Vices, Growth, and the Path to Stronger Relationships

Human beings tend to judge the other person about their thing because it's not yours.

We're live here in the White House, ready to declare Garrett's. Garrett's relaxed and I was coming in with more energy.

I like it. How does it feel for you?

Feels not. It doesn't feel like me.

So is this why you don't drink a lot of caffeine?

Yeah, I don't need caffeine.

But you use pre workout.

Yeah, I like to get me going in the morning and that's about it.

Otherwise, people do without caffeine.

Yeah, I don't have a caffeine. I have. I don't like caffeine. I don't understand why people drink it. I drink it and I'm like. But I have anxiety. So, like, I'm already like, got too much energy. So if I drink caffeine, I'm like, ah.

Ah. Does it make you more pumped?

No, it makes me, like, anxious. It like, makes me feel like. Like I'm like tweaking. Like, I can have a. It's so funny. Like, I like Diet Coke because I. Sometimes I crave something like, fizzy and sweet.

Yeah.

But even then, like, I can't drink a Diet Coke at night or I'll be up. I can have like a swig of one. But yeah, I'm pretty sensitive to caffeine.

Not so sensitive to tequila.

You know, you build up a tolerance for everything in life, so.

But what's interesting is that everybody. Everybody's body has their thing.

Yeah, like.

Like, seriously, like you don't you caffeine.

But I don't think is everybody's body has their thing. It's like you find what works for you.

Which would mean your body has a thing. Right? It was like, mean. What I mean is, like, everyone at some level is sedating, so.

Well, here's the thing is you posted something on your. You do your stacks every morning and you posted one of your stacks. I always seem right when I wake up and it was like, it's not the substance, this problem, it's the user or something. But I was thinking, like, with anything, it can become a problem. Like you can take somebody who's super fit. And we were talking about this the other day. There's like young fitness people, like, literally killing themselves. Like, you can take anything to an extreme. What starts out as good can. Can go bad in excess. And I don't really like the term. Oh, just do everything in moderation. I'm like, well, you shouldn't do everything half ass like, if you're gonna do something, not necessarily, like, moderation is great too, but because, like, you just kind of have to figure out what is your rhythm and what works for you well, and let go of guilt behind it. Like, you. So you could take somebody who's like, a super freak athlete, and they're like, I don't feel guilty and I work out, you know, three hours a day, but they're having, like, all these heart issues or whatever, and you're like, your body's inflamed and it hates you. But, like, there's no guilt and there's justification in saying, well, it's like, I'm more fit than you. And you're like, where your body is currently out at is not more fit. Like, I can tell you from, like, competing in competitions, like, to carry your body for a woman that lean, it is not healthy. Like, like, peak week is fun and it's an experience, and you look cool. But don't get it twisted. Like, to look like that 24, 7 is not healthy. And I'm not saying I, like, go on the other end and, like, go gain a bunch of weight, but, like, to say that lean, it's not good for your body. So anything in excess can be bad.

So we should live in moderation.

No, I just think you gotta.

So when do you know when do you know when to take it over the line?

I think you gotta. Yeah, you're lying. Like, there's times for me that I'm like, okay, like, I really like drinking, but when it goes to, like, not being fun anymore, I'm like, this might be a problem. Okay, I need to reel it in. But I got to this place years ago where, like, being raised Mormon, it was like, there was so much taboo and guilt around, even, like, drinking at all. And I finally was like, I don't actually, honestly, like, if I just have a couple drinks, like, I'm in a happy pocket, my brain shuts off, I sleep better. It actually works as an appetite suppression for me. Now, I'm not, like, promoting, like, everybody needs to go do that. But, like, for me, I didn't have, like, a negative side with alcohol. I have definitely taken it too far and crossed the line where I'm like, might be a problem. And it's kind of like, probably need to reel that in. But like I said, like, everybody's kind of, like, got their thing. There's people that are, like, high all day long, and you're like, do you want to be high all day long? Is that working? For you? How's that working for you?

How is it, how's it different being high all day long versus crossing the line at night with tequila and having to recover in the morning?

Well, see, and that's even for me, like that's.

Or sleeping like shit. Is it. How's it any different?

Well, that's why when I started to notice like patterns where it was affecting how I operated, like the next day, that's when I'm like, okay, so weekdays I don't do too bad weekends. I always have one weekend day where I'm like, why did I do this myself? But usually it's still a positive experience. Like even on Sunday with the girls, like being silly. And even Bailey was like, mom, that was fun last night. And I was like, I mean, I woke up and I was like, oh, I have a headache that probably should have cut back one less. But, but even then it was, it hadn't really been a negative experience for me. And so I feel like I work out, you know, five, six days a week. I eat really, really clean. Like, I don't even when we go out to eat, I try to make healthy choices. So I drink a ton of water, I take a ton of vitamins. Like, I feel like I'm, I do all these things. So I'm like, I'm not gonna let, like. Because I, you know, like drink on the weekends, I'm not gonna let that like affect me feeling super bad about myself because then it actually affects me in my next week where like, if I feel guilty or I feel bad, then I'm not gonna eat as good or I'm not gonna work out. I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm a piece of crap. I had too much fun over the weekend, you know. But I do think there's a balance because I, there's a lot of women that I talk to that are kind of like, me and Val are always talking about this. We're like, don't let your weekends destroy your weekdays. Meaning like, if you're, if your goal is to lose weight or whatever it is, like, you don't get to just be disciplined four days out of the week and then friggin party your, your butt off three days a week. That's like almost half of your week. So you're not going to see results if that's your pattern. So if, if your goal is to lose weight or whatever it is, or gain muscle, then you don't get a cheat weekend. You know, you might get like. For me it was like I would allow myself a cheat meal.

Do you think it. Do you not experience show that like human beings, you included, me included, are quite judgy about the thing that we don't have a problem with.

Human beings are quite judgy.

We're judgy about the thing that we don't have a problem with. So for example, you might judge people who overeat, but you don't. But at the same time you over drink. So what I'm saying is like you have your addiction and they have their addiction. How's it any different?

Answer me this. Is somebody carrying an extra 75 pounds healthier?

Well, I'm just saying it's. I'm noticing it's judged. Like there's a, there's a preference. People tend to judge.

Pick your poison right. To me, I'm like, well, I wake up, I feel great. To me, I didn't cross the line. I had a good time. I work out. Like to me, I didn't cross. Sometimes, yeah, sometimes I cross the line. I'm like hung over. I'm like, oh, it doesn't feel great. But I'm like, I'm so over of, like living in a space of. I think that like for women at least we let judge or guilt. Self induced guilt holds us back from actually achieving our goals. It's so stupid. Like we know what we need to do. Whether it's in your body or in your business, self induced guilt is holding us hostage. So I kind of got to the space where I was like, nope, I refuse to let this control what I can do and what I can't do. And it's just all a story. And so when I kind of, you know, would let go of guilt of certain things. I used to have a problem even like with food. Like after I had Bailey, my first baby, like I would like go on these crazy diets and all in my head about it. And I was like, this is stupid. That was one of the reasons I wanted to do competitions is I wanted to like learn the science behind what food can do for you. How it fuels you, how it makes you feel. I'm still a little bit of a nut job in the sense that like I like my routine of like what I eat and it just, it's easier for me and I don't have to think about it. And more than anything, I avoid guilt by staying on a routine. I'm like, the one thing I fucking hate is guilt. And to avoid guilt, if I know if I do the things that I'm Supposed to be doing set myself up for success. Then I don't have this in the back of my mind where, well, I ate a cheeseburger, so that's why I suck today or whatever it is.

So everybody's got their thing. And human beings tend to judge the other person about their thing. Cause it's not yours. Like, you have judgments about my patterns that are not your patterns. And then I have judgments about your patterns that are not my patterns. If you notice, this is the case. Like in marriage, we tend to be in a place where, because we're totally different people, we're attracted to each other, but that you'll have critique about my life, but you're doing the same exact thing I'm doing. You're just doing it differently. But you feel justified in your behavior. But feel like my behavior's off or vice versa. I'm looking at you and I'm thinking, well, your behavior's off.

What do you do when.

Because it's different than my behavior.

What do you do? Like, for example, for you, when I'm like sensing that your feel freeze were a problem and I'm like being judgy about it. I'm like, I'm fucking worried about him. Like, it's getting weird. And so for you to come and say, you know what, it was a problem, you know, And I'm like, okay, like, how can I help support you in that problem? And we were talking about this like in. We do in our date riff experience yesterday, how it's like to really have a connected and like, bonded relationship. It's almost like you have to share. We gave them a challenge. We're like, you have to share. Like, what do we say? Your deep. One of your deep thoughts or one.

Of your, you know, your deep truths that you get to share with each.

Other if you can. Everybody's. It's like, I feel like I know you so well. I feel like I. To the point where I can even read your mind. So even if you don't tell me some of the thoughts and feelings you're having, I feel like I can still read your mind at some level. Right. But can we be to a space in our relationship where you feel comfortable and safe enough to actually speak those out in a way to where I receive them and don't like, attack you for. For sharing, basically. So I don't know if that was your intention and sharing that as your aspect as the homework to the group. Cause I was like, careful, guys. I could see this going good or I could see it not going good. It's like, hey, babe, I've actually been like, I could see it being very triggering is what I'm saying.

Well, I think that's it. But that's the purpose of it. That's probably why people in marriage don't share is because of the, I mean, there's been plenty of times where I've been worried to share. We were talking about this on the date. Your wife experience like training last night too, about, like, how there's a certain level of vulnerability that women want and there's a certain level of vulnerability women don't want from their husband. Husband. Like, at certain level, like, you don't want to hear everything. You don't want to hear all the pressure. You don't want to hear all the details. Am I wrong with this? Like, you do you want to actually know what's going on in my head all the time? Like, you want to actually know what's going on with the weight I feel running the businesses and I think it.

Depends on how it's presented. Like, because what happens is the weight and the pressure on men. It might come across like, you should be grateful, but instead, like, if it was communicated in a way of like, like no woman in her right mind. If you sat down next to your spouse and you're like, babe, I have to be honest, like, I am stressed. This is heavy. And it came from a different place.

What kind of place would I need to come from?

Like, listen to my tone. Like, if I'm literally, if I, if you sit down, you're like, hey, I just wanted to like, let you know, like, I have X, Y and Z going on next month and like, I'm hitting a breaking point and I'm drinking more of these feel frees and it's hard. I would be like, oh my gosh, kid, do you want me to give you two feel frees a day? How can I help? Like, I think that couples should actually reach out and if it's in, in a way of like, hey, I need help from my partner. Not like, you should just appreciate everything I'm doing instead of be like, it's fucking hard. And that's why I turned to drinking four feel freeze a day. I'm like, okay, well what do you want? What would be healthy? How can I help? Right? So I think what happens in relationship is when either couple is stressed, it's almost like they push the person away when they should be pulling them.

Is that what you do?

To me, I, I, I think I've Been trying to do better at it lately because my problem is like, I get like, my anxiety kicks in and I'm like, oh, so. So instead, like, you're like, is your anxiety just like, have you been having it a lot more lately? And I'm like, no, I've lived with this my entire life. I'm just trying to be better at being like, hey, I'm in a tough space right now so that you don't think I'm just being a crazy psychopath. You're like, oh, man, she's kind of in a little bit of pain right now. And you can sense that and see that. And it's more of like a check in of like, hey, how are you doing today? You know? So I think that's what I've been trying to do this year is just express, like, I'm like that type of personality. It's like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. You're strong, you're fine. Just, you don't need to talk about your feelings. You don't. And so you've even encouraged me, like, hey, like, tell me how you're feeling. So it's not that I'm any more anxious. I. I feel like I've been dealing this with my whole life.

But what was it that. What was a change that had you feel okay to start sharing?

You asked me to.

So I've asked you to share feelings for a long time though. But, like, what changed this year that had you?

I. Like I said, I. I felt like I was like, I feel like I'm acting a bit nutty and I didn't. So I'm like, I need to tell you, like, I don't feel like I'm in my right mind right now. Like, I just, I'm feeling off, you know? So instead of you feeling like I'm attacking you, your energy changed to like, oh, like, you were more concerned and empathetic. So that's what I was saying. If we were to flip this, if you're feeling the same way, I think that it's hard for men to be vulnerable in that way. So instead they're kind of like, well, I'm doing everything I can. I'm providing and you should just want to blow me. And the girl's like, I wish it worked that way. But instead if you're like, I'm fucking stressed, and you opened up and you were vulnerable, then I'm like, come here, babe. Like, you're safe with me. Like, and there's more of that connection.

There, that's really hard. That's real hard for guys.

Because that's what I'm saying. It's hard for me.

Even you, even. But I'm saying even you, as my partner for 22 years, like, I wouldn't say you've been actually even capable of taking that on until this year. So while at the same time you're sharing with me, I really don't think that. Because there's been particular times I remember coming to you, even this year, when I was feeling pressure financially with moves we were making and things we were facing, and you looked right at me in the car driving, and you said, I was talking about money. And you're like, that's your issue. You're gonna have to handle it. And it was very direct. And I'm not saying it wasn't even true. It's just.

Yeah, there was no context before I said that statement. If I did say that sharply, we weren't in a lovingly sweet conversation of where you were like, hey, like, it's like, I'm scared. And that we've got money, and this. This is hard to do. Like, you there.

I just asked you. I just remember. I asked you. I just remember asking you a question.

I know, and I'm sure I did.

But we were driving down the road.

I would respond that way, had your tone not have been sharp with me first. I don't typically just come out and be like, well, you, Garrett. Like, usually I'm provoked. Why you're. And now I'm starting to sense it, like, working through therapy. I'm like, oh, I'm starting to see the red flags. I'm like, he's just scared. Or he's just. He's got a lot of pressure. So I'm able to almost, like, kind of diffuse it. And I'm like, what is he really trying to tell me? And so then I don't. I'm not quick to respond with something like, well, just figure it out. I'm like, okay, so it's. I'm just asking you, like, I'm being aware of how you're communicating. I would also ask you to be aware of how you're communicating.

I would ask you to do the same.

I feel like I've been doing me, too.

So I love it. You know what I love, too, is that for the first time in our relationship, you're actually starting to be accountable for your side. And you're actually starting to talk about the fact that you. Up until this year, with therapy in the last six months, 90% of our conversations were directed at me and about me. They were never about how you showed up. Your results, your actions, your behaviors, your feelings, your anxiety, none of it.

I'm going to stop you right there, cuz that's incorrect. And I don't like when you say blanket statements of like 97.6%. Like we're, we're good. We're going to stop that right there. There's no reason to even finish that sentence.

Okay, so you've changed in being more responsible. My experience of you is that you are being more responsible for your side. And that is healthy for me as a man to watch my wife be responsible for her side of the equation and not just always make it.

Trying to like consciously understand myself and you. And I think we're both on a path where I'm like, we've officially had our 20th anniversary. I was like, it's me and you, buddy. Let's not wage a war anymore. Like, let's just like take good to great.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I feel like we're on the path.

You seem a little bit edgy though. Like, specifically, I felt like we had a really good therapy session and now you seem a bit edgy. And I don't know if it's because you were talking with Bailey, but you seem a little bit like you. You wanna. You wanna win something in this podcast.

No, I'm just talking with you. Just. Sharon, you've been doing a lot of the talking. I was just asking questions.

You look a little sleepy.

I'm not sleepy. Are you sleepy? No.

No.

You seem like you're a little edgy and sharp.

I know, I'm. Your energy feels just like a little bit like you. Like you. You're after. You're after a win when there's nothing to win.

I agree. There's no win. Just a show. Just a show of content and conversation. Okay, well, I'm just telling from my side. I feel like you have been more open in conversation with me. Both share what you're feeling, number one and number two, to be more responsible for the fact that your anxiety does cause a lot of problems for you and me. On the flip side, I feel like I've been a place too where I'm being more responsible and my up and down eight in the Enneagram and my. My attacking energy is. I'm more aware of that also. And so both of us are like more aware in this place, which is opening up better conversation we've ever had before. If you look at where it is, like, in. Based on enneagram, my 8 and your 5 is, like, not exactly a perfect combination.

Why do I say that?

It's a. It's a combination that automatically triggers the fuck out of the other person. Just being you triggers the fuck out of me, and me being me triggers the fuck out of you. Like, meaning.

Why do you look at it that way? Why can't you look at it as like, we're so different that we push each other's strengths in.

We do, but we also. But that's how it grows, though, is like the triggers are what forces the grow. I mean, like, if you were in a place where. With somebody that. What, Like. Like he was even explaining today, like, Stephen was inside our therapy session about my energy and how I go. How my energy goes in and out and how I'm like, I will come at you with inquisitive questions, which in the business world is how, like, I get paid, like.

But when it was funny that he's like, I. I've never. I'm. I mean, we've taken the Enneagram test. But it's funny because he'll start laughing like, oh, that's. Yeah, Eights typically respond that way. And then he'll. He'll, like, say something funny. And we were both laughing like, yeah, that's me. Or like, you have, like, so much energy that you're just like, go, go, go, go, go. Like, just you push it all out. And I'm like, the opposite, where it's like people's energy almost, like, drain. I feel like it almost, like drains me. And I'm like, yeah, and I'm like, sensitive to noise.

And we're talking about, like, how you feel. What was it you have? Not Asperger's, but you got a bit of burgers. Meaning, like, feeling touched, like, physical touch or being on you.

I always felt like, a little weird. I'm like, why? But I've actually really worked on that on myself. Like, I didn't grow up in a very, like, touchy feely family, but even then, like, like noise and like, yeah, like, it. I'm like, get out of my space. But now I feel like I'm very warm. Like, I. I actually think I am doing a better job at letting people in. And even, like, I was explaining, like, I can. I was laughing because I'm like, yeah, that's totally me. But I have worked on myself in that so much in the sense that, like, when I go, say, for example, when I'm working at the salon, as long as it's not like a 10, 12 hour day or if I'm teaching a class, it's. It's a. It's exhausting. But I come home feeling field up. Like, I come home with energy. I'm like this. That was awesome. And I'm sure you feel that way with your clients too. Where is. In the past, people would just. I felt like they were sucking energy from me and I just come home drained. And there was periods in my career where I felt that way, but I don't. I don't necessarily. I really worked on like taking people's energy in and letting it fuel me versus, like, bog me down, if that makes sense.

Right.

And I've really come out of. Now I feel like I'm that person when I meet somebody new. I'm the weirdo going in for a hug. I'm like, come here. You know, so that's. That's so not like me. But I recognize these behaviors and was like, I. That's weird. I was like, you're kind of weird.

Yeah, you're a lot better that way.

So, yeah, I was like, I, like, I was laughing because I'm like, that a piece of. That was a lot of truth. But it's kind of like the old version of me.

It's very surprising. You've actually. This year, you've been. Is probably the last. Like, this year, 2023 has been a big year for you. I've noticed. You just. You're way more open that way. You hug people more. You, like, are just more open to, like, more intimate conversations with people than you probably were in the past. Was it just you made a decision to change or what? Like to be more open or what?

Just went through a lot, babe. Like the fact that we moved into this neighborhood and then had two more kids and then moved into this house and two rough pregnancies, it was. Plus had a DVT, gained 70 pounds, did three fitness competitions. It was like, get fucking ready. Wake up, girl. I was like, okay. Like, I grew up in five years. I became a different monster. I had no choice. I was physically thrown into situations where it's like, the old Danielle's dead. So I would never take it back. It just. I evolved, I guess.

Yeah, I agree. Well, I see it. Other people see it too. People close to us watch it and it's happened to you. You're more. Just a lot. It's almost like you've given yourself permission to be more available than what it's been in the past.

Yeah.

We've been talking about something in therapy too, about trying to create more we family time. We're good volleyball players.

You know what else too? Sorry to not to cut you off, but I was thinking too, and you hear this a lot, like, as you get more successful, your circle gets smaller. And I kind of got to this place where I felt like I had no friends. But it was because I was like, I refuse to have surface level friends anymore. I don't care about like drama or bullshit or any of that. If I go out with somebody, if I go on a, like, if we go to a party, if we go on a date night, if we go, I'm not there to just like sit and pretend to drink champagne and have fun. I'm like, if you're going to sit at a table with me, we're going to connect and we're going to have real conversations. Otherwise I don't want to be here. So I, I, I feel like. But then it's gotten so bad to the point where I'm like, you need to go out and have fun. You need to go let Susan out.

Yeah, well, Susan still comes out in those environments.

Yeah.

We still have a good time. There's still like a lot of deep connection with it.

Yeah.

And you see, again, I just think that you've given yourself more permission to be free. But there is. I was sharing this with a client this morning. That there is. The journey that we have taken since 2017 to now has been seven years. Yeah, right. Which, seven years, a lot of time. But fast forward that to 2019 and from 2019 to 2023. In four years, I feel like we lived like our entire lifetime, like three or four times over.

I feel like four years, four years would in like, it would have been most people's like 10 years. We did it in four. I was like, literally there's pieces of me where I'm like, whoa, I took a fucking left and I got fast tracked a couple years. Yeah, I'm. But I believe it's to prepare. I don't know if you feel this way, but I almost felt like God had a different plan. Where it's like, guess what? We need you two to be ready sooner than you thought, so buckle up. And I'm like, okay. And I remember I've even had experiences or conversations with God, higher self, whatever you want to say, where it's like, if I give you this, do you, do you accept it? And my answer is always like, let's go. Like, it's just like, I Feel. I'm like, it's gonna get sticky. I'm like, okay. It's like, if I show you this path, will you take it? And I'm like, I will never say no.

Do you ever say no?

I don't. When I get a voice that clear, it's, I'm ready, right? I'm ready. I wouldn't hear it if I wasn't ready. So. So when I. When I feel that internal knowing, I'm like, I get a little sweaty. I'm like, ah. I'm like, okay, here we go.

So you. The physical response is you get sweaty?

No, I. Oh, no, no. I just actually. It's Actually, it's opposite. It's a very calming experience for me. It's kind of like I feel like I am almost, like, showing a bleep into the future. And it's like, you ready? And I'm like, yeah.

Yeah. Does that. How often does that happen for you?

I mean, not a lot. I can think. In the last 10 years, there's been maybe, like, five times. Like, there's been like, five pivotal moments where, like, I can tell you the exact setting, the place, what I was doing. Like, it was just like, get ready. Your world's about to get flipped upside down.

You had one of those this year? No. No. Or was the Last one, like, 2019?

The. The biggest one that I can think of was literally, we were at the house, our last house, and I'm sitting in the hot tub. You were out of town, kids were in bed, and I was just sitting in the hot tub by myself. And I'm just. I'm looking. This is crazy. But I was like, I'm looking out at, like, it's dark. I'm looking at the coast, all the lights and the ocean, listening to the waves. And it was like, I got this voice that said, people wish they were where you're at. And I like, what do you mean? Like, I just remember feeling so happy. Like, I had all her. Like, oh, I didn't have Charlie yet.

But we didn't have an Isla yet, did we?

I had Isla. And I just remember feeling like I was like, in this. This really, like, happy space. And it was almost like, it's not about the money. Are you ready to go to the next level? And I was like. I remember feeling like I was, like, having a deal with the devil in a way. I was, like, sitting there. It's like, if you say yes, what's gonna happen? And I got this, like, calm voice that came over me, and it's like, you ready? Let's go. And I just said yes to. I say, God, whatever. Whatever your person is that you want to talk to. But I was like, okay. And then literally that, that November was when we started looking at this house. Then we moved, like, and it was just like my life was just, like, got flipped upside down. And part of me was like, this is awesome. And part of me was like, what the hell? What's going on?

Isn't that crazy that it was from 2000 when we moved into this house in January of 2021? So we're coming up on. It'll be in like four months, it'll be two. It'll be three years since we moved here. So. And essentially a three year window. How much has, like, excel, like, how much change has occurred? How much transformation in us individually as a couple, as a family, with us and Parker with Charlie now here and Isla homeschooling our kids. The business moves Covid everything that happened in that window, like, when I slow myself down and look at how much just went down this year, but day to day, it doesn't feel like that's what's happening. Even though every day is so full. So people look in our world sometimes like, well, how did you guys make the change you made? And I was like, we're kind of all in every day. And there's not like a sense of like, it's weird because on the daily, there is a kind of overwhelm, but it's not an unmanageable overwhelm. But when I sit back and look back at what's happened, I'm like, holy shit, that's a lot. Which actually excites me for the future because it makes me lean in even harder to, like, the bigger possibility of what things could be.

I like the message that we got in. We randomly went to church. We haven't been going in a while. And I just. When I get a prompt, I'm like, go with it. So I got a prompt that we should go. And the pastor, Pastor, he was. I'm always in pasture. I'm always like, the guy in the past, another pasture.

The guy out in the pasture who's given a pastor message.

I like that he did, like, he was like, calling out the entrepreneurs and he was like, we need you guys to make stupid money because we need, like, we need you to, like, help. And I. He's like, I don't want you to 10x. I want you to 100x. Like, your vision's got to go beyond this world. And I've always felt, felt that way with you and I, with our businesses, with our callings. It's like we're starting something that we have no idea how massive it could be. It's not just about success on this earth, but legacy in the hundreds of thousands of years, the impact that one person can make. You look at like, like a Steve Jobs, you know, and like what he did. But then it just Apple and everything and with the movement and like, it's nuts, right?

Incredible.

It's, it's, it's a massive, it's a scale scary feeling and a scary calling. But I'm like, okay, I, I, I'm like, it's, it's scary, but I like the idea of like, you gotta like, think bigger.

Someone's telling me like, I think that almost like 65% of the cell phones in the United States are Apple iPhones. And then like something like over like 55 to 58% or something like that of the cell phones in the world are Apple cell phone. That's an incredible, like monopoly. That's so much power. But you look at like Steve Jobs sitting there like a psychopath, mind bendingly pushing a vision forward for a device that would ultimately connect like humanity, right? Because everything works off of these smartphones. And the smartphone technology was being conceived 15 years before it could ever be. Which makes me smile thinking about all the technology we don't even know about that people are currently conceiving. Like ChatGPT, that came out when that tool came out, that had already been working on that technology, had been working on it for years and years and years before we ever saw it. Like, what possibilities open up with technology of the next generation?

How do you feel like you're calling with Warrior specifically? Is it to unify families? Is it for men to become better men?

It's like both. I mean, the initiative is still men, but what's expanding is that Warrior Trainer is now like the evolution of Warrior took me a long time, 11 years to get to the place we are now, where I'm now letting go of the reins as being the fighter. Meaning, like I'm the fighter in the Octagon for the last 11 years. And now I'm in a place moving into like a, like a, like a Dr. Dre and Eminem type of position, where I'm going to be the producer, which means I'm backing up and now backing the guys who now do, who lead the movements. And between like Impact with guys like Sean Whalen that was a client of Mine with Lion's Not Sheep to moving down the line to like the edge with Raul Vasilis out in New Jersey. To our more modern guys with I Am a Comeback and Mark Jennison, Superhuman Fathers and Kyle Carnahan Vortex with Kevin Ward. There's just, there's so many people guys now being called to lead, but there's so much that I figured out in the last 11 years is building what we did with Wake up Warrior that is fast tracking them so they're able to accomplish in two to three years.

What took me 10. Well, it's interesting because, like, even with my hair company, you've already proven it to work with hairstylists, so it could really work in, in any business. Like the tools and what you teach. And like, think about our girls in council, like, they're, they're there, yeah, for business coaching and whatever, but they're there to create a better, well rounded life experience for themselves. They're there to connect with their husbands. They're there to connect with their children. They're there to make great money. They're A lot of them are there just to evolve. And so it's the, the concept and the principles that you're teaching. You're like the, you know, you're like the OG of like trying to do it all because you had a lot of successful men, but then they like burn out in all these other areas. And if every, every area in your life is connected, then how successful are you really?

If it's not connected?

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, so, I mean, that's the new season, the new chapter. That's why like, part of like new things like date your wife experience, which we just had our second experience with it with our therapist and a whole bunch of couples that are part of some of our programs.

Man.

Eventually this will become available to the public too, to come participate. A new way to enter into Warrior, which has come to the couple's experience.

I think our calling is what we're doing right now. I feel like we're just putting. Getting our toes wet to something that's.

We're just, we're just starting with couples and marriages, I think are the next, next evolution for us. We've just not been in a place.

A couple, I think this world, what they need is, is powerful couples. Like, that's the message I keep getting. There's divorce running rampant. There's just like, there's. There's so many toxic messages inside the marketplace of like, gay stripe, babe, like what, like dog, cat. Nobody's like safe and we're losing the family unity of what actually creates a powerful nation. And so I kind of. That's what I feel like is that marriages need to be. They. Marriages need to be restored in a sense, to really to unify the family, to. To create a stronger country.

I don't disagree with you. That's all premise. What we're doing with the real White House, you know, reality show which people have been asking us about. Where is that at? What's. When's next episode coming out? Actually, next week we'll be in Orlando time we're recording this at fun 2023 and episode will be dropping the day we speak on the third.

And then are we going to have one out every week and then one.

Every week starting in October, we'll have a show every single week release for the real White House for the rest of the year and next year. And as far as we continue to run the show. So. But part of the show's premise is the fact that we do have the ability and we do have the talents and we do have the capacity as human beings to reclaim all of our liberties that are being lost in this country. But it comes down to powerful men and powerful women in powerful marriages. And that is right there. We put a dent in that game. And I've spent a decade training men. You spend a decade training women. And we can get men and women in marriage to be unified and on fire, sexually lit up, emotionally lit up, mentally lit up, spiritually bonded, fused in partnership.

Then you're one. It's like. It's like the. You literally are like you're one.

Yeah.

But you're two people. So you're basically like a superhero.

Yeah. Yeah. Like everything changes under the power of we. That was a message of we the people. It's also the message we got at church from our pastor. It's also the message we got from our therapist of we and message. We had last night in danger. Wife experience was the message of we like warrior. This is the message.

But if you can take two people and you can literally create one.

Yeah.

Like, how do you stop that? You don't. So you take more of this and you create more. Two people to unite. And then you just got a bunch of strong people.

Well, it's over. Like, if you can unify couples, you couples then unify families, then nobody else.

Will stand a chance.

Nobody can stop the government, schools, religions, Nothing can get in the way of these units moving. And then you put family units bonded with, in partnership and friendship with each other. And the frontline force on this is ridiculous. Like, everything's falling apart because people don't have a stand at home. Marriages are weak.

Families, we live in Orange County. I'm like, we're in the belly of the beast.

Orange county is a show. Like, it's a mess. It's like, it's the appearance of not a mess, but it's a message mess.

Like, the amount of like that goes on here, you're like, whoa, how do you stay married here? Seriously?

There's a reason why Orange county has like the highest divorce rate in the country.

But it just like, like you find.

Out about just a lot of goes on here, people. Let's put it this way. Orange county is like the land of like, sexual exploration. And it does not lead to a whole lot of good in marriage. It leads to a whole lot of confusion. A whole lot of people hurt, a whole lot of people broken, a whole lot of people hitting the lo to.

Figure out, like, if I'm being very open with you, I like, because we've talked about this, we're like, would you ever have an open relationship? I can't see anything positive coming from it. Like, I've played it out in my mind and I'm like, well, maybe. Well, yeah, if it's just a fleshy thing. Well, maybe. And I literally cannot see. I can't see. It's not worth the risk to me. Like, it's like, I don't see. I don't see it.

We listen, we know people close to us and we know other individuals around us who are in open relationships. And I just keep asking the guys the same question, like, how do you do? How can you mentally be okay with the idea that it's Friday night, your wife's going out, she's going to go somebody else and then come home to you?

Yeah.

Like, I, I don't understand, like how you mentally can get around, like, it.

So I might be like, okay with it in the moment. And I know I'd always use that in an argument. Because you're Stacy, isn't it?

Oh, dude. The nightmarish that come up. I mean, I just don't understand it. Some people said, well, it requires even a higher level. Like the frame is. It's a higher level of stewardship of an above committed relationship. Because you have to actually keep two people together who under one principle, which kind of makes sense, which is you. You have to prove every day that you're still valuable, which means you can't just camp out and like, being a Tenured professor at a university. If you have to produce a suit and results, you have to prove.

You have to prove to your husband or wife.

But I'm saying, like, anyway. Well, the other part. Yes, but the other part is, like, a lot of times you get locked in a relationship, whatever it is, if there's no consequen for your behavior and there's no possibility of the marriage ending or someone leaving, okay, so then what? Then it creates, like, a sedated, like, comfortable retired state where people just, what.

If you can actually have breakthroughs as a couple without having to do that?

That open relationship is the internal open relationship. We should come up with another relationship name for it. It's like a. It's like a marriage that is willing to be open with each other. We're defining the real open relationship, which is the reason you go to open relationships, because you can't be open with yourself.

And here's what I would. Here's. Here's what I will say is, do you trust your partner enough that you can share some of your darkest thoughts? Yeah, I mean, there's. There's. I feel like I'm pretty open with you. There's a few conversations I had with you this year, and I'm like, I'm tired of having this running thought in my head, and I'm just going to share with you.

Yeah.

And I don't know if you have running thoughts. I. I don't know. I'm not asking for you to share on this podcast, but I would imagine that you have. It's almost like maybe men don't feel this way, but do you ever have thoughts that you're like, I, God, why am I thinking about that? Or why should I feel that way? Or can I tell Danielle? Or is she gonna judge me? Like, is there. Is there sure thoughts that you're scared to share with me?

Oh, sure. Over time, over the time, there's always been, like, thoughts. I was. I couldn't even tell you anything when we first married. Not because you weren't ready to hear it. I just was, too. I didn't know how to say it, which is super weird that I'd be in a marriage, marital relationship where I didn't feel confident or certain enough to be able to share my truth. I mean, we were young, in our 20s and 30s, but still, like, I was. I didn't know how to do that.

I think. I think in the beginning of our marriage, it's like, I didn't. I didn't really want to go to Church. I wasn't like a churchgoer, but I was like, I can't tell him this. He's going to judge me. So I think the lack of honesty is fear of judgment. Yeah, but if I actually had came to you and was like, hey, well, I don't know back then, I don't know. Like, if I was like, hey, I don't believe this whole church thing. I'm not. I'm not going to go anymore. Are you cool with that? I don't know if you would be like. Like, so I would have had to been in such an uncomfortable place to know that. Like, if I tell him this, he might be like, well, you're not the wife for me. And that can be very scary. Right.

But I think that's a risk that anyone takes in having an open relationship. Meaning open truth.

Right.

Hey, can we speak our truth? Here's what our truth is. And I'll die. It's like, a lot. At least in our experience, like, most of the truth that. That leads to the problems is the truth that's hidden. And if you actually talk about the truth and you speak about what's going on, you find out you're having a lot of the same feelings, and you can work through it, but when you don't, you're not willing to talk about it, you're not willing to share it, you're not willing to be honest about it. You end up creating a closed loop. And that closed loop destroys itself. What do you mean?

How does it do that?

Like, you closed up. I close up. You close up. We close up as a couple. And now there's no connection because there's no truth being spoken.

There's no vulnerability. There's vulnerability. Creates connection, honesty. So are we. Are we abiding by our homework?

Yeah.

Okay.

You act like you're wanting to talk about right now.

No, I don't. I'm just like, what dirt is having there?

You want to know about all my dark secrets in the cauldron of darkness?

Sometimes you tell me too many secrets. Secrets. I'm like, I don't need to know about the Fleshlight. And you keep those secrets to yourself.

You knew about the flashlight. I left it out.

I didn't know what it was.

Well, you did. And been the beat you eventually you did.

No, you told me. I literally was like, this is a new loofah.

No, you didn't. You didn't think it was a loofah.

I swear to God I didn't.

What do we have that I had that in 2017.

I didn't know what it was.

You didn't know what. You didn't know what a Fleshlight was?

I literally put my. This might be tmi. Whatever. I literally, like, put my hand in, and I was like, that is gooey.

You literally looked at it, didn't know if it was a vagina masturbation tool. Yeah, that's not true.

I didn't know that they had those for guys.

Oh, you had no idea. So you didn't know. You didn't even look at it and.

Think, does that look like a vagina soap? Is this. Aren't you supposed to.

You're pointing. Loop. Yeah, you were pointing, so. You were pointing, so. Oh, you thought this.

You thought I went to go wash my.

You thought the whole masturbation tool was a bottle of soap.

Yeah, it was.

So you tried to pour the. The Fleshlight out on your hand.

I didn't know what it was. It was dark.

Listen, I told you that time, like, in 2017, I was like, listen, I am tired of being a sexual victim at this point, and I don't give a shit. I was leaving it out.

What I'm telling you is, I remember when you told me, I was like, ew, I was so turned off.

You were turned off by the fact that I masturbated with a Fleshlight?

And I was. Yeah, I was like, dude, that's like, That's.

Would you have been less turned off if I masturbated with my hand?

I don't know.

I mean, guys masturbate, period. So.

Yeah, no, I know. I just, like, when I. I just was, like, really turned off, I was like, okay, because I wasn't getting laid at the time, so I was like.

I wasn't getting laid either, so. Well, I was. I was getting laid by the flashlight. We were still in the pocket, though. You understand? Like, our, like, for those listening, our sexual. Real sexual game didn't really take off as a couple until about three and a half, four years ago. And it took us this entire time. So by 2017, we were still not in the pocket sexually with each other. When we had great sex, we had great sex, but it was far and few between. There was a lot of chaos.

A little bit, like, we've had really good sex, but now we're trying to have, like, emotional good sex.

Yeah, well, we've had really good physical sex. Yeah. Last year was like the. The year of primal carnal sex, and this year is like, the soul sex we're searching for. Yeah.

It's A little bit. Well, it's, like, good. I mean, I want to. It's like experiencing, like, all the. The realms. I'm like, hey, I'm still all about a quickie. I'm still all about the dance show. I'm still all about, like, intimate sex. I'm still all about drunk sex. I'm still, like. I, like. I want. I want to experience it all.

That's right. We're just a new level. But we're also in a new level, too, which is we've gone from you being an initiator to me being initiator.

Yeah, I got over it. I was like, listen, I need you to initiate. I need you to, like. Like, I always almost. I say, like, I need you to, like, take me a little bit.

Yeah.

Like, it was. It's fun. Like, once I realized, like, girls, like, hold the sex card, I'm like. I'm like, oh, you poor SAP. You don't, you know, stand a chance. Like, it almost became like a game. I was like, sit down and have a good time.

Well, you have to be pretty angry as a guy to push it away, that's for sure. It's like, I saw a meme. It was like, he's like, wife. He's like, women fight unfair. It's like they can be dead wrong in an argument and then climb in bed next to you naked and ask you to cuddle them and then find out how long you're going to continue to stay naked. Ursa, can you stay angry? You're like, yeah, I'm not staying angry too long. Yeah, but you listen. We came a long way, and, like, part of that. Part of that evolution of our marriage was the requirement of sex to become something normal, natural, and super fun for us. Which people get together and we find out more and more and more. There's so many Christian couples that were raised in a box with sexuality that got so fucking weird. And so here they are, 10, 15 years down the road, and it's not good. I was just talking.

That's probably why they cheat. They're, like, almost feel safer to go have, like, a rendezvous with somebody else they want to unleash, and they don't know how to do that with their partner. And it's, like, weird. You can go, like, have sex with a random guy at the bar, but you feel uncomfortable to, like, ravage your husband or, you know, like, have fun with it. But it's. It is. It's a weird.

It's a switch, like a guy's way More comfortable to go hook up with some girls on Ashley Madison website with another. The thing is interesting is you got a woman who's feeling needed and wanted in one marriage. Like, if you and I. And let's say you're feeling desperate and wanted and needed, but you're not, like, wanting to be needed and wanted to be connected, but you're not getting it with me. So then some guy, like, five blocks from here is flirting with you online. You have no history with you, et cetera. And you. There was a stage where. And logically, you can actually see why it happens, where it's easier without all the baggage in history to be something different in a seductive play with that person. And I could have the same thing going on, which is probably why people swing and they open because they're like, I really love this person, but we haven't got the connection, so we're gonna go fuck other people, and then we'll come back to each other. I just. It. I just am not.

But that's what I'm trying to say.

I'm not gonna be that way.

We have figured that out without having to go to that extreme. And so when people go to that extreme, I almost feel like, hey, I'm telling you right now, you don't need to go to that extreme. And I. I've heard we hear of couples all the time. They're like, yeah, I'm dating other people right now, but I still kind of, like, hook up with my husband. It's like they almost found this, like, unleash with other people and then come back together. And. But that's dicey, too, because you're like, well, you've kind of tarnished your relationship in a way, and you're never going to be the same. I physically have seen. Seen people change where I'm like, you don't. You even look like the same person. And not in a good way.

Trashy.

Yeah.

Like, I'm, like, from pure and clean and looking amazing.

Like, you don't look like you're. You look like you're living a rough life.

You're too old to be.

Yeah. So I'm like, I. Like, I feel like you and I have maintained our innocence in a way, and we have discovered this side without having to go. So that's why I'm trying to, like, empower people is like, hey, like, I feel like we're trying to share what we have done. That's working. Obviously, we're still working on things because, like, we want to go to even, like, the Next level. But I just, I mean, like I say, we're in the belly of the beast and we've. We've done a lot of hard together.

So, man, I'm proud of you and you're amazing. We're going to wrap this show because we've got other meetings to jump into.

Do it.

So listen, we have a couple things up. We have the Real White house episodes dropping September 30th, episode number two, and then every week, they're on out throughout the rest of 2023. You'll get to see a new episode of the Real White House. The next one is around the topic of being in God. It's a doozy. It's intense. It is fierce. You're going to get the truth from our family around what, what God is and what God is not for us. And in a really powerful, powerfully designed framework and conversation. I think you'll really enjoy that. We also have the date your wife experience, which in October will come up, obviously, the call that happens on Monday nights at 5:15pm Pacific with myself, Danielle, our therapist, aka the wizard, as well as a ton of couples from warrior men bringing their wives, women bringing from the DKW side, their husbands into a call where we, as couples get to get together. It's our very first experience, and it kind of spun off of the podcast. We're here delivering a podcast of content opening up, and we heard so much feedback over the years about how powerful it was to listen to us talk and dialogue about our issues and problems, and it's opened you up to be able to have conversations. So we thought, well, what if we took the show further and we actually created an environment where you could be with other couples who are also wanting to experience these explosive results inside of their marriage, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. And so that's the second version of that's already happened. It was amazing. We're gonna run four of them before we open up the public. That'll be something we'll tell you more about as that's coming along and excited. We go to Florida. We leave to Orlando on Tuesday or Wednesday, leave on Wednesday with the family to go speak at Funnel Hacking Live. Yep, we got rooms. The game's up. And our whole family will be speaking on stage in front of 5,000 people, excited to give everybody a chance there to speak. It'll be a great unifying experience. No, you're gonna sit on the bench and watch and we'll have all the girls speak. Of course you're speaking. Yeah. The whole family. They used to be on the marketing for the event. This year, like, five times. They used me, like, once. It's bullshit.

Like, let's. She's great. Let's put her on the marketing material.

All right, beautiful. We're out of here. Have a great rest of your week. Look forward to talking to you next week here on the date your wife pod.