Unleash your inner stripper

Welcome to the.

Keep going. We're doing together.

Welcome, welcome.

Well, Heather, you're good. Just rock the background. You're like our great background. You're a background. You're a backup dancer. Do a dance, pretend like you're rowing. Something like that. Heather is one of the most glorious human beings who's ever walked the planet. She is our nanny number one, AKA mommy number two. All right, so seriously, do you realize that you didn't.

Welcome to the date your wife podcast.

It's all right. They know what showed on the show.

Date your wife podcast.

In case you somehow clicked on here and you thought. You thought you were on the Joe Rogan podcast. You're not. Okay, so can we. Can we talk about how your resistance to nannies in the beginning.

That's our topic and.

No, it's one. I got 20 topics today. This is one.

Our last podcast was really good. We talked about.

We fought a lot in the last.

No, we didn't. We talked about. No, it was really good, too, this morning. We talked about sex. We talked about vacation sex.

Oh, you want to talk about more sex?

No, but I listened to it this morning, and I was like. One of the things I said that I realized in our last podcast, because we were talking about sex and how we're raised in, like, a religious upbringing, it's very uncomfortable. And then all this crazy thing, and I didn't realize. I was like, you know what? I did? And I said this in podcast. I was like, oh, that's good. I developed my sexual character. So I was like, oh, yeah. Think of it as.

That makes sense.

Yeah. Like, it's like, there's this piece of me is still me, but then there's this other piece of me that developed this character to. And everybody.

Does she have a name?

Everybody has different roles and different characters. Right? So, like, in business, you're going to play a different character as a mom. I mean, you can call a role or a character, but essentially, you're showing up as a different version of you to help you in that area of your life. She doesn't have her name.

It's not Susan.

Susan was like, my drunkard's like, a drunk party name. That's tired Susan.

You want to retire Susan?

Yeah, she's tired.

Past her. She's tired or you're tired of her.

Danielle's a lot more professional than Susan.

Like, obviously, Susan didn't. Wasn't born from your professionality. Susan was born from you laying on your back on pool tables, your legs in there and doing kicks Champagne glasses.

And y' all gone too far. And I feel like I don't have.

As many girls gone wide.

I don't have as many of those two far moments. I didn't start drinking till my 30s, so I wasn't quite a professional, so.

Have you heard of Girls Gone Wild?

Isn't that, like, so old?

Yeah, it's really old. They don't even do that anymore. Just like, girls who were just, like, taking their tops off super drunk, sometimes they got sexual. It was pretty intense. Anyways, it was the thing back in the day, like, 20 years ago. Susan is, like, a primary actress in Girls Gone Wild, but she. So you're saying we're retiring her?

Susan was. Yes. That's not. That would not.

She's done. You're letting her.

That would not be my stripper name. That was like, my driver.

That won't be your stripper name. That's a weird name. And now, welcome to the stage. Susan.

Susan.

Not one person at that club is like, yeah, bring out Susan. We love her. Does she have the clumpy shoes?

Gotta be like candy or, I don't know, Candy.

What would be the stripper name for.

What do you want your stripper name to be? I think not for you. For me? What do you want? What would you like to introduce me as?

If you were my stripper.

Yeah.

I was dating a stripper.

Yeah. What is.

I'm in love with the stripper.

Yeah. What's your stripper name? Not your stripper. What's your stripper name?

But you as my stripper.

Coco's a good one. Introduce it, guys.

Can't do it.

You can see if you. If you're watching this video, we have a new addition to the family. This is coco. She's my 2 1/2 pound yorkie.

Because she's pretty damn cute.

Freaking cute. And you know what? Everyone was like, you're getting a rat dog.

And then everyone's like, she is a rat dog.

You know, it's so weird.

I fucking love her, though, and I hate that I love her. Why do I love her so much?

She's. You can. She's my therapy dog. But everyone who's held her, they're like, oh, my God. I thought she'd be, like, yappy and, like, shaky.

She's awesome.

She, like, literally, like, came into this house like she owned it. I was like, okay, yeah, she's taking over. But, yeah, Coco. Coco's her name.

Is that your stripper name? Then I think about her. I don't think about you and I can't think about her and have you be a stripper name. So Coco's not gonna work. That's out the door. Susan's out the door. That's not gonna work. Candy's kind of cool. Like, I'm kind of liking it. But then I think about Candy.

Come back. Let's think about it. We'll come back to it.

Mercedes. I don't know why that name seems to just fly. What if it's a Latina name? What if you were a Latina?

I don't speak Spanish, but we have played around.

If it is, what would. What would your Latina name be?

I don't speak Spanish.

I know.

Daniela.

Daniela. There.

Oh, there you go. There's Danielle, and then there's Daniela. You're like, who am I talking to, Danielle or Daniela?

My balls just tingled on that one. Your name is officially Daniela. That's all we need to do. We just need to add the Spanish name.

They call me whenever we go to, like, Mexico. They're like, Daniela. And I'm like, sure. So I just started introducing myself as Danielle. Daniela. And we know damn well when I.

Am in Mexico with tequila, it is.

Daniela is not Danielle. This was Danielle does not show up in Mexico. She leaves her at home. This was Danielle. Daniela leaves Daniela home.

Oh, yeah. Daniella leaves Danielle at home anytime she's four shots deep.

No, anytime we go to Mexico in general.

And anytime she's four shots deep, she officially, at that point, says, Danielle is sleeping. I'll be running the building from here on out.

There you go.

I like Daniela.

Okay.

I'm sure you like Daniela better than Susan. Susan. Kind of.

I didn't make up that name.

Well, she. I think we named her because she was crazy.

Oh, yeah.

And she'd do weird shit. And, like, I was like, I didn't know.

No, I didn't name. Literally, one of my old employees was like, susan, you okay? And I was like, why does she keep calling me Susan? Stacy. That's how old that name is. And I'd be like, why does she keep calling me Susan? And then it kind of stuck. And then I was like, really? Susan?

I don't really have any heat with Stacy.

No. I don't have a key.

Has our pit bull. It's not ours. She might have her pit bulls.

We don't know how to talk to her, but Zeus. Yeah, cute little Zeus.

All right, so. Okay, so let's come back to this. So we have this topic on sex that you said was amazing last week. And you were talking about being a character.

Yeah.

Which actually I've never even thought.

I almost think it like gives women a permission. Like when I. When I. Because I didn't. I said it in the podcast, I listened to it. I was like, that's really good because there's this piece of me. It's like, that's not me. That's not how I was raised. That's not my personality. And I was like, how cool is it if you have a character and then it makes it kind of fun, you know, I don't know, you're. If you're feeling stuck in your marriage with the sexual game, maybe develop a character and it's not going to happen overnight, but it's like something where you like tap into this other version and then you're like, you're like, this is fun. I like these.

Because you're on to something with this. Yeah, this is like ttf. This is like, you know, qqp. For those that have not listened to the show for a long time, there was an episode we did where Daniel introduced qqp. Talk about it for a second. Then we're going to come to this character. What's qqp? Just for people who are recent, they wouldn't know. This is five years ago and it made you legendary.

Only to your guys.

It doesn't matter. That's the only thing that matters is the guys. So whatever.

We called it. Quickie, Quickie. Porn star.

Me. I didn't we any.

Okay, well, I called it that because like what I was saying is like some nights you're tired and then some nights you're not. And so it's like that. I believe that men need sex more frequently. Not all, but in my experience of talking to men and women, it seems.

Like men with all men under 60.

Right, that's fine. So I was like, okay, well, I don't have to like do a full on show every night. I'm like, if it's just something where we connect and it's quick, that's fine too.

Do you know what you can put on a show overnight? That's why it became. It went qqp. Went to ppp.

No, it didn't.

Yeah, it did. Porn star. Porn star. Porn star. You have an easy out though, right? So for example, like we're having sex like last night. Was last night a Q or a P for you there?

A tweener.

A tweener, exactly. Do you not know why?

So. Well, here's what I. I don't really do the quickies anymore. Unless you literally have kids in the back room. You have 30 seconds. Sir, focus.

I literally can't do it in 30 seconds.

Okay, you have. It's like two minutes.

Two minutes. I can get you.

But that's I'm saying is like, there's.

I mean, I got to be real folks been on the day and what time.

Yeah, but so that to me is like a quickie. Like, literally, I'm like, I have the kids in the bathtub. I don't want either of them to drown. So we have two minutes.

The two minute drowning. Fuck. Let's go. All right, so. So last night was a tweener.

Yeah. I was like. I was tired, but I was like. I wasn't. You call vaginal masturbation?

I was not vaginal.

No, I was into it. I was into it. I didn't really. I was kind. We had friends all over. Over the whole day. We both had been drinking tequila. And I like, for women, it's. We can't. We can still have. But it's harder for us to come if we're drinking. Whereas it's unfair for all women or just you. I actually think for out of. I don't have a. Well, I talk to a lot of women because I do hair and have everybody from.

You guys talk about coming.

Sometimes it comes up. Depends on if we're at drinks or with friends or whatever. But anyways, my point is, I actually think I can focus more than a lot of women. A lot of women like two drinks, three drinks in. They're like, no. I'm like, if I can focus, did.

They get wild Two or three drinks in these women?

Yeah, but what I'm saying is my only point was saying that it's unfair that men could be super tipsy or drunk and still have no problem going.

You know why that? Because God created us first.

Okay, that's.

No, it's true. You came from our rib, so you were created from my rib. I was created from the dust of the earth. For whatever reason. From dust from the earth, you just get more sexual stimulation. It's easier. Easier to come when you come from the dust than to come from.

That's not even true. Don't listen to that statement at all. I love when you try to get. I love it when you try to get, like, biblical and it's.

That was super biblical. That's true. You can't refute that. That's exactly how it went. Biblical, Jewish, Muslim, Christ, it doesn't matter. Old Testament, Genesis. There you go. That's how it was. God created man so he could come. And then man was bored playing with himself. You think Adam was masturbating in the garden? I think he was, because there was no guilt or shame. I think he was just like, what is this thing?

Well, that's fun.

He rubbed up.

That's a cool toy.

You know he did, though. You know he did. All right, so then he. I've never once thought about it from that angle till now. The reason God created Eve was because he looks down and he's like, what is this guy I've created doing? Is he jerking himself off?

You're fired. The show's going nowhere fast. Okay, stop playing with your dingling and let's get exactly.

So he comes down, he makes Adam go to sleep. He's like, just sleep with you, jerk off guy. I'm going to create a woman from your rib.

There you go. Where are we going? To the show. I thought we had a topic.

We do have a topic. So we come back to the sexual character.

Oh, yeah.

So maybe I need to be Adam. Maybe I've been old Adam. I need to be new Adam.

Sexual character.

This is what I'm talking about. I'm not off topic, woman.

I was thinking that today because, like, you have this. You have less sexual freedom than me because I've developed this character.

Yeah.

So if. Imagine you're not Garrett, but you're Eduardo.

Eduardo.

I don't really like that name. That's not going to mean.

Eduardo is the one I've used every time when I talk about, like, I.

Know when you're joking around and it's funny, but. Yeah, but what I'm saying is I think there is a lot of truth to this, because I was like, how did I. How did I become so free? And it's like. Because I'm like, I developed this character. So there's this. So there's this piece of you where you're like, oh, I don't want to be rejected by my wife. And as crazy as it sounds, there's a lot of married men that don't approach their wives because of resentment and all these things, and they. They don't want to be rejected, so they just kind of shut down and pour their energy into work. But what if Eduardo doesn't give a. About any of that?

We can't go with the daughter.

Okay, what's the name?

We can go with G Money.

I'm not screaming G Money anytime. Ever.

Scream his name.

Well, I might. I can't. I can't be turned on by G Dub.

You've never screamed any name.

I know, but G Dub. If in my mind, if I'm screaming.

G Dub, what name do you scream here in your mind?

I don't.

If you ever have. Have you ever.

No.

No names. Michael. John.

I would.

Sarah.

I don't know.

Not that one.

I usually just say God.

God. You know what? Actually, we talked about that.

Yeah. I was thinking about. In therapy, he goes. Because we were talking about how, like.

Yeah.

Being raised in religious cultures or whatever, he's like, why do you think the most common thing called out in during sex is oh, God? He's like, I can promise you that God wanted people to have this experience. Anyways, so what's your name? What's your character name? I'm excited. Excited for you to find yourself.

I don't know. I think he. I think he can't be a white guy name. I think. I think he has to be, like, an Italian guy or, like, I don't know. We're gonna have to come back.

I just have a little accent with it.

Got it.

Get out.

Well, listen, you have definitely found your sexual expression. And I think. Here's the thing, though. If you knew that the probability of rejection for me was 70%.

Okay, then there's the other story.

But. But I'm saying if you knew that was the case, it would be harder to get into character. So a lot of guys. So it's different. Like, so for example, if I pull my shirt up and show you my.

Nipples, it's a superpower. I'm.

There's not a lot going on. Right? You're like, wow, thank you. You've been doing chess this last couple months. Your chest look great. It's not like, oh, my God, I want to fuck you right now. We can be completely pissed at you, Filled with rage, filled with anger, filled with disappointment, filled with, like, I can't fucking believe I married this woman. And you can lift your shirt up your tits. Any woman. Any tits. Just show the tits. And the guys are paralyzed.

You know what, though? Okay, so you talk about this.

It's not fair.

Okay, but you talk about this.

So we can come when we're drunk, but we also are literally distracted in two seconds about everything.

You have turned me down, though. I don't take no as. I don't take no probably last week you went in. You went in Isla's bed, and I was like, laughing. I'm like, no, come on, come on, come on. And you're like, I'm Tired. I'm tired. I was like, no, come on. And you literally, like, pushed me away so many times to where you, like, jumped in bed, I ripped the covers off, you jumped on top of you, and I was like, oh, really? Oh, really? And then you start laughing after you rejected me.

Like, why was I. Why was I doing that?

I don't know. I think you were tired. And I was like, no, babe, come on.

I don't think it was. I was tired.

I don't remember. We might have gotten in a little. Little argument. Plus, you were tired. But anyways, I can argue and still be like, hey, like, it doesn't matter. Let's go. And when we are in an argument and I'm like, let's go, you tend to push me away. So just saying that you still. Even though you're not directly like, no, I don't want to have sex with you, you will kind of push me away.

Yeah.

And so then, of course, I'm not gonna come to you. Why? In the past, when you would push me away, I was like, why would I come? Why would I come have sex with him when nobody pushes me away? But then I realize it's a superpower. So then I'm like, that's cute. He's gonna try to push me away. But I'm just saying I still get rejection from you in times when you're mad at me, but your resolve is very quick when very weak. Yeah. So. But.

But I kind of committed until I'm not.

Yeah, but I like.

Because, listen, if a man could just, like. If I could just wave my cock in front of you and you were melting butter, it would be, like, totally different, but I cannot. In most cases, women don't even think cocks are, like, attractive at all. So, like, women don't. Are not visually appealed. They're, like, emotionally appealed. So, like, a guy, though, is physically similar. Like, crazy. We can be so pissed and be like, my wife is a fucking bitch. I hate her. I'm a divorce her. You show us your tits, you take your pants off.

We're like, what could your superpower.

I'm all right. Well, I think this will work out for at least tonight. I think we're good to go. You could be, like, doing the most ridiculous to us. And so, again, let's come back to the superpower.

When you wake up, are you still mad?

You can come when you're drinking whiskey, and you're also going to be powerless against any ass or tits that walk by you.

Okay, so say you're In a fight and your wife comes up to you and she seduces you and you have no.

Like, she shows her tits.

Well, no, she seduces you. You go have sex, whatever. The next morning, are you still mad at whatever you're fighting about or does it just go away?

No, we can still be mad about what we were fighting about, really. But in the moment, you got us. So, like, this is why I tell girls. Like, I tell women too. Like, in like, the world we've. In, like, if you want something, it's kind of stupid. You have the power of the vagina. Guys do not have the power of the penis the way that girls have the power of the vagina. Even for all my dudes that teach game. And you're like, you realize most of the shit that's like, they're talking about is short term attraction, which is, can I pick a chick up off a Tinder bumble at the bar at the club in Vegas, at Club 11, in Miami, at the strip club, whatever. Cool. Your short term attraction games go out the fucking window with kids and a wife who you've been with for 20 years. So go fuck yourself. Long term attraction requires a totally different game, but has to include principles of short term attraction. So, like, you come into, like, an environment where you're trying to, like, make it happen with your wife and you're trying to play this game. It's tough because guys are. You can be super angry, wounded, and hurt and will do some stupid shit. One of the stupid strategies I pulled off. You want to hear it? You know, I didn't.

What?

It's the I'll show her strategy. Oh, yeah, the I'll show her strategy. Might as well be me taking my dick, slamming in a drawer and cutting my balls with razor blades. Like, it's the worst strategy.

Tell me about this. I'll show her.

You know, it is.

What you're.

I'll show her. I'm not gonna put out. I'm not having any sex.

Yeah.

I won't have sex for months.

Yeah.

That's what we tell ourselves. I'm not the only one. There are many, many thousands of men. I've confirmed this truth with with, like, hey, have you done the. I'm good with that.

I think the guys get sick of playing the game. So then they're like, fine, I'll show her.

Yeah, I'll show her.

And you're like, but that's not really helping.

No. Because you girls can shut down like a goddamn ice box.

You don't have a problem with It.

I know outside of a few anomaly unicorns that exist outside the matrix, whose clits operate like penises.

Yeah.

For whatever reason, they got blessed with all the sensory on the clit like the guy did on the head of his dick. That happened, but it doesn't happen. There's like three of you on the planet. The rest of you don't operate that way. So trying to come back and be in the conversation of it like requires. Requires a lot of work.

I remember you used to do that to me. Like, you'd get so irritated. I'm like, wait, he's irritated about sex, but now he won't have sex with me?

I told you why. Remember when we were walking, talking Mexico? I told you why it would happen. I would actually get depressed when we were about to have sex because I was like, it's going to probably be two weeks till we have this vaginal masturbation session again. And I feel like I have to hurry up again. The crazy part is like, you and I were talking about it too. Like, you didn't even realize you were. You were even feeling or acting that way. And I didn't really know how to show up any other way either.

Right.

We not only didn't have character, we didn't have game.

Yeah, well. And. And I think. I think I talked about this on our last show. This is why divorce is running rampant right now. Because how our parents were brought up, it was like, unless it was like some crazy abusive relationship, it didn't matter how much our parents would fight. It was like, not an option to get divorced. It was just like, this is your partner. And. But the weird thing is, is they don't actually work on resolving a lot of the issues. So they're like, my parents, like, I know they love the out of each other, but I watched them fight so much growing up, and they still fight about a lot of the same stuff now. Do they want to get divorced? No. They're in their 70s. But I'm like, a lot of this stuff could have, like, been a little bit more healthy. It could have been something like, it's like it just could have been talked about. And so now people get to this place where they're less tolerant, and then they cheat. They have divorces, whatever it is. And it's because it doesn't really work that way anymore. The man can't just go out and hunt, and the woman doesn't just stay home and take care of the kids. Like, it doesn't get anybody what they want. And so we're trying to re train what married game and married life looks like.

I believe there's a blended package of the past and the present which is women have become too masculine and men have become too feminine. And so it's up the entire order of the universe.

I, I love your theory on this.

However, tell me more.

However, it's interesting because passion.

That sounds like a.

Well, no, because I love that you're like women have become more masculine. You're thinking of like the boss babes and that are out in the workforce. I'm sorry, but I know a lot of stay at home moms are who that are are as equally masculine because I agree.

Because they're tell us this theory because what you I shared this theory that you're talking about right now with a couple people and everyone's like, what the. It was guys with wives who were stay at home. Yeah.

And they're like, how come my wife, I get home and all she wants to do is about me and she's very much she. They think because they have a wife that doesn't work that she's always going to be in her feminine. So they encourage women, do not work. Do not work. I don't want you to be out of your feminine. But realize, but really it doesn't matter like if your wife is not being taken care of and seen and heard and validated and she goes into the masculine role inside the home, it doesn't matter if she's a stay at home wife. Because think about it. Like a lot of guys, they come home and the wife's like, oh, they just want to offload the kids every time. Right. Even, even if the mom got to go to Pilates and do the girlfriend lunch or whatever. But then she's like dealing with the shit show and the stress of the kids and the noise and everything that she's just like, you're home, here you go. And the guy's like, what the hell? I just got home. I kind of want to be with my wife, but she's like you and take to take the kids and like it's something that, that happens. So I, I, I disagree when people say something like, oh, all these women are so alpha. I'm like, women have always had this masculine or alpha energy based on like everything that's going on in their world. Like for me, I got, I got a lot more, I would say masculine when I was in more building my business and my brand. Because your brain has to compute in less feelings and more facts. Like that's one of the biggest principles that I teach hairdressers still to this day, because they'll give me these running stories. And I'm like, do the numbers. Do the numbers go over the facts and set you free? Yeah, I had to tap into that because I'm, like, doing people's hair for free, and I'm trying to pay for color. And I'm like, what the. It's not lining up. And I'm like, okay, this cannot be this complicated. And so it was literally breaking things down in a very cold, logical way that is much more of a masculine trait than it is feminine, because feminine lives in more of, like, their emotions. Right. But I can't run a business because my. My client's daughter got sick and she had to go to the hospital. So I'm going to give her a discount. And so it sounds cold, but I'm like, I'm still running a business. So I very much had to kind of, like, tap into that. But I'm not saying I hadn't tapped into that prior to it. But that's just when I really noticed it show up as a strength for me was inside of my business. And I was like, okay, cool. So then the next chapter for me was like, okay, I still love being playful. Like, I still feel like I'm very feminine. And I want my husband to come home and just. I want him to, like, look at me like, she's hot. And I can't do that if I'm like, take the kids. Or if I'm like, hey, let me tell you how my bills went today and how I couldn't have, like, I can't do that. And so I have to go into, like, a different role. And I didn't realize that was even affecting our marriage because there was so much resentment when we lost everything that I was like, him, he can come home and make his own dinner. I don't care. And then I was like, well, that's not really going to help my marriage either. So I had to kind of go back into this, like, flirty, sexual, like, role. And then that's how we kind of, like, came back together. But, yeah, I don't think people want to run excuses how things are happening. And I'm like, yeah, but it doesn't matter if you're a working woman or stay at home, mom. You can still be in your masculine or in your feminine. It's about balancing the roles and creating your own characters that are best going to serve you.

So how does. How does a woman who's A stay at home mom. Because, like, when you pointed this out, I was like, I can see that. Because, like, a lot of, like, I was thinking through women whose husbands are deployed or who are first responders that work like 48 to 72 hours in a row and they're not home, and the women have to, like, run the household without a man. So she got to take on the masculine and the feminine role. But I never once considered the fact that these stay at home moms are running a masculine frame the whole day. They're not just running sweet lovey dovey, dovey dovey, because in order to run order, order, order demands masculine energy. Because feminine energy is chaos and it's art. Feminine energy is deep chaos and feelings and flow and no goddamn logic whatsoever. Masculine is very logical. Spreadsheet problem solved. Let's go. So we have both inside of both of us, right? But if you look at most women, this is why, like, when most women talk, guys are going, what the fuck are you saying right now? Like, nothing you're saying makes any sense. There's no logic to what you're saying at all.

So that's when they're trying to fix the problem. And she's like, I just want to vent.

And she's emotionally just trying to channel the hurricane. He's over here trying to organize a hurricane, going, listen, not one fucking thing you're saying right now lines up, right? Everything contradicts itself. You said this. I was talking to a woman last night here at our house, and she's like, you know, I mean, if I have to be on top ramen, then fine, I don't know, we'll be on top ramen. I'm. I was like, you're like, fucking top.

Ramen in the world.

Why would you want top ramen? She's like, well, not really. And I was like, just told me you were on top ramen. What the fuck are you talking about? Like, what am I supposed to interpret if you say I'm on top ramen, but you're not really on top ramen? What the fuck does that mean?

So this is good. So men. This is something that men and women can always get what they want based on their approach, right? So women are very emotional and, like, speak from the heart or like, our anxiety is high and we just automatically assume worst case scenario, right? But. But men think very logical. So you say you have a stay at home mom or a working mom, and she just wants to talk to you about something as stupid as like, oh, my God, Isla threw a crayon at me. And then she, like, took some top ramen and threw at her sister. And then she. And you're like, and I don't know. And then I was fighting with Bailey and she's such a little. And I don't know what to do with her. And. And then what does the guy do? The guy immediately wants to fix the problem.

Yeah.

And so it's very important how if. If you're a woman is framing it as like, hey, I just want to vent. But then even go a step further, like, there's was time, a time last week with you. And I was like, hey, I want to talk to you about how my day is. And it might sound like I'm kind of bitching. I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at the day. I just want somebody to, like, tell about the chaotic stories of our children and just kind of listen. But then don't try to fix. So men need to learn how to listen. But then also after don't fix. So I made the comment, I said, I want to talk to you, tell you about this. But Bailey, I go, do not talk to Bailey. Do not try to save me from this. Don't talk to Bailey. I've got it handled. Ten minutes later, I look downstairs, I'm like, garrett, I told you not to talk to Bailey, and you're okay, sir. You got it. You got it. I waited 10 minutes and I was like, yes. I. He goes, or are you gonna have the conversation with her? And I was like, I am. I don't feel it necessary to have it right now. I was actually gonna wait till tomorrow morning when I'm in a better state and be like, hey, what's up? Where are we at? So I think it's important, like, if your woman wants to vent, to listen to her. I think it's important for women to say, hey, I need you to. I am so grateful for you and everything you produce for our family. Can I take like five minutes and tell you about our crazy ass daughter? Like, even. Even something like that. Then it's like, yeah, okay. So then you can almost listen and kind of laugh, but then, no, I'm like, I've got this handled. You don't need to fix it. But I do want to share with you what is going on about Bailey and how I feel. She's kind of a psycho. And then you're like, you want to defend me, though? And I think that a lot of guys do that when they're. You're especially if you have teenagers and your wife's like, talking about the teenagers, the man his role is to protect. So he automatically wants to go and then yell at his own kids. And then the wife's like, why are you yelling at her? And he's like, because I'm trying to save you. I'm trying to. And she's like, ah. Then it's a show. It's a show.

What's the biggest problems I've ever gotten into on our marriage became down. Me trying to, like, protect you.

Yeah.

And then I get thrown under the cheese grater.

Yeah.

And destroyed over the fact that I was trying to protect you with the kids.

Yeah.

How dare you talk to our children that way. I'm like, I was just listening to where our children were talking to you right now, and you were. You were not a pat. You weren't okay with it. And then you had called me in, and I came and handled it my way.

Right.

Well, listen, you've got this character game.

Yeah. This is the new principle that I'm going to be teaching. Develop your character.

Okay. So how does one go about developing their.

Almost. Well, what I think of it is in. In developing your character, you. It's almost easier to shut it down. You're like, I'm going to go into this mode.

Like.

Like, I'm gonna go, like, if you're like, I'm gonna go into boss mode. CEO, mom, like, whatever. Whatever it is. And then you're like, hey, I'm gonna go like, Daniela. I'm gonna go into Daniela. It's. It's setting it up. It's even, like, making you dinner, turning on music, putting down my phone. Like, it's kind of like getting in that vibe. But I mean, two. It's also, like, in the bedroom as well. Like, there's this. This character where I. I believe I could be wrong. I kind of feel like men want to be owned by their women, like, in that sense. Like, that's my queen. Like, in awe of her, you know? So I think if you're a confident woman and you can hold that space for your man to, like, literally, like, that's my queen. That. That's a very vulnerable but very powerful state to be in as well.

Yeah. So how did you get comfortable being in that?

State reps. It's all down.

Like. But when you went and made the first decision because you were like, the. The blinds closed, double comforter, clear the neighborhood.

I'm still, like, working on it. I think that there's a lot.

Well, like, what Was the first thing you did, like, start being. Was it. Was it the fence side fitness competitions that, like, actually allowed you to break the. Break free from that?

I think that was a little bit of everything. It was like, I mean, being raised as conservatives as we were. I remember the first, like, boardwire shoot I did. I was like, I'm gonna be risky.

Yeah.

I'm gonna give my man this shoot.

Yeah.

Mind you, I literally was just in a warrior T shirt and some underwear. Like, that's as risky. Yeah, it's kind of sexy, but still, like, that was my boardwalk at the time. And then there's like some shadowy stuff. And then fast forward now I'm like, I'm obviously more comfortable with my body and myself. And. And to me, it kind of got to this place too where I'm like, what, their boobs? It's an ass. Like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, I'm not like, oh, my God, you're looking at me. I just like, I'm like, yeah, I worked hard for this, huh? Take care of myself. Like, it's less. It's more. It's just more normal now, I would say, but it just took. You know, anything is normal when you have reps in it. If you don't have reps in it, it's. You're never going to get good at something. You're never going to feel comfortable with something. So I think that, like, we had this discussion too, where people are so uncomfortable in their current sexual relationship, but then they go meet a random guy at the bar because they feel so free. They feel so free because they're. All of a sudden, they are this sexual character because they have no past history with. With this other person. So they're able to just kind of, like, let themselves go a little bit more. I mean, they may not have the reps, but they're at least able to let go. So I would say for married women who are having a hard time, your first step is just being willing to let go.

How do you do that?

I. I feel like I should write a book on it at this point.

How do you, like, find your.

Find your freedom, Find yourself right, but get your sexy back.

But look at that. It's like a practical play. Like, how would a woman find her freedom? Because she was going to do that and she was wanting to be free. Like, that you're talking about, like, how would she. How would she even know, like, what to do? Like, what would be the first thing she'd do?

I don't know, I mean, it was like, a slow journey for me. So, like I said, like, it started me being like, I don't want him to feel shut down, so I'm gonna engage more. And if he says, like, if you come to me, I'm not gonna be like, oh, maybe tomorrow I might be. If I'm, like, really sick, I'm like, hey, it's a rain check for now. But usually, even, like, if I'm super tired, I still will, like, put in an effort. Like, last night, I was like, yeah, put in an effort for you. It was still fun. So I think it's like, putting. Putting in that effort. But then. And as you start to put in that effort, you're like, oh, this is fun. And when it starts to feel fun, then you start to feel more ownership in it. So then even it's like, I remember I was like, hey, like, sit down. Like, let's put on some music, and I'm gonna dance for you or whatever it is, you know? And there was a. There was a few times, too. Even in doing something as simple as that, as wild as it sounds, I remember you. And I won't get into too much detail, obviously, because I'm a classy lady like that, but I remember you were, like, sitting in a chair, and I came in in my. My cute outfit, and I just, like, stood there, and the fireplace was on. I didn't say anything. I just looked you dead in the eyes, and you just stared back at me, and it was just like a mo. It was such an intimate connection, and I felt very powerful.

Dominated me.

Like, I just looked down at you, and you were like, whoa. Like, it was like that moment where I felt like you were like, that's my queen. And I was like, yeah. So if to me, it felt like, to me, when you looked at me that way, it was like the. It was like in your eyes, I saw how you have always seen me, and I was like, oh, that feels good. You know, but it's just, like, something that. Yeah, just. It wasn't overnight. It was just something that I was like, okay, I'm gonna be more comfortable in this character.

Right? And what? And you got more comfortable, and it's taking. I mean, it's taken several years to get it.

Yeah. But I feel like you could have a character. Like, I. Because I. I know. I know you're always feeling like maybe you're, like, shot down a little bit.

But I was like, my character would never get shot.

Exactly. Imagine you're just meeting me for the first time at the bar or whatever. And maybe we've kissed or maybe we've flirted. Like, if. Like, I'm just kind of. Okay, let's go put it out. So, like, you know, whatever your character name is, he comes in, the first thing he does is, like, grabs her face, tell her how beautiful she is. Ask her the kids are. Kisses the back of her neck. Like, I'm. I'm like, whoa, who's this guy? Right? So I don't know. Just putting ideas out there for you.

Okay.

But you got to develop your character. I don't know what your character looks like. I know what it looks like. I don't know how you're. I don't know what your character does. If you were to be free and you were to walk in, most guys think, like, they just want to come in and slap the ass. Like, I don't know why guys feel once they're married, their wife's ass is now their property, and it gets a smack.

We own your ass.

It's just. It's a smack anytime.

It's like an ass homage thing.

Yeah, it's. And it's all. Guys do this just a little. So I started doing back to you now. I think it's funny, and I like it. I know, but my point is saying, like, I don't know what your character is. You got to develop it on your own.

I can see it.

Okay.

I can see that. I can see the opening in it, too. I mean, if you look at it from the speaking side when a camera.

Comes on, that's what I was thinking. Oh, yeah.

Like, on stage, Pink.

There's a character that is. One of my favorite times to watch you is when you're on stage in front of, like, not like. Like the big stages. I'm like, he is so hot. Like, you're just owning it. And this is. And people always say, is this is. Is he this intense all the time? And I'm like, there is a version of him that is that intense, and he utilizes that on stage, and it is sexy. So that's your stage character. So now you gotta find.

So I'm becoming a stripper, and I have a stage name. All right. I don't know what the name would be.

I mean, it could just. I don't know what the name could be. You don't necessarily have to have a name. Like, it might be weird.

Maybe you'd like a name. No, I don't text you the code name, which is the name.

Okay.

The name that should not be named.

There you go.

What if his. What if his name is Jesus?

I wouldn't be surprised if there's a lot of like, so super powerful, like athletes or producers that like, you're like, that guy's got game.

And then most guys at that level don't.

Then they come home and you're like, they don't have game.

No. You know, it's interesting that they, like. Keith was talking to me about this too. Some of the most well sexed men, single men who date are guys that are not shredded, but they're not fat. They're not uber successful, but they've got some success. They're not like, they're not the deep dripping, I'm wet in my pants, eye candy, but they're good looking. It's kind of average guys that are average plus. And I was like, why is that? And he's like, because women don't feel threatened by these guys. When you have a guy who's jacked, stacked, and super good looking, this woman's now in competition.

Yeah.

With looks. I haven't looked with you where like, me getting bigger. And then we go to Vegas and for the very first time, us going to Vegas, I get more compliments than you do. We get stopped more with me than we do with you. And I could feel your energy with it. And I was like, I remember like a crew of dudes walked up. They were like older, older or like tall basketball players. And these guys roll up as a crew. And we first get down, like, my man, and gave me like five and like, bro, you look fucking great. And then they turn to you and like, oh, yeah, girl, you look good too.

No, but I feel like I like it. I like it because I think for the first time I'm like, yeah, like, you know, I. I don't mind being the spotlight, but I like that we can be like the spotlight together. So it. I'm not threatened by it. Maybe old Danielle would have been like, oh, like a little bit insecure about it. That's why you see, like people too, where like all of a sudden somebody decides to get fit. And the person that doesn't want to get fit is almost like irritated and sabotaging. And it's because, like, they're uncomfortable with, like, if this person becomes this, are they gonna leave me? Are they gonna still want me? And if they keep having that attitude, then yeah, they will. The who the hot shredded guy probably will move on. Not because his wife didn't get shredded, but because she just. Her energy shrunk Instead of, like, being supportive of this. Of this journey and, like, cheerleading his. His growth or whatever it is.

Yeah.

So.

Well, you have. Okay, so we got a stage named Daniela. We don't have a stage name for me yet. We know that sex itself is a character and that the character allows you to be something you would not otherwise be, which is kind of what 50 shades of gray was about.

I don't know if I would take that far, but.

But it's not what he was. He was a character, and he became a character, and she played a role in that character game, I guess it's like, different people. Do you know what BDSM is?

I do not.

I don't.

It doesn't really call to me. Just. I mean, I. I'm pretty creative, but, like, that specifically, it doesn't call to me.

Like, we were talking about plant medicine.

Yeah.

Like, what do you think about bdsm? It doesn't really call.

Does it call to me?

It doesn't call to me right now. Not feeling it. There was a couple couples. I know that in Warrior, that. That's, like, the thing for them now. There's, like, super intense. Hey, everybody has sex, like, two, three times a day.

Everybody might have their tools that help unlock certain things.

I mean, I think that's character role play, though, right? So, like, you get people, like, dressing up and, like, spanking each other. It's like, there's a. There's a. You can't be yourself in that role. You have to be something else.

Yeah. I couldn't look you straight in the face and be like, I really enjoyed this.

Hi, babe. Do you want a spanking? You've been naughty. Side note, what are we doing with Bailey tomorrow? Let's back to the spankings. Let's go.

You're holding a paddle. You're like, what are we going to do with our K? I'm like, I can't. I need you to.

And I have you, like, gagged with, like, a gag ball, and, like, you're handcuffed. I'm about to spank you. And I'm like, he said no. Did you talk to Theo about fixing the long? No.

Okay. There's.

You're like, oh, I don't.

Oh, my God.

And I come out, and you're like, no, but I was totally thinking about it right now.

Okay, that's. Now everybody has a visualization.

Thank you for that visualization. And you bent over with handcuffs on and a gag ball and me with a paddle being a idiot.

What's Funny is this happens all the time for girls, and if they. Not that if they don't admit this, they're lying. You could be literally in the middle of sex and you're like, did I take out the garbage? Did I do this? Did I do. And then you almost like, you're so. You're so in your head. There's been a few times that I wanted to be like, so how did you guys get that done at war? I'm like, oh, wait, we're having sex. Like, yeah, ask that right now. Or I want to, like, tell you a funny story about, like, our kids. And I'm like, oh, wow, I shouldn't be thinking about our kids when I'm.

I'm in it. Yeah, I'm thinking you're in it. Because what's good is that you've also figured out how to throw out the noise.

Yeah.

While still having those.

Literally. And then I'm like, just a little noise here and there. And then, like, wait.

So that brings back around to, like, the whole seduction piece with sex. It was so interesting. Like, women, if you would get this piece. Oh, my hell. Here's the deal. What I've know, guys. We kind of don't give a if you're faking. We do, but we don't. But if you get good at it, we don't really know either way. You can't really fake an orgasm. Really. You can pretend you can't. There's a biological, physical contraction you can't fake. It's like faking a guy orgasm. I totally came. And you're like, where's the common. You're like, no, it's all over you. You're like, where? It's invisible. You can't see it. I saved a special invisible shot.

But listen, we're not. We're. We're not faking it just because we can't come. We might still be enjoying the moment.

Right.

But we're just, like, too distracted or we don't care. So this doesn't mean that we don't want to please our man. It's just like, we're just like, if I come, I come. If I don't, I don't. Like, it's not. It's. I'm disappointed. There's been times where we've gone, like, for a second router, and I'm like, like, I'm disappointed if you don't like.

I'm like, yeah, no, no, you. You don't just get. Well, that's what it is. It's a Challenge accepted. Which there's some moments where you got real greedy at three. You came back for third round one time. It wasn't.

That doesn't happen your age.

Well, I was definitely up for the test. And not saying I passed said test, but I'm saying that I did fake number three. We got. We were like an hour and a half in. I'm like, I got nothing. I got it. I got a workable piece of flesh here that's got no bullets in the chamber. I can lie and live by the mode and not the code and pretend like there's somehow a magical third bullet in this. There's no bell, there's no bullet. It's gone. It's done. I think we'd actually had sex that morning. Then we went for a triple at that night. And I was like, there's just some things I'm never going to accomplish in this world. Winning the 100 meter dash in the Paris Olympics. It's not even 100 meter dash, just 100 meters. Like, and shooting four shots in one day. I. I've done it before, but, like, those were back to backers. Like, if you gave me some recovery time, maybe it could pull it off.

That's good.

It's like, ask me to run like, 26 miles in, like, you know, in like, four hours right now, versus giving me 24 hours to walk it. It's totally different. Yeah. Okay, so characters have to be built. We still don't know how we build a character.

You don't know why I think, oh.

I didn't say the part about the girls. Here's the part they can say is do the noises.

Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, the. Like, those noises. You can do those ones. You know what I'm talking about?

We all know what you're talking about, Garrett.

Yeah, well, even if you're faking that, here's what I'll tell you. Your guy loves it.

Well, just. I do that.

If you're taking Bruce is like, sitting there, nothing, and just laying there, just like, saying nothing. You're just like, is she like, is she not?

No.

At least fake and put.

All women know this trick. We're like, we got to do. If I make a few noises, it's just gonna get done sooner.

And if you do a Kegel squeeze or five.

Okay.

Plus a little breathe in the ear, it's over. That's Kim and Kung Fu Vagina Games. You know, she runs the entire program. Kim and Ami. Because it's called Kung Fu. No, it's called I Think I just figured.

I just figured that out after having four kids. I was like, this has got. We gotta tighten this stuff back up. So.

Yeah, well, it worked. Okay. So we've got the character thing. That has to happen. That's the thing. That's a must.

Yeah.

And on top of that.

Oh, this is what I was gonna say. So I think a lot of women have a hard time crossing, like, the sex. Sex barrier. Even if, like, they don't understand on the other side, there's a lot of freedom and fun for them.

Yeah.

But they're unwilling to cross that barrier because they are unattracted to their man, because they're not being seen and heard. And so they're kind of in the relationship because they're like, oh, I just want to be taken care of. I want my bills paid for. So they're unwilling to actually voice their concerns because they're worried then their safety and security is going to be taken away. So they're now no longer attracted to their man. But they won't tell them that because they value the safety and security, only to realize that their soul is actually dying.

Dying. So what's the solution to a dying soul? Yeah, I want to be taken care of, but I'm gonna.

I think for me, I think women.

Just need to come. I think that's what I think.

Here's what I'll tell you. I think I would have stayed in the relationship had, like, when we lost everything back forever ago, I was in a very vulnerable space because I had just had our second daughter, Ruby. So I was kind of like, okay, how do I get. How do I. What? My out was being successful. My out was producing on my own. My out was not, like. Because I couldn't rely on you. If you were still producing at a high level when all that shit went down, I would have never started my business. I probably would have just kept sedating and stayed in the marriage because I was like, oh, well, I can't do it on my own. I don't know. But because you lost everything, I was like, this. I'll go build something on my own.

That was really. That was a clip.

That was a clip.

That was a clip.

But that's kind of how I started my. My journey is I was, I, I. I became less tolerant of behaviors based on me being a producer too. So at some level, so even though I was like, dude, I'm fine to cross the line, but I want you to cross line. And you did too. Like, we didn't know what that Looked like. But you started doing the trips, you started like doing the date nights. You started doing like, you started doing everything that you're like, what does my wife want? So we were both trying to figure out what each other's needs were.

Well, listen, we talked about this a few days, like a week ago. And listen, in the past 10 days, can we be straight? I'm not going to tell all details, but can we be straight for a minute? Couples are being shaken like crazy right now. Every single married couple we know, and I know that is operating at a high level collectively as a couple is being rattled. They're not at war. Once, two, three times a week, sex is on fire. Because polarity is like at an all time high. But war zones are breaking out in marriages all over. It's not just us. It's like literally every training couple that we have in a way, in the male side and the female side of warrior and warrior woman. 100% of these couples, I have a theory, are in multiple wars a week. And some of these conversations are, I think we're not going to make it.

I, I have a theory on this. I think that even if the woman is not producing, we're now in a day and age where she's like, I, I believe that I can go produce. I'll go find a job, I'll do something, I'll start a business, like, whatever it is. So there's less tolerance on both ways. The guy wants more sex and the girl's like, no, I don't feel seen, heard, and connected. So I will go produce on my own. And the guy's like, well, then I will go have sex with somebody else. And so it's this, this, this lower level of consciousness of like, less tolerant when it's like, really? It's like, we get. You could do it on your own, but you chose this person. You have history, you have, you have so much richness, you have a lot of fighting. But look at like the positive in it.

And so listen, if you're gonna go find the character, if you're gonna go find the character.

Let me finish this, like, because I was thinking, like, the reason this, this is happening is because women, even if they're like, they're not successful or they're not working, they're like, I'll go get my real estate license and I'll just pay for this. I don't want to deal with this. I'll go, I'll go find a way to make money where it didn't used to be. That way it was like, oh, he's my meal ticket. And so they would tolerate so much and they wouldn't communicate because they're like, I don't want to again. I don't want to lose my meal ticket. So I'll just shut my mouth.

It's true.

And so it's this. It's a cycle. It's a cycle that's no longer working. And that's why I feel like I'm trying to figure things out because I'm like, why is this happening?

Well, and then you have what has become the next solution, which is open relationships. Yeah, threesomes, orgies.

I mean, we live in Orange county, so it's probably more rampant here.

But it's not just here though. It's like all over. Even in places you would think, oh, it's not happening here. No, it's happening in Salt Lake City, Utah. Yeah, it's happening all over until it's. There's an undercurrent in Salt Lake City, Utah, where we grew up in Mormonism. It's like massive. It's as intense as going on here. It's all the divorced 30 something year olds and all the couples who are just like constantly in this. Like there's just this piece. So like. But I get what people are looking for. Like the idea of open relationship is if I put some tension, which lets you say, hey, if you don't show up, just so you know, I'm going out with. Yeah, yeah, Bob, Johnny tonight. He's gonna be the out of me because you can't show up like a man today. And on the flip side, the guy's like, well, listen, you want to be a, want to come home, don't worry, Jessica and Samantha and she's a sweetheart and laughs at all my shit, so I'll go fuck her tonight.

So how is that a hall pass? How is that?

It's not a hall pass, it's the attempt, I think. I think open marriages at a principle principally are accurate. Get what I mean? The principle is with tension and non attachment, attraction becomes more viable. So it's like you don't have me and I don't have you. How do we know? Because you could go be with somebody else tonight and I could be with somebody. And when you're dating, that's an option. If we're dating and like I'm a total. Like, you have options. You have options. I have options. Right, that's the dating. That's the dating frame.

Right. Then like, then you no longer date.

I know, so, like, the piece is like, you come in and like, when you're dating, you, like, you know, this other person has options. So you also show up differently.

Differently? Yeah, because you're like, wait, I'm not like, he could be dating, you know, a couple other girls. So I've got to show up where I win.

Which means rejection or saying no or pushing them away or guys acting pouty. These things don't happen. Like, and we. We look past all of the downsides of our partners when we're dating. But when you're married, you emphasize them in a different way. Like, you tend to see the things that were always there.

Yeah. Yeah.

They weren't not there when you first were dating. You just didn't care because you were first dating. So open relationships try to reenact that reality, but the success. And then how do you relationship.

Well, and here's the thing is, like, how do you not let a crazy fight? Then you're like, wow, like, he, like, that ended our marriage.

I don't. I don't.

Because it's like, God, I'm so tired of this one. So, like, you know what I mean? Well, I guess she would. Maybe he or she would show up differently to kind of play the game. But, like, I don't know.

There's a reason why the stickability of relationships and open relationships is like, listen.

Yeah. At that point, maybe you're just a guy. Do not stay most couples, because think about it. So say you have your. Your one significant other, like your actual husband or wife. But then. And then you're like, dating other people. Are you constantly dating the same three women? Because at that point you're just. You just have four wives. Like, at that point, you just have four wives.

People have different rules. They're like, you can't date somebody, have an emotional relationship. Some people, like, you can just. But you can't actually date. Some people are like, you can date. And I'm like, I don't know. I. But I get where they're going to is, which is they don't know how to spark the relationship. So they're like, if we go to a sex club or we go to a strip club or we go open relationship, we do something like this. This will spark a rekindled fire. The only challenge is the rekindle fire isn't with the person you're with. Yeah, three kind of fires with like, whoever else you're with.

Yeah. And then if you're mad, you're like, oh, you're thinking about so and so. And he's like, yeah, I am thinking about so and so.

Yeah. He's like, you're like, how's that work out? I nudged. Yeah. Like, we already talked about this, too. I'm too emotionally attached to everything. I could do it.

You couldn't do it. No, we've. We've actually talked about it. Like, seriously, we're like, hey, we've been in sticky spots in our relationship, and it's like, it's almost like saying dating other people is almost like being like, well, it's not over, but I just want to test the waters. And that, to me, morally, doesn't stick. Well, yeah, I'm like, that just means.

We'Ve gone there a couple times.

But to me, it just means like, hey, I don't want to lose you, but I don't really love you. So it seems like a weak play. It's like, I just want to. I just want to test the water. Because you're unwilling to put the work.

In, I don't think. I think it's something even bigger than that, though. I think what it is, too. It's that. But I also think what it is, is there's a piece, particularly with young Christian couples that have gotten married and been married since they were young, there's this lingering question, right? So, for example, with money, I had a lingering question, which is, if you had a whole bunch of money, you just don't have problems because you could just buy all the problems. And then we had a whole bunch of money. We live in big house and drive fast cars and fly on jets, and we have fucking problems, too. And we fight about shit and all this shit. There's still shit to fight about. You're like, the fuck? I thought you get here and it's like, over, right? So my money story ended. But I think a lot of couples who even have money, they've been together with each other the whole time. So there's a bit of the mind that says peace of the mind is like, oh, if I was with someone else, then I would have. Have this thing.

Right.

Whatever it is. But the only way that you could ever know that is to actually experience it. And the only way to experience it is then put your entire marriage at risk.

Right.

Which even as you were doing, that's why, like, I. There's just not a real high probability of success for that marriage at all.

Yeah, I just. Yeah, if you're just. I feel like if you're at that point, you're like, you're that's like last, last.

If you came down and you knew it was your last straw. Like, if it was like, take our situation, say it's our last draw. And you're like, I don't know if we can make it. And the option is get divorced or both go somebody else to try to get contrast.

I. I Like you're.

So I'm saying, like, it's like there's a piece you. I know. And dark. And our dark sides. Right.

If this. Yeah.

Doesn't wake the up and see me for who I am, there's a 10,000 other men that would see me as a valuable, high value woman. And I've had the same thoughts as a man with you. I'm like, there's 10,000 other women who would be fucking grateful every goddamn day for how I show up.

But here's the thing. It wouldn't be like a one time go like, hey, like, let's go have sex with other people. You would have to actually be like dating somebody in a relationship to feel that, like, appreciation.

Yeah.

Otherwise you just went to the bar and had a cookie.

Yeah.

So it's like you could say, hey, we're going to go sleep with other people. What you're saying is like, I want to go see if somebody else values me more than you do.

Oh, that's what it is.

It is.

Look what it is.

That's what. Yeah. Like, you don't feel appreciated or valued at home. It's. Yeah. Sex might be a part of it.

And you get valued for who you are right now.

Yes.

So, for example, take like just play scenario. Let's say there's just another guy and he comes in the picture with you right now. He has no history with you.

There's no past experience.

He only knows you as who you are. Right. Right now.

Right.

No stories, no scars, no issues, no nothing. Just him going home.

He doesn't know Danielle. He only knows Daniela.

He knows Danielle. That motherfucker's lucky. That guy gets to step right well. And Daniela all over his face.

But yeah, it is. It is true.

I can see how that could happen.

I think it's. It's having this appreciation even for yourself because, like, for sure you do the same thing. Like, I'll do the same thing too. And then I'll like, I'll look even if something is looking in the mirror and I'm like, wow, I'm. I'm a beautiful woman. Or like I look at our kids and our success and I'm like, wow. Like, sometimes you get so in the thick of it, you still operate at times as the old version of you.

Yep.

Right. And so even though you become this person, you still have your own triggers and started somewhere. So sometimes we start behaving like Danielle versus Daniela. So if in. And that's normal. Which means your theory is kind of incorrect because, yes, they may know you. Only me for Daniela.

They're eventually going to be Daniela, but.

They'Re eventually going to see Danielle because that's a piece of me. So people think like, I'm going to go find this guy and it's. And I'm never going to be this old version of you. And you're like, you can't erase that. That's why it's like they call it the honeymoon phase, because you're showing up as Daniela, but you still have those scars, even if you're with somebody else. So all of a sudden you're fucking yelling at them and you see your ex wife and she's like, why are you yelling at me like this? And he's like, I don't know. Because his triggers of his past self comes up and he projects them on his new wife.

But the illusion of money and sex and short term attraction can delete all of that trauma for a period of time.

Right.

Six months, a year, two years. And then you wake up in the same situation. We've already seen couples we know do this too, where they wake up, they've been together for a couple years and they're like. The realization kicks in and then the problem is they get older. They get in their 40s, in their 50s now they're starting to just be like, I don't even have the energy to try to restart this.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's both our parents.

Yeah. It's like, it's like they're. They're like, they're like, I love him, I'll never be. But it's like, it's almost like a codependency and they're too tired and so they're just like, I will just die with this person. I just will deal with this person. Like, and it doesn't mean they don't love and respect them, but there's like so many things that, like, I don't know, it's. It doesn't work that way anymore. It doesn't work that way anyway, that's why nobody stays married like they did in the 50s. It's not the 1950s anymore. But that doesn't mean that they were necessarily. I mean, they had moments of happiness, you Know not to say that they weren't happy, but it's just like, you never know. I think that we're on to something where it. Things need to be done differently.

I agree.

And I think that both the man and the woman are ultimately after the same thing.

Yeah.

So I.

Action. Feeling, Seen. Feeling.

It's feeling like. And I think that's why it's so important to have these moments, like you said, where I can't do anything. If you go back to old Garrett, I can't go. Because there's been times I'm like, who. Who's this guy that showed up? I can't do anything. If you decide to be Garrett 10 years ago, and that's what triggers me is because I'm like, this is not the Garrett that I know today. This is the Garrett 10 years ago that's showing up. And so we. We want to say we're this guy, right? We come home and we're like, I want my wife to see me as this guy. And I'm like, yeah, but you are not seeing yourself as the guy in this moment, so she can't either. So I think that that's what. Where it really comes important when you're down or you're not feeling seen or heard. And I see old triggers and patterns of Garrett come up that. That I'm your safety, that I go up to you and I'm like, it's okay. And then you're like, oh, thank you. And then you remember the fucking man that you've built. You remember who you are. But instead of me being like, oh, pouty Garrett showed up instead. What I've been trying to work on is like, God, he's hurting right now. Let's bring him back up to speed. Let's let my man remember the man he is, who he has built. And when I approach you that way, you melt. And I'm like, ah, there he is. So I think that that's a tactic that I could give for women, is if your man shows up 10 years ago version of him, instead of being triggered, know that he's in a painful spot, and that's a moment where you can show your love and support.

That's incredible. I was tagged on that. That was really good and totally true. I think we. We are. We're at a season where if we as couples don't figure this out, like, everything we know about the fabric of our society is going to unravel.

But I was.

You're gonna end up with, like, 90 people single with no kids. There's just gonna be a bunch of people with no kids.

Yeah.

Like, this will become our world. Like, that's kind of some level. It doesn't even. Like the world that can't even repopulate itself. There's nobody to work jobs. Nobody wants companies. It's gonna be like, they're just. And they're even. Take away the business part. There's just not going to be any. It's not going to be an action. If I can around for 20 years and just be single and not have.

A lot of people are doing that.

I know it's happened at which I understand why. Because the marriage is being exposed for what it is, which is a fucking joke.

What if I. I've told you this from the beginning. You can do it alone, but you should go stronger. You go further, faster, faster together. So I look at even our strengths and our weaknesses, right? There's no doubt in my mind that I am, like, one of the few people that could be with you. Even though we're like, oh, I could be with a hundred, sure. But there is a piece where it's like. Because you are very explosive because you have a lot of energy. Because I'm so grounded. There's a piece of why we were put together so that when you're having these moments, like, in the kitchen, and, like, we have a full, fluent film crew here, and Bailey just threw a sandwich all over, and you're like, I'm gonna punch our daughter in the throat. I'm not like. I don't take it literal. I'm like, he's not gonna punch our daughter in the throat. And I could be. Don't say that. But I literally come in, and I'm like, babe, I've got this, right? So I have this ability to see this. This. You pop off, and I'm just like, okay. Like, my job is almost to, like, restore. I'm like, okay, yeah. And it's hard because I was talking to. I won't name him. But yesterday, our friend that was over, and I was like, your personality is so much like Garrett's. You're very explosive. And I was like. And it can feel. It can feel like you're getting verbally abused as a woman. And it can feel like you want to shut down and close off, right? But consider that if she didn't have all the past scars and trauma and things like this, she's hurting, so she doesn't know what to do, so she walls up and thinks she's getting verbally abused. I said, one of the things I'm trying to work on with Garrett is like. Sometimes I'm like, we're in Mexico last week, and he's yelling. I'm like. And I. I'm, like, trying my best not to shut down, because I know that's, like, part of your. Your personality. So I wait till. Don't take this offensively. Like, I wait till the tsunami is over.

Oh, I'm super offended.

And then I'm like. I just come in and I'm like, hey. Like, I try to come in with what I feel called to do. I try to come in with this sweet energy. I try to. Sometimes I'm triggered, and it turns into, like, a you. Like, and then I. Nobody wins. But consider that your energy and this alpha energy that a lot of men have, they need that feminine to come in and say, you're safe. Even if it's old Garrett from 10 years ago that shows up. I'm not going to take it offensively because I can still see that man, and I can see the man you are today. But can you do the same with me?

Yeah, I have been. You don't think I have?

No, I just want. It was a legit question. Yeah, because I was trying to, logically. Because, like, if you're like, you're being a psycho, and I'm like, yeah, but am I so still. I mean, sometimes, but am I still this? Because you'll make comments, be like, my wife was a Prud and she didn't put out for years. And I'm like, but am I still.

And I'm like, well, we've both been certain things what we like. The principle is simple. Nobody can move forward into a future if you've got them held hostage in the past.

Right, Exactly. So if you keep treating. If I keep treating you like old Garrett, hippie Garrett, making no money, broke Garrett, and I'm constantly, like, nagging you and putting you down the last five minutes. What?

So that would last five minutes?

Yeah. You would be like, dude, I'm not that man anymore. Right. And women don't realize that. Like, I'm just gonna say it, but, like, even my brother who got divorced, my oldest brother, it's because that's who his wife was. She was constantly putting him down where he believed it so much. I'm not saying he didn't do some stupid, too, but can imagine your wife is constantly nagging you and putting you down. It would be really hard. So these women, they. They think they're, you know, they want their man to be the man. But they don't know how to show them praise for where they're at. They don't know how to show them praise when their man's in the pit.

Well, and like, somehow the attraction factor between men and women has allowed for us to, like, be attracted to the complete opposite. Because, like, had she been attracted to a guy like me, I'd just punch her in the throat. I wouldn't tolerate that for two seconds.

But we wouldn't be together.

I know. That's what I'm saying, though. But that's the challenge. Like, you tend to have aggressive guys with softer, more analytical, like, emotional women. And the flip side, you had to have aggressive women with more women were withdrawn guys. You don't tend to have two power playing people who are both punchers or two power playing people who are both seeing logical thinkers. It happens, but not a lot.

Yeah.

Because there's no polarity. There's no attraction.

Right.

Attraction comes from the opposites.

Right.

So this show has been, like, incredible. And it's been longer show for us. And we killed it, right?

We did. That's a full hour.

Yeah, full hour. You killed it. A great job on today's show. High five. What's up?

Hey. I feel like these windows make you tired because halfway through the show, you'll.

Be like, no, I don't think it's that the windows make me tired so.

Much as, like, you just had lunch. And it's.

I've been up since 3 o', clock, ate lunch, and we're doing the podcast, like, three o' clock in the afternoon. The good news is you're on fire.

Thanks.

And you killed today's show.

I. I feel. I feel pretty strong recently.

Yeah.

I feel like I look really strong. I feel. Yeah. Like, I feel like I'm kind of on another chapter where I'm like, let's go.

Yeah. Great. Well, here we go. Let's wrap the show up.

All right, you guys, you might be tuning into this first time. Garrett and I've been married 21 years this August. We have four beautiful daughters and a stepson together. And two doggers. Two doggers.

Two dogger.

And we have built an incredible life. And I always say, you know, if you look at somebody's Instagram, don't judge a book by its cover, but ask simply how they got there. Because I feel like there's always a deeper story to these, the lifestyle that you see. And so it's important to be inquisitive about, like, how did they get there instead of literally, like, judge a book for its cover. So I'm excited for the next chapter. We will not announce yet, but we.

Have some cool things coming.

We have some cool things coming. We thought we were here in California forever and now feel a deeper calling possibly. So stay tuned. I don't know what you said because I don't speak Spanish.

Yes, that's all good. All right, thanks so much for being here. This is the DHY podcast. Look forward to being here with you next week.