Using SEX as a bargain chip will leave you held hostage in your relationship.

I spent a total of really just one on one with my wife less than six hours this week. That's ridiculous. I was like, this is the woman I love, who I desire. And then add that up, have, like, an event happen one week, etc. And it's real easy, over 14 days to have spent less than 10 hours.

With you and your wife, too, for women. And, like, especially for. We got. We've been married for 20 years, and when I was, like, super young, I didn't. I didn't know why I was building up all this resentment, because the narrative was like, he's the hunter. He works. And you just shut your mouth and be happy. And I was like. And I think that's why a lot of women use sex as a bargaining chip. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Date youe Wife podcast. I'm the wife, and this is my date.

Hello, wife.

We've been doing this podcast for, like, on and off, but we've now been consistent with it this last year. And we even brought our family on board to the Real White Reality show. That kind of just turned into the Real White Reality show slash podcast. But today it's just me and this guy, and we are going to talk about time and the importance of time together as a couple, whether it's quality time or not. So quality time.

First, let's talk about how tight my shirt is.

Yeah.

And it's not.

You look great.

It's not that. I got a smaller shirt. It's a custom shirt. I've started filling it. Do you know I've started getting upper pecs.

Wow.

Not a lot, but I'm getting some uppers. Give me another year or two and I'll get some big ones. Yep. I can't pay for. You can't do man boob job. That'd be weird.

Wouldn't that be funny? No. They do pec implants.

Yeah. It's not happening.

They do ass implants.

Yep. They do. That's not happening. They do penis implants.

They do?

Yep. Literally, they put a extra cavern in your penis, I guess.

Wow.

And then they make you longer.

I mean, if you're in that industry, it might be necessary.

Some people think that a larger penis equals better sex. We can't really speak to that because, like, I'm kind of the one for you. So we won't ever know.

You'll never know.

We'll never know. Do you know that at one point.

We'Re not here to talk about the size of your penis. We actually want to talk about time. Please don't take us down that rabbit hole.

That clip's going to be great. We're not here to actually talk about the size of your penis. We're here to talk about time.

Please don't take us off the cliff.

Thank you. All right, so in the space of time and penises, here is what I will tell you. We have. I've been in a pattern, and that pattern has been a long time pattern, which is I work a lot. I don't know exactly when it started, but somehow I made the decision that in order to be successful, you have to work incredibly hard.

You've had that story since when I met you.

I know. And so that story has been going for 22, almost 23 years. I've been disciplining it and executing with perfection. And unfortunately, my entire world feeds back positive reinforcement every day, everywhere. That doing it works. My house, our house, I should say, not mine. Our house, our marriage, our kids, our sex life, everything. It's like, work hard, work hard, work hard. Look what you've created. But this has created the disconnection that we felt last year. Why don't you talk a little bit about that?

But I think, too, I. It's. You also wanted that connection, right? So in an attempt to, like, work, work, work, work, work all the time, there was so many years where we were, like, dysfunctioning and you couldn't figure it out. But also, you were not willing to work less and work more on us.

There was weeks, I remember sitting there going, I remember calculating my mind. We go out on a movie night for dinner one night, and the next night we go to dinner or something. But I remember thinking through the whole time, I was like, I spent a total of really just one on one with my wife less than six hours this week. That's ridiculous. I was like, this is the woman I love, who I desire. And then add that up, have, like, an event happen one week, et cetera. And it's real easy, over 14 days to have spent less than 10 hours, too, for women.

And, like, especially for. We got. We've been married for 20 years. And when I was, like, super young, I didn't. I didn't know why I was building up all this resentment, because the narrative was like, he's the hunter. He works. And you just shut your mouth and be happy. And I was like. And I think that's why a lot of women use sex as a bargaining chip, because they're kind of like, I don't get any attention. Like, sure, I have a House. But, like, I'm not, I don't want to have sex with you. I don't feel connected. I don't, I don't. Like, it's almost like, yeah, just disconnection across the board. And this happens with, like, I hear about a lot of Moyer where these, like, super producing men, they're like, I can't figure out why my wife doesn't want to have sex with me. And it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse because they're, quite frankly, they're, they're just not putting enough reps into their marriage or creating time and time and space.

Yeah.

So providing is not enough. And I'm not saying it's okay for women to like, not communicate. And that's why they go out and cheat or become resentful is because it's a wife's duty to, to also communicate. Because I want a high producing man that's very sexy. And I can, I've learned over the years that I can. That I do need to communicate. Like, hey, I have needs too. Right. But I wasn't willing to just be taken care of and then pretend like.

I was okay when you were again, you kind of. I, I was probably not. I would for sure. Was not the best for being open to receive what you were feeling. At the same time, you weren't the best at sharing with what you were feeling.

Yeah, that's what I said. I'm like being accountable for my walling up and my kind of like, like I said, it was just almost like a resentment. It was like you were taking care of the family. But I was just like, just felt very resentful. And I even remember, like, you would. There was times where you would have events or travel a lot or whatever and you'd come home. And I almost was like, you'd want to just like, like crazy like you. It was like, oh, I haven't seen my wife. And I, I, I was kind of like, I need a day or two to warm up, buddy. Like, you don't just get to come off a business trip. I don't care how much money you made or what happened or like, you need to, like, kind of like, ease into this. And like, now I'm totally different. And I switched the narrative because now I understand men a lot better. And I'm almost like, if you're gone, I'm like, hey, babe, let's go upstairs and have sex really quick. Because I understand, like, your energy. And I'm like, you did. I know that if we go get A little bit of that energy out. You're like, ah, hey babe. And your energy kind of meets my energy better. And then you naturally are more like you. Like then we just are more connected. Right? So like I used to be like, oh, I need a minute for me. And now I'm like, let's just go get this over with. Because it releases your energy a little bit.

I wonder what happened if in the.

Beginning parts I started doing that on vacations too.

Well, vacations were a nightmare.

Well, that's. And this is, I think when I realized, total nightmare. This is when I realized that I call it a power chip is we started. You started finally taking me on vacations. I remember the very first time you, you, you took me. You surprised me on this trip to Cabo. Do you remember that? We'd like never really been outside the country or anything. It was just Cabo, but for me it was like a big deal.

When we went to Petregal.

Yeah, it was our first time. And I just remember like driving down the like rocky thing and like the cute little like tequila in your room and they greet you with like a margarita was like, this is awesome. And I was like, normally when we'd go on vacations, it was like, I was like, hey, I just, I'd kind of avoid you and I'd play this weird avoidance game and then we'd end up like fighting at dinner. And instead I was like, the first thing I'm going to do when we get in the room is like, let's just, let's get that out of the way. And then the whole rest. I realized in doing that like the whole rest of the day, I was able to kind of like sit and relax and there wasn't this weird tension with you and I. So when I started, I was like, well, that works on vacation. So I started. I realized it's like this thing that I was attempting to use as a power chip was actually not being used correctly, if that makes sense.

Well, you put it was a. It was a precarious situation because I could never figure out why I was so against vacations either. Because you're always like, why do you ever want to go on vacation? Da da da. And I didn't like, I hated them. The idea of going on vacation with you for a week was a nightmare.

Which cuz like I said, I would kind of avoid you.

Well, we would go on vacation for like six, seven days and expect once.

But we, A lot of times we brought our kids because we.

But even without, even with Our kids, we're still having sex like once or twice a day now on vacation. But I'm saying back then, like, it was like, like we were lucky at times. Even when it was just you and I, it was still this awkward, weird thing. And it was like, not so, like, as a man, you're going, okay, hold up. So I get to go for six days to Hawaii or Cancun or Cabo or whatever. My wife's going to be in a hot bikini. She's going to look amazing.

She doesn't want you to touch her.

She doesn't want me to touch her the whole time. And occasionally, maybe possibly after a bunch of drinks, she'll want to have sex at night, which is, like, hard for me to imagine that woman based upon the woman that you are now.

I know, but this happens all the time.

I know. This is not just like what you were. This was like.

That's why I had to work better on my communication skills. I had to work better on, like, my conscious effort of my behaviors as a woman. And then for the man that I love, even though it's not in my nature to do certain things, if you love a person, you have to consciously ask yourself, is this going to give me what I want? And that was the narrative I just played for myself was, I'm like, hey, if you can get this, will you do this? And I was like, it's that simple. I was like, it's that simple.

Yeah.

And I started doing that. And in turn, I was like, holy.

You took the first, the first big pressure cooker off was. Well, first we had been in Cancun and it was. It was actually, I think our very first trip was to Cancun. Not to pet the gal. No, I think it was. I think it was a Cancun. And then we went to Petregal and Cabo because, well, I remember we were at the. We were at Banyan Tree and you had been willing to get your first thong back bikinis.

Oh, yeah. Banging trews.

And we were there, and we were there. And I remember laying next to you, you have your thong back bikini on. But we're not. We haven't had sex in like two days.

That was when we went to.

And I'm like sitting. Yeah. And I, I have. You're reading 50 Shades of Gray. I'm like, okay, check this situation. I'm in Mexico with my wife. I've not had sex in two days since we got there. She's laying out in a thong back on the beach while reading Fifty Shades of Gray. And I'm thinking to myself, what kind of a fucked up situation is this? And I said, oh, I'm gonna leverage this situation. I'm gonna sign a contract with her. So you remember our agreement? I said, I'm gonna sign it. We made a note. That was an agreement. We made an. This was like in 2015, man.

We really.

And I signed a contract with her on a napkin. I said, so the contract was simply this. I could have sex twice a week, guaranteed, at least any time. And you couldn't say no. I could store them up like rollover minutes. So if I want to save 4 for the next week, I could none this week. 4. If I want to save them up like, and have 17 of them, I could have 17 of them.

We've really come a long way.

That's where 2015. So it was almost 10 years ago. So. And then the agreement was, I get sex twice a week, anytime I want. And then you get two items that you want. Two designer items, two designer items. You can send me a link and I'll buy them.

This is when we lived in Ledera.

This is Ladera, slash, moving into Dana, into Monarch. So it's like literally 2015. So I'm thinking to myself, this is like 10 years, almost 10 years ago. And I'm like, okay, this is going to work. So you're like, okay, so you agree to it. So then I buy some things. You have sex. We get back from Mexico and you're sending me links. And at first I'm like, this is easy. Send me a link, I buy it. You send me a link, I buy it. I'm like, cool, let's go. Time for sex. And like, you're like, I said, nuh. You don't get it back out. I bought your two things. I asked for sex. You get to have right now. And I get how I want, whatever position I want as long as I want. You're like, fine. So then we do it. Etc. Now after like three weeks, I start to notice that the links that I'm getting have, they've changed. I'm not just getting a link for like, you know, a $500 pair of sunglasses.

I'm going to have a high praise prostitute.

Oh, she started leveling up. She's like, I'm not some kind of cheap street whore. I'm like, I'm a high end escort. Start sending me links for like $6,000 handbags. I remember I made a purchase one week and I was sitting there and I think I spent like $9,000 on things. And I'm. And I'm sitting here looking like, thinking to myself, like, okay, hold up a second. And I started doing the math and I was like, you just spent whatever XYZ dollars it is. I started computing that based on the number of times we had sex. And I was going, this is the most expensive shitty sex prostitution game I've ever been involved in in my life. She's not even dancing or performing for me and I'm over here paying for it. Then I started going, no. So then I canceled the agreement because it was getting weird too. It was weird for you, it was weird for me. And that led us to 2000 even.

I was like, I feel so dirty carrying this handbag.

You're like, I had to blow my husband for this handbag. Like, we were kind of fucked up. Like, I mean, it was almost 10 years ago, but like there was like a place like you and I both. It wasn't just one sided. It was like a double fucked up. And then I look at where we're at now today and the amount of growth that we've had in the sexuality and communication, intimacy, openness. But one of the pieces that didn't exist back then is we didn't spend a lot of time together.

Yeah. Yeah. It was just like you were always working and then when you were home, I was so full of resentment that I wouldn't even allow myself to connect with you.

Yeah.

So it didn't. At that point, it was like what little time we had together was very hollow.

It was fights.

It was. Yeah. Yeah. At best. And. Or it was just like, hey, let's drink enough to where we don't care anymore.

Yep.

Right. Let's go to a movie where we don't have to talk. It was a toleration of each other. It was a toleration of ourselves.

Yep. So we hit the terminal shifting point, 2016. And that led us to Date with Destiny. And we were making decisions about whether or not we were going to stay married if this thing didn't turn itself around. So we end up doing that and we go to Date with Destiny. We have a massive turnaround. We choose into each other again. Danielle starts like creating different terms for sex and vacation became nice because she's like, listen, here's the deal. I will fuck you every day on vacation. I was like, and I'm gonna fuck you in the morning. You were getting laid every day. We're on vacation so you can stop stressing about it. And I remember thinking to Myself, is she really gonna fulfill with this? And then you did it. And I was like, oh. And then after like three days in a row, four days in a row, five days in a row on vacation, I'm thinking, oh, this is really nice. Stress disappeared and there was. Started being this normal.

And you started falling asleep at like nine.

Yeah. There was this normal thing that started to operate inside of our relationship with sexuality. But a lot of what started opening up too, was even time. And that's where we're at in 2024 is there's this massive investment of time that you and I are giving to one another that we weren't giving before.

Right.

And I should say you've always been ready to give it. And I've, like, not done it.

I've always. My. Your thing is. And I. I believe it's kind of how you were raised. I'm not saying it's a bad or good quality. Could go either way. But you're taught or your. Your brain works in like, our brains work very different. I'm like, okay, how can I. How can I make the most without having to, like, over commit myself?

Yeah.

My brain literally thinks that way. That's why I've built my companies the way I have. I'm like, I'm like, how can I get, like, I like most for the least. Yes. I'm like, how can I get the most impact but not least amount of emotional commitment? Just like, not over. Over.

Yeah.

Commit myself?

Yeah.

It's how my brain is literally wired. I told. I told you, like, the only reason I graduated high school is I didn't do the work. I went and like, literally talked all of my teachers into giving me passing grades and talked my friends into going do my extra credit work and paid them off. My brain is wired that way. So you are so different. You measure things based off of how hard you work determines your value. And I'm like, how does it, though? And so you would always almost, like, be mad at me because you're like, you're not even working that hard. And I'm like, no, I am. I'm just being very strategic with my strikes. And I think you're entering a new season where you're understanding that, like, your gift is like being at war.

Yeah.

But not for the expense of your family and where this message truly can go.

Yeah.

And so when you. When you get that and I think you finally have, you understand, like, I'm still going to work my ass off, but I can't be burning both ends of the candle.

Well, we're like, finally in a place. Like, we're creating time. Let's talk about today. Like, this isn't unheard of. It's a Monday. This morning I woke up, went to the gym with Jeff, came back, got my haircut, went to the Cairo, came back with you. And then we went to Soul Cycle, and that was fun. Was that fun for you?

Yeah.

Does it matter that I was there?

No, I thought it was fun.

Seemed like just kind of being there in space and time. So we were there, then we were therapy today. Then we're here doing the podcast. Then we might go see Mean Girls tonight. Like, what I'm saying is, like. Like we're spending more time yesterday. We're at church together today.

Well, this.

There's so much more time together than we've had.

I was really. Because we've been doing consistent date nights for the last 12 years. Like, we. We just. We've been really consistent with that. Like, when. When that started, like, Gilbert.

So, yeah, like 10 years.

Like, more than that. Like, more than 10 years ago. It was like we. We knew our marriage wasn't doing great, and we were like, hey, the one thing we're going to commit to, that nobody does still to this day, you'll hear a lot of couples and they're like, they don't want to pay a fucking babysitter. And I'm like, are you serious? You just spent more money on Starbucks last week. Like, it's just weird. So. And to me, I'm like, you don't want to invest in yourself and your partner, but you'll spend that on Starbucks. Where. How does this make sense to you in your head? So for me, it was like, I. I think we've been consistent with date night, but where it shifted is, is like our date nights were either kind of a fight at best, or it was a movie or it was a drinking, and it was. There was not a lot of connecting time in those moments because it was like an afterthought of a tired week of either working or being with the kids, which I still. We were talking to our therapist. I'm like, hey, I don't want to give that up. There's some nights where I don't. I do want to just hold your hand and go to a movie. And there's some nights where I do want to go out with friends and have a bunch of cocktails and have a good time. Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to. I think hard producing entrepreneurs should have that Those pieces of relaxation and fun. It creates balance. But what we're missing is connecting time in the morning or during the day. You know, like this. I'm like conversations and like spin, spin classes. Stuff that you would just like, do with one of your buddies. And you'll see so many, both men and women, who. They'll put more time into committing to their friend. Like, they have girls that go to lunch weekly, but yet their husband gets the shitty, tired, drained version of them. But they're creating time for Sarah for lunch every Thursday at 12:30, but their husband gets the tired, burnt out version. And same with men. Men are like, oh, I've got my lifting buddy. I've got my surfing buddy. But then they tell their wife they don't have enough time. And you're like, you're giving connected hours to your best friend Keith in the waves every morning.

That.

That's why I would always joke around with you. I was like, I. I wasn't that I didn't like Keith. I was like, I was like, how is Keith getting more one on one time and connected, Zen Garrett time than I am? I get angry, fatigued, tired. Garrett, who wants to take nine shots and go to bed? Garrett. And this guy gets him at the peak of his morning. Like, I'm like, that's. It wasn't about Keith. I was like, you keep telling me you're so busy, but yet you. You are so committed to surfing every. So I knew it was just like shifting your. Your values based on. Based on what you wanted. But I think there was also a piece where you and I, we didn't know how to connect. We didn't know how to communicate. And for a lot of men and women, it's like, I'd rather just go hang out with Keith. He's easier to talk to and he laughs at my jokes.

Yep.

You know, and so I get that. And women are the same way. They're like their girlfriend. Yeah. They're like, I just want to, like, talk shit on so and so and have a couple margaritas. Like, she's way lighter and funner than you. You're real heavy and want to be on tense and serious. So I get it. And I'm not saying that that's a problem, but you have to have other connecting conversations throughout the week to stay connected.

But we didn't. I mean, we didn't have any of that. So, like, I mean, I. And again, I was, I was sitting there, I was thinking, I just remember having too many weeks where I was like, holy Fuck. I am hardly spending any time with my wife. And the interesting thing about spending more time with you in the last, like, couple weeks, like, there's just been more time. I told you in 2024, I was creating a schedule that was going to give me way more space and time, and I would think. I would believe that's happening. Yes.

When.

And I'm home more early, and we're spending more time at night, and we're spending more time with the kids.

When we spend more time like this together, there's less friction. And this sounds weird. I don't know if it's like this for men. You're physically more attractive to me.

Yeah.

When I'm. When I'm in a space and you always look great, but, like, when I'm in a space where I'm feeling disconnected, I'm almost like, ugh. Like, like disgusted. Not disgusted, but just very repulsed. Not repulse. What's the other word I was one of?

Stick your fingers down your throat.

No, it just. There's nothing there. There's no energy. There's no connection.

It's a body.

It's a. It's just a person that walked into the room, and I'm almost, like, annoyed that you're like, that's there. That's the best word to describe it. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that you're in my space. I'm like, I. If you're not gonna be present and connected with me, I'd prefer you to not be in my space. Like, I'm. It's like a level of annoyance. But when we're connected, you.

Your.

Your energy walks into the room, and it's like, I get butterflies. I'm like, oh, it's freaking cute. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But when we're not. I am annoyed. I'm like.

Well, what I would tell you, too, is that. Not like. It's like, we've said this too. When the more sex we have, the more sex we have, it's like it becomes more normal and exciting and becomes a natural thing. That's not weird. The more we spend time together and hang out, the more we spend time together and hang out, it's like, the more we hang out, the more we want to hang out. Which I've really like. I've, like, for the first time in probably 10 years, I'm in this place this year. And just first, like, three weeks of the year where I'm like, My mind is thinking, or, why is Danielle not coming? Where's Danielle, at. Whereas before, I used to, like, go with the kids or disappear with the kids half a Saturday or Sunday.

Okay, let's do this then.

Yeah.

So you men and women can be fulfilled through connection in so many ways.

Yeah.

You can be filled through work. So you were. You were getting your connection piece just kind of somewhere else validated. And that's like, even for me. Like, I love what I do. So, like, when I'm coaching hairstylists or I'm in the space where I'm teaching or training, it's like I'm tired, but I kind of come home on. On a high and I'm feeling very emotionally connected to my students or whoever it is. And so you almost are fulfilled with connection, but at the same time, like, you're now experiencing the. This connection with me and which is as. Can be as fulfilling. So then it makes you be like, no, I can kind of push these students away and get this or whatever it is. Like, this. I can not sacrifice, but I can create space and time wherever I want. And ultimately, humans are just looking for connection.

I agree with you.

And validation.

I agree with you. There's less and less. It's not that I don't want to be involved in my business. There's actually more and more desire to automate, to replace, to elevate people into other positions and create more space to where I can do the thing that makes me unique and different.

Yeah, do the.

Only.

Do only the. That you like, you've worked so hard, so hard to where it's like, yeah, only do the stuff you want to do.

23 years I've been an entrepreneur and I've been working this hard for 23 years.

Yeah.

And so, like, I tell. And it's what I'm noticing, too, that's interesting, is like, there's a piece of me that feels very guilty. Like, just feels. If I'm not com. If I'm not fatigue, grinding.

Yeah.

I feel feel like guilty up and we're going to lose everything.

Yeah. Yeah, but that's normal.

Even though that's not even close to the case. It's just that there's a piece of my brain that is still.

But it feels guilty. I. I tell hair stylists this all the time. So in the hair stylist, in the hair community, if they have a gap on their books, they're like, oh, my God. They're like. And hair stylists are notorious. At least the ones that have a lot of drive are notorious for working, like 7 till 10pm like, they have no boundaries because we love what we do. We love transforming people, that, that kind of thing. But like, ultimately it's like, yeah, you, like, you see a gap on your books and you like, feel guilty. You, like, and then you literally are like panicking. I tell them all the time, I'm like, it's not about gaps on your books. I'm like, because what if I told you you could make three times as much, but you actually have to consolidate your books and see more or see more gaps on your books. So consider where you're at in life when you think, get panicky. You won't make it to the 100 million dollar club.

No.

Because you can't see it.

Wow.

And so God's like, hey, we need to open up more space because you're not going to see where you actually need to go.

It's, it's a W for the hairstylist. No different than what I've seen for myself. And what I'm noticing too is like there's a drive. It's weird. It's like, it's like I'm getting back to this place with you that I remember feeling in the first like year we were together, which was this weird thing. I mean, obviously we were not having sex at the time because we were gonna be good and wait till we got married. We were having fun sexually, but we weren't having sex. And. But there was a drive for me to spend time with you. I think that's what was so intense for me was the fact that you were so beautiful. But 24 7, my thoughts were like, I wanna fuck her. It was like 22 7.

Yeah, you were like.

My mind was like, I wanna fuck her. And 22 hours out of the day, two hours of the day were like, like, I just, There was a lot more focus on, like, I really just wanna her. We can. That's good. I just wanted to spend time with you. Like, I get as excited about the idea of cuddling with you and going to sleep as I do sex. Like, it's a different.

I think I, I think like just.

Being in your space and holding you.

Sitting on the couch with you, you like, like I said, just not being on the feel freeze has plugged you back in to see me. Remember how I'm like, I'm not feeling seen and heard and vice versa. You're like, I'm not feeling seen her. And I'm like, I can't see you. Yeah, I can't see you. And in turn, you couldn't See me, it was literally like a blocker. I hope they ban those. And they're legal.

Really?

They're literally. They're like, at fitness shows. They're at, like, every gas station. Like, I. I hope that somebody legally goes after them. Like, they're bad. Like, I don't. They're called Fil Freeze. If you see anybody drinking them, please discourage them to drink them. They should be banned. So just thought I'd plug that in because they. They're. They're sold so casually. And what I saw you go through with them and what I experience as your wife, I'm like, oh, like, I'd rather you go do your medicine journeys. Have a cocktail every night if you need to. I'm like, but those are bad. You want about talking about numbing somebody? Go ahead and drink those.

Yeah, they're a little intense, but that's.

What I think we were missing is, like, there was this element of not spending time, but we were literally. We were kind of, like, at different frequencies.

We were. And I feel like we're getting back on it. I feel like God's, like, actually, like, creating a game that requires you and me to be back to back. But also that we've recognized that we. Like, I just have coming to these terms recently of just how much work we've done.

Oh, yeah, I do.

Just how much we've done. I don't think I've appreciated how much we have done individually or collectively or as a family, across every domain of life.

Well, even, like, it was crazy in the night, we talked about the prayer we had in one of our last podcasts. We had a prophetic prayer done. And it was interesting what he said towards you in the beginning of that. He said that he's like, I don't think you realize how much you've gone through, but it's to prepare you to where you need to go. And when you look at us, you're like, what? You guys were, like, raised Mormon. You got married at 20, and you're like, dude, yeah, I didn't have to go out and, you know, 700 women, or do you know what I mean? Like, I didn't have. That wasn't my path. But what you went through was, like, equally as hard and as dark.

Yeah.

And so I think that's where you don't give yourself credit, because it's not like you, like, went to jail for five years and, like, you. You had a crazy, crazy drug problem, but, like, what you went through was so intense, even so that, like, I. I When you. I didn't realize it when you were reading it in the last one how he said, you've almost died twice. And I was like. And thought I forgot about that. Like your cancer. And then later with like your picc line and like so much that you don't actually are like, holy. I am still here and still moving forward.

Even like the drowning incident in Huntington, I still to this day, I'm like, it's the wildest experience ever. That was during the event. I didn't. I'll share this and we'll kind of wrap this show up. I've gone out surfing. I'd been surfing for about a year and I went surfing before. I went at the Pasea Hotel right up by the Huntington Pier. And there's a really strong current there that's different. The waves are different than my. In front of our house. And I paddled out and I was still. I was on a 6 foot 8 board. So a lot of like good volume in it. Probably 43 liters of volume, you know, a larger board. And I wasn't as good. The waves were only like 4 to 5ft, which are big if you don't know what you're doing, but they're not really a big deal if you do know what you're doing. And I was still like kind of rookie and I was tired and fatigued and so I was paddling out to get one more and I was super tired and I paddled out and I took this wave on the head and my leash broke and I lost my board and I was about 300 yards, 300 meters off the pier and about three, about half a mile to quarter mile, about a quarter mile off the shore and about 300 meters from the pier. My leash broke. I get wave on the head, leash breaks. I come to, I'm panicking, I'm tired, I'm fatigued. Another wave lands on my head. The consistent waves just coming in. I go under, I get tumbled, I come back up, and then I take another wave on the head and then I come back again. And this is when I realized, like, I'm in trouble. Like the piece of my brain was just like, you're like, you're in trouble. And I look up and I see these guys on the pier and I yell for help. And the last thing I see is a guy drop his coffee running down the pier. And then I see this wave right in front of me build and like land down on top of me. And as it's coming down, I can feel like I just feel everything just go. Like everything got slow. Just. I black out and don't remember anything that happens next, except for coming to two or three feet away from one of the pylons on the pier. And I open my eyes and I see this pylon, like, the pole for the pier. It's covered with barnacles and, like, super sharp things. And I just wrap up this. This pole with my arms and legs, and I'm holding onto it. Well, that's. That's like a 2 to 300 meter distance from where I remember being to where I was. And then as I'm sitting there, I come. It's shallow. Shallow enough that I can swim in. And as I'm doing that, all the lifeguards are coming out and a bunch of surfers are coming out, and lifeguards look and stop and grab me. And they're like, are you okay? And I'm like, I think so. I think I'm okay. And they're like, okay, where's the other guy?

Oh, yeah, I remember.

Listen. I was like, there was no other guy. They're like, no, where was the other guy? There was a guy that was with you. Where's the other guy that was with you? I was like, there was no guy with me. I was by myself. My friends were at the beach. No one was around me. It was just me. There was reports from the pier that there was another guy in the water with you. Where is he at? And I still. They thought I was, like, loopy. And I was like, there was no other guy. So they start paddling out to go see where this other guy is. They find no one. Then I'm sitting in the Paseo Hotel and I'm meditating before my. Before my event, which was like, day two.

Is that your event?

My event, okay. And I'm sitting there in meditation on the. On the seventh floor, and I'm meditating. And this thought comes up in my mind, which is like, I am the power of the ocean on the power of everything you see. And, like, the second message was, it's not your time. I'm the one that saved you. Like, I share the story from stage, my broken board, my broken leash, et cetera. And everyone's like, what the fuck? And I was like, this is before we were doing anything with Christ and coming to God, any of these things. Like, But I had a deep belief in God at the time. And I was like, what? Like, these things just keep happening. Like, our world just continues to open up to be more and More and more and more and more exciting and intense, and I love you.

Get ready.

And we're doing some big this year.

I was gonna say. I feel like I should say God's.

Doing some big shit through us.

Yeah.

We're kind of like, in this place.

Where season that's just gonna open up, and that's like. It's been really. It's. It's been kind of dark the last couple years. Even though, like, it was like, we moved into this beautiful home a couple years ago, and we were like, how'd we do that? Like, I was talking about in the last podcast, everything kind of contracted, and now it feels like it's opening back up.

Yeah.

And it's almost like maybe it's. We. We had to figure some shit out first, and now it's like, okay, let's keep the ship going. Keep. Let's keep moving.

Yeah.

So I'm. I'm excited to see where it goes because, like, even when I look at where we were both at at the beginning of last year, I think we were both at a different conscious level that felt a little bit lower. Vibration.

Yeah.

And we didn't even see that we had slipped into that pocket. And I think it started when we first moved in, and it was almost like we took our foot off the gas, and we're like, we did it. And just whether we partied too much or just stopped, we stopped letting that into our life.

We stopped letting power God and drive.

Yeah. It's like we just felt like we didn't need it anymore. We're good. We got our dream car and our dream houses, and we're good. We don't need anymore. And we didn't do it consciously. It was just like. It felt like things were slowly losing light and to the point where it got painful last year at this point, and we had to course correct. So it was like we did the work, and then it was like, now feels light, like a new chapter, and here we are.

So listen, we've never professed to have all the answers. We've never tried to have all the answers here on this show. And this show has inspired a lot of podcasts to be launched with couples. It's probably the best therapy that we do outside of our actual therapy that we do every single week. And there's a group of people who get together, couples, men and women, who are looking to take their marriage to another level. And oftentimes all they need is just to know they're not alone. And it's amazing to me every single week in the Date your Wife experience call, how all the couples come to recognize not only are they not alone, they're not really different at all. A vast majority of our problems and experiences are exactly the same. And that's been the case we found with the Warrior's Way too. Which is why I'd like to offer you an opportunity to get a free 30 day trial to the entire Warrior experience as well as the Date yout Wife experience, which is part of that by heading to wakeupwarrior.com where you can access the Warrior app, the Warrior book, the Warrior curriculum, the Warrior Challenge, you can access the Date your wife experience call as well as four weeks inside of our Warrior launch program with our coaches and trainers on our weekly call, as well as our tribe. There's so much for you to participate in and I want to give you a chance to experience it for free today. Head to WickedWarrior.com to check that out. And best for Danielle is just follow her on Instagram daniellek White. You'll find everything else there. Nbr, dkw Styling salons, Big money stylist, all of the amazing programs she has going on in the hair industry. And follow us on our fitness journey because this year we're finally going to get a photo shoot together. Nude.

No, we're not. But I forgot we committed to that. Okay.

That's right. All right, we're out of here. We'll see you guys next week.