality or low quality babysitting, and it's not even that good. Even in private schools, it's not that good. We saw some most dramatic, most intense bullying bullshit extraordinary there in high paid Catholic schools here in Orange County. So for us seeing back on it, my advice to people, when they said, well, what should I do? I can't afford, I said, make more money. What do you mean? I was like, make more money. They're like, well, Garrett, you say it like it's so easy. I don't say it like so fucking easy. I was a broke ass PE teacher with no money, making $1400 a month. Do you think I just woke up one day and I had fucking money? I was like, if you care about your kids, you care about your wife, you care about your family, make some money. Well, I'm not sure what to do first. Okay, well, where would you start? Because right now, this binge watching of billions on Netflix and the binge watching of social media and you being wrapped up in the next monkeypox, supposed CDC mandates with masks. Guess what? None of that shit's gonna help you get paid. Like, what are you doing as a man to build a financial nest and support system for your family to thrive. And Danielle poured this in on me in the last couple months. She's like, we are investing in our legacy with these children. And we're watching, we watch our kids thriving in a completely non conforming, non traditional GED pathway. And our kids are experiencing 85% of their day has nothing to do with traditional education. It has to do with experiential education and experiencing life and experiencing music and experiencing art and experiencing field trips and experiencing each other and watching our kids eat lunch together with all their mentor teachers sitting around doing tea parties and like baking and doing all kinds of shit. It's just. I don't know, it's a decision.

What's so funny is like, even like, you're painting a vision right there. Like, one of my homeschool teachers is like a photographer on the side and she literally sends us photos. And Garrett and I are in Scottsdale last weekend and I was like, I show them. I'm like, this is the life that we've created. I would have never even considered that this is possible. And I think that oftentimes what we see as, like, oh, maybe in the future can actually happen a lot. So sooner if you allow it to happen. And it could be as simple as something. Like you said, like, people get so sucked into the drama of their stories, and you're like, you can create space to create success and build something. Like, I'm a hairdresser. I started my brand 11 years ago. Like, you're telling, like, yeah, it seems like a long period, long window, but I think of this affecting our children for the hundreds of years now. I took 10 years to hustle and build and grind and ask myself what is possible. I have this vision of where I want to go. Is that 10 years down the road? Is that five years down the road? No. I need to start taking actions to get me closer to where I want to be. So the life that we have created, whether it's, you know, homeschool, and you don't relate to this at all. We started 10 years ago on the. 11 years ago, on the brink of divorce, only two kids in. I was a hairstylist. We had short Sold our home, sold all of our cars. We were selling shit out of the house just to pay for a move to Arizona so that we had an opportunity to start fresh. When we had no fucking money and no fucking jobs, we took a chance on ourselves. We took a chance on ourselves, and what could we rebuild together? And it was scary. It was scary. But we were in this place where under pressure, what can you build? And I think a lot of times we just. People get sucked into the bullshit.

Yep, that was beautiful. And it's real. And as you can hear from her, fire. That's only the fire that can come from a woman who has faced the dark pit. So most of you, I'll tell you right now, the biggest issue you face in marriage is you've been terrified to face the dark pit. You won't do the work on yourself. Some of you men listening right now. You won't fucking do the work on yourself. So you keep pointing your finger like I did, like a whiny little bitch at your wife. And you keep pretending like she's a problem, she's an issue. If she would only change, she would only change it. Trust me. I was the poster, poster child for whiny. Look it up in the Wikipedia. There I was picturing me whiny. And there I was whiny, whiny, whiny about wanting my wife to change, wanted my life to change, wanted things to change, wishing things would change if Danielle would change. Then I. If Danielle would only use, you know, have sex with me, then I. If Danielle would only want me sexually, then I. If Danielle would only this, then I only recognizing that I was not only undesirable as a man to her, but I was undesirable as a man to myself. And that is a scary place to be. But there's a path out if you choose it. On my side with Wake up, Warrior. This is what we've been doing for 10 years. All I did was come back and share what Danielle and I did from 2008, 9, 10, 11, and 12, what we did over four or five years to dig ourselves out of a pit that we put from 2000 to 2008, where we built a life that we thought was great, but our foundation was weak as shit. Our core was weak as shit. We had money, we had resource, we had things. And then we had nothing. And when that went away, we recognized really quickly what we had was nothing. We had a soul connection that was so strong and yet surrounded by such weakness and vile behavior. And this required a change. And that change you're speaking about was the first time, like, we both had to choose. And that was Danielle choosing herself. You know, people were like, how'd your wife rise? Like, she chose herself. She didn't choose me. She chose her. And in choosing her, the powerful version of her invoked this game inside of me. And now that's the game we play back and forth, you know, a decade later now. And I have moments, I try to explain to my kids, we came above the place where we currently live, and my daughter was yelling at me about this, and she's like, well, we live in a $22 million house, and blah, blah, blah, and you can do this. And, whoa, let's pause real quickly. You have no money. You're fucking broke. I'm pulling Shaq Patrol right now. You have nothing. You are broke, broke, broke. You're in debt. If I take all the money I spend trying to keep you in a game of life and experiencing what you want to, and I love you and beautiful, I said, but here's the part you don't see nine years ago. You don't see me and your mom standing up above this development, looking down on nothing but grass lots, and us saying the simple question, who would we have to become to create this life? What would have to be true about us to create this life? And I remember our daughters were tiny, and they were running up and down the sidewalk, and I remember this older couple came walking by and they're yelling and saying, I want that mansion, mom. I want that mansion. And this couple looks at us. They didn't look at us like, oh, that's cute. They look at us like, aww. Like, oh, these desperate little young people. And now I come out this morning, I'm fucking Batman this morning. I'm not gonna lie to you. I had a Batman moment. Yeah. Can I tell you that? I had a fucking Batman moment. I'm not even kidding. And the people these two girls have.

He gets rid of his supercar, and then he gets motorcycle. He gets a motorcycle.

But it's not all. It's a Triumph. It's like a mini, like, German motorcycle with, like, a cool German helmet with these cool glasses. I look all, like, Batman style. Yeah. And you're like, that guy's fucking awesome. That's what you were thinking, weren't you?

I was like, what is that helmet?

Yeah, that's an awesome helmet is what it is. Turns you right on. You're like, how's that? It's like, any guy with a helmet like that deserves a. I like that you feel awesome. So let me tell you about Batman moment. Don't ruin my moment. All right? So in the garage, we have the garage that pulls up at our house. Kind of like this little tunnel, right? And I have to say that my favorite superhero is Batman, because Batman's the only superhero that was created by his own decision. Everybody else got bit by a spider, grew up with some magical sauce, fell in some kind of potion or lotion. Batman is just an entrepreneur who decided to fuck people up. He decided to do life by himself. So I put these Warrior. Big ass warrior sign from our events right in my garage. So every time the garage opens up slowly, it's kind of this tunnel with these big granite walls that goes into our home. And there's this giant sign, Warrior. So today, when people walk by, they see the warrior sign in the garage. And the garage is up. But today, in the darkness of the garage, there's no light on the darkness of the garage. Out of the darkness of the garage was not a man. So I have my. I got my black leather jacket on, my backpack, my cool German helmet, my cool glasses. I got my bike, my black motorcycle, and I'm all blacked out. Come rolling out of the garage, and I shit you not. You're not gonna believe this. You're not gonna believe this. I got two.

Keith was waiting for me.

Nope. Nope. Keith was not waiting for me. I had two girls, probably in their mid-20s to late 20s. They're walking up the hill right in front of her house. They look over, they see the darkness, they see the door right there. They see the warrior sign. I don't see them. What is this story? I come around. I come around and they can hear. They can hear the motorcycle coming through the garage. I come around, these girls are pointing, look. It's like quite an. Quite a thing to see. No matter what, when you look at the house and you look at the garage, quite awesome. You see the warrior sign.

They're like, who is that sexy, man?

No, no, no, no. They might have been thinking that, but what they did think for sure was that guy's fucking Batman. Because I came around, I pull in the driveway and I'm about to leave on my motorcycle. And they literally are stopping and pointing and I'm having a moment. And then the second moment I'm having is, don't wreck your bike right now. You'll ruin this moment, bro. Just keep your together White.

So where were they? Above?

No, they were walking on the walking path right in front of the house. And they literally stopped in front. And then, and then I come out and it's not really. It's more of a quiet motorcycle. So you want. The end message is simply this. If you want to be Batman, like a Harley. And like, I know I. My friends, my friend's wife who has like. My friend's wife who has like, you.

Know, his big bikes is. It's a. It's a.

It's an E bike. It's an E bike.

But he's got his leather jacket and he's got his goggles on. So don't fuck with his Batman story. You're Bat. You're my Batman. You're my Batman.

Oh, shit. It was my Batman moment, though. I've been waiting for this moment. So I don't care if it's two 28 year olds making fun of me on a TikTok. What I do know is me pulling out of that garage today, I felt like Batman. And I thought to myself, you know what? I created this life. I can be fucking Batman and drive my bike three miles if I want. Anyways, that's it.

I feel like that when I'm backing out in my Ferrari. But usually men stop me and they tell me I'm beautiful and I have a beautiful car.

Well, I got the same look today when I was Batman coming out my motorcycle.

Except for the guys that are saying that are like in their 80s and.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, thanks all. Yeah, well, listen, I love you. This was a great first episode back.

All right, we're back. Are we gonna be consistent?

Yeah, we're gonna be consistent. I know you gotta go. You got some things to do. I got some things to do. You're amazing. Any. Any final messages here for the.

Keep listening. I think that Garrett and I have a pretty good story, and we're always trying to add value, and sometimes you might be triggered. But honestly, we've gone through a lot. Like, I feel like I'm a pretty solid human being and I'm excited for the next chapter of my life. So we're here to just kind of share you share with you what we've gone through, and if it's helpful, great. And if it's not, then don't listen.

I guess the end. And if we can help you out, check it out. Wakeupwarrior.com which is where you'll find out all the tools, training tips and tricks here for what's going on inside of our world. Also, if you're looking for a sideline conversation that's male perspective, only on the idea of being married and business, well, you can head to marygame.com also where I got another podcast I run with my best friend Keith. Once a month, we bring Danielle and his wife Jesse in to spin the truth from the female perspective on all the bullshit we've talked about for a couple weeks. So if you'd like really intense man talk over there without the female perspective, three weeks out of the month, head over to marygame.com Otherwise, we'll see you here for the datewide podcast. Danielle, if you are a female and.

Looking to get hair done, I'm gonna do a plug. I mean, if you, like, listen to my biggest hairstylist podcast. A lot of hairstylists listen to it, but a lot of people in general have said they found a lot of value in it.

You guys crush on that podcast or.

You can go to NBR Education to find out more about what I do and who I am.

Beautiful. We're outta here. This is date you podcast episode one for, like, the 12th time since 2017 or 18 when we first launched it. But we're back again, on fire and with more kids and more passion. If you were to take one thing from today's show, just remember, I'm fucking Batman.