Transform Your Marriage: Communication & Intentional Living Tips for High-Performing Couples with Performance Coach Ben Newman

My friends, welcome to another date your wife podcast. I am here in Micasa, recently returned from Las Vegas, had an amazing trip with my wife. She was a killer and great support in it. And we have a unique opportunity here on the show again. And you might be saying, what is that unique opportunity? Well, in a moment you're going to find out because it is not often that I get to bring not only a friend, but I also get to bring a mentor and a coach onto the show. We've had a lot of couples, a lot of amazing power couples I've been friends with. Danielle's been friends with peers in the industry, peers in different industries. But Today we have Mr. Coach Ben Newman on the show. He comes solo, representing us here on the date your wife podcast. Recently divorced and ready. I'm just kidding. Like, really recently divorced. We're trying to help him lick his wounds here on the date your wife podcast coach Ben. Welcome. Welcome to the show.

Today it is. I. I knew you would have me laughing. There was no doubt about that. And we got it off right to a great start. But I'll tell you what, it's exciting to be with both of you. Great to be in the new home in Miami. I feel like I should almost flip the mics. It's like, I should be interviewing you guys. How the hell do you literally move from California to Miami and you're still smiling. You just got back from five days in Vegas. Like, I think the people need to hear from you guys.

It has been, it's been a circus. You, you barely calmed down. Although last night you, you demonstrated your female truth. And I experienced it.

It's good.

Tell them about the female truth that came out here.

No, like, because Ben and I were.

Talking about the female truth because he's my coach.

Vacation. I'm like, I sleep, sleep so good and I can work out whenever I want. And I'm like, not stressed. We don't fight. I'm like, this is great. And then like, literally we were pulling into the neighborhood yesterday. I'm like, dad, I start going after him on something. He's like, why are you getting angry? I'm like, I don't know, I'm already stressed. And then he chat GPTs it. Of course she had the answer.

She's like, hold on, let me show before we get started, I'm going to show you what I did. And it's hilarious. For those that don't have.

It's like a full on coaching with chat GPT voice.

Voice model. Check this out. So chatgpt I'm sitting in a situation where the fact I've been on Vegas, a vacation with my wife, a business trip to Las Vegas, and my wife has been away from our five children. We had a glorious trip, deeply connected, tons of sex, tons of intimacy, tons of communication, no fights. But we were coming back to our home with our five children, and she started about two miles out from the home, being attacky and critical, and her anxiety started filling up as she knew she was returning to the house. Can you give me any counsel or advice on how to navigate this situation with my wife? Thanks.

Get ready. It sounds like you both had a wonderful trip, but the transition back to daily life with the responsibilities of five children can be overwhelming. It's important to create a space where she feels safe to express her anxieties. Try acknowledging her feelings and offering reassurance. You could also discuss ways to ease the transition from vacations to home life to make it smoother for both of you. Would you like some specific tips? Absolutely. We need specific tips.

Sure.

One approach is to set aside some time to reconnect and decompress together before diving into household responsibilities. This could be a short walk or a quiet moment alone. Also, encourage open communication about what's causing her stress and see if there are ways you can share the load or tackle the challenges together. Does that sound doable?

Yeah. Is there any time in there we should have more sex?

Oh, my gosh.

It's great that intimacy is important to you both. Finding moments for physical connection can definitely help strengthen your bond. Just make sure to also balance it with emotional intimacy and open communication. A supportive environment helps reduce stress, making room for more closeness.

Okay, so basically. Basically, what we're finding out here is that you don't need a coach anymore.

I was gonna say after 23 years and 18 for us, like, you just go to ChatGPT, everything's fine.

How do I sell my marriage? You don't need the Date UI podcast. You just need Chat GPT voice talk. So, guys and gals, if you're trying to figure out how to navigate the game, just ask Chad. So we were doing this last night. We'd never done this. We were laughing so hard because I was explaining that same situation about Danielle.

I was like, see, I just need you to understand it's overwhelming to come home to five kids and listen to my feelings and take a walk. Okay.

Don't you love how Chad GPT, like, spins it, too? It's like, oh, yes, it is important. But remember, Garrett, she needs to feel emotionally Intimately heard and seen before approaching such topic. So on the topic of stress, this is something that all marriages deal with. Like, you are a high powered coach. You've been a high powered coach for a long time. You've worked with professional teams, you work with professional athletes. You work with the top performing collegiate teams. You work top coaches. You work with the highest paid PE teacher in the world. This guy. I mean, I took the crown highest paid PE teacher in the world. Degree in pedagogy. What speak to this idea of stress and the impact.

Hold on. You're the best water boy, by the way.

I am, I am. I am. I mean, and photographer.

I appreciate that Danielle let you go on that little excursion to be my water boy on the sidelines of Kansas City.

I know people like, what are you doing in Kansas State? I was like, I'm the assistant to the regional manager.

I'm the.

I'm the. I'm the water boy to the mindset coach. I got to keep him hydrated on the sidelines of Kansas State just in case his brain starts shutting down.

It was an important role.

It was.

It was very important. And you actually got the. I've worked with Coach Kleiman 11 years and he got the best picture ever. I've always wanted a picture of the two of us standing sideline because people wonder, like, what do you do when you go to these universities? I'm like, I'm right there, like on the sideline. People like, really? And I'm like, yeah, best picture.

Oh, no, he's in the action. I was waiting for my moment too. I was like, dude, you got one job this whole game. You can't affect anything on this field. No one's going to listen to you. You're cold as shit already because you didn't bring enough gear. They wound me up at the Kansas and I saw my moment. They were both hands on, knees bent overs fourth down. And I was like, cut through the lines, went past the media people, got down in the position. I was like, bam. Nailed it.

Hold on.

Cause you're an Instagram husband.

I know it seems like we're digressing, which we were. That's my fault. But I will tell you, there was a really cool moment when we were sitting outside the night before the game when you FaceTimed Danielle and the girls. And Danielle could see how happy you were.

Yeah.

And I think it was probably one of those things. It was a relatively new relationship for us. Probably like, you're going, like, you're going to do what? Like Go be on the sidelines again. Like, honey, you played football a long time ago, but the happiness. He was so happy. And I remember that I'll never Forget you guys FaceTiming. And Danielle was like, oh, my gosh. Like, you are so happy right now in that element. And I think that's one of the things in marriage is you have to say, okay, like, he loves football. This is his coach. They're going to bond. Go. Like, go. And I think a lot of times there's so many relationships where, you know, the conversations we have where people fight, no, no, you can't be away from the family. And you just said, no, go.

Yeah, yeah.

And then you could see. And then you expressed it to him, which I thought was a really cool moment to say, wow, okay, that's great. It would be great for you to be home, because we are going through the transition of moving and all these things.

I was gone.

It's great to see that you're happy.

That was when you were packing.

Yes.

Yeah.

But it's, like, said a lot about Danielle. I'm like, okay, she's amazing.

Well, I think it's important, like, if you have, like, men that are working a lot, you can still stay connected through FaceTime and things like that and, like, reconnect. But I do remember that I was like, you're in your element. Like, good for you, you know?

So.

So to see him like that, I don't feel like I could be in this resentful space as a woman and be like, how dare you? I was like, good for you. I got the shit at home. I'm not going to burden him and be like, oh, my God, the boxes. I'll burden him later about that. But when he's on the field having fun, I'm like, I don't want to say anything that's going to, like, throw you off your game.

Well, that was something that, like, I mean, I was not comfortable as a husband for a long time to have guy time. And because of running Wake Up, Warrior. I was always around guys, so I was kind of getting that fulfillment there. But it was different just going and being, like, in the environment. At Kansas State, I just gone to four days of tattooing. Danielle's moving the house back in California. I go to Texas, and then I come right to you in Manhattan, Kansas, to go to the game. And that's behaviors I wouldn't have done in the past because it restores too much guilt in my world as a. As a husband, as a father, to, like, give myself Space. And I noticed that's something true for most guys that I've met that are married is the ability to say, hey, I need guy time away from my wife and children. And most guys are guilted by themselves. They feel guilty, but they also feel guilt from their wife for going, so how did you have you make. Because you weren't. You weren't a big fan of me doing guy time. You. I've been, alas.

I think it'd be different, like, if it was like every weekend you're skipping date nights and you're like, I'm going with the boys. But like, it's not like you're having that much guy time. So for me, I'm like, oh, you get to have this experience. Like, yeah, like, go. I'm not gonna tell you. You can't do that. It was a stressful week, but it's not like he gets this opportunity to go be on the field like that often. So I'm like, yeah, like go. Go have this moment. And it was cool because it's not like you were. It was guy time, but it was like an experience. So I don't think I had a problem with that. But like I said, if you were like every weekend, like skipping date nights and you're like, huh, I'm going with my dudes, I'd be like, that's kind of strange as you have a 48 year old man who's married with five kids. Why does he have to have dudes night every week?

You know, I mean, it was great. I mean, we went to the game. It was amazing. And what was amazing afterwards was when coach Newman took me to the strip club. So that was fun.

I like that. Weird. We can't do that anymore.

I don't even think there is a strip club.

It is. It's the girl with no teeth that serves the pizza at the gas station down the street.

He's gonna watch this interview and go, okay, what is the truth? What is. What is happening?

Okay, so let me clarify two things. Coach Newman is not divorced, and he did not take me to a strip club. But I did go to a small little gas station that was serving pizza at like one in the morning, I was gonna say.

But you did drive by a Hooters.

No. Was. No, no. There's not even a Hooters in Manhattan, Texas. There's Kansas State football and then there's some gas stations that provide pizza through the night. So talk about this game of like, of stress up. Because, like, this is a topic I'm around you and Coach Klein. I was around. I mean I'm around like a lot of top producers. You're around met, you're around probably more top producers because of what you've done for so long. Talk about what you've seen happen between the stress of high level coaches running big team, big time programs, high level athletes, professional athletes that are gone from their families training because people don't even really see this. Like they get on entrepreneurs for working a lot. But professional athletes and high level coaches are gone all the time. What have you seen as the impact on marriage both from a negative side and a positive side? As you watch these professional athletes, you watch these high level producing individuals, particularly sports.

So let me actually answer the question two ways which I think will be really unique for the listeners. I'll answer it. From what I've seen and I admire in Coach Kleiman and his wife Rhonda, which, I mean he's now been coaching darn near 40 years, I mean played football and over 30 years of coaching and how I see them, okay, because they're in the day to day. And I'm also going to give you the perspective of when I go home to Amy because you know, here I'm away from our two kids and all that time away. And I think both, both answers the solution is communication. And you know, for a head coach of a college football program, especially these days, that is a 365 day a year, 36 hour a day. I mean it's, it's unbelievable the amount of stress but the level of intentionality they have to communication. Even if it's time that I just see, they could be sitting on a couch watching a game or having just a talk together. They are so intentional. And I think a lot of times people get so caught up and well, I don't have this much time. And so you're going to complain when you could actually take the time that you do have because of the career that you chose and actually enjoy the time that you have. You end up fighting over the fact that you don't have enough time and then you end up with no quality time. And you know, there are bits and pieces where you find the, you know, the windows. Like I know Coach Kleiman, they're getting ready to go on a couple trips now to Hawaii and it's a coaches convention, but they get time together so you find your ways. But I think communication for them I've always admired because they're just a great example of enduring in an industry that is just more than demanding.

Right.

And then at home for us, for Amy and I. So Amy's a former executive at Anheuser Busch. She was. When she retired a handful of years ago, she was a VP of Human Resources. I think that was her fourth VP job. So she's a very powerful woman. She's the real leader of our. Of our house, and she's the one. Actually, we probably do need to come do another episode, have her here, but.

Get the record straight.

To really get the record straight. But, you know, she was 23 years, 28 years in her career, and just had this amazing career, powerful woman, and she never has said no one. Time for me to go on a speaking engagement, for me to be on a sideline. Oh, well, Coach Kleiman. There's actually more games or this speaking engagements in Canada, and I got to hit three cities on this one. Not one single time ever. But there's been communication to say, hey, like, I need you to communicate on the calendar. Like, I will always say yes, but, like, you got to communicate so I can understand what I need to do back home to get the job done when you're away. Right now that she's retired, you know, she gets to enjoy more of the things at school and things that she never used to get to do that she always wanted to, but still the same thing. She's so supportive, always saying yes, and probably the greatest thing she's done. She's not really, like a big football or sports fan. She loves sports, and. But I come home and she's like, there's dog in the backyard. Go clean it up and go take out the trash. And she doesn't care if I've been with Coach Saban in Alabama. She doesn't care what NFL team I've been with. She's like, you have responsibilities in this house. And it's been one of the greatest things for our marriage because it humbles me. It makes me realize it doesn't matter where I go. That's not what defines me. What defines me is the greatest success I believe I've ever had. It's not championships, rings, and making money. It's my family. And it's the relationships that you build in doing this work. And so I think she keeps me humble and grounded. But the level of communication that I would say she demands. But I say it with a smile because it's been, I think, the secret to being married for 18 years through a crazy, crazy life and schedule for both of us is probably communication and both.

So wait, then I have a backup question.

Okay, go.

Because you have your responsibilities that you get home. And she's like, hey, I expect you to do this. Is it like, right when you come through the door, is it. She kind of comes in with, like, a loving hug or she like, get your ass and get the garbage out right now? Because there's been times, like, I'll be with the kids and this, and she'll come home and been like, I could have just been with the president of the United States and you want me to make the bed or, you know, something stupid. I'm like, oh, yeah. Like, sorry. Like, I've been stressed with the kids. So she like, how does.

So I. I to tell you? I. I like that she doesn't. The way she's expressed it, she's like, I expect no matter where you go, you are going to deliver. So if you come in and Isaac has been losing his mind, and I say, I need your help right away. It doesn't mean that I'm not excited that you just had a great event or you guys just had a great win. Like, I expect you're going to do those things sometimes. We'll talk about them later. So I think it really just depends on the time, because our kids are now 16 and 14, and you guys have been through that phase. You guys also have the younger ones. And so you go through all these different phases, and none of them are easy.

Right.

And so sometimes I catch it to where you could almost sit down and have a great conversation. And other times it's like, no, this needs to be done because I'm doing this. Go.

You're like, what? Fire needs to be put out right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think because she's always been that way, I'm almost eager and excited to help, you know, and it kind of gets me back into that mode. Like, I'm a dad. I'm just. I'm a regular dude. You know, I think a lot of times people think that, you know, the work that we all do, that it's, you know, there's this. No, I'm just. I'm a regular dude.

So a lot of times, Danielle and I talked about this too. I was like, if I had been a. If I had not gone into what I got into, I for sure was going into coaching. That's where it was. I was going to coach somehow. And if I had coached and if I coached in, like, ncaa, I'd been at the top for sure. Running one of the big five schools for sure, or gone onto the pros and coach because I'm just obsessed. But I would try to explain to her like what the, what that meant demand wise for those coaches and professional athletes, how much they work. And for some reason, coaches, players, they all get a hall pass because they're professionals in that space. But entrepreneurs who are wanting to create that same elite status in their world don't get that whole pass. It's like a lot of women are expecting their husbands to be home at 5 o', clock, but if he was a professional athlete playing for the, playing for the Raiders or playing for Tampa Bay or playing for whoever, it would just be like, oh, that's what they do. I mean, how long are they gone in a professional season? If players leave for six months, five months at three months, if you're talking.

Baseball, it's, I mean it's like nine, like legitimately nine months to where it's. You're basically saying by, I have nothing.

But sports in my life.

NBA I think is six months. It's. If you're purely talking coaches in the college game today, literally the changes with Nil and recruiting it, there's really almost no downtime. It's. It's like you are committing your life to that occupation. That's why I say I admire Coach Kleiman and Rhonda because they literally, they will find any pocket and window and be like locked in and focused on it.

So as you've traveled, I mean, you work, you work, you work just as hard, you travel a lot, you speak a lot. You've been doing it for a long time. You're married for 18 years. Every marriage has its ups and as its downs and it has this dark moment and typically seven, eight years into a relationship, particularly kids are young and coming up the field. Go back to like, go back to some of the dark times with you and Rhonda and like the, just the times of working through it. Because a lot of times people see someone online, they'll see you and they see the power and the positivity. And I was speaking about this at Funnel Hacking Live too, after Tony went on and Tony was speaking and I'm like, change your state. Change your state. While I'm sitting backstage with a couple guys who were going through divorces, who were crying backstage weeping in darkest places they've ever been. And some of these guys were actually going back out on stage and I was having a conversation with them and they're just sharing all this dark truth with me. And I've only known these guys as like Happy, clappy, super powerful, positive dudes. And here they are, melting behind stage with me. And you've seen this with players, you've seen this with coaches. I mean, that's half the shit I was watching you do at Kansas State was just dealing with kids in dark places and helping them get out of it. But in your world, in your marriage, how did you talk through some of the dark times for you and Rhonda? Where you. The business is going, the game is happening, money's on the line, kids are in the mix, Rhonda's in the mix, Rhonda's working at Anheuser. You're both professionals. And how did you guys, like, work through that?

Well, I never correct people, ever. But I gotta say, Amy, instead of Rhonda, because otherwise, Coach Kleiman's gonna go, what the hell's going on with you and Ron?

Wrong ways.

Wrong ways.

There's gonna be a dark moment. Exactly, Exactly. You're gonna have to correct me. So I've now just thrown out three of the worst sound bites of all time for this show for my coach.

You gotta keep that in there. Just. Just.

We're gonna take those three.

Kansas State, right now, watching this.

That'll be our trailer. It'll be just our trailer. Divorce, strip clubs, and Rhonda. Okay, Amy, so let's come back.

I will tell you one of the things I've tried to do, and I screw up. I mean, I screw up as a dad, I screw up as a husband. I mean, I mess up all the time. I try to slow down when I make mistakes and say, what part of the problem is me? And then it comes down to communication. Of course, we've had deep, dark places to where, you know, I may get upset about something because I completely read a situation wrong. Rather than going and actually saying, hey, babe, like, what's going on? Are you okay? And instead, I might want to make a situation about me, or rather than actually having the level of awareness that I should have, you know, I want to talk about something that's going on. Oh, we've got this big event. Listen to all the details, and I completely forget that she's going through a really challenging time or there's something going on with the kids. And it's like, back to what I said. The support and the belief. She's like, honey, like, we have this going on in our lives. Like, I know you're going to do that event. Well, why are we talking about this right now? We have limited time. I'm thinking about when the kids were younger, we have limited time and. You want to talk about this?

Yeah.

And then I think that's a lot of times where if I'm not doing a good enough job of accepting or saying what part of the problem is me, then it turns into a fight. And then I got to go, okay, now I got to go back and apologize. I'm like, okay, I started that because literally something's going on with Kennedy, and I should have been in tune to that. Or there was a appointment today for something related to X, Y, and Z, and I wasn't paying attention. I was being selfish. And so a lot of times, I think the issues, you know, have been me. I think also there were periods of time where, you know, maybe we didn't get to know each other and backstories as well as we needed to. You know, like, I would react a certain way, and then I should have expressed, hey, here's why I'm reacting the way that I did.

Right.

Then it turns into a fight, because I just expect that she's supposed to know that, like, I reacted this way because my dad did this to me when I was nine. How the hell is she supposed to know that?

Yeah.

And so to me, like, it really does come back to communication.

Right? Yeah. I feel like guys are. They're. Most men are very reactive, so it's like, sometimes you say stuff, and then it, like, snowballs into, like, a fight for no reason. We've had times where I'm like, why? How did we get here? And, like, why are we even arguing about this? You know what I mean? So I think reactivity is, like, one of those things that it's like you have to catch yourself in the act.

I think there's.

There's moments for guys, though, where, like, it's definitely on the guy, for sure. The reactivity is on the guy, and he's triggered by stress and pressure. And so, you know, you ask me if you want to warm the food up in the microwave, and I snap over something stupid. Right. Which is on me. Then there's the other side of it, which, Coach, you can. You can throw in your 2 cents on this. So the other side of this that I've been coming to is that there, a lot of the reactivity gets put on the guy. It's like the guy who throw. The person who throws the second punch gets the flag. The first dude sometimes gets avoided. He throws a punch or an elbow, and then the second guy punches him back, and that guy gets in trouble. So we've been having a conversation about your action is causing the reaction. So what side of the action do you have to be responsible for if it's causing the reaction? So, Danielle, I'd like you to talk a little bit more about this responsibility for the action that causes the reaction, because that doesn't ever get talked about on the shows. And then I want Coach Ben's opinion on this.

Okay? So that's why I was asking you the first question. I'm like, hey, you come home, you know your responsibilities. Your wife doesn't just jump on you and give you a big hug. So I'll give you an example. I'll be with the kids doing stuff all day. He'll come home stressed. And I don't take a minute to be like, hey, how was work? Whatever. And, like, my first question would be like, hey, baby, I noticed you didn't put your towel in the bin. And then this will turn into like, what do you mean? I'm working my ass off and you're worried about me putting the towel in the bin? I'm like. He's like, you need to work on your tone. And I'm like, I just. So it's like. And he's like, you need to take responsibility for how you said that. I'm like, what? What?

So Danielle has a. Daniel has a habit.

He says, I have a tone.

I'm start recording. I'm going to put microphones all over the house just so we can record. Because this tone conversation, it matters. It matters.

No, maybe you just have responsibilities and I do.

So, Coach, we'll come to you a second to, like, dissect this, because we're having therapy right now, so. So if. If your action causes my reaction, is that not the root cause of the reaction? And if we worked on the action, would it not eliminate the reaction?

So I'm not allowed to ask if you can put your tone on?

No, I'm just saying, does a woman have to work on her action that causes a man's reaction, or are we just always working on the man's reaction and never addressing the woman's face?

The man's reaction is far bigger than just, like, the tone. So that's where I would say, yes, you should work on your reaction to something simple that we don't realize we have a tone on.

What if you just showed me your tits and then said it? Like, that would affect the reaction?

I'm not responsible.

I mean, it would. I don't think there's one guy that could get angry at that it's like if you did this and then you said, can you pick up the towel? I would be distracted.

That's what I need to ask you to do. One of your responsibilities. I flash you first.

Yes.

And then you just know. I want you to coach.

Just your presence here on the show has created solutions for us. So we've now found the solution. Anytime Danielle needs to request something from me, there's a ticket to be paid. Are you okay with this?

Are you gonna flash me too?

Yeah, I'm happy to right now. No. Okay. It doesn't work both ways. Okay, so this reaction, action, conversation, what are your thoughts on this, coach?

I remember when I've been to enough therapists, you can call me doctor. Okay. And I still have two coaches and read books every day, so I'm far from figuring it out. But I remember one time, and I thought this was just a great analogy. It was like, a lot of times in married life, you're watching a movie, right? And here you are, you're sitting together, you're on the couch, you're watching a movie. But the interpretations of the movie are so vastly different that you have no idea what the other person's actually watching. But the reality is, you're watching the exact same movie. And so one of the things I've now tried to do is to always see what movie Amy's watching, you know, what movie, and say, okay, how do we get on the same page of watching the same movie? Right? Because if it's a, hey, you're reacting a certain way. And then my reaction, because I'm the same way you. My natural tendency. I've had to work really hard. Just the pain and challenge and the way my father treated me. My natural tendency, even though I don't yell and scream at Amy, I've cursed at her. You got to. I will tell this story. I've cursed at her one time in 18 years of marriage and being together 20 years. One time. But for me, you know, it's one of those things where you just think to yourself, like, what. What movie are we watching? What is the reaction? And a lot of times, it is me overreacting first. So I think I'm kind of the culprit. But that's what I've now tried to do because I thought it was great advice Amy would have to answer for herself. But I try to say, okay, what movie is she watching right now? So I understand her perspective before I just fly off the handle, which I think that's what a lot of great CEOs do, right. A CEO, she's running her business and all of a sudden one of her employees acts a certain way. What do you see a great CEO do? She doesn't respond right away. What does she do? She pauses. She may look, she may think, and then she responds. But I think sometimes when we're in these close relationships, at this immediate response. Right. Why are you coming at me like that?

Yeah.

And it's like, wait a second, you know, let me see what movie you're watching. Yeah. You know, and so sometimes I try to get myself to slow down. I'm not the best at it, trying to get better at it. But I think sometimes the home. We don't react the same way that we do in a corporate environment.

Right.

I think that's what happens a lot. Like, which is you'll be like in a place where I may have like deep levels of patience with clients sitting in events, guys are being dudes and they're. And I'm having tons of patience. And then I had to watch that the last couple years, which has gotten better, which was coming home and not having that same space of patience for my kids or for my wife a lot harder. A lot harder. I think a lot of it too is because the battery's gone. So it's like the battery's burning down from work through the day, and then you come home. One of the things I've sat through that's. That's been kind of an interesting thought, which is like, okay, so dude wakes up and he goes to work and he works all day. And then wife may be with the kids or in Daniel's situation, running her business and with the kids. And then the guy comes home and then the kids are right on him and then go to bed, wake up, do it again. So for a guy, there's actually no space ever. For most guys, there's no space. It's straight from work, straight to kids, versus in a. And a female's facing the same thing if she's a full time stay at home mom, which a lot of women are, but a lot of women aren't either. So they're kind of facing the same challenge. Like if you're running your business and you have the kids.

Yeah, I mean, my space I like like my mornings like you do, but I feel kind of the same way you do oftentimes, whereas I'm not working as much as you, but I'll work on my business with why the nanny's here and then I'm with the kids. So Even me, I'm like, I don't have a lot of, like, me time. I have me time like you do in the morning, where I have my routine, I wake up, I work out. So I think both of us get to the end of the day where there's, like, very little battery left.

Yeah.

Has the battery changed for Amy since quitting with Anheuser, like, retiring?

Well, I mean, I. I mean, for her, she's been able to find a whole new energy to do things that she once wasn't, you know, able to do. You know, just to do stuff for the kids and to do more stuff for herself. Quite frankly, I have no idea, because she used to do it all before work out and do it like. I have no idea how you used to. Now that I see how you operate, I have no idea how you used to be able to do this. And it's just been. It's been wild. But I think she's found a new energy for life, a new pass for life. I mean, now she's volunteered at hospital, she goes back and she tutors kids at, you know, underprivileged schools. I mean, I'm like, holy shit, this is amazing watching you just lean into every opportunity that you can to live your best life. And that's all. I mean, I think for our spouse, that's all we want, is the opportunity to support, love each other, to live your best life.

All right, you guys, quick interrupt. First off, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I hope that you're getting a ton of value. Garrett and I started doing this because probably about five years ago, and we love sharing more of our story. If you are interested in fashion, fitness, hair, I would definitely encourage you to check out my blog@DanielleKWhite.com I'm the creator of Naturally to Grow Hair Extensions, but I have five beautiful daughters and a crazy story. So to follow along again, check out DanielleK White dot com.

Well, the space of living best life always comes down to the chaos of continuing to build something while continuing to build the marriage. Like, one of the things we talk about is just the recreation of who people are, right? So Amy's going through recreation of who she is. You're evolving as a trainer, as a coach, as an author, as a speaker, as a consultant. Like, you're evolving. She's evolving. How do you continue to stay passionately connected knowing that you have two people who are both evolving into this new thing? And you've been doing it for the last 18 years, and we've Watched with us, like, we're not. I'm not the same guy this year as I was a year ago. She's not the same woman she was a year ago. We go back four years. We're not. We're totally different human beings than we were four years ago. So what have you guys. What have you been able to do with Amy to keep recreating, like an artist recreating themselves, a musician, to be able to recreate yourselves?

So I. I think something we've done for each other, which has allowed us to just continue to be ourselves. And before I share this idea, I just want to say I admire the two of you because of your commitment to date nights. I mean, as busy as you both are, even in the move, I mean, it blew me away. So I'm like, okay, like, you know, you're in la. That's where you live. Like, but then even. I mean, you guys, like, your first few days here, like, you're already doing. Because that's, like, that's your thing.

Yeah.

Even when you guys were in Vegas, I'm watching on the story, and you still. Because it's so important, you're in Vegas on vacation together. But it was still like, this is date night. Like, it was almost. I don't know if that's the way that you think of it, but it was like you flipped this switch. Like, okay, whether you were working, you're going to this event, you're going to that, you had to speak. But now, like, this is date night, so we better lock in. This is us, eye to eye. Amy and I always struggled with date night. So years ago, we discovered day dates. So both of our kids, they play varsity basketball. We are in a fricking gym, which I love because I was a Hooper growing up. Literally, every night I'm talking, it's five nights a week, or the kids are getting picked up from practice, or they got lifts or they got their trainer. It's like, darn near every night. And AAU season comes around, there's travel, and so we decided we'll just do day dates. It is unbelievable, people. It has been a game changer for our marriage because I build my own schedule, so I'll just schedule around it. So now it'll be, hey, we'll go. She'll get done at the gym, and I'll say, all right, we're gonna go to lunch at 11:30, or we're gonna have our own time together at 11:30, and then we're gonna go to lunch, and then we're gonna go run errands. It has been a game changer for our marriage just to be able to communicate, to be able to talk. And I think too many people give up because of the cow. Oh, we can't do date. We can't do date nights. And we did that for years. And then it was like, wait a second. We're kind of growing apart here. Like, this is. This isn't good. We don't have any adult conversation together. And then I was like, well, wait a second. Why can't we do this during the day? Yeah, I'm retired. You make your own schedule. The hell are we doing? Yeah, and I love it. I always look forward to it.

I feel like there's a lot of, like, guilt with entrepreneurs taking time away from during the day, like, just because you're like, I should be working. And so. But that's when. During Christmas, like, we did a lot of, like, date days because he took that week off, and I was like, we should do date days. Like, they were different than date nights because you're, like, you said, you're, like, running errands. You might go to lunch. You're just. You're just kind of, like, hanging out and talking. Whereas, like, sometimes date nights, it's just more. You're, like, relaxed. You might have a couple cocktails, but it's different. You know, you might have a conversation. But days were fun when we were doing them.

They're fun. See, I. So I want to make a point that's more broad here, because you're hitting on this. I think it's important. I think you and I have this same belief. You can only lead somebody to the level of discipline in which you live. I've always said that whenever I work with coaches and leaders. Right. I think we're very disciplined individuals. You've run your organization. You lead. Right. You can only lead somebody to the level of discipline which you live. I find it a cop out when somebody says, well, I'm too busy. I make my own schedule. I can't really. Oh, so your family's not important to you? I think it's just. I just. It's a complete cop out. I think it's a high level of disrespect to your family, and more so it's a high level of disrespect to yourself. If working out is important, make the time to work out. If your family's important. I mean, the number of times on your story to where your calendar could be busy all day long with your demands and you got the kids painting your fingernails, face paint. You are in it as a father. And the reality is most people choose to not do that because I'm. Well, honey, we're working on a really big project. Really?

Yeah.

And I've actually found for me. And when I encourage others to do this, and it drives me nuts when these speakers get up there, coaches, and they're like, balance doesn't exist. Just work really hard and take time off. Like, really? That's a cop out because you have no discipline.

Yeah.

That's a cop out because you're unwilling to work out or wake up at a really early time to still get in your Bible time and still get in your meditation and still get in your workout while the kids are sleeping. So. Because you want to be undisciplined, you. And I think it's just horrible leadership.

Yeah.

And the times I know you've seen it, you've seen it. I've seen it. Where people actually go, wait a second, let me prioritize. What do I need to do that feels good? Whether you do it at night, I don't care when you do it.

Yeah.

If you're not doing the things that make you feel good, I don't think I could be a good father. I don't think I could be a good husband. I don't think I could be a good leader or coach if I'm not doing those things. And so I think we need to stop living in this world. And balance isn't the exact same amount of time all the time. It's a balance in your priorities. My family's important. My business is important. Serving others is important, and you serve those things just like you talk about with mind and body and every aspect of life. But people, it's a choice to not live that way.

Yeah. Isn't it crazy? You can have people that are crazy busy, but they. They find a way to make it happen. Like I always tell women, I'm like, you don't have to pick. Like, you can have your career and your passion, your purpose, and be a mom, you know? So I think it's great that you're touching on that for the audience because that's such an old mindset of like. Like, no, you have to give up this in order to achieve this. And it's like, no, like you said, you have to prioritize. And a lot of times when you do prioritize and you get family time and you get date night in, that bleeds into your marriage and your success. So people don't understand if they actually learned how to balance. I don't care if you like that word or if you don't. If you learn how to prioritize and put time into all these areas. They're all interconnected. So I love that you're kind of like touching base on that because you're a powerful man. You're a powerful man. And so many people think like, no, I just have to hustle and grind and work and do all these things. It's like, like, no, you truly can create whatever you want and have it all.

The cost of having. I mean, it's such a cost for it. Like, if you don't, the consequence is divorce. The consequences of sexless marriages. The consequences. A life that doesn't work, which then becomes more and more one dimensional, which then inevitably leads guys to warrior. Leads them. Different programs trying to find a way out of this dark place they've created for themselves. How do I. How do we get through this place where I have not made deposits for 10 years? Years. Yeah, I guess blows our mind with the number of couples that we meet who have not even very powerful, very wealthy couples who have. They don't go on dates ever. And that was what was happening in Vegas. We got. I mean, there were so many people and every single night there was like five different parties getting invited to 20 different couples that wanted to go to dinner. Everybody was in Vegas and we felt it because we were going out with people. But when we go out with people, we're not with each other. She's usually having conversation with the girls or she's having a conversation with the other guys and I'm talking with the other guys, the girls. Sweet. When we're together on a couple date nights with other couples, it's not really date night. So we don't even count that as date night for us. That's going out because.

Going out networking, you know, just because.

We'Ve had weeks like that.

You and Amy are like the same. Yeah, honey, that doesn't count.

Yeah, well, she'll say that. Like even we went on the yacht cruise with the cardones. I was like, we went on a five day vacation. She's like, no, we went on a five day networking, working in business meeting.

It was fun.

It was very fun. But it was not date night. It was not like a connected game for us. So like trying to find that or creating that for ourselves every week is like important because when we don't. We had a couple weeks where I had clients with us at the birthday Party. Then we were out with a couple.

Other couples together so much, we didn't feel connected. It was weird.

We've been together for a week and a half, almost two weeks, and yet felt totally distant from each other, even though we had been at dinner together with other couples and different things for, like, six or seven times.

Yeah.

Isn't that. I have to say, I'm sure there's so many power couples that they're like, this is just the role. We go out and we network and we do it, and we. All of a sudden, they're like 10, 15 years down the road. They're like, I don't want to be married to you anymore. And you're like, yeah. Because you were so focused on what you thought the mission was that you forgot to sit back and have these moments to connect.

I had Steve Weatherford on our podcast the Burn, and it's gonna make me cry. I cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeovers. So I'm an emotional dude, but this is gonna make me cry. And Steve and I, because of all my work in the NFL, he would. People were always, oh, you guys need to meet. You need to meet. So here I am. I'm, like, preparing for this podcast with Steve. You know, he's fit. And you guys know Steve. This is fit. And, you know, he won a Super bowl and all this stuff. And I'm like, all right, we're going to talk about football. We're going to talk about this. And I mean, before we even hit record, I mean, we're talking about God and our faith and all these things. I mean, he and I are crying, and then he's like, hey, we're going to pray before. The podcast and podcast had nothing to do with football. And we got done. And to your point, this hit me. Gosh, this was probably. And just. I just want to say thank you, Steve, for. I just. I think about this all the time. And there's actually something in a daily prayer that I read from Keith Kraft, which was a big mentor to him. And I read this every day about embracing every day. Then there's a line I wrote that's a testament to what Weatherford shared with me. It's probably six, seven years ago. And we get done, we hit, you know, finish the interview. It was awesome. And Steve goes, hey, Benny goes, there's something on my heart. I just want to ask you, you. He says, how would you feel if, when your daughter goes to college, you're standing on the edge of the driveway and she pulls off and you And Amy are standing right there. And all of a sudden, Amy looks at you and goes, honey, look at our life. Look at this house. Look at how hard we've worked. Our last daughter just went to college. And he's, like, going through all. It is so real. I'm, like, feeling the emotion. You know, like when somebody gets really detailed, and this is the last thing she does. She looks at you and says, even with all of this, we no longer know each other. And I'm not in love with you. And I think I want a divorce. And I had no idea that that's where he was going. And what it really caused me to do was like, holy cow, you better slow down and realize that whether it's day dates, because a lot of the examples you're giving, they're excuses, right? You make an excuse why you can't do that. Well, this is where we go to dinner together.

Like, stop.

That's not dinner. Like, I think my wife. I love her smile. I love when I hear her laugh. She'd get mad at me, but she's not here. Like, I think she's got the cutest little ears I've ever seen in my life. Like, there's just things I love about my wife. I can intentionally see those. If we're at dinner together, just the two of us, I can hear her laugh. And, boy, when Steve said that to me, it just made me think of that story. When you shared that, it was like, holy shit. Like, my goodness, what if that happened? And that's 100% our choice to make sure that that doesn't happen. Yeah, Right?

Yeah. I love that you're 100 our choice. It's an excuse.

It's an excuse.

Yeah.

So you can make it. You can hope and pray that, like, okay, she's still gonna love me. She's gonna be. We're gonna make all this money. We're gonna do all these things. I would actually argue, and I say this very humbly, I make way more money. Now, being the type of balanced father that I am, it actually forces me to leverage in my business. It forces me to trust more people in the business. It forces me to say, hey, I'm away from the business. So, like, let's see what she's got. Let's put a little more on her plate. Let's see. Let's see if she can rise up to the occasion with this. And you know what? You find out sometimes? Oh, my. Why didn't I trust her four years ago? Yeah. And we've had that happen in our company. And so I think we're. We're full of excuses as human beings. And Steve caused me to go, man, this is the most important thing in your life, man. Don't screw this. We're actually in a good place in our marriage at the time.

Yeah.

But, like, he just felt compelled through the whole interview to say, like, picture that.

Yeah.

And he goes, that's the problem with society is most people, they're not willing to go there. And he goes, look at the emotion in your eyes.

Yeah, well, that I was just gonna.

Say, like, even with, like, Garrett, I feel like that's kind of on the woman's responsibility. Especially high producing men to, like, almost, like, bring him back in a couple years ago, like, I was telling Garrett, I was like, hey, like, I can't feel you. I don't feel connected. And we, like, I'm not saying I want a divorce, but, like, this won't work out anymore. Like, I'm not just going to play the role and, like, look like the picture perfect family. I want to stay connected. So I think it's like a balance of, like, we're in this mission together, we're building this together, but we. The. We have to stay connected. And in marriage, you're going to have times where you kind of drift. And for me, what I've realized is when we drift, I'm like, hey, let's. Let's go to Vegas together. Let's do this. We need to reconnect. And I think what happens with couples, to your point, like, they go 18 years, and they don't have enough of these moments that there's just no chemistry there. So they're like, the wife's like, you know, I stayed in it for the kids. And, like, there's no chemistry. There's no. I can't see your cute laugh. I can't see these things. So it's almost just like, I'm gonna go be free, you know? But it doesn't have to be that way. You just have to recognize. And again, to. To any women that are listening to this, if you're having these moments where you're not connecting with your man, you have to have communication. You can't just let 18 years go by and then be like, I don't know why it didn't work. I gotta go, like, if you are feeling resentful, if you're not having. If you're not having these, you know, feelings for your husband, you gotta communicate that. And as a woman, I think it's hard to Be like high producing man to be like, hey, I'm not happy right now. Cause they might take it offensively. So we might kind of just play the picture perfect role until the pain is so hard that it's just like, we're done and there's no connection.

That's what the guys. I needed the wake up call and guys need the wake up call. But there's also an act of play that you play in our relationship, which is like pushing for it. Like, even like we were coming back from Vegas yesterday and you were asking about a trip in March. You were like, hey, we need to go on a weekend getaway with my mom is in March. And when my first thought was I'd already gotten into the business stress and thinking about business stress. And I was already like. My first reaction of mine was like, we just went, we're going to 10x growth con in March. Like, I was already thinking, I was like, we're already gonna be in Vegas again for another four days. Plus I already got. And my brain immediately went to, we don't have time. And that's like, calm it down and be like, okay, well, you can't afford.

Not to have time.

Exactly. Because I know the faster our life.

That's the key what you just said.

Yeah, yeah.

You can't afford to not have time.

Yeah. And it's that intentionality part has been a big push from Danielle. Like, she's fought for it. It's been like a. And it was a bit of a fight because I was trying to unwind myself from the business and trying to give myself more space to create on the business versus in it. A lot of my time was in fulfillment, so I was tapping a ton of the energy that was in me just to fulfill on what we were committing to. And so it was burning out my ability to even be with her multiple times. Daniel came to me and said, hey, in your pursuit to teach the world how to have it all, we're going to lose it all. The thing it wasn't wasn't the money, it was this. We're going to lose the thing that we had that actually matters to us, which is us. Which is what had me retool the whole business and shift everything the way we were looking at things. But this piece, like you do with people every single day, high powered men, you deal with high powered women. Like, what. What is it that causes a switch? Because you're around enough of them who are not choosing it, a lot of them may come to you to work for it. To find that. But that decision. I mean, you're constantly talking about intentionality. Talk more about that intentionality. Like, what has to be there and why. You see the disconnect between guys being intentional in business, women being intentional in business, but not so intentional in marriage.

So I think there's. Gosh, there's so many different directions I could go with this. I think people think sometimes that because of the work that I do that, you know, like, before dinner, I stand on the dining room table and give a motivational speech and get everybody fired up. Like, let's have dinner, everybody. Like, that, like, does not happen. Like, like, Amy is really the one.

Dinner time. The standard is here. Get your hoodies out. Everyone put your standard hoodie on. We are not normal. We scrutinize yes around here.

Say yes. You know, Amy's the one who, like, does the mental training for the kids. It's almost like, I just. I love being dad. You know what I mean? And so the. The tools that I use in my business practice really don't come into the home. And I say that to say, I've always allowed Amy to be Amy. You know, like, she is such a wildly successful, amazing woman. She grew up in a town, Edinburgh, Illinois, graduated high school with 28 people. She is a phenomenal human being story. Like, it's incredible what she's done in her life. So I'm not going to coach her to, you know, have a. I call them prize fighter days. Like, I have never told my wife, honey, let's build a prize fighter day for you. Like, she'd be like, what? Like, honey, just stop with that. Like, no.

Yeah.

And so I've. I feel like in our marriage, I've allowed her to be her. And then, yes, in my career, if I can put my. My coach hat on, it's what I encourage people to do is to slow down and to say, when have you been most successful in your life in all areas? When did you feel great about your health? Oh, it was this period. This period. And this period. Well, tell me about that emotion. Right? And then they say, oh, well, that was when I was this. How are you feeling about it now? And really get somebody to put that mirror of accountability right in front of their faces so that they can choose to make it a priority. And then I just help them personally, professionally, in their service to others. I call it a prizefighter day. Build the choices that you need to make, not results, not. Well, If I sell $50,000 in business today, that day was a win. No. What are the things that you can control in your business that when you do them and you do them with tremendous discipline, which for me is every day. You do them every day. You know, the byproduct is winning at high levels. Well, wouldn't you want to do that every day? And so I spend a lot of time getting people to slow down, have a level of aware. We have these conversations to have awareness, to have intentional focus, to say, what do you need to do? And also to build relationships with people to say, okay, Garrett, if you're not feeling like you're present at home, why? What's going on? Okay, well, slow down, man. Go have the girls paint your face tonight. I mean, I even joked with him when. When you guys moved to Miami. He probably couldn't even believe it. We're on a coaching call, and I'm like, you haven't found a barber yet? He's like, what? I said, and you don't have a. Have a chiropractor yet? He's like, what?

Yeah.

And it's like, well, when you hired me, I told you I pay attention to the details more than anybody else. You don't have a barber or chiropractor. He's like, why are we talking about this? I said, because every week you went to the barber and the chiropractor, sometimes multiple times, I saw that those are the things you had to do for Garrett to feel right. And so we all know the things that we need to do, and when we don't do those things, we're off. So that's where I like to encourage people. But then back to. That's why I shared the Amy example. That doesn't mean because something works for you, you then go tell your wife, well, Danielle, this is what you need to be doing every day. I think Danielle needs to say, hey, here's what I need to do every day for me to feel great, and here's what Garrett needs to do. And then you have to support and love each other in those things.

I think that you're absolutely right on that too. Because if you expect your partner to do the things that you feel great doing, you're almost going to be like, why aren't you doing this? And you get kind of judgy, but it's like, what. What works for you? It's funny because Garrett likes to wake up at 2:30 in the morning, sometimes 3, and I'm always, like, worried about him not sleeping enough. But at the same time, I'm like, I get up at like, 7:30 or 8. And he's like, why do you stay in bed for so long? I'm like, because I have toddlers kicking me all night. But it's like this thing where I'm like, but don't judge me for sleeping longer than you go off of. Like, that works for me and I still get the results that I'm looking for. So it's like, you have to do what works. He's still judgy about it.

Well, so let's talk about some of.

The strategies you like to use.

Because she'll come in and I'll be sleeping. Sometimes the toddlers invade the bed and when they did, like last night, I will disappear to the guest room and sleep in the guest room because I.

Got a big day or a big.

Week and so I get my peaceful sleep. And so one night, like a week and a half ago, she was giving me the speech about how I don't sleep enough. She's like, I don't think you sleep enough. I was like, I appreciate where you're coming from, but I'm fine. And she's like, no, no, no, I don't think so. So I go down to sleep in the guest room. The kids are upstairs in bed with her, and in the middle of the night, she creeps down to my phone and resets the alarm for like 4:39am you did that?

I didn't do it.

You did.

You are completely guilty. But the good news is my soul woke me up at 2:30 so I was good. And then the alarm went off in the middle of my Bible study. And I'm like, I didn't set alarm for 4:39. I was like, oh, my wife changed the time. This is time to be honest on the show.

Did you do it?

No.

Did you do it?

No. Be honest right now. You cannot plead the fifth. You need to tell the truth right now on the show. Did you change my alarm?

We'll never know.

We will because you're going to tell us.

Did you do it? I think you said the whole audience and I think you set two alarms.

No, I didn't. I never set two alarms. You know and I know and God knows. And now coach Ben knows. He's here scanning you. This is a chance for you to be free, live by code. Just tell them the truth. Did you change my alarm?

Nope.

Everyone knows you're lying right now. The whole world knows you're fucking lying right now. They've listened to their show long enough to know when you are in lie mode.

So Amy Selectively chooses to not answer certain questions. And I think we've reached the point of the conversation where everyone knows Danielle has selectively made a choice.

Exactly. Everyone knows that Covid was created in the Wahoo labs or whatever the fuck was in China. We know that. We know. We know it was created there and released on purpose. And we know Danielle is lying about changing my alarm.

Okay, I did it. But to my point, gentlemen, I was irritated because I was like, oh, he's going to sleep down in the basement because he wants a good night's sleep and he knows the toddlers are going to sleep in. I'll give him a good night's sleep. So that's why I set your alarm, because I really want.

She tried to trap me to mess up my routine because she knows if I wake up at 4:39, then my whole morning's gonna be wrecked because I'm gonna go straight to the gym. My mindset's not gonna be on point. I'm not gonna connect. God.

But let's see what would happen. That's your story.

No, you know what you did? You set me free. Because it just showed me how much more committed to 2:30am Because I laid there in bed.

And it is that not an unreasonable time to wake up.

So I actually Woke up at 2:24. For years. Years. And I. I recently. Because Amy and I had to shift my perspective on this. So I would wake up rather than conversations. I would literally wake up and Amy would have researched an article and would be waiting for me in the morning. I wake up and it'd be like an article on, like, you know, you're gonna. You won't live as long if you don't get enough sleep. And then finally, you know, sometimes you'd be annoyed, like, stop sending me these articles. Like, I have so much to do. And then I realized not too long ago, I was like. Like, wait a second. When Danielle sends you that, isn't that kind of nice that Danielle's saying, I want you to live longer? And so then I started joking with Amy. I'm like, honey, this is pretty cool. Like, you actually want to hear about me. You want to be. Yeah, you care about. You want me to be. You want to be married to me longer. You're not like, hey, you should really wake up at 12:30.

That'd be a really good time.

I've heard.

I read an article about sleeping two hours a night. You should do it. I hope you die. Is the insurance still good? Oh, I guess. See, that's a Good way to look at it.

So you want to be with me now? I will tell you, I still wake up crazy early. However, I wake up at 3:44. But once again, back to what I mentioned earlier was now I take my time back but I leverage more. And there's some mornings I wake up at 4:44 and I stop telling myself that it has to be that it's actually forced me to leverage more. And we've built a bigger team. We built this. I'm like, do I really need to wake up at that time? And so I played with it a little bit. Now I feel like I'm locked in on what the time is. But the reality is you and I are gonna wake up so much earlier and get so much done regardless of the time. But I did shift the perspective. I'm like, this is actually really cool. She wants me to live longer.

Why are you offended?

I'm not offended. You know, we're trying to get the bottom of truth around here. That's all we're trying to do. So what, what is it?

So the bottom line is let me just reveal the truth. Danielle loves you so much and she wants you to live a longer, healthier lives together.

Do you? Is it because I fall asleep so quick at night?

My flip question is, why do you care that I sleep in? Is it because you love me more?

It's because I love you more. Actually, no, I, I don't. I'm not concerned about you sleeping in. I'm just concerned that you're going to get bed sores from how long you're lying in bed.

See, he's kind of judgy about it.

I'm super judgy about it because she's super judgy about it to me.

But listen, I have to come back and tell you that I have four children, I run a business, physically look great and I do date night every week.

So you do. You're winning.

Be worried about it.

I'm not worried. I'm not worried. Not worried. A little bit Sometimes worried. Not about you. I'm just worried about your judginess about my five hours sleep.

No, but he uncovered it. I'm not being judgy. I care about you.

Coaches put me in the box. I knew we shouldn't have brought him on the show. I knew we shouldn't have brought him on the show. We're going to clip all.

Send them back to St. Louis.

Send them back to St. Louis.

Is that a flight tonight?

You're coaching him throughout. This is great.

I'm getting coached on the show right now, getting juxtaposed by my own coach. Well, you know what? I pay for that and I deserve it, so. Okay, so let's shift the topic. Sex. So let's talk about it from two angles. One, the fact of what you've seen with your students, with your clients and people over the years, like, when it's working, when it's not working in marriage. And second one is gonna be you and Amy. Like, how do you guys navigate the sex topic? Right. You're very alpha guy, very physically driven. Sex is part of the equation for a guy like that. It's our equation for every guy. But guys who are very high energy, fire energy, etc, there's like. And there's, like, making love and there's like, sex is on the table as a topic. So how have you and Amy navigated the sex topic as a couple to get to a place that's healthy for you two? And what did it take to pull off that? Because it's not. I've not met one couple that's ever been intuitively normal. There's always the seasons of trying to figure it out as you're growing with kids, et cetera. Like, couples will come in, guys, I'll know guys who just get married and they're like, dude, it's great. It's wonderful. And I was at the airport with a guy who came up to me just yesterday, and he came up to me. His wife has daughter or their daughter's three years old. His wife's seven months pregnant, about to have their second daughter.

Oh, that guy.

And he's stressed. Big producer, knew who I was, came over, found me in the Centurion lounge, had watched me walk around, see me speak at fhl, and came up and was just, like, broken. He's just like, dude, I don't even know how to navigate this right now. Like, when the kids come on the scene, a lot of the marriages get wrecked. From that point forward, how did you guys. After the kids came, toddler stage is over. How did you make sure that that part of your relationship became something connected? And what did you do when things got disconnected with it?

Well, I think, once again, like I had mentioned earlier, I think everything comes down to. To communication. And I will forewarn you, I'll be careful with my answers here because Amy is very private when it comes to this kind of stuff. But I will tell you, you communication, and you have to find a way. You have to find a way. But I think the most important Thing, whether it be with Amy and I or the work that I do with individuals, because it comes up. I mean, even if I'm working with a guy who just won a Super bowl, like, most of the time I'm not. I'm not talking to him about where his feet are on his game film. I mean, we're literally talking about home life and kids and all these things and intimacy. I think it comes down to communication, and I think you have to seek to understand why your partner, right, not the person who doesn't want to have sex with you, why your partner is maybe feeling the way that they do. Is it something that happened? Is it the environment? Is it something going on with them? Is it, you know, is it a level of comfort with kids in the house, kids not in the house? Like, what is it? And figure out what it is through communication so that you can build an environment where you can enjoy it. Intimacy. Build an environment where there's not an excuse. Well, we have kids. Like, I'll see you in 15 years, and we'll see how that goes. Like, you have to find a way, because that is an important part of marriage. I mean, you could do all the research and the studies of it. I mean, it is an important thing for people to have intimacy and closeness and to be touched and hugged and loved and to be recognized, right? It's a very important thing. So extremely important for Amy and I. But I think it comes down to communication. I think far too many people just accept or make the excuse. Well, it's really. Well, the kids are 3 and 5, so because they're 3 and 5, you just don't do that. And I think it's just important to say, hey, like, why are we not. What are the changes we can make? Is there. Is it communication? Is it environment? I think that's an important thing. Once again, I think everything comes back to communication. I found in our marriage, if we don't communicate, we are in serious trouble.

I think, too, like, for, like, and especially because we're, like, in the toddler phase again, right? And I think there's a space where, like, women are stressed out, especially at home with the toddlers, the babies and things like that. So men are like, I'll give them their. I'll give them their space, and they accept this story. That's not true. That, like, I don't want to bug her. Like, you need intimacy to have your relationship work. And so, again, like, going back to your point, it comes back to communication for the guys that are in the Situation, like the guy that's talking to you, it's like he almost has this story. Well, I can't bother my wife. I can't burden my wife. I can't communicate to my wife what my needs are. And then, same thing, like, if she doesn't know and she's stressed out, she's like, like, kind of like not feeling connected. So in his attempt to give her space, he's actually distancing herself. And then she can't feel connected. And women only want sex when they feel that connection.

See, this is so powerful because, like, if I were to have a conversation with that gentleman based upon what I shared and what you're sharing, I would simply ask him the question, when's the last time you went up to your wife and said, hey, why are we not. Yeah, well, because of X, Y and Z. So now you actually understand how she's feel as opposed to what? I think what most men do is you go, she doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. We're going to be in one of those marriages where it's sexless. We're not going to do this. Like, that's just the way. And there's no communication. And you build up this story once again. You're watching a movie, right? You're watching the wrong movie. Your wife actually wants to watch the same movie with you. But the environment's got to be right, the understanding has to be right. Your feelings have to be right. The timing has to be right. And so if that gentleman that you just saw at the Centurion Lounge would ask the right questions, the wife might go, I would absolutely love to be intimate with you, but these are the stipulations. If we could do it at this time when the kids aren't home or they're at daycare or whatever, perfect. We'll find a way.

And what the wife will tell you, and I'll tell you, because I'm a wife, is she will just say, I need more help. She wants to have more safety. She just feels like stress. So if the guy could then come back and offer a solution of like, hey, I want you to not feel stressed. Can we hire a nanny in the mornings? And maybe he sneaks in in the morning, like, almost like creating a solution to him saying, like, hey, like, why aren't we connecting?

Well, Danielle told me for probably like two years. There was actually one morning, I'll give you an example. I was actually downstairs by the fireplace and I was in a prayer stack and I was talking to God about it had been like, I don't know, a week or something. And I was feeling sexually frustrated. So I'm like talking to God about it. And then, and I'm deep in this stack. And then Danielle sends me a text about coming up to have sex at like 4:30 in the morning. She was just like, sex. And I was like, I remember I looked at the text, but I was like so passionately into the stack. And I remember having this moment of indecision. Do I want to keep ranting about this sex conversation with God or do I want to actually go have sex right now? And then I'm looking at the time to go to the gym and all of a sudden she had been giving me a hard time forever because she's like, listen, I'll have sex with you every morning if you want sex in the morning. But I'm like, oh, but I really love my routines in the morning. And I'm sitting in a literal dilemma. Do I go have real sex right now or do I continue on my routine for the morning? And the fact that it was even a decision. I was literally having a conversation with God about sexual.

And she says, I'm not putting in an effort.

So as your coach, when God answers your prayers, you're supposed to, you're supposed to walk through the door.

I heard your step and I answered.

I'm like, I'm naming. I have leprosy. What shall I do? Go wash yourself in the river Jordan seven times. Yeah, but I don't want to wash myself in the river. Seven Jordan, seven times. That doesn't make any sense. I'm literally sitting there and the sex text comes in while I'm stacking about.

I was tuned in at 4:30 in the morning.

Exactly. But I had like, because of my room. Morning routines are so like sacred to me. It was interesting because forever she was like, hey, I love morning sex. I love morning sex. I want to morning sex because I just am more. I'm half asleep, half awake. I can have an orgasm. It's better like. And I'm like, okay. But then I'm at war with this routine game because like, if I slept with her every single morning, we'd have sex every single morning. Every single morning.

Men always think it has to be at night. And if you talk to a lot of women, they prefer morning and afternoon.

It's true.

I don't know why I think at the end.

So that goes back to environment.

Yeah, right.

So a lot of people say, oh, my wife doesn't want to have sex with. Did you ask her? Like, when would you actually want to have intimacy?

Right.

You know, and then you may actually find out, like, I don't want to have intimacy at night because the kids are home. I don't want that when the kids are in the house. I'd rather have an empty house. It'd be a lot more free and be more enjoyable. Great.

Which really is code for I'll yell.

No, I. That's not yell.

It's code for not worried about making noises and letting go.

I will tell you, women's brains, like, we, I, I notice guys can like fall asleep within 30 seconds. I need like 30 minutes. I don't care if it's scrolling on my phone. Watching a movie. Like, we have to decompress our brains. So the problem is he comes in hot and ready, and I'm like, I need 30 minutes. And 30 seconds later, he's asleep. So that's why I'm like, listen, if you can't handle the 30 minutes of decompression, you lost your window, buddy.

Like, we had, we had like four straight nights in Vegas and I was like, babe, we didn't even have sex at night one time in Vegas. She's like, well, that'd be because you're asleep in 30.

That's why I'm like, back to the 2:30 wake up call. This is, this is the result of the 2:30 wake up call.

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna lie.

So you're doing this to yourself is what you're telling the audience.

Stop it. This is not a coaching therapy session show. I shouldn't have brought my coach on here. And now I'm being cornered by my wife and my coach. Jesus. This was a horrible plan, Amber. You shouldn't agreed with this show so I might get it. So, like, I see it, I see the trade offs. And then I'm like, okay, does the orgasm give me more power the day or does the morning routine give me more power for the day? It's a dilemma for me. It's a dilemma because I'm like, the sex is amazing. And I. But more because I want to be connected. Now listen, I'm like on gear, so which means, like, I want to have sex every single day. I'm like, amped up on testosterone right now, waking up with like morning hard ons. Like I was 17 years old again. So I'm like in the pocket like all the time. You say, go the wind change direction.

It's out of your morning routine.

Really?

Five, seven. Gotten better. Seven. Don't. Don't take away. I've worked hard.

I was being generous.

I've worked hard for seven. I've worked so hard for seven. Because it used to be like two. I remember there was the years when it was two minutes.

I was like, I don't want more than five minutes. I want to go back to bed.

Well, that's because in the morning, you can handle in, like, two minutes for yourself. I'm like, you're great in the morning. I was like, I. I'm just proud of myself. I've gotten to seven occasionally a nine.

So what are you committing?

Maybe a 12.

Committing to.

Committing to. This is really a commitment show right now, isn't it? We held you committed to the line. What am I committed to? I am committed to when would you like to have sex?

See, it's all about open communication.

It is.

Coaches. Coaches ran over.

I think two mornings a week. That'd be great.

Two mornings a week. But can I go do the morning and come back to the bed? Yeah, that's because you'll still be there.

Yeah, that's fine.

Okay, so I can go handle my stuff.

I gotta see if this actually happens.

Well, this is like the gym thing where I told you, hey, I'll go work out with you at 10, but then you said, you can't go work out with Carter at five. And you're like. I'm like, why? And you're like, because you can't work out twice.

Yeah. That's weird. I feel like it's not. You're not being present, but I'm not.

Going and having, like, sex with somebody and then coming back and trying to have sex with you. I still got in me to do a little workout coach. What do you think? You think I like, on this, like, with, like.

I think this has literally turned into.

This is how therapy feels like for me. I'm like, it's always me. I'm like, damn it. It's back at me again.

I. I think as important as your morning routine is. Yeah. If you know there's a back end of the morning before you go into the office. I think that connection.

Yeah.

Would be part of what probably relaxes you even more in that morning routine. To set yourself free to go do the things you're about to do in the business, to really shake up the world to find out who you really are.

Totally agree. Well, that was like.

It goes back to, like, time. You're like, hey, I thought I had to wake up at 2:30. Only realize I got the same amount of stuff done even more at 3:30. Like, at some level, time is kind of irrelevant. It's what you prioritize to give you the results that you're looking for.

I. I do. I do think some forced. Some forced leverage with. With some of the things that are going on in the organization, I think is a really. It's a really great thing.

Yeah. There's definitely going to be more space opening up. I can commit to that. I can commit to that.

I'd like a day date too. As long as we're taking requests.

Okay.

Chris Stackin, a day date.

If I could get that.

This is okay.

One date night, one day.

This is all coming at me because I required you to tell the truth about the phone. So I realized the karma is coming back at myself. My higher self wanted this. So here we are. I'm committing to a lunch date. Okay. Okay. And you're.

I'm committed every other week.

The fact that I'm sitting here having to be committed to come back and have sex with my wife twice a.

Month, Nobody feels bad for you, Garrett.

I'm like. I'm like, that guy.

Yeah.

Like, well, sometimes at worry we'll have a guy's like, with table sharing on a guy. But like, yeah, we. We're having sex that much, and it's like, you know, like once every couple weeks. It's very frustrating. And then we'll have another dude who'll be at the table, and he's like, dude, I just. I can't keep up with my life, bro. She wants to have sex, like, every day. I just. I'm good, like, once a week. And every dude at that table looks at that guy and is like, you. You're. You're bitching about the fact you have a wife that wants to have sex with you every single day. I'm just trying to have sex once every two weeks with her. My girl. Like, that's crazy.

They're not watching the same movie.

That's why they're definitely not watching the same movie. So, yes, I'm committing.

Okay. Do we have a paper? Can we sign? Can we get a handshake?

Super shake.

Is this a super shake? Yeah, this is a weird shake.

Okay, you missed that shake.

So, couple last hot questions for the show today. So on this one with you, like, we get in communication. I'm getting one, which I get. That kind of starts the whole cycle. And then you have this other game of intentionality. Expand a little bit more on intentionality because Communication, intentional communication is what you've been working on with me constantly. And also my ability to say no and yes at the right times of things because I went to no, no, no, no forever and then it was like yes, yes, yes to everything. And then that caused a lot of problems too because now I was overwhelmed with too much to do. When you say intentionality specific in marriage, take that a little bit deeper of how somebody could, as a guy or a girl in their communications be very intentional with their communications versus just, just talking.

Yeah. So I, this is, I was still a financial. So there was a time a lot of people may not know this, but because they just see me like as a coach now because I've been doing this for so long. But I was a financial advisor. That's how all this work started for me. First time hired to speak was 2006. So then I was kind of running these two businesses, had two full blown teams, companies, the whole bit. At that time things were crazy. And I remember I was sitting with, with one of my coaches at the time and he says, you need to have five minutes of present time in your house every night when you get home. I'm like, what's five minutes of present time? And he said, here's the way this is going to work. He says, tell me what you currently do when you get home from work. And he goes, I want an honest answer. I said, well, you know, most of the time I'm on a phone call, I'm figuring out an email. Like I literally park the car, but I'm not present. I'm like literally still working. As I walk in the door. He goes, then I'll probably go check the mail. Then I'll go change my clothes. I'll say hello. I'll go, hey guys, hold on, I'm gonna go change. I'll be right there. And I would kind of went through this whole thing to where it was 10, 15 minutes of me doing stuff, finishing a phone call, getting the mail, changing my clothes before I would come and be dad. And he goes, okay. And he was just real direct. He goes, that's over. That's gonna stop. He goes, I got news for you. He says, when you enter that house, be off the phone phone. He goes, I would rather you be five minutes late walking into the house and finish your phone call and be present than not be, than be on that phone call. So he says, here's what you're going to do. Five minutes of present time. He goes, the mail is going to be there all Night long. The mail will even be there tomorrow. He at the time, I used to wear suits when I was a financial advisor. He goes, if you rip your suit, you have enough money, you can buy another suit. You'll be fine. Don't go change your clothes. He says, I want you to go up to your daughter, and for five minutes, I want you to go up and say, kennedy, Rose, what was the best part of your day? And spend five minutes with your daughter. And then I want you to go up to your son and spend five minutes of intentional time with him. Hey, buddy, champ, what was the best part of your day? Listen. And then go up to your wife and say, hey, babe, what was the best part of your day? And he says, just be present. He goes, you don't have to have a timer, and it doesn't have to be exactly five minutes. It might be 10 sometimes. But he goes, stop worrying about the other stuff and get yourself centered on your family. Family. That was a game changer for me and the number of times I've shared that with people in a coaching environment, because once again, it's excuses. Well, my wife doesn't understand. Like, if I'm finishing a call, I got to finish the call because it's the livelihood of the family.

Right.

Okay. Finish the call in the garage. It's better than coming and acting like an. Like that. Right. With all this terrible energy. Finish your damn call and come in the house. That was a game changer for me.

Yeah.

And there are so many people where I've made that recommendation, just like. Like, your family's your most important part of your life. Like, act like it. And I think there's too many people these days, and this will probably ruffle some feathers, but people say they're present, but they're really not. They act like they're at home, but they're not. And look, there's times during the year where sometimes Amy may catch me, like, are you focused, like, here? Right. So I'm not saying I'm perfect. She'll be like, babe, like, we're here. Like, we're at the dinner table. Right. Because your mind wanders. So I have to work really hard at that to be intentional. So it started with me, and then I realized, oh, wow, the strides that I had and how that changed my home life and how I look my daughter in the eyes.

Yeah.

Because I'll just give you my daughter. And I know you being a girl, dad, like, I want to make sure my daughter knows, like, whatever, man, you bring home that dude Better love you so much because you ain't ever gonna find a guy that's gonna love you the way that I am. Like, it's gonna be a real hard. You know what I mean? And, like. But she's got. I have to be present for her to feel that.

Yeah.

Yeah. Not some distracted dad with a daughter who then wants to go and get attention from somewhere else.

You probably. Do you enjoy that part of your day now? Now it's like, what's the cost of not doing it?

I. I'm the dad who, like, tip off for the basketball game is at 7 and I'm there at 6 for no reason other than to be like, I'm watching warm ups. I'm soaking all this in because I have worked my ass off and built an organization with Amy's help. Without all those yeses from her, we would not have the company that we have today. And it's like, it isn't me just running around as a speaker like it was in 2006. Like, we have a full blown company with multiple entities. I've worked too hard to not go to the damn game when I want to go end my last call, when I want to end that last call and literally be locked in and focused with a freaking hour watching warm ups and totally locked in. Not stressed that I'm, like, in my car on a final zoom call before I run in right before the tip. Like, I may never even center to enjoy the game. And so I think you said it best earlier just to kind of tie into the things you're pulling. I think we all could be better if we stop making excuses. And that's not just in our marriages. That's everything. Don't you think?

Right? Yeah.

Everybody's quick to make an excuse as to why, oh, I can't do this. I'm out of shape. Why? Because you decided that you didn't want to work out?

I. I hate when I tell myself a story of I can't have something. And that's one of the things I always. When I find myself in that space, I'm like, Like, why? Like, just simply asking the question of why. So if you find yourself in these patterns of being like, I can't have this, and you find yourself making excuses, it's been so helpful for me to just be like, well, why can't I? And then it's like, reverse engineer. How do I make this happen? And then just like you said, like, creating, like, simple daily habits of maybe it's like coming home, spending five minutes, like, what's five minutes? And then if you don't do it, you're like, oh, you don't feel that connection?

Well, this piece of, of shifting, we, we. We've tried to it. We've not been that great at that. The present time. Right. We've done it. We did it. We had a couple times, a couple seasons where we did it. I feel like I come in the house and you and I would just sneak away for 10 minutes and just talk.

Yeah. I feel like right now I will say not to make excuses. Like our 3 and 5 year old. I swear, every time you come in, they're like screaming and jumping and I'm.

Like, hey, babe, how's it going?

We're okay.

It's wild with tall, so it's almost.

Like we have to be. Let's get some food. Okay. Let's sneak up to the deck, you know, So a lot of times when you come home, it's chaotic because it's like, for some reason, dinner time is always a bit chaotic. So I have to intentionally create space. I'm like, I told him after we had our second two kids, I'm like, I'm doing it different. Like, we had two kids. I'm older. I'm doing it different. I don't accept that story. We don't have to just persevere while our kids are toddlers. So I've had to be very mindful and intentional of being like, hey, like, I got pizza for the kids. We literally have 10 minutes. And I don't care if it's only 10 minutes, we're sneaking upstairs and that's when we'll have, like, really good, like, conversations. And it doesn't have to be date night all the time. When you have toddlers and you're in the thick of things, like, sometimes 10 minutes sets the mood for the entire night. Now we can go back, we can be present with our kids, and we're like, again, we're not perfect. We're kind of a shit show most the time. But just trying to take those intentional moments, like, I totally agree with you.

I want to capture a moment here because there's. There's so much beyond just marriage in this. I'm so glad that you guys gave me the invitation to do this even. Even without Amy. So I hope she's okay with all the. Okay with all the answers. At least I got to give all the answers.

At least Rhonda didn't show up.

But I want to. I want to capture this moment because it's so True. You started with what you said was the excuse, but then what you, you went to, which is why you've been so successful, you went to the solution. And I think a lot of times people listening, they're going to go, oh yeah, I totally vibe with Danielle because like she gets it like a 3 and 5. You don't get that time. That's not what Danielle said. She said, we realize it's crazy. So give them the pizza first, get them settled first.

Yeah.

And then no different than the bedtime, like the wake up time. Like maybe you got to change the environment a little bit. You know, for you guys to have more morning time, you just got to change the environment. So rather than just say the excuse, accept the excuse, say the excuse. It's real. Yeah, it's a real excuse. But that doesn't mean you eliminate the need for the solution to the excuse. Then you have both.

Well, that was what. When Danielle made the move with our nannies and having. I mean, she was the one who decided when we had Isla, who's five.

Charlie.

No, was.

What was with Isla?

No, it was with Charlie. Fourth daughter. I was pregnant with her fourth daughter. And I was like, bedtime seems to be the most stressful for us just because it's that phase. And I said, so I am going to have somebody to help nighttime support at least three or four out of nights out of the week. And I'm like, so that doesn't mean that we can't connect with our kids. Like sometimes he'll come home and he'll play with the kids and whatever, and then we sneak off and go have dinner upstairs or just like away from the kids. So for me it was just like, I think a lot of times when people hire help, they think that they can't be in the home. And I was like, I don't want to go out and have date night every night. I just want to have time with you. So I had to kind of come be okay as a mom to let go of like that excuse and say, like, if I want to create time with him, I'm going to allow support inside the home, even if we're home, so that we can take those moments. And I'm not stressed that the three year old's gonna go outside and wander out in the pool, you know, so then we have longer date nights. You know, we have an hour or two hours or whatever it is.

But at the home, it was hard for me too, because I was used to putting kids to bed and. But it was killing Us. Because I fall asleep with the kids in bed. So I put the kids in bed, read stories, and then I would tickle the backs, and inevitably, I can't get through both the back tickles without being asleep and falling asleep in the bed. So Danielle started to put it in. I remember feeling the resistance as a husband because I was like, this is time with my kids. But she was like, I need time with you. And it took a few months for me to get to a place where I could be cool with, okay, I'm gonna come go hard in the paint with my kids for, like, two hours, and I'm gonna hand the kids off to our nanny to go give them baths and put them in bed and then come be with Danielle.

Yeah.

Which was, like, her commitment. She was the one creating these conditions because she was watching what was happening.

Was our first two kids. It was bad. Like, he was working all the time, and then, like, he'd come home and, like, he just. I felt like we didn't connect unless we were on date night. And I was like, I don't want to only be able to connect with you once a week. That's not enough for me. So that's why I was like, if I could create a different story and do it different, what would I do? Okay, I have to pay more for a nanny. So what makes our relationship better? You know?

So, coach, I appreciate this coaching session. He's on site for a coaching day. We come to do a podcast. Don't realize that my podcast became a coaching session. He was very intentional about making today a full, captivated coaching session. And it's working, so we're committed to some things. Final thoughts you have for being on the show today.

For everybody, the price of greatness is sacrifice. I don't know what made me feel the need to say that right now, but I look at life sometimes, and you think of these excuses, and people just are unwilling to make sacrifice. And sacrifice comes in so many different ways. Shapes, forms, flavors, sizes, and, like, if you want something, choose to make it happen. And you may have to sacrifice something, but a lot of times with that sacrifice, you end up finding some really good things. I had somebody tell me one time that, typically, what holds you back is something good. And I just think that's a really powerful thing. Typically, what holds you back is something good. And so I would just encourage everybody to lean in and appreciative of you guys having me on the show. It was a lot of fun.

Thanks for coaching me up with him.

Thanks for the Double team. And we'd like to apologize for all the three lies that were told. There's four lies told today on the show. Coach Ben is not divorced. He did not take me to a strip club. He is friends with Rhonda and Danielle did change my timer on my phone, so. And Garrett is still the asshole and working on that. Welcome to hy podcast. So listen, if you want to follow coach Ben, it's cont. It's. What is it?

What is your fight?

Continue the fight.

Continued fight.

Continued fight. I never look at it. I look better and then I just tagged, so. Continued fight. He's on social media. He's got a podcast called the burn. You can follow more on there. Also, you can find me anywhere on YouTube. Just look up Ben Newman. Coach Ben Newman crushes it. Coaches professional athletes. I've gotten to watch him in action with Kansas State. He's my pipe performance coach. Might be yours too. You can find them in those places. We'll put all those links here inside the show. Also, a reminder, as we do every single week, the best way for this show to get out is to be shared. So if you've got some friends, couples, people that need to hear this, we're running into fans of date y podcast everywhere. On a trip out to Vegas, we had a couple in the line of security freaking out about the fact they listened to the show, got pictures with us. We're sitting in another airport. Same thing happens. We're on the Vegas strip. Happens again. A lot of people listening to show getting a lot of value. We're trying to give you permission to have the hard conversations in your marriage by putting ourselves on the altar. And today I was sacrificed by both my coach and my wife for your pleasure. Welcome to the arena. I am the gladia in the arena who just got slaughtered today. But I have many lives like jamon gift. I'm back again. Alive. You can check out also more about the show, learning more about the principles behind it found at wake up warrior. Wake up warrior.com we have the new Warrior Book 2.0 coming out. It's been the back end curriculum for warrior for the last 13 years. Over 70,000 men and marriages have been liberated by this way of living. You can learn more about that by going to wakeupwarrior.com but for today, my beautiful queen and my coach and mentor, coach Ben Newman here in house brings a wrap to this episode of the date your wife podcast.