Truth, Triggers & Transformation: How Marriage Survives Shifts, Sex, and Speaking Hard Truths

Hello and welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. I'm here with my co host, who is also my husband of 22 years. Welcome to our new studio.

We have made some shifts.

We have made a lot of shifts. We have made some shifts, some turns in the shift.

Okay, so we were doing this podcast and we went when we were getting ready for this one, the studio is kind of halfway what we'll have it be for every show. It'll be better even next week.

I walked in and I was like, what are these ugly ass chairs? What are we doing? So, guys, I'll make it cuter.

We got a beautiful leg here in the background. That's my leg.

That's my leg.

Supportive of that.

I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make it cute. Especially if we have guests come in. Like, you know, this is a. We did it in our house, so that's a pretty good back.

Okay, so listen, in the spirit of change, there's been an incredible amount of change at the time we're recording this show. It's been a couple days since the assassination of Charlie Kirk. And what's interesting like, that, like, it happening, like, moved me and I didn't know how it would have an effect on you and the kids. I didn't know if the kids would feel me some kind of way. I didn't know if you did, but I felt like it was like something that just shifted. There was like a soul level something that shifted in me. I remember we were talking that night and you were talking about man arena tour that's coming up here November 8th. And you were like, hey, you need armed security There method threats on me before and what we've done and how we've spoken. What were you feeling through the experience? Because it was a serious conversation. Our kids were blown up in a text thread over it. Parker is like, taking the master approach.

I actually had not heard of him until we went to the 10x growth con and I saw him speak and I was like, wow, he's incredible. So I started following a lot of his content and just really grew to like his message and just thought, wow, like, he's very courageous to put a stand and very sharp. Like, it just so I really liked him. So when I heard about it, I think I was in shock, like everybody, but it's. But I love seeing how many people are like, in shock. Like, meaning, like, this is not right. The world is like, not in a good space. And it's like, what are we going to do about it?

I think it was the first time you, I mean, you saw people from all walks of life who speak a truth into the world. And on a college campus, in front of college students, an assassination attempt or assassination on Charlie Kirk's life shoots him in the throat. The place where he speaks, I didn't.

Even think about that.

It's like. But the impact I've watched this on people on social media and guys who are big influences, women who are sharing really hard to hear messages, which we've been sharing here at warrior for 14 years, is that there's just a sense of, okay, is it even safe anymore to speak the truth? Right. And I. There's a statement, I've been using a warrior for, for years and years and years. And that is in the land of liars, truth is a weapon and when spoken is received as a declaration of war. Like it doesn't matter. Like when you bring truth to the table of life, there is a reception from people who don't want to hear that truth or who don't like that truth as war. Now Charlie and his situation and what he was up to, I mean, I can't even imagine. You were watching videos of his wife Erica afterwards, like share what you were feeling watching her.

I just, I mean, I can't even imagine, like just, it's just. I mean, I don't even have words for it. It's just. It's like, it's horrible.

Her, her tone, it was, it was wild to listen to because she spoke first the commonalities that people will speak to the media. But then she dropped into this tone of Warrior.

A warning.

A warning.

A warning?

Yeah. About what? What this action has awakened in the widow of Charlie Kirk.

Right.

I don't doubt at all. She not only continues to keep Carrie turning point, but she'll continue to take it further on this because it's activated. Anyone who shares a message of truth was shaken by this event. Like our kids. I sat with Ruby, even talking to her. We were sitting on the golf cart and she was getting picked up for school. And it was a day, it was a day after. And she looked at me and she said, dad, why is so much crazy stuff happening?

I know, right?

She started talking about Charlie Kirk's assassination. The girl that was butchered on a subway, Ukrainian girl. And she was just going down a list of five or six things that she had seen. The transgender who was shot up to school last month, like all these topics started coming and she's my 14 year old sitting here looking at me as a father, trying to make sense of what's happening. Yet at the same time, there's so much desensitization that's happening for everybody, too. But we're going to take this topic with what happened there and this idea of truth, and ask you a simple question. Ready? Why is it so hard to speak truth to your partner?

Why is it so hard to speak.

Truth to your partner, particularly if you have been married for a long time, meaning 10, 15 years? Why does speaking truth, hard Truth, truth that your partner needs to hear, truth that you need to get out. Why, in your experience as a woman, has been different from me, truth?

I think for women, we think that our version of showing support, in a sense, is to not kind of burden our man. And also, too, a lot of women are married to men that might say they are reactive. So then they're like, I just don't want this to share because I know it's going to spark an argument. And it's like, a lot of times we've had this where we've had, like, the same argument over and over and over and over, like, the. The argument loop. So it just gets, like, exhausted, where you're like, I'm just not going to bring it up anymore. And it's hard to, like, have these tough conversations and have it take resolution. And so for women, or maybe for both sides, we just stop bringing whatever it is up and thinking it'll go away, but it usually doesn't. And then something triggers a past behavior or whatever. So I think that. I think it's hard to be honest, both directions, because it requires you to, like both sides, like, not react right away. Like, almost just kind of like, let it sit in for a minute and not try to defend yourself. So. But I'm sure all couples go through this. I mean, I know they do. We've had guests on our show the last couple weeks, and it's like every couple goes through the same thing. The hardest thing in being married is communication.

So if you're coming, if you're. If you're having to stuff your truth because you feel like my words are going to be weapons by reactivity to what you're sharing, what does that do to you in your attraction to me? If our communication breaks down and you can't share your truth and you have to stuff your truth, there's a lot.

Of resentment that builds up. I feel like. I'm sure it goes both ways, but speaking for as a woman, it's. It feels like you're not safe like walking on eggshells. And then physically, it's kind of like there's not that attraction. There's not like, you. You might come into the kitchen and, like, come up and like, slap me in the butt or, like, come to give me a hug or something, and I'm just like, like, almost turned off a little bit. But it's because it's like I'm not in a space where I feel safe with you. When you hold space for me and I feel like I can be all of me and you receive it differently, then I feel heard and seen and I feel like I can. Then it's like the attraction builds up and there's more of a natural wanting to, like, come up and cuddle you and hug you and things like that.

Do you think doody booty becomes the. The output of a woman who suppressed her truth?

I honestly think that all women do duty booty.

Okay, tell us more.

It is not a problem. It is not a problem. Here's the thing. If I am not in the mood and you are, which 99% of men are always in the mood, you have to not make the women feel bad that we're not in the mood. Like, and if I say, hey, I'm fine to just have a quickie, that's what I call my doody booty. I'm like, do you want to have a quickie? It doesn't mean I might change my mind five minutes in and have fun. Or I might just. I'm just not into it and I don't think it's a problem.

What if we reframed it?

But no, you need to understand this. All women do duty booty. If it's always duty booty, that's not fun for the guy either.

What is the difference? What is the difference in how?

Also, ok, go. Sometimes I'll say, hey, let's have a quickie. But that's not do. That's like, hey, it's the morning and we got about 30 minutes before the kids get up. Or it's Sunday afternoon, the kids are on their iPads. We got at least 10 minutes like that.

Is that you wanting it or is that you wanting to give to me?

No, that. Those circumstances. Then it's like, it's quick, but it's still. It's fun for me.

So that's not okay. So then we go.

Quickie doesn't always mean a quickie, I guess, is not always doody booty. Because we do a lot of cookies because we have toddlers okay, what's canoodling? What's canoodling?

Yeah, you texted me that last night.

Canoodle.

You said, hurry up and put the girls to bed and come canoodle. Did you misspeak?

That was a voice text. Could have been cuddle. Canoodle.

It said canoodle.

You read that as canoodle.

Okay, listen, I don't know what canoodle was. I was like. But whatever canoodling is, I'm into whatever that is. What if we had. What if we had a code word for what it is, right? So for example, instead of saying, do you want a quickie? Because I don't like that. Do you want. Do you know why I don't like that? Because it's like, immediately a symbol of.

Like, I don't get over fast.

I want you to hurry up.

But why? Because sometimes when I say quickie, I'm like, we got. Our kids are literally. I'm like, hey, you wanna. We got like 10 minutes.

Let's use a different word. Okay, because quickie. Connotative. Not even fasty. Not even fasting. Nothing.

Just say, do you want to have a very fast sexual experience?

No, no. Too defined. Okay, let's try a different one. Let's try. Hey, do you need me to serve you?

No.

Yeah. What would be wrong with that one? You already say quickie. We've got 10 minutes. We got five minutes. What if you just reframed and said, do you want me to serve you? And you did the eyes like this.

How about you initiate?

I have. I initiate a lot.

That's what I'm saying. Like you didn't used to. You've gotten better at it. Cause I got tired of initiating.

Yeah, okay, but what if we just reframed it so we use a new word to describe. We can make up something for canoodle too, but we go up and the code name. So look at the definition. I see three different opportunities.

Okay, But I'm just gonna be really honest. You said be honest. Okay. Right when you said, can you serve me? I immediately. And any woman listening to the show, imagine your guys like, hey, babe, you wanna serve me? You wanna know what her energy is right out of the game.

No, no, I didn't say I asked that. I said you say it. It's different if I'm asking.

Oh, okay.

I don't come to you and say, don't serve me. I could say that, but it appears that won't work. I say no. Instead of you saying to me, babe, do you want a Quickie.

Okay. Even if I say it, can I be 100% honest?

No. Lie to me.

I feel like a little. I'm like, I don't. Do I want to serve you? I'm like, what's the difference between. It kind of makes me feel like.

Why does it make you feel like. What is a quickie, then? The physical act is the same. You're just languaging it different, which will be.

How about I just say, do you need anything tonight now?

Because then it puts in me a needy box. I don't need it. No.

You turned me down, and we're getting real on the show today, okay? You turned me down last week because last week. Yeah, one time last week you turned me down, and I was like, hey. I'm like, I'm okay if you need this. I said that. I'm like, do you want to have a quickie? And you're like, no. I'm like, I'm okay. You're. It's okay. And you're like, no.

It's the language of quickie, though. Like.

And I was. And then I woke up the next day and I go, hey, I need you to be okay that I'm here for you. I don't say.

I don't know what I said. Use that one.

Right? But I didn't say serve. I don't think I said serve. I just said, I don't want you to feel bad if I'm not in the mood. And sometimes I can get in the mood, but sometimes I can't get in the mood. And I don't need you to make me feel guilty that I can't get in the mood.

I'm not making you feel guilty. Okay? But I'm just. You felt some kind of way when you said. Cause I played it in my head. I was like, do I really want a quickie right now? No.

You flat out were like, no. I was like, that's on you, buddy. I offer.

I get it. But there. But I'm also entering a stage with you where I'd rather have really connected sex with you.

You are not going to get that every single time.

I understand that. But I could feel that way with a little adjustment in language. Just a little adjustment in language. So instead of saying, babe, do you want a quickie right now? That used to be old me. How about old me was like, let's have a quickie. Hurry up. And that was also where.

Well, I have to define it. I have to define it, like, if I'm really tired because we've had some long sessions, and if I'm really tired, I need you to understand I'm not gonna. This isn't gonna be a long session for me. I need you to understand this is a quick session. I'm not open to a longi.

Okay, good. Then we just. Then we just.

I have to verbiage it so that you don't think we're. I'm like, okay, we're not going for an hour. Like, we're not going for 30 minutes.

We celebrate that part. We're going to the fact that I can go for an hour. Let's celebrate for an hour.

Okay, well, that's great. Good for you. What I'm saying, though, is, like, how can I verbiage it where, you know, I am uninterested in the longi.

Good. I think we've already arrived on it. It's very simple. Babe, can I serve you? That's it. That'll be code to word for me.

I don't like it.

What she really means, why don't you like it? What's wrong with it?

Babe, you want to be serviced?

No.

Can I say it in that voice?

If you said it that way, I'd laugh and say yes. I'd be like, oh, she went with a low voice. That must mean. That must be down dirty fast.

Maybe we could do a hand signal.

I'm like, do a hand. Why are you so weird about saying it? I don't understand, guys.

Why are you so. Why are you so weird about quickie?

I'm not. Well, listen, I'm just giving you language that could help, that's all. Remember we were talking about this. The other person's making request, and the other person who's being requested of is not asking you to do it.

I won't be able to say it without laughing.

Okay, well, maybe it'll be fun when you say it. Laughing. Let's try. No, let's pretend after this. After the show today, we're gonna go.

I'm gonna say. I'm gonna. I'm gonna do it like this.

I'm gonna be like, dead serious face.

We're in bed, and I'm like, do you need anything for me tonight? And that's how you're gonna know.

Let's. Let's not. Let's not go with need. Because the need thing, I'm trying to get away from the needy energy. So let's try a different work.

If you.

Babe, do you want anything for me tonight?

Okay. Do you want. Would you like.

There you go. Okay, babe, do you want anything for me tonight?

Okay, I can do that.

Okay, let's practice.

Do you want anything for me tonight, babe?

Every night.

Okay, yeah, I'm good. But I have about 10 minutes.

Okay, well good. Cause I only need seven.

Where does this show go?

We've arrived at it. No, this is the conversation that goes on everywhere.

But women don't want to feel guilty. They're like, I'm not in the mood. I'm really tired. I slept like shit. I had the toddlers or I had this stress going on. Not only are we not in the mood, but we don't even want to get in the mood. We're like, I'm not even open to getting in the mood tonight. Sometimes you've gotten in the mood, but I know. And that's. I said I could be like, hell bent. I'm like, I am not having fun tonight. And then like five minutes in, I'm.

Like, okay, fine, I'm having fun.

Right? But sometimes it goes the other way.

And I'm like, this is going longer than I thought.

I wonder if, is this almost over? Because my brain's like thinking about the next day or like kids and I'm like, oh, we're still in it. Okay, so for women, that's how our brains work.

So we gotta, we gotta. Let's go with hand signals then if we have.

Usually when we have a few moans to get it speeding up.

Okay, so in this, the only time.

I'm gonna be real transparent. The only time you have not liked a quickie from me is when I didn't play the part and I just laid there very sleepily. Usually I'm a really.

That's not even duty booty. That's like dead corpse.

Right? Well, there's been times that happen often, but sometimes I'm like, I. There's no, like, I'm not like, playful and getting into it usually, even if I'm not into it. Like, I make you feel like you're having fun. Like.

Okay, so what shifted you? Because I found out that a lot of women don't do this.

Yeah. Oh, they don't?

No. But so what shift you? Because you didn't usually do that. You started doing that like five, six years ago where you actually started, like audibly getting into it. And at first I was like, holy, what magic button have I hit? I must be going deep, right? I must be doing something. How did this happen?

I did figure out a few moves.

You did.

And I do know they make you come faster.

Yes.

So for women. If you're listening to this show and you're not engaging, maybe a little moaning, maybe a little whatever your magic tricks are. No, it's not going to go any faster. So I figured out if I actually bought an effective quickie, there are some tricks you can do.

Okay, you've got a few tricks. How many tricks you got? I think you got three.

And I enjoy pleasing you. I enjoy pleasing you even if I, like, can't get into it. I'm like, it's very. It's kind of powerful. I'm like, when should I pull out the secret weapon?

I actually know right when you pull out the secret weapon. Because I'm like, I'm quite powerless against it. I'm gonna have to take classes on how to protect. You know, there's a woman named you, actually, without taking her class, you learned her move, which was Kim Andami and vaginal kung fu.

You know, I was thinking about.

That's a real trainer. She's been training for, like, 15 years.

I've had four babies. And after you have babies, they say you have to do. I forget what it's called.

Kegels.

Kegels. And I will tell you that's real. And I. After I have all my babies, I do that. I do a ton of core work. And I one day was thinking, I.

Was like, huh, yeah, the Kegel move works.

It's a muscle you have to strengthen.

Yes. And it's a power move. Yeah, the kegel is a power move.

Well, don't go take this girl's class. I'm not gonna.

No, she has another class that I might take.

You're gonna take?

Well, why would I take her class? I don't have vagina. Like, I don't need vaginal kung fu. I need defense against the vaginal kung fu. She was. She created another course. Guess what it's called. Super cuck. Yeah, I bought it, but I haven't done the course.

You did not.

No, I did. There was a whole bunch of us who were excited about it. Warrior for a period of time. So, yeah, we did, because one of the guys wives took vaginal kung fu. And he's like, bro, this woman can end me anytime she wants. Now. Like, I need. She has another course. It's called Supercock. We should all take it together. So there was like eight of us that bought the course, and only two of us finished it. And 50% it worked. 50% it did not. But I don't know. That could probably just be the guy.

Well, I would say to the women maybe listening to this, that I don't think it's a problem to serve your man. And even though it's a quickie or, like, it's still very powerful. Like, for me, when I'm like, oh, I got him, like, it's. Instead of you feeling like, I just. There's a different sex. Pincushion sex is really like a corpse sex.

It's horrible.

It, like. And that's, like. That's not fun for me either, because then I wake up feeling kind of, like, used. So it doesn't. Pincushion sex. Let's define quickie and pincushion sex are not the same.

No.

Right. So I literally think of pincushion. Like, the women wake up feeling used, and the men wake up feeling used.

Yep.

And you're just like, well, that wasn't worth the orgasm. And she's like, oh, we have to do that every once in a while, you know? So for me, even if I can't, if I'm not interested or I'm tired, I still feel better if I'm, like, pleasing you. And, like. Like, you know, like, if I go, great. If I don't, whatever. So I think that's the difference to consider that, like, your man is going to want sex more than you. Like, that is how they are built. That is how they are wired. They. They need it. I can even feel it in you if you're stressed with work and spend a few days or whatever. And I'm like, I need to relieve you of this pressure. And I used to be, you know, 10 years ago, me would be, like, so irritated. And now I am like, if I help relieve some of this pressure, you're a better man to me. You're more open. So that's like. I mean, I didn't know that. I was married super young and didn't, you know, raised under a religious. Religious background. And I just remember in the first, like, five years of having sex, almost feeling that kind of. That guilty, like, ooh, this is gross. I'm like, but it should be just a switch that flips it. It's not naughty anymore. And it should be natural and all these things. And it didn't feel that way for me. And so I am one of those weirdos where, like, I kind of just figured it out for myself. But a lot of women, they. They. I mean, they live in a place where they. Maybe they don't figure it out.

I know they don't.

I mean, I'm not gonna name names, but we know somebody who got divorced after 13 years who had never had an orgasm and had three kids with this man.

Never had an orgasm in 13 years. She didn't even know what it felt like.

Yeah, so, but, yeah, but some women, they, they, they're so uncomfortable with this conversation.

Why are women so uncomfortable with it? Guys, Guys try to have the conversation. I'm not even saying that, Mary, but.

Guys don't even know how to have the conversation.

Well, because they're coming into like a, like a minefield of topics which is like if a guy tries to address it and our guys will guide our guys to have this conversation. It's. There is a ton of combative conflict of conversation that happens between we're not happy with our sex life. To our sex life is amazingly rewarding for both of us. That jump, there's a war zone in here of people's patterns and behaviors and triggers and traumas that have to be worked through. So I mean, we've gone through, I would say we've probably had on every week long vacation in the past couple years. We've had one of the six to seven days where there was a moment of explosion between us. And the last couple years, those explosions led to really big breakthroughs for us, like as a couple. But they were on. They weren't always on the sex topic, but they were on something. And then it would lead to this blow up and then the blowup would lead to a new conversation. So I don't even think it's possible to get to the new paradise or the promised land without having to leave it. If you look at biblically, the Israelites are being led by Moses out of Egypt, out of bondage, into the desert. And they had no promise of what was going to happen out there. And it was chaos for them. No food, no shelter. They had to figure it all out and before they get to the promised land. But that refinement out in the desert is ultimately what built the people. Now most of the people who died before they ever got to the promised land, they're only a couple that got there. But that entire purification process in the desert is what we've gone through. Like I was sitting with a couple guys who'd been down and there were third marriages and every situation they bumped into in marriage one, marriage two, and they're currently bumping into in marriage three, we've gone through. I said, I've been married to six different women. Like, I have six, I've been married six times. They're like, are you serious? I thought you and Danielle were together for 22 years. Oh, yeah. No, I've had six different Danielle in my life.

Cause we all evolve and grow.

If.

If I stayed the same, that wouldn't be good.

No.

So you have to. As your partner is growing and changing, you have to understand, like, you're recommitting to the new version of them, which is hard.

And part of that is an awakening and a deeper level of sexuality. This is why, for me, I'm in a season where I'm like. Like, I'll be sitting there. I'm like, do I want a quickie in the shower? I don't know. Because I'm like, okay, well, if I store it up another day or two, number one, the load's incredible. Feels better for me. Feels better for you. And there's like a. It's like a. More like if I rip a quickie every day, it's, like, built just. It's like, not as. It's not as explosive versus if it's like every three or four days, you got to have.

Got to have a little build up.

Well, and so that's why, like, it's not that I'm turning you down for the quick. I think I'm just in this place where, like, even if you look at.

I think you trained your brain, like, early on in our marriage that you'll, like, take whatever you can get. You're like, what you offered. I can't say no. And I think any guy, like, if you told your warrior guys and you're like, yeah, I turned my wife down, they'd be like, what the hell is wrong with you? You're like, But I just, you know.

I didn't feel like I was turning you down. I just feel like you were offering a gift that you didn't need, and I didn't really need it. And I was like, that night, when I took. That night. You're looking though. That night when I said no, I said, but what I do want you to do, take your pants off, leave your panties on, Just let me cuddle you to sleep. That's it. Because I sleep naked. So I was like, cool, I just want to hold you. Come here. Which this is weird for my brain to be in that place, too, where it's like, okay, I spent so many years in the Starvation Desert, and now I'm in this place of like. You shifted so much. I've shifted so much. There's like a different thing. It's like I told you last night, I said one of my Favorite things to do with you as a human is now starting to compete with having sex with you, which was wild for me that that could even be there. Like, last night, it happened. That's why I didn't know what canoodling was. So I made up my own canoodle, which is we have this thing we're working on with you. Tell them what we're working on with you for your nighttime. Because you. You have.

Oh, my God.

You get the worst sleep of probably equal to most women.

We have a TV in our bedroom. And I love. Like, Garrett will put the kids to bed a lot at nighttime for me, which I love. And, you know, it's. You do it fast now like you used to.

You'd fall asleep me in there for now.

I know. No, with our first two girls. Like it. Really, when you would put them to bed, you'd fall asleep, and I'd be like, I guess I didn't want to hang out.

I think I was avoiding you.

I'm sure you were, but I thought that was so weird that almost every time I'd have you put our first two sets of girls to sleep, you acted like it was this huge chore. And then I'd be like, I can go in, tickle the racks for 10 minutes, and I'm out. And so anyway. But, yeah, with our new kids, you're doing a lot better. Our new kids, our next set of daughters, you'll go in, put them. If you do go, put them to bed, like, 10 minutes maybe. And then I know, like, you'll come back.

And so I got a system now. I got him trained.

Yeah.

And I'm trained, which is I use my endel app. I put on the sleep music.

Oh, that's.

So the sleep music trains them. And then I set the timer for 5. I always start with Charlie because she's the youngest. I would complain about this, like, a year and a half ago or so. And then she lays down on her stomach. She grabs her lovey. I tickle her back for five minutes. When the alarm goes off, she noses over. I give her a kiss. I whisper, like, truths in her ear about how powerful she is, how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, and she's gonna sleep well. Then I go over to Isla, and Isla's super stoked. Cause she's been waiting the whole time. She talks half of Charlie. Charlie.

Oh, you do a separate.

She talks half of Charlie's. Every time. I'll be like, isla, if you keep talking, I'm cutting minutes off. And Charlie Isla, stop talking. So then I'll go around to the other side and Isla's all excited. She's cozied into her bed with her shirt pulled up so I can tickle her back. And then I put the music on. Same thing. They're both awake when I leave after the 10 minutes. Sometimes Charlie would be asleep, but both awake. And I'm like, I love you girls. Yeah, love you, daddy. See you in the morning.

Yeah. I think with our first two sets of kids, you trained them that you can't leave unless they're asleep.

I would tickle their backs till they fell asleep.

Until they fell asleep. Yeah. And I was like, I remember. I'm like, that's so weird. You just set a timer. You're like, you have five minutes.

Yeah, I wasn't thinking.

And then you're like, I love you. Kiss you good night. Yeah, but, yeah, no. So I. A lot of women like to do this, but when you're doing the bedtime routine, I like to have the TV on. Could be a movie, a show, whatever. My like scroll on my phone at the same time. But that's like my wind down phase. And what I realized is it was stimulating my brain too much. And if I watched anything sort of like suspenseful or anything, like I would have this crazy like anxiety terrors all night and then I'd wake up feeling like I got hit like a bus. So we've been testing the sleep music or whatever. Yeah, well, we're surprised I can fall asleep with that because I was like, I'm a super light sleep two minutes. And I was like, I don't know about this.

And you were asleep two minutes last night. Yeah, because of this. And I was fighting for this cuz I knew this was the case. Like, listen, we're really got pushed over is when we come back from Key west and you decided to watch the Melendez Brothers series on Netflix all the way home for like seven hours. And we get home that night and you're having nightmares all night long. You're like, you wake up in the morning like, oh, I feel like I hit by a truck. I was like, well, you did watch the story of two kids who murder their parents and, and all the chaos that they went through for hours before we went to sleep. So I was like, hey, what if we test something different? Cause I had heard people do this before, which is the bedroom is a sanctuary. It's not a place for tv, it's not a place for movies, it's not a place to fuck off. Like that. It's like, how do we wind down? Plus I've been wanting to get you a place where we could wind your brain down. I go, I'm a rock. I'm out. Lay down, strip my clothes off, get naked, get in bed. Boom, done. Less than four minutes, I'm out every time. I never lay there thinking, I wonder about life. Nope. I wonder about life at 2:30 in the morning. I'm not wondering about life at 9 o'. Clock. 9:30, I'm out. Good night. So what? I've watched this happen over the last week and a half as we've done this with you. And last night was another example. I came in, you were even excited for it. I was like. Cause you had so much anxiety the night before because you watched your show again. So I was like, okay.

No, it was from the Ruby thing.

Oh yeah, it's from the Ruby thing. If anything goes down with the kids.

Oh yeah. Also, if anything goes down with the kids, I don't sleep good. This is like normal. This is normal.

I know, but this is working. So last time we put up the speaker, the JBL speaker, we put on the end of lap, I put on the sleepy music. I set the alarm to wake up at like 4:30, because you can actually come out of it too. Cause like it'll, it starts you up here, but now you. So like right when we get to the bottom peak, which is about 15 minutes in the first three or four times we did this, then you'd fall asleep. Now your brain's getting trained. It's winding you down just like the girls. And I'm watching you. Last night you were asleep.

Where'd you find this music in two minutes?

I've been using it for a couple years on the Instagram, I don't know on the history. Yeah, I try all kinds of meditation app. It's a Focus app called Endel. It's like a little black logo. It's really, really good. But I'm just, I'm proud of you because I want you. Because here's reality. The whole family suffers if you don't sleep.

Yeah.

Because then you're just like walking wounded the next day.

I feel like I'm like a different human being when I get sleep.

I'm like, wow, look like a different human.

This is what it feels like to be refreshed. And to be honest with you, I noticed my, my mood is like a lot more like steady versus if I don't get sleep, I like almost if I wake up, I'm like, what's wrong with me? Like, I almost feel, like, depressed and, like, anxious, and I'm like, what is wrong with me?

Yeah.

And then you're like, it's perimenopause. I'm like, fuck you. It's not perimenopause.

Hey, but you've been watching a lot of perimenopause videos.

No. I have felt a little bit different since we have moved to Miami, and I talked to our, like, our private doctor, and I was like, hey, like, I've always had anxiety and, like, depression. Kind of goes hand in hand with anxiety. I'm like, I think that's why I'm kind of a high achiever, because it makes me. It's like, my own way to medicate myself, right? And since we moved here, I've had more stress and less going on in the business. So then it's like, it's. I'm not. I feel like I'm not as. Like, not achieving, but I'm not as busy. And so I'm in this space where, like, I'm like, what is. I'm like, what's wrong with me? So then I'm talking to our doctor, and he's like, oh, here, you can try this. And I've never. I don't take prescription meds, but I was in a place where I was like, I'm open to trying something. So I tried something, and I was, like, not taking those anymore. They just made me feel, like, kind of like in a fog all day. And I was like, I don't. I want to. I'm used to feeling very, like, alert and sharp, but, like, I'm not trying to numb. I was just trying to, like, how to figure out how to manage, you know, I actually run five to six days a week, and it's not because I want to be super skinny. It's because I love the natural endorphins that you get from running. Like, I know women are all about the weighted vests and the walking. And I'm like, I don't run for my physicality. I lift weights for my physicality. I run for my mental state. I love the natural endorphins. But anyways, I've been feeling, like, a little bit off this year, and when I talked to him again, I was like. I'm like, should I try something else? And he's like, danielle, he told me the same thing. I'm like, I think there's mold in our house. And I'm getting symptoms of this, which we did find mold in our house. And he's like, I need you to know there's mold everywhere. I'm not saying that you haven't been exposed to mold, but I need you to understand. You and Garrett live a very intense, high pressure lifestyle, and you have five children. He's like, so I can try to help you, but I'm telling you, what you're feeling is like, it's just stress and pressure and the move and everything. And I was like, I agree with that. I'm just looking. What? Like, I just need some coaching. So anyways, he actually referred me to.

Did you refer to a therapist?

Yeah, he referred me to a therapist who specializes in anxiety.

Okay.

So that I can talk to somebody, like, about, like, what I'm feeling and, like, at least start there. It's amazing because I. Because I'd rather go, like, a more natural route. Like, I said, like, I tried something and I was like, I don't like that. So for me, I have, you know, I have. I'm like, just trying to coach with other people also, too. I think when you would always be, like, a communication between both of us, I don't think sometimes you need, like, a buffer. So if I'm frustrated at you and I want to rip your head off for some reason, it might be nice to talk through it with somebody else first.

Amen. Sweet baby Jesus. You speak in words I've always wanted to hear. Yes.

Just because it's like, yes. It's not that I can't communicate with you, but it's almost like I need somebody. I need, like a sounding board.

Yeah.

So it's like, okay, maybe this is going on. Or maybe this is going on.

Yeah. Well, it gives you a referral back to a conversation with somebody that doesn't have a vested opinion in anything long term in the sense of they don't win one way or another outside of you getting clear.

Right.

And you understand this is like, what I've had access to for a long time. This is why I was pushing for you to get access to a coach. This is why having Tim Storey as your coach is like. Cause I love him so much, and he loves you so much, and he's such an amazing coach. So now you have a coach, and now you're gonna have a therapist, which people think that's weakness. I'm like, no, who else you have to talk to? Cause the thing I love, the one thing I love about you, you don't gossip about us to your mom, to your sisters, to your girlfriends. It's like, none of it. It's just, like. You just deal with it. But that's always been a concern for me, too. Cause I'm like, my wife has no one to release to who is healthy to release.

I would never. I can be there for a friend if she's going through stuff. And I'm like, please don't tell me. I don't want to hear the details going on in your marriage, like, because then I will look at your significant other and be like, oh, what an asshole. You know? Like, I don't. I wouldn't want a friend to tell me stuff. So it's like a. It's a sticky balance because you're like, hey, do you need anything? I'm here for you. But I would. If I had a friend that was, like, telling me, like, stuff that was bugging me about her husband, I would. I wouldn't be friends with her, like, flat out. Like, if she's like, I need someone to talk, I'd be like, girl, go get a therapist. Like, I don't want. I don't want it. I don't want to look at your man any different than how I see him, you know? So I wouldn't be friends with people like that. And we were friends with people like that. And I was like, why does it. I'm like, I don't want to be friends with you. I just don't want to be friends with people like that.

I think it's the difference between open and honest about a situation that's going on in your marriage versus being a victim in dumping. Yeah, the victim dumping creates all kinds of toxicity because you can't escape it. It's like, we have people we're close to who've done that with us, and then it's really hard to look at the other person. The girlfriend, the fiance, the boyfriend, the husband. Look at them from the face. They're like, what the fuck?

And I don't like to look at people like that. I'm like, I don't like that. I know this about you. And I'm like. And I know there's two sides to the story. And unfortunately, I'm only hearing one side of the story.

People hear a lot of our story.

What?

The world's heard a lot of our story. Yeah, there's a lot of people have heard our story.

Yeah.

That doesn't make. It doesn't make you freaked out. Like your new book coming out, right? No, but it tells a lot of truth, too.

It's different than if I'm like, We don't share our truth in the sense. Like, it's different than if you had a girlfriend or somebody coming to you. Like, she's a. He's a crazy dick and he's doing da, da, da, da. Like, we tell some of our past experiences and hope that it'll put, like, light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think that's a problem. I think that's healthy. You're like, hey, we worked through it. Because then people are like, oh, I was going through that too, and I thought I was crazy and I didn't want to talk to anybody about it, you know? And not talking at all is not good either.

Well, I think. Listen, we've been doing this here at Warrior for the past, like, eight years. Wake up. Warrior was like a place 14 years ago that we launched, which was a place for guys to come and talk. Like, yes, we focus on a business. Yes, we focus on these things. But it was really a place for them to come and talk and to be free and to be able to not be judged by other guys. But the big commonality that our guys found was all the guys, no matter where they came from, tall, short, black, white, Latino, it didn't really matter. Like, all the guys were facing the same thing in marriage, business stress, and life with kids. And when you get in a room with guys and you can share that truth, like at Man Arena Tour on November 8th, like this. These events are a place for guys to be safe, to speak the painful truth that they're not speaking. A lot of guys don't talk about it either. Most of them. And talk about this is like, I do outside the gym this morning. How was your weekend? He's horrible. I say, why was it horrible? Dolphins lost. I was like, oh, that sucks. Have that life. I was like, I get you, but that's, like, ridiculous. So. But now you're stepping into a place, and I'm proud of you as your husband because I gave you a little nudge, but you've kind of taken it on your own. Working with our doctor, getting a therapist, which didn't know that is happening yet. That's. It's going to be super healthy for you because you can go. If you're losing your mind about me, you got a place to go where you can lose your mind about me. You have somebody who gets to sit in a powerful, neutral position with you, who gets to know you over time and can mirror back to you what they're hearing. Because half the crazy shit you think is just Crazy shit. It's not even real. It's just your own crazy shit. Same thing with me. It's not real. But we taught guys with the tool because at first it was just guys getting to share with each other. Then we started saying, okay, what would it look like for a guy to be able to mirror himself? And then what would it be like to get a man to a place where he could talk to God about his bullshit?

Do men have a hard time wanting to. I mean, I feel like women are way more open to being like, yeah, I have my weekly therapist. It doesn't seem like men are more. I mean, you could tell me if.

You boil the lawyer down, where's one giant therapy?

Right.

But it's a productive therapy session.

Right, but it's. Do you think that all men and women need one on one therapy?

Yeah, I think it'd be healthy for everyone if you have the right therapist, if you have the right person, if therapy actually leads to an outcome, not just a circular conversation. A lot of therapy is a circular conversation. You're actually seeing it as a ChatGPT because ChatGPT is a tech is built to mirror. There's a specific app called Architect, several versions of it which mirrors back your truth to you. So the more you input, the more it mirrors back to you your truth.

Well, this is where I was getting if, like if you think that communication is the hardest thing, but yet people don't want to seek help because then they feel like they're broken or wrong or whatever. But if everybody. What if you got married and you were required to get a healthy health.

To get a therapist? I think it'd be healthy as shit.

You're like, hey, we're going to solve a lot of divorces in the world. When you sign that paper, you are now appointed a therapist for you. Yeah, that in order to have healthy conversations with your spouse.

Yes.

Does that mean you're getting a therapist too then?

Yeah, I mean I have therapists, I have coaches right now I work directly with. And one of the things I add, I'm happy to get a therapist if it makes you feel good. The thing I would tell you is every single morning for an hour to hour and a half, 5,000 plus times. That means for well over eight years, every morning for an hour to two hours, I sit with my thoughts, my truth inside of our tools and warrior app. And now I sit with God in those with my Bible stack. I'm having God reframe my reality, which is right.

And I think that's Great for you. But I will tell you, when we did couples therapy together, there was a lot of times where you were just like, oh, shit. Like you kind of had a moment. Oh. And so I was just thinking, like, if you're excited for me to go down that route, maybe it would be something that you.

I'm happy to go down that route.

Because I'm in this coaching space, like, different than you. But I've been coaching women hairstylists for the last 15 years. And I think when you're a coach, you're like, you're so used to coaching everybody else and you do a lot of things in life to kind of mentally set you up, like stacking. I work out and do my thing. Like, so we, we set ourselves up to be like peak performers.

Yeah.

But I still think, like, why, why not take.

I haven't not had a coach for 14 years. I've had a coach for 14 years since I hired Brendon Burchard.

To me, I think a coach is different than a therapist.

For sure.

I do. I mean, I've had multiple coaches throughout, throughout my life as well. But I. The only therapist I've had is with you. We did couples therapy. So I'm kind of like, to me, like a coach to me is somebody who kind of helps self discovery, like for you and maybe helps like with business or whatever else. But like a therapist to me feels like I could share some like dark shit with that. Like, I'm like, I gotta tell you with where I'm at versus a coach, I feel like is a little bit different. Because if you're a therapist, you're trained to deal and work with people differently. If you're a coach, it's like, I just think they are two different roles.

Depends on the coach too, right? So if you take like a business coach, a business coach is going to deal with business shit. If you take like warrior trainers. We are comprehensive in this, meaning we deal with speaking, seducing, teaching, training, coaching, consulting. I operate more like a pastor and a therapist on a daily basis than I do a coach. That's why even like the 60 churches were taken away.

I mean, like, actually like, to be a therapist, don't you have to go to college and like get a degree and like know the psychology of.

I've studied this for 15, 18 years.

No, I'm asking a real question.

Yeah, you don't have to be a licensed clinical therapist.

You have to get a degree.

Yes, yes, you do. And most therapists are worthless. They don't have Actual training. It's like going and listening to a sex therapist who's single and never been married. You're like, I appreciate your. Yes, it is one of our. That's why you dropped our sex therapist because she wasn't married. Our first sex therapist that we had, she was a single girl, and we.

Only went to her once. And I was like, I know.

You dropped her because she wasn't married. And I was like, I get it. What can you understand about my life? So one of the things interesting, like, in. I 100% agree with you. I 100% will go get a therapist with you. I have no problem with that. Zero. I would. I would actually.

I just think it's, like, a lot of pressure. Like, sometimes I feel, like, this pressure on. On me that, like, maybe that pressure doesn't need to be on me, and you just need someone to, like, offload something on, and maybe it can go both ways.

For sure. I'm totally open to it. I'm just also telling you, like, I've been in this space.

No, I know. I just was, like, 15 years old. I realized, like, I just was realizing as we were talking about this live that I'm like, yes, you have had a ton of coaching. You've never had an individual therapist.

You've had tons of coaches classified as therapist. No. Have I had comprehensive therapists who have spoken truth into my world, who've mirrored back?

No, I was just. I was just making an observation.

Yeah, no, I don't disagree with you, junior. Remember, I went through an entire five years of working with just women as coaches who were deeply trained in nlp, deeply trained in energy work, deeply trained in Reiki, deeply trained in eft, deeply trained in Byron Katie. So work Dark shadow work with Bed and Debbie Ford from 2008 to 2013. But it's not like you haven't experienced much of that. That I've experienced the huge gamut, which is what allows me to also have a different conversation with guys. I was sitting in my office last week. I had three different guys who were local here in Miami come in, every single one of these guys dumping dark, heavy truth. And like a therapist, you have to sit and receive. Like a pastor, you have to sit and receive. That's why I say, like, even our pastors, we're doing work with right now, and there's 60 churches that we're helping receive.

But then also, like, listening to, like.

Yes, intuitively knowing how to reframe.

Because, like, last couples therapists, we would be in the middle. But and he'd be like, hold on, hold on. And he would, like, ask the question and you'd reframe it. And you're like, oh, yeah, for sure. Like, there's definitely, like a skill to it.

For sure. I totally agree. I totally agree. This.

It's not just like holding space and taking it all on and giving them feedback and coaching. It's like, effective. Like, okay, how do I get them in their brain to flip this around?

Yeah, I don't disagree with you at all. I am not opposed to it. I'm 100% open to it. Would receive. Receive it with open arms. Full speed ahead. This therapist better be ready because I'm gonna drop a week's worth of stacks.

I think it'd be good for you.

Have them read them for several hours before I get there. So I don't spend any time telling. Trying to get you up to speed with where my week's gone.

Here's where the fuck you're require them.

We already have guys done this in therapy. I have my guys taking their stacks bundled in a bound thing. They pay for two to three hours before the session. They hand it. I have guys went to a couple therapies who they. They book four hours of time with a therapist. One hour is for their wife and him. And the three hours before he said, hey, just so we can spend time talking about my wife, this session, I'm going to go ahead and let you know where I've been for a week. So I'm going to buy three hours of your time to read through my stack work that I do every single morning so you can see that I'm progressing and doing work. And here are the results to back it up. So we don't spend 45 minutes of this session trying to make me the only part of the problem. Again, literally this is happening right now. And of course, the women are not doing this. And I'm not against saying the women should. I'm just saying we found an effective method for guys to be able to experience therapy with God, which is the most. There's no therapist on the world.

Well, if you think about it, women are naturally a little bit more open and communicative, and men. It's shifting. It's definitely shifting. But men are taught like, you gotta be the hunter and don't communicate. And then if they do communicate, it just comes out and like, explosive. Yeah. So men are in a space where they're. I think they're needing space to learn how to effectively talk to God and process their Own feelings.

Hey, listen, I'm down to roll with your therapy.

Women have always been like, oh, they're crazy. Hormones, and this and this and this. I'm like, I think that men are equally as crazy. And women, we have permission to be crazy.

Yeah.

Like, we have permission because we have hormones and all these other things. But men are equally as crazy.

You know, in the spirit of crazy, I think is a truth that people don't talk about. Most women have hit their man.

Most women have hit their man.

I actually don't know one guy whose wife has not hit him. Really? Yeah. But I couldn't tell you. I know on a handful, after all the dudes I've worked with who have ever hit their wife.

Yeah. It doesn't go the same the ways.

I know. So I'm saying it's crazy.

Verbally, women, I have talked. Well, we know a few people, but women feel as abused. Like, the man is so reactive that it feels like you're getting like, I.

Don'T disagree because we. We think. We thought. And I thought this for years, too. Well, I didn't hit her. I just yelled at her.

Yeah.

Which you're thinking, oh, that's better. Cause I got beaten when I was a kid, so maybe if I just yell instead of spank my kids, that would be better. But in many cases, I think it's probably worse.

I would validate that. There was a few years where I was like, I think the yelling might be worse.

Yeah, well, dude, it was tough as a husband, too, because I'm sitting there watching.

I'm not worse, but I think as.

Bad I should say, I was watching you get, like, taken out verbally. And even then, our daughters are getting bigger than you. And I was watching you now be physically intimidated. And I'm like, I didn't know how to insert this. This was what the. The only comparison I give is when you have teenage daughters and you have a wife, they all become sisters at times. And then they're on their periods, it's even worse. So then they're, like, battling like sisters with each other, screaming, calling each other's neighbor, and then guy tries to step in. But I feel like sometimes, like, the police officers called to the house because there's physical abuse happening. And, like, police come to save the woman from the abuser, and when they come to arrest the man, she starts attacking the police officer. So, like, I ended up in this crossfire of chaos, and I did not have the skills to deal with it. Now I'd be fine. Now I'D be fine. Like Charlie's. I was talking back this morning, just being brutal with you, and all it took was one little on a cheek. She comes down the hallway to me, and she's like, daddy, she smacked me in the face. I know, but I was like.

She was like, losing. Sometimes she's losing her mind. It's like I always say. Like, she flipped her lid, and I'm like, whoa. Word, Isla. And, like, nothing. Like, I can be like, breathe. Breathe. And she doesn't do anything. So sometimes I'm like, yeah, just give her a little. Not hard, but enough to be like.

She came down. She came down the laundry room to me, and she's like, mommy at me. I said, well, looks like your brain wasn't turned on. She stops crying. She looks at me. She's like, you know sometimes where dad has to ask you, do you need me to smack your butt to turn your ears on? Mom had to smack you in the mouth to turn your head on your brain on. You were being a crazy person with your mother this morning. Talking rude, being obnoxious, yelling, throwing things. Like, did you stop? She's like, yeah. I said, okay, good. Next time when mom says stop, just stop. So I think you and I have gotten on much more of the same page, too, with parenting. I would be a far cry from the mustard wars that happened this weekend. I think we've had the police at our house, like. Like once a week for the past month with teenage issues.

I hope I survive.

So listen, come back to one.

I don't know why I have anxiety and stress.

I don't know why, where this all comes from. So the. The rhythm I was telling you about, the music thing. Let's come back to that. So last night, like, I've felt this so many times with you in the last couple months, and it's amazing.

What?

It's like a soul orgasm when I'm cuddled up next to you. And particularly. And it's not even a sexual thing for me, when you're, like, half naked and I can feel your body against my naked body and I'm holding you like this.

You're, like, twice my size.

I know I'm like a giant bear just holding you. But when I'm holding you like this, what I'm noticing my chest against your back. We started without ever talking about it. This started happening about six weeks ago where I would breathe and you're breathing, and our breathing's not synced. And then I would start breathing slower and deeper and holding it at the core top a little bit. And then you'll settle into it and we get into a same breathing.

I remember you didn't snore last night.

Cause you slept. I probably did snore. You slept, though, when you sleep. Well, my snore guard works. I know when I don't. When you don't sleep well, I can just breathe sideways a little bit. And you think it's snoring, so I think it's. But last night, do you feel this? Do you feel the breathing or is this just me?

I just remember, like, I slept pretty good through the night, and I remember, like, waking up being like, I must have fallen asleep in, like two minutes.

You did.

I was like. Because I just remember music and then nothing.

I was like, right when our breathing synced up, you were asleep within, like 30 seconds.

But I was tired. I feel like the weekends, like, we go hard by, like Sunday. I'm like, oh, I need a recovery day.

Okay, so final topic, right? We have. I was looking at a picture of. You sent us a picture of our fitness competition a year ago. That was August, right?

No, that was April.

Was that April?

And that was like, almost two years ago, wasn't it?

No, it was April of 24.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did I do another competition that year?

No, no, we did one last year. Yeah, it was in for my birthday. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Went to Dubai.

Yeah. Went to Dubai, right?

Yeah, that's right. Because we went to Greece. Greece for our anniversary that year. But I look at the mount of transformative decisions we've made from April of 2024 to September of 2025. Not like small, like, radical decisions over that entire time period. You shut down a good piece of your company. Got rid of it. You eliminated your teams. Got rid of them. You brought new teams on. I went through a purge. We sold the home in California. We sold the training offices, the salons. We sold everything again.

I don't know why.

We moved ourselves to Miami, got a new house, moved the companies. I lost 95% of my employees and team members, replaced them all brand new, have a business partner. We moved into the 10x world with the cardones we mentioned with Grant, Elena, Brandon, Natalie. We're working in that world. We've built out new offers, new frames. We're in new offices. Our offices are now cranking here.

You think we could have stayed in California and done all this? Or do you think we needed to change environments?

We needed a change in vibrational environments. Vibration in Miami is completely different Than Orange County.

Yeah.

And Orange county was perfect for us. When we moved to Orange County.

Yeah. Because it felt like a push.

It felt amazing. Like, we came from Arizona to Orange county, and then from Orange county, we're there for like 12, 13 years.

I think it's been a hard year for me too, because, like, we had, like, the most amazing house in California. Like, it was, like, felt like very God given. Like, I'm like, wow, this, like, the circumstances lined up and we got in and we got, like a great interest rate. And like, I'm like, wow, when we got that house, it felt like the stars kind of aligned. So when that happens, I'm like, we're supposed to be here. So to feel like we're supposed to be here, and then like, nope, give it back to me. I'm like, wait, you said we're supposed to be here. Now you want it back?

That's weird.

And I remember thinking last year, I was like, God, very clearly saying, it was never yours. It was a gift that I gave you. And I was like, oh, but can I keep the gift a little longer?

Well, we thought we'd have. I thought I'd have that house in our family for. Oh.

We were like, our grandkids will come. And so I think it's been a hard transition because the home that we're in now isn't half the quality of our home we had there.

I think it's less about the quality, which I agree. I think it's about. I think it's about us not feeling home.

Yeah. Maybe that's what it is.

Because we like the vibrational game of homeness.

It never. Because we were releasing it and I was like, you know, it's nice. Like, maybe we'll end up buying it. So we were releasing with the intent of, like, at the end of the lease, possibly buying it. And, like, within six months.

I was like, probably not even six. It's probably three months.

I know. I was like, no, this is not it.

Which is why people are like, well, why didn't you just buy. You guys are fakers. And I'm like, dude, when you move to a new place, if you're committing this house, 30 million, like, you commit to a house, you're like. Like, we don't even know if we want to be in the neighborhood. Like, we love the neighborhood. Golden beach is amazing. But we're kind of. We're kind of like, we're kind of a sore thumb in the neighborhood.

Even when we moved to California, remember we started in Ladera Yep. Then ended up at 4 via Corsa, then ended up in the Strand. Like, we didn't actually buy in California until we had. I mean, we had to repair our credit and shit and all this stuff, but we didn't actually buy until we had lived there like what, six, seven years?

So we moved there in 13 and we bought in 17. So like four or five years.

Yeah, because we just didn't know where we wanted to land. And it's so funny because I told a few people, they're like, that moved here and then moved back to California. They're like, I wish I would have leased. Like, they, they did the opposite where they bought, and then they're like, I don't like this. So then they end up back in California. I'm like, well, yeah, when you're moving to a whole new place, everything's different. Yeah, you're like, people, different houses, people move back. There's one of our old neighbors, actually, she's like, I wish I would have done that. She's like, we got there and I hated the area where we're at. So she's like, we just sold it and came back to California. And I was like, yeah. I'm like, luckily, I really like the area we're in and we have our offices here and everything. And I think it's like the perfect mix of like kind of Miami, but, like, you're far enough away.

We're going home in two months.

We're going home? Yeah, we're at least going to 3 Oceanfront.

No, we're going. We're going. We're going to home for the next, like four or five years.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Like the place that. The place that we picked up. I'm not even gonna tell you about it. I'm not even telling anybody about it. I just like the place that we got has not only a radically different approach to living for us, but it's also a. It has history in it from people who have risen and built massive stuff. And the fact I just. The energy of the next move feels like a three ocean front move for me, which is like we're now finally getting into a path. It's like this was a transition to get to the place.

Right.

But there's so many people that want everything to be the place the first time. They won't take the risks or the shot. Like so many of you like watching or listening to this. Like, I'm telling you right now, you guys, I know people have been living in the same place 14, 1516 years. You're like, you can't possibly pretend that you can grow at the speed you need to grow and create the capabilities that you want to create. Living in the exact same physical environment for 15 years, it's like people that grew up in a city, in a neighborhood, and they moved two blocks down the street from their parents and they've lived in the same place. And then these guys would come to my programs, they're like, man, I should know what the deal is. I was like, bro, it was really simple. God was clear with Abraham. He's clear with you, he's clear with me. And here's what it is. Leave your country. When you're trying to find new things, you have to leave the physical environment that you're in. Orange county was amazing. We still love it. And there are some things about the ocean. Orange county in the Pacific Ocean, way better for sure. Waves, cooler water, like, amazing. You can surf. Can't surf here. Not really. Less hurricane. But there's beautiful things here in Miami. So leaving your country gives you the capability to actually experience something new. Many people don't even go on vacation outside the state that they're in. They're used to going to the same places. We kind of used to do this too. Now we go international. We experience different worlds and different groups of people and different languages, and it just, it molds and gives you an opportunity. The second piece of God told Abraham was, leave your country. One second. Leave your family. Which was there's a narrative you have about where your family's at. As men, you contain your wife, your children, and your. The narrative of what is possible for your family. Right? And that itself oftentimes gets stuck. That's where we were with nine Oceanfront. Like, we love this home. It was a show home. It was beautiful. The location was beautiful. Neighborhood stunning. The view was stunning. The home was a top quality, five star everything. And it had kind of become a prison for us too, in a way. Like, not. It was. People think we came here for taxes. No, that wasn't why we came. People think we came here because we're running from somebody. No, that's not why it came here.

I was gonna say. I'll tell you why. I know we had to move. And it's because we were done with that chapter and we could not end that chapter in Orange County.

Couldn't do it.

I let go of my entire team. And it was messy and it was ugly, and it hurt, and it still hurts. And in order to take my business where I know I want to do. I had to end that chapter. And same thing with Warrior. Like, the people that we have brought on our teams. It's like you get kind of stuck in this place where it's like, we're so loyal. Are you loyal or have you just worked together for so long and you don't realize the signs of the end of chapter? And, you know, it was kind of a purge, and it was like, very, very painful, but, like, liberating at the same time. And we couldn't have done it staying in Orange County. We couldn't have. We physically had to move environments.

We went coast to coast, Southern California to Southern Florida. Totally different environment.

Maybe we could have. Would have taken twice as long, though.

It would have been really hard. And it would, because every piece of the physical environment was still the same, which means all the triggers were there, all the patterns. And I had team members have been with me for eight to 10 years. And the fun part was like, when we came here, Brandon Dawson, I was sitting with him who mentors me directly, and he said, listen, I said, I'm going to make everybody come to Miami. Say, I think it's the thing. I think it's what you need to do, too. He's like, we did the same thing in Scottsdale with Cardone Ventures. And I said, okay, well, what counsel you have? Me? He said, get ready. You're going to lose most of your team. He's like, the team that got you here for 10 years is not the team that's going to get you the next place. I was like, you're not going 100 million with the teams that you have, because your current teams think a certain way, and they're locked into thinking a certain way, and that doesn't mean they're broken or wrong. So. Same reason why I've had to change accounting firms three times over, like the last 15 years. Because the first accounting team couldn't even deal with what my current accounting game is.

Right.

Second one couldn't deal with my current accounting game is. And the third one right now is probably going to be replaced with a fourth one, because we just keep getting bigger. And so the problems are different and more complex and more challenging. But as you leave your country, you also have to leave your family, which means you and I have. You and I are in a death cycle right now with how I show up, how you show up. Like there's just a new job.

In order to get to the next chapter, we've got to, like, almost like the triggers and all the Stuff is still there, but it's almost like we're in a place in our relationship where, like, even I'll get triggered. And I'm like, we're not those people anymore.

Yeah.

What I found with us is it's. You can't let the triggers don't go away, but you can't, like, sit in the space of putting more energy into the trigger than it needs to be and just be like, oh, that came up for me. Why did that come up? I don't know. It came up for me. It. Can we just push it away and say, like, that's not. That's not. We're not. That we're not. We're not those people anymore.

Yeah.

You know, like, you can't ever. That's what people don't realize in marriage, I think, is, like, you can't ever. That trigger is not going to go away. So even if, like, you marry somebody else, you're going to get a whole new set of triggers.

Yeah.

And so you just have to understand that's part of being human is working through those triggers and just being like, oh, that popped up. But I'm not that person anymore.

And I think over time, that stops becoming a trigger because even in the awareness of it, you're like, you have no energy around it anymore. But that's a hard shift. It's a hard shift to make in the same physical environments around the same physical people all the time. Because everything in your life is now screaming at you to stay where you are, to stay what you are. The minute I started shifting again, I was shifting the last three or four months, and all these people close to me are like, dude, you know, you're not being yourself anymore. I was like, I hope so. I'm doing a lot of fucking work to not be myself. Like my old self. He needs to go away. He's a problem. He's a major opportunity, but he also creates a bunch of problems. I want to access the bigger version of me. I want the next version of me. And that never is going to end. Which is why the dynamic of two growing people in marriage is so complicated at times. Because in reality, we go back and look at photos of us from just a year ago, what we were thinking, what we were saying, how we were dealing with each other, how we were engaging. Fast forward 12 months. We don't operate the same with each other. A lot of. We worked through a lot of shit in the last year, Like, a lot of heavy shit. There's a lot of pain. I've gone through a lot of pain. You've gone through. And we've been more honest. We've been honest for a long time with each other, but.

And we decided to do it with toddlers.

Not gonna lie. The toddler game is real.

It is real. But you know what? It's so freaking cute. And I keep telling you, I'm like, we're almost out of the toddler phase. Once you're out of. And our other two girls were four years apart, and these two are less than two years apart.

Whew.

Nobody told me that. But the thing is, I do feel like I've been raising toddlers my entire life, but I had an eight year gap, you know? And I remember thinking with Bailey and Ruby, by the time, like, Bailey was 10 and Ruby was like 6, I was like, oh, this is easy breezy. Like, they were cute. They weren't teenagers yet. So you kind of get. I always tell parents, I'm like, it's like crazy. Especially new parents. I'm like, it's really, really crazy. It's super cute and it's super fun. And then you have this window where it's all like, it's just a little bit easier. And then it gets hard again because they're freaking teenagers. And so I don't know. I do know the toddler phase is crazy, but I do know, like, we're so close. Charlie's almost four. I'm like, we only have, like, two more. Two more chaotic years. It's okay. And then by then, Ruby will be 60. And I feel like. I feel like by the time, like, bailey was, like, 16, 17 even, she chilled out. It's like they understand how to manage their hormones a little bit better, where they're like, not. And Ruby's not as explosive as Bailey.

No.

She's moody and she can be super bitchy, but she's not like, bah. Like, Bailey was very like, oh, whoa. Her and Isla are the ones that I'm like, where'd you go?

Yeah. Well, Isla and Charlie, as a tandem are quite the duo. They keep us on our toes.

Yeah.

So listen, great show today, and we're gonna give you topics. We're not gonna pretend like we got it all figured out. But here's what I can tell you. If you want to see how far we've come, go back and watch the first episode of this show in 2018. We've been cranking this show for seven years now. We have had seasons where we didn't do the show for about 6, 8 months. 10 months during pregnancies, Danielle was just not feeling it. But if you go back and look at Danielle from the very first show to now Danielle here seven years later, you will see what I'm talking about. These are not the same women. You go back and see me on that show in 2018, and who I am now, I am not the same man. The hard part of marriage is the fact that as we grow and progress, there's a piece of us that still has the inkling or remembrance of the things that those people in the past did to each other. But who you are now is not those things. And it's being able to let go of the wounds from the past by doing your own work on yourself, but also doing work together to also give space for this new thing to open up. In the next few months, we are moving into another place of purchasing. That is it for us for this season. And we had to go through one year of complete chaos, lost of almost all of Danielle's teams and rebuilding the transition of all of my team members, most of them who moved on to new places, which I'm super happy for them because they're happy, too. And complete transition of the business to another side of the country, different environments. I love it because I get to speak Spanish every day, like, half the day, which is amazing. And we're now living embodiment of this path. Like, all we're asking you to do is to have the courage to do you. That's it. Marriage should not be failing the way it is. And the men and women are throwing marriages away and thinking somehow they can go replace it with another vagina, another penis, and go, just make it magical again. I'm not saying that divorce shouldn't happen. There's a lot of relationships. It should. I sat with guys on this last week. They're like, what? You act like everything should work out. I said it can only work out if you have two people who are willing to die, pick up their cross and walk. If you're unwilling to do that, if either person is unwilling to do this, it becomes unworkable. And if you are the person or relationship that's picking up the cross and you're denying yourself and you're following the path of Christ in the sense of you are giving yourself a chance to be reborn and your partner is refusing to do this over a longer period of time, you are going to be faced with a decision. And this is why many couples do not rise and individuals will stay stuck. Because the fear that if I go, what if my partner doesn't come. But I want you to consider what is the fear that sits in you if you stay. And that doesn't mean end the marriage, but most marriages need to end. Not in divorce, in spiritual divorce. The way they operate communication wise, the way they operate sexually, the way they operate with respect and intimacy is dog shit. And they're both suffering and they're both hurting, and neither one will do what's required to pull it off. And it's going to require one of you two to stand up in a certainty and collide against the reality of what is not working in order to birth something that can't. Remember this. We wrap up in the book of Genesis. All creation started in darkness. In the beginning, there were the heavens and the earth, and the earth was without form, and darkness covered the deep. And the spirit of God moved across those waters. There was a potential for something new. Verse 2. And God spoke light. Excuse me. Verse 3. God spoke light into the darkness. God's waiting to speak light into your marriage. But that light's gonna come through you as the man, as the woman, having the courage to fight for something bigger for you, too. So you can do us a favor with this show. Really simple. Every single week, we ask you the same thing. We don't charge you for the show, and we're probably good, but we do ask you to share it, because we hear every single week couples who got access to the show. I got texted two or three different people last week listen to podcasts in the car with their spouses. They're driving for somewhere for an hour and a half, and they're having conversations that are leading to liberation. We also get a lot of questions. What is it you two do? And we think it's hilarious.

I asked somebody to, like, an influencer thing, and she's like, oh, my gosh, I listen to your podcast. Take your wife. Oh, my God. She's like, so what are you guys? How did you guys. What do you do?

It's like, oh, we think it's very obvious. We're, like wearing Warrior T shirts every day. But I guess not. So listen, we have a couple things coming up here. Wake up, Warrior. If you're a woman listening to this, one of the greatest gifts you could give your husband is getting him to Miami on November 7th and 8th for the Miami in the arena tour. It's our second stop this year. We'll have three to four thousand men there. We had just over. Just over 1000, 1300 at our last event. 2000 tickets sold. Our next one is going to be even bigger here in Miami, my backyard. Would love to have you part of that by encouraging your man to go. We have a lot of women coming with their husbands. They don't get to attend, but they're staying on side of the hotel. Man comes to the event, has his experience. I promise you, give me a day with your husband, 10 hours in the environment we've created. You're going to come back with a new man. You are wanting this, I promise you as a woman. So encourage them to go. You can learn more about that@themanintharenatour.com and one last place, we have released some new messaging online@warrioreden.com and this is the piece that I have uncovered in the last year. Every year I uncover something that makes what we do here at Wake a bore make more sense. So go to warrioreden.com you can learn more about the Seven Sacred Scrolls and what we're teaching and how we're dealing with men today. Could be super useful for Danielle. She has a new book coming out.

I have a new book, but I built my empire in hair, so I'm a hairstylist by trade. Fifteen years ago, we lost everything. I developed one of the number one hand tied extension techniques called natural Beaded Rose, if you've heard of it, nbr. And then I have a hairline called Isla Hand Tied Hair. I've educated thousands of hairstylists and still do to this day. It's something I'm very passionate about, is helping other women not only feel beautiful with their hair, but then teaching artists how to do this and create an abundance in their lives and really transform their careers and their clients. So look up Natural Beautiful Hair Extensions and Isla Hand Tight Hair.

There you get it. Now for those who wonder, what do these two do? Do they just do a podcast? No, we do this as like a thing for us. We're just glad that it helps you out. It's like walking therapy for Danielle and I. Excuse to hang out.

I always say, I'm like, we literally, we both built our businesses. We have toddlers and teenagers. Like, our life's kind of like a shit show. But, you know, we've stayed together 22 years and so I think that people find it like, how do they do it? Or they find it like relatable, like, yeah, deeply.

So thank you so much for being here again. Share this show up with somebody else. We have it on all the major podcast platforms. You can check out the shows on YouTube also. And this brings us. I don't have the mic to do the thing, so we're going to do a new thing. This brings us to a close here of another episode of the Date your Wife podcast.