Toleration & Standards | Date Your Wife | EP 106

Hey, everybody, this is your boy, Garrett J. White, founder Week of Warrior. And I'm here with my co host, Danielle K. White, the hostess with the mostest founder of DKW Styling. And together we are here co collaborating, having a conversation about a few topics about sexuality and marriage, about having businesses, about collision and communication, and ultimately having some babies, which we've got another baby in the oven. Little baby in the oven. Let's come to Danielle for a quick update on baby in the oven status.

I'm so over it. I. You know what? I'm 36 today and people are like, people keep asking me, like, Garrett's excited, he's cheering. People keep asking me like, oh, is this pregnancy any different? As if I'm like, 90. I'm like, no, I was actually in better shape now than I was in my 20s. But I'll tell you what's different is I just have more going on in life and I have two other kids and just a lot going on. So I feel like my tolerance of pregnancy, because we're going to talk about tolerance and marriage and all that good stuff, but even my tolerance in pregnancy, I'm like, oh, is this done yet? Like, I have 12 more weeks. I think I'm 20. I'm almost 28 weeks and I have. I actually feel like I have fairly easy pregnancies. It wasn't until, like, the last couple weeks, I swear. I just, like, everyone's like, you've popped. I'm like, oh. Like, up until then, people were like, you're pregnant. How far along are you? Like, it just. All of a sudden, it just was like, whoa. And not only that, but physically being bigger, I feel different. Like, I swear to God, my legs are bigger, my pink bigger. Like, my. I'm starting to swell already. Like, and I just. I think that I remember this with vaguely with my last kids. I just feel like my tolerance is a little bit lower this time. I don't know if tolerance is a good word with pregnancy, but my. Maybe my patience. Like, I just feel like I'm like, I'm done. And I don't remember feeling like this was my other two babies till, like, the last three or four weeks. Like, just being like, let's push this baby out. And I'm already there and I have, like, three more months, so. Oh, it's even hard to talk. Like, I'm out of breath. Like, people will joke around. Like, I'll send my teams, like, voice notes and they're like, are you jogging? I'm like, I am not I am sitting, but I'm out of breath talking. So thank you. But, yeah, so that's where I'm at with the baby number three. And, yeah, it's. It's going.

So our topic today is tolerance and Danielle Segue. We want to give you a little pregnancy update. We're currently sitting here on the 38th floor in a corner suite at the Mandalay Bay Convention Center, AKA Four Seasons Resort. The Four Season Resort and Mandalay are both in the same building, but you enter through one side, and one of the towers from 436 to 39 is all the Four Seasons. And so. Which is kind of an interesting setup there.

But I didn't know they've been around for 20 years. I didn't know. I thought it was new. I was like, is this, like, a secret. Is this a secret hotel inside of Mandalay that they just named Four Seasons? But he's. I asked the guy, he said, they've been around for 20 years.

They have easily been around for 20 years. The brand's been around forever. Yeah, I knew this hotel was here for a while. We've just never. I don't think we've ever stayed here. This is our first time staying here in the Vegas Four Seasons. But we're going to talk about this idea of toleration, and we're going to look at this inside of relationship and inside of being married. And one of the gifts that comes with being married is the fact that you come in with radically different standards. Standards for life when you marry. Okay, now you have a standard for each other, right? For how you see yourself. And then you have a standard for the other person, but you have a different standard for what you expect out of life. Now, I'm going to read this definition of the word standard. Here we go. Standard, a level of quality or attainment. Two, an idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model in comparative evaluation. So there's a standard inside of each of our minds. There's a standard about sexuality. There's a standard about parenting. There's a standard about making money. There's a span of having spending time. There's a standard. This standard itself comes from, well, your past, how you were raised, your experiences, your mindset.

I was thinking, like Garrett said a comment to me yesterday. He's like, you legit hold me to another standard. Because we had two incidences yesterday where one, we. I booked a really nice suite at the Four Seasons. It was super noisy, and I just, like, I couldn't sleep. When I had. I called the manager. I'm like, hey, it wasn't rude. I just said, hey, we could hear the club all night. And he was like, oh, you're kidding. I'm like, yeah, it was pretty bad. Like, I could clearly hear Havana and, like, cheering. I was like, it was rough. And he was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And I didn't want to complain, but at the same time, I was like, I'm booked the Four season suite, and I can't sleep. So anyways, he calls me back. He's like, hey, we're gonna upgrade. You gave us a bigger, beautiful suite. And I was like, Garrett's like, well done. I'm like, hey, you can only get ask and you shall receive. I mean, you can only get what you ask for. And I think that people get really uncomfortable with just, like, expressing feedback or expressing concerns. And so I was like, I'm not going to be rude. I'm just going to call. And. And it's just based on, like, me having a higher standard. And then we. It's funny, we booked a cabana that's connected to Mandalay Bay, and we go out and the guy, like, didn't have a reservation, but they're like, don't worry, we got you one. We walk out to the cabana, and it's the shittiest cabana I've ever seen. I looked at the guy, I'm like, this won't work. I'm like, we're paying. We're paying $600 for this. He's like, actually, this is one of 300 cabanas. I was like, we don't. We didn't book a 300 cabana. And I was a little irritated at that point, you know, walking around almost seven months pregnant in the heat. It's pretty hot here. This weekend's like, 98 degrees. And am I holding it wrong? Oh. And so anyways, I'm like, no, this won't work. So then he walks us over to this other, like, beautiful cabana, and he's like, here you go. And I'm like, what? Yeah. I was like, this is much better. Why didn't you take us here in the first place? And he's like, okay. And then he's like, hey, my manager said, we're going to give you this one at no extra charge. And I'm like, thinking, I didn't really care if you charge just. Or not. I just. My standard was higher than that little hole you just tried to show me. So I. And then Garrett started joking around he's like, I feel like you hold things to a higher standard. But I just like, I think I, I do have a high standard based on like how I was raised. But the other thing that I noticed about myself is like I'm an extremely experience based, detailed person. So like I will go to a restaurant just based on the experience and how I feel. I am just like extremely, extremely detailed in, in my work at Hair, with Hair with Photography with like my home. I'm really detailed. So you have like an extremely detailed eye which I think makes me hold things to a different level or a different standard. And most people would not like, they would just be bugged and not know why. And I'm like, no, no, no. I want this experience to be better. I'm not going to settle with this and I'm not. So I'm going to ask for more.

But so standards. Now here's the other thing. Standard is linked up to this other word called tolerance. So I'm going to put in type. Tolerate. We're actually stealing some topics on another podcast we did earlier today, but they're, the topics are very much. Here we go. Tolerate, allow the existence, occurrence or practice of something that one does not necessarily like or agree with without interference. Second definition, accept or endure someone or something unpleasant or dislike before brands. Third, be capable of continued subjection to a drug, toxin or environmental condition without adverse reaction. So here's the deal. We tolerate what our standards are. And where this comes in interesting collision is when you're married because you have different standards, right? So I'll give you an example. So I have a standard of emotional connection with like other people. Like it's natural to me. So like I want to talk to people, communicate with people. My wife on the other hand, that is, it's not the same. Like, it's not the same like she, she will tolerate like almost no communication with other people around her, like and just happily go on her way. Whereas I'm like sitting. If we're in an elevator, Danielle will say nothing. If I'm an elevator, I talk to everyone. I joke around with somebody talking about whatever. If we're sitting in a taxi, Danielle has zero, zero desire to communicate with the taxi driver. I on the other hand will find myself in a deep conversation about philosophy of life and Persian culture, which we were yesterday driving in the car. We have different standards of how to deal with people, how to deal with. So now she's asking, she's like, why? Part of my standard is that you leave people better than when you when you first met them.

Is that your standard?

That's my standard. Hey, with that, you. You just. You dust. You just came back.

Like, it's like, in my nature. It's like, in my nature how I'm like. I have just, like, a crazy detailed eye, and people will be like, oh, my God. You're like, I don't know. Like, they'll look at my Instagram feed and be like, you're too perfect. But I aesthetically love pretty things. But I'm also pretty, like, normal and down to earth do. But I just. I think it's in my nature, it's in my DNA, to, like, have to look at things and have that aesthetic for things that make sense. Am I making sense where. And it's like, in your nature, like, when you're in a cab to want to genuinely spark up a conversation, just like, where are you from? Whereas I'm like, I. I don't carry from. I just don't care. And so there's, like, things that I think are, like, just part of our personality and not necessarily relate to standard. But it can, I guess. I mean, I guess it goes into your standard. Maybe. I don't know. I'm just thinking, like, naturally you're just like that. I just. Whereas I'm not. And naturally, I'm certain ways that you are not.

Let's give a simple example of this, ladies and gentlemen, shall we? I came to Danielle in December of 2017, and I said, hey, guess what? We're launching date your wife the podcast. She's like, to hell we are. I said, no, literally, we were launching a podcast. I have an entire studio being built. We're doing this. And Daniel's like, I'm not doing a podcast. I'm not doing a podcast. This was exactly her worst. In the fall of 2017, I started bringing up. I bought the domain date your wife.com 2015. No, she doesn't. No, she was not all about a podcast. You were not about a podcast in the hair industry. You did fight me.

Why are you making up stories?

Go ahead, you can defend yourself.

I 100%. He's making up stories right now. I don't ever remember fighting you on a podcast. In fact, like, we, Garrett and I, that's one thing. Even though I may not be, like, a huge communicator to strangers, I'm very good communication with, like, people in my. My circle, people that I married with, people that I work with. I hear that all the time. People are like, you're a good communicator. I'm not a good communicator to strangers because I don't care. So Garrett and I would always. Like, that was one of our things in our beginning of our relationship is we had great connection and communication. Like, when we were dating, like, I remember that. I remember I was like, I can actually sit and talk to you for hours, and it just goes by and, like, that's where the connection began for us. So I don't remember fighting you on this at all. I think you're. Are you confused with somebody else, Because I remember when we moved to California, I'm like, I didn't know what a podcast was, but I was like, we should record some of our conversations. Like, they're so good. Oh, fuck off. I did, too. I did too. I was like, I was always. Either we were funny or like, I just always like. I was like, we should video. I'm like, we should video our conversations. But I didn't know what a podcast was. And when you told me we're gonna launch podcast, I for sure didn't fight you on it. I was just like, okay, cool, let's see where this goes. I think my. The only FOD fight I would have had is like, is this going to give us more leads? Whereas you're more value driven. You're like, I just want to deliver value. And that's like, one thing. I'm like, okay, you would have never.

Launched podcasts without me.

No, I didn't listen to podcasts, and I didn't even know what a podcast was.

I didn't exactly.

But I. It's so funny because people.

Standard.

Because people will come up to us all the time, be like, I love your podcast. That's like the first thing. Like, we were in the airport today and two Peter the other day, and people stopped us and they're like, oh, my God, I love your guys podcasts. Like you. I. It's. And we'll get stopped at restaurants now, and people are like, I love your podcasts. And I'm like, so I know that there's a ton of value and a ton of people listening, but I for sure didn't fight you in the beginning.

Listen, without my standards for communication, Danielle would have limited her communication to sitting in a hotel room and talking to me, which was great, but it never would have come to you. And she definitely would have never launched a podcast in the hair industry. She wouldn't have launched her own salon, and she wouldn't have launched her training company. So I am a standard. I'm not taking credit. We're in a relationship right now, which you got to get credit for the fact that you did get us a great room. You did also get us to an upgraded cabana. And I held the standard inside. The way that we deliver events, I held the standard in pushing to get our new salons, in buying our salons, I held the standard launching the podcast. You do hold the standard.

Dress like.

I hold the standard.

All right, Bailey has in it. Bailey has an opinion on our podcast. Come over here, Bailey. Come over here. My 12 year old just woke up. It's only 11:30 in Vegas, and she's just waking up and acts like she went to the club all night. Okay, here, you just said something interesting about mom and a standard with me. Here you go.

Hi. Okay, so ignore my voice because I just woke up and sound like a frog. But my mom holds the, like, I think you can say not the class, but like, almost like, I don't know, but like, like the fashion, like how you dress, how you almost, like, act in certain places. Like, even for us, you're like, no, you can't wear that. You have to wear that. Like, almost like, you know how certain things should be. And then we underrate it.

Almost.

I don't know.

I hold the standard, so.

Hold on. Talking to Mike.

So I think. I think I hold the standard of, I don't know, of where we live, what we wear. Is that what you mean, Bailey?

Yeah.

You know what, though? It's so funny because I think a lot of, like, a lot of people will give Garrett about, like, his fancy cars and fancy houses and fancy this. But here's the thing that I've noticed inside of our family, like, when I push to get, like, nicer things in life, we push more in business. And when we push more in business, guess who it affects? It doesn't just affect me and myself and Garrett, and it affects our family. And it creates multiple job opportunities for multiple families. So people will give Garrett shit about, like, oh, you have a Lamborghini event door. Why don't you drive a Prius, dude? Or like, they'll just say, like, just weird things. And I'm like, I gotta be honest. Like, one of the bigger financial moves we made is we moved into, like, a super nice beach home in Orange County, California. And, like, at the time, I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe we're moving here. And it was like a little bit of a scary jump for us compared to where we were living. But then when we moved there it kind of became the new norm. And I just felt like in doing so and raising that bar and that standard for ourselves, even down to our home and our cars, we literally held ourselves to a higher standard in business, which, again, affects so many more people. So when people, like, give a about having nice things, I'm like you, because not only, like, have we made our family situation better, but, like, our business is better, and it just is like this trifecta of trickle effect of what's, like, been going on with other people and podcasts and everything else. So.

So what she's finally agreeing to without actually saying it is, is that the mix of the standard between a man and a woman when they're married blends together to create the ultimate cocktail of creation. The ultimate cocktail of creation, which is the blend of two people who, when played correctly, you know, and according to the Bible, this is like, exactly what, like, marriage is supposed to be, that a man and a woman leave their parents, unify, and become one flesh, one heartbeat, one vision, one place, right? And so we always take a stand for each individual having their own identity. But when you come in a marriage, imagine. Imagine if you can take your place to where you each individually could own yourselves as an individual. Neither one is a doormat. Neither one is a steamroller, right? And you may have a tendency, one of you, to be a doormat, wanted to be a steamroller. And yet inside of that, as a relationship, you both come to terms with yourself. See, Danielle and I couldn't come to terms with each other as a couple and then find value in each other's standards. Danielle has a higher standard than me in some areas. Flat out, there's a lot of shit I would never have done in my life if Danielle had not created that standard inside of my own mind the last 17 years. There's a lot of places I probably would never have gone. Europe would never have gone, would not have gone. Didn't give a shit. Danielle's like, we're going. Then we went. I was super glad we went, right? There's a lot of things that I push Danielle on, which gets her out of her shell, which come down to my natural gifts and talents and abilities, which is my standards. My standards say we do this. Danielle's standards say we do this. And as you come to own your standards, it allows you to actually embrace the standards of other people. And together, you can breathe. You almost like you create this ultimate standard, which is, here's the standard for us as a couple. Here's what we're Committed to. Here's where we're going, here's why we're creating. And you start to become more committed to each other. And something's born out of that that is interesting. And it's not love. It's not love. Love's not enough. There's something bigger and it's respect. Talk to me about this.

I think probably a lot of relationships fail because you lack the respect for one another. Because there's times where your relationship's like getting beyond like fire and on point and whatever. But like, if you can respect somebody, you can appreciate for who they are, what they've gone through, where they're at and where you're at together as a couple. So, and, and I'll see it like being married, like when you lose that respect, you almost get like turned off by your significant other. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's times in our relationship where I just am like, h, like, pull it together and I like lose respect and then I'm like, less attracted and then I'm more standoffish. And so it's like you have to equally like learn and grow together and like, have that respect for one another. So it just helps you like, go through challenges easier. If you don't have their respect, you're more likely to be like, what's next? Who's next? Where am I going? And then that's where you get in sticky situation situations.

So here's the challenge to wrap up the show this week, right, Is if, if you are trying to build unified standards with your spouse, but you're not clear about what your standards are for yourself, then the first place that you start is building standards for yourself, which means what do you tolerate? So what I call. These are my non negotiable. My non negotiables, right? Like, and part of my non negotiable list for myself with Danielle was that she had something that she was involved in that was beyond me and the kids that had gave her a sense of purpose and power, didn't couldn't do with the kids and couldn't be with me. The second piece was that we could be honest and vulnerable and transparent with each other about exactly where we are at all times. And the other person just had to be there with it and accept that. And then the third piece was that we were co creating and we were making like the creating and building something together, which we pulled off through bms. We weren't doing that through mbr. We did that through bms. And the fourth one was we had.

Think about you train married businessmen.

True. But you. The show's over, so we can't talk about that. And the fourth piece is that frequent and committed sexual interaction with each other. A couple that was normal and natural, which obviously worked because we have a baby on the way and we have another one little munchkin coming into the mix. And yes, like, the standard across both sides of co creation has allowed for Danielle and I both to build our brands, build our businesses, build our families. And that's the unique side about where we stand as a couple that I think is very, very much something that I value and also something I see. It's so distinct and different than the marketplace. A lot of powerful individuals. A lot of powerful individuals making. Taking a stand online. Very few powerful couples taking a stand online. And that's what we're taking a stand for. We're taking a stand for marriage. We're taking a stand for creating a marriage that works. That divorce is not necessarily the doorway that is the answer. And that creating a marriage that works requires you to be clear in your standards. And I'm gonna come to Danielle for her final comments. Since my daughter has been awake for 15 minutes and already officially consumed five chocolates and is going to a Gatorade now, I don't believe my child eats anything but sugar.

I just think the standards comes down to, like, what do you want in your relationship, but what do you also want for yourself? I think that if you don't meet your own standards, it's hard to hold that standard in your relationship. So, you know, from a woman's perspective, if, for me, like, I don't know, like, I hold myself to a higher standard even with, like, my work and being a mom and everything I do. So I kind of hold Garrett to, like, an equal standard of more, but I just. I don't know. I think. I think I. I'm realizing, like, what we're doing together as far as, like, managing our own empires, but then also managing a marriage and managing it well is kind of unheard of. You know, I feel like there's a lot of successful men that maybe their wives don't have businesses or they're the other way around or whatever it is. And I feel like it's not like I'm just working. Like, I have a huge vision for my brand, and Garrett has a huge vision for his brand. And I just feel like we're proving that it can be done. We're proving that we can have those individual standards but also come together and create more as a couple. And I think that we push each other, like, in all the right ways. So even though, like, I hold Garrett to a higher standard in certain things, he pushes me and holds me to a higher standard in certain things. And I think that that's what a relationship is supposed to be like, is pushing one another to a healthy place. So I guess that's where I'll leave you. Like, where can you push in your relationship to where it pushes one another to become more, grow together and unite as a couple.

Yeah. That's the end of today's show. We've rallied a whole bunch of podcasts sitting here in the room. It's time to go get out in the sun, get in the water, get in the pool, go to shopping, and then get on a plane and fly back to Orange county and back to paradise. My friends, thank you so much for being here for another week of the podcast here on date your wife again, this week's topic is this toleration and standards and how the unification of your standard with your spouse's standard ultimately builds the ultimate standard. But you can't pull that off unless you have actually connected with your own standard. If you haven't connected with you and you're not clear about who you are and what you want, good luck trying to do that inside of a relationship with another person. Good luck even more trying to do that in a relationship with another person with children. Good luck even more trying to do that on the suicide mission of being a business owner who decides to pull that off. And then the trifecta, the unicorn, the diamond on top, trying to do that as two business owners married with children with rising brands, businesses demands, and lots of employees and clients. And then inside of that, you find out real quickly what you're made of. And that's what we hope the show brings for you, regardless where you sit inside the mix. Thanks so much for being here. We love having you guys on the show. Hope you guys have a great week. We'll talk to you guys next week.