We Stopped Playing Small | Date Your Wife | EP 132

Welcome to this podcast where my wife wants to hide her eyes with our hat. Teach your wife podcast. We haven't done one in a while. I haven't done one in a minute. Ate my bar. Why'd you do that? Why'd you eat my bar?

You left it in here hungry and you took too long to get here.

It's. We've had it. We've got a.

You said you wanted to do a podcast at 11. It's 11:30.

Well, I was ready to go 11:15. No, I wasn't. I was ready to go 11:20. Here we are doing a podcast though. It's your second podcast today. How are you feeling about it?

I woke up kind of late, feeling a little bit under the weather, still made myself go work out, came to my team meetings and then did a podcast and then went. And I have a class going on next door. Went and said hi to all my students and then come back to do a podcast with you. And then I gotta go home and work on a project.

What's that like being able to have classes running without you there? Are you trying to eat my bar again? Oh, my God. This never stops.

It's cool. No, I love peeking in. They're always excited to see me. Cause it's not expected. Expected a Florida bite.

So it's a treat. It's a treat. The fact that you're going to be there.

Yeah.

When did you stop showing up to your classes?

It's been a couple years. Last round of classes I did was like right before, I think was in 2020. I got to this point where I was like, I don't need to be doing these smaller classes anymore. And we have enough trainers, so we fly. I have like 12 trainers that live kind of everywhere. Everywhere. And I'm like, I don't need to be the only trainer. I've trained all these people how to teach and coach and train. Why would I be the only one hosting the classes? So instead we fly them in and they teach, teach my classes. But my classes are small. They're like 15 to 20 students and they're fulfillment classes for my academy where we have like 500 students in there and they get two classes being inside of this year long program. So they're like fulfillment classes. Usually if there's any kind of pitching or selling involved, I'm the one that's the last time I taught small classes because we had small classes where we were pitching and selling to the public. And I'm my own closer.

You are you close me here we are 21 years later. You closed me on going to another family photo shoot yesterday.

I didn't close you yet. It's so stressful. It's so stressful.

There's a piece in you that makes you want to do these things. I don't understand it. I really like that you do. I just am wondering, has this. Like, you wake up in the morning, you're like, how can I document our lives?

I've always. I've always.

Is this what the Instagram is?

I've always really liked photos, and I don't even. I feel like it's not even necessarily just for Instagram. Like, a lot of the family ones, I just do for me. Like, I. But I. That's like, a mom thing. Like, wouldn't you want, like, photos of your family every year?

I don't know. You know, my mom cut off a little piece of my hair when I was a baby and put it in an envelope in my. My memory.

My mom did, too, and she.

Why'd they do that?

I don't know. I remember. I remember, like, finally, my mom was cleaning out her keepsakes from, like, forever ago, and it was a couple years ago, and she's like, hey, you were my baby that had the most hair. And so I saved this from your first haircut. And I go, that's gross. And I threw it away.

Yeah, I mean, that didn't land for your mom at all. She's giving you this thing.

And I was like, are you tired of carrying around my old hair? Why do I need to carry around my hair now?

It is a weird thing to think about, like, what's in storage, right? Because, like, you know, you say things. You're like, does anybody actually really give a shit?

Why am I storing this?

Oh, here's grandpa's first letterman jacket from high school. Like, do you really care about grandpa's letterman Jack from high school?

Sometimes it's fun to go home for a moment.

I think maybe back in the day before the social media game, it was fun. Your.

Your mom saved your letterman jacket from high school and you. And she randomly gave it to you. And Bailey was like, I'm still in that. The letterman jackets are super trendy right now, too.

They were. They were super cool when I was in high school, but that wasn't even. That was a. That was a refurbished jacket. I didn't even get a real jacket. I wish to this day I'd just spent the money on the goddamn jacket.

You didn't have any money.

So I got a shitty old One that wasn't as puffy and the sleeves were just slightly too short. And it was my letterman jacket. I was always embarrassed a bit to wear it, even though I loved it because it didn't fit right. You see, even back then, I wasn't even doing it right. I still was a cheap ass. I had money for my paper route. I made $125 a month, which is 10 hours of work for my daughter.

She worked for a while, but isn't that funny? That always bugged you and you felt. But you couldn't justify and give yourself permission to purchase a nice jacket.

Still bothers me to this day.

But I think it's because that's how you were raised in. The mindset that you were raised in is like, we don't get new things in this family.

No.

And so that's like that, that's how, that's like the difference is how you were raised and I was raised and I remember like even in the beginning of our marriage and I like, want certain things or have certain standards or want expectations and you would always like, want me to like, not go to your level. But you were raised differently than me.

No, I wanted to bring you down.

You didn't know you were doing that though. Like, I kind of got the space where I'm like, listen, I will never apologize for how I was raised. Like, I can't. Like, that's how I was raised. That's what I expected. That's the environment. Like, we might. We got new shit all the time. I grew up in a 12,000 square foot home in Salt Lake City. Like, my dad was a. He built custom homes. We had a giant ass house. Like, but I always work. You know what I mean? I always like, I. I always work, but I can't. I'm not going to like, apologize for how I was raised. And I was trying to communicate this to Bailey the other day. I was like, she's always like, oh, poor life, poor life. And I always am like, really?

How was she even having poor life?

I literally like, she'll go and then she'll say stuff to me, to me, like, mom, you were like really spicy this week. And I didn't like, when you said I was lazy, I'm like, you're fucking lazy.

There's a bit of laziness in there. We'll talk about our kids performance at WarriorCon 4, which is fantastic, but let's continue on this path. I was having the thought, I was having this conversation with Ruby and she was like, dad, what do you mean by you were poor? And I said, well, let me give an example. She said, yeah, so the most exciting moment we had on a monthly basis was there was a woman who would gather the bakery goods.

But I don't know if you were that poor or was it the mindset of your parents?

It doesn't matter. I still had the same experience. Whether it was a mindset or whether it was a deep reality. Either way, the experience, right, because you.

Could have bought yourself a letterman jacket. But because of how you were raised, you were like, no, you cannot. You didn't give yourself permission.

I'm sure of that. But you gotta understand, this is where I was at. So. And again, I'm not discrediting my parents at all. My parents did the very best they could with what they had. And I'm proud of them for what they did and who they are, who they made me to be. I never could be who I am without them. So, period. The end. Off go. So I was explaining to this and I said, listen, Ruby, my mom, on a monthly basis, one of the most exciting field trips we had was we'd load ourselves up in the green Gremlin station wagon and we would go to this woman's house. And on this woman's front lawn, she had racks for bread, bread racks. And on these bread racks were donuts and pastries and bread and French bread. And it was only slightly moldy, meaning it was expired. And this woman would gather up the things from the bakeries and for homeless people or people who didn't have very much money, they could come to her house and they could get whatever they wanted. And I was so excited because you got to have one item of your choice. And my mom would let us each pick our own treat off of the woman's expired bakery goods racks in her front yard. And I would always get donut holes when they had them. They didn't have them very often. So when they had donut holes. And then my mom taught us how to knock off the mold and we would cut mold off the. Off the donuts or the bread if it was moldy, it's no problem. If you had a loaf of bread and only like, you know, seven of the 12 pieces are moldy, you just throw away the moldy ones and. Or break them off. You're fucking good. It's penicillin. You're fine.

It's like cheese. You just take the cheese, the mold off.

Legit, Legit. So, like, this was what I was raised in. So when I look at my daughters who bitch about not getting their fucking ubereats, show up on time, and then they don't even drink the pink drink that they just spent $6 on. Plus the shipping cost to get here with Uber eats of like $6 plus a 25% tip on top of it. You're like, that's a $17 drink. You drink two sips of it. I'm sorry if I'm a little bit of an asshole sometimes. I'm a guy that came with once a month celebration of getting the moldy donut holes. So, you know, and you, you say, well, don't, don't go back and tell the kids to tell them, like, babe, I was raised on cornbread, moldy donut holes, and, and powdered milk.

But I do have to say, like, at some level, like, even though we raise our kids in abundance, I'm the same way in the sense I'm like, no, you don't get Starbucks every other day. Like, that's why I. Last night they were like, can we stop at Starbucks? I'm like, no. And they're like, why? I'm like, it's like, sometimes it's okay, but it should be like a treat, like once a week. Not that much.

We're way back.

I know, but my point is, my point is, I was like, no, I ordered.

Your point is you were being real strong about only once, 17 times at.

Starbucks this week I ordered because they kept. Literally this week, they kept ordering. They're like, we want peppermint hot cocoas. And at first it was cute because we're like, halloween's over and it feels like Christmas. But then when peppermint hop cocoas are showing up every day, twice a day, I'm like, okay. So I ordered, you know, the good chocolate milk. I ordered this coffee creamer, peppermint stuff. And the girls were like, that's not Starbucks. It's gross. I'm not gonna drink it. And I made them drinks and they thought they liked it. They're like, this is so good.

I'll tell you what, whatever you put in that drink, it turned out well for me last night. So you should continue to make that hot chocolate.

Tequila in my hot chocolate.

Well, that's probably what you need to keep doing. So, like, here's the thing. Come back and I look at this. One of the comments that came in was like, in the last couple of weeks has been the fact that parents who first generation entrepreneurs that create wealth have a difficult time transitioning it past first generation because the second Generation just doesn't fucking get it. And so you end up delivering all the things that you didn't have as a kid, thinking that you're going to help them. Yet. It was a fact that I went to the donut holes on the moldy rack and, and the powdered milk and the, and the, and the cornbread that built drive and vigor and commitment and obsession to not be poor. I mean, what are my kids going to say? Oh God, I really. I mean, where do they go from here? It's like, I don't know, $40 million house. You're like, you know, it's not that we've killed drive, it's just that I can see why some level our kids don't have the kill switch.

Well, I would say even for me, like, I didn't really have an appreciation until we had lost everything. Right?

Yeah.

And I have always been very independent and I'm not like the type of person that would like go to my mom or my parents and be like, hey, can I have money? I'm like, that's embarrassing. I'm not doing that shit. I'm a grown ass woman. I'm married, I have kids. So when we lost everything, like for me, I was like, oh shit. Like, that was. I didn't experience that growing up, right. I'd only experienced abundance and I didn't have to keep track of my spending. But then when you go to pay the bills and there's no money in the account, you're kind of like, oh shit. Right? So for me that was really like a, not a humbling experience, but in a way it was, I was like, that was. Those were like the dark years, you know, and part of me is like, I probably needed to experience that at some level because of, and that's part of what made me who I am today, right? Is if, if I, if we didn't go through that. And I just was always. I went from, you know, being raised in an abundant lifestyle to marrying a guy who produced and we never lost it all. I don't think I know I wouldn't be the same woman I am today.

Right. Because there's no way to appreciate it.

Well, and that's what pushed me to. I mean, I'm pretty introverted by nature, but that pushed me out of my comfort zone. That pushed me to question like everything in life and religion and checklists and everything that I was taught that this is how it is. It pushed me to question all these things and rebuild it to what I wanted. But I couldn't have done that. Like just living this comfortable lifestyle. So for me, that was part of my path that created who I am today.

You're so fucking hot.

I was like, are you focusing?

I was just on your lips. Okay. I was looking at your lips when you were talking. So hot. Last night was so hot.

It's like, stop thinking about it.

It was, you know, that, you know. No, but you know, last night we're not even, I'm not even going any details. It's that sacred. Not going to any details. I shared a stack summary, but no summary, just a title with my, with my guys. Because I said I can't even share this with you. It's too special. Yeah, it's too special. It's special. Did you hear that?

It's special.

Special. We hit a point in our sexual ex pads as a couple where it's special. Now I kind of like. You know what? I'm not going to talk about it.

You know what, what I will say.

I'll just imply that it was literally the most magical night last night. And the last like four weeks have been super magical. Even though I've been traveling a lot and been a lot of work. It was like that time we together. Something's happening to me at a cellular soul level with you. Do you feel this happening to you?

Yeah. You're just like soaking it all in. No, I think it's good. I, I kind of got in this place. I would say with sex that I was just like, we're given this, this human fleshy body and it's like, eh, go have fun with it. Like in, in that aspect. It was just like I would, I felt like so uncomfortable to try or do the. And then I'm like, I've been with this man for 20 years. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, let's, let's have fun. Like I'm kind of at this place where I'm like, there's some mornings I wake up, I'm like, we did that. Good for us. That was, that was fun.

You know, I'm like, morning was one of those mornings.

Yeah.

And I had a stack lesson about it. Here it is. Stack lesson. Here it is. I'm going to share it with you on the old Instagram.

You shared it on Instagram?

Well, I always share my stack lessons every day on Instagram. And here was the lesson. God wants us all to experience something spiritual beyond the physical with sex and marriage. And the longer we stay focused on the orgasm, the longer his soul level gift of Intimacy will evade us, as mentioned.

But that's the thing, is it's what happened for.

I mean, we're having great sex and great orgasm.

But it's something. Yeah, it's just like. It's. It's like this.

How would you describe it? Because I've never experienced it with you to, like, the last.

Like, it's just like six weeks just letting it unleash and just, like, being like. You're just like what it is. Like, just let it flow.

I don't. I mean, that might be normal for some people, but it's never like, the.

Orgasm'S fun, but, like, the funner stuff is, like, the. Everything else leads up to it.

Yeah. I mean, people have said this, and I've heard this, but I've never, like. I mean, I've never. I feel like we went through a phase where sex was very carnal. Well, and then. And that's, like, at a different level now. It's like. It's like something more. It's super weird to hear me even saying this right now, like, because it's kind of. It's very special. It's very special to me. Yeah. I feel like. You know, I feel like people are gonna call me a pussy for saying special. But you know what? I feel like I am. I feel like it's. I feel like. I feel like our sex life. I feel like our relationship has gotten to a very sacred, special place.

Sorry, I'm trying not to laugh about when you're saying special. Well, it's very special.

Very special. It's very special place.

Yeah.

I mean, I just feel connected to you in a way that I don't think.

It's kind of an outer body experience.

It is.

It is, right?

It was last night, huh? Yeah, it was like. I felt like. I mean, dude, it was like hours. Like three hours and two and a half hours. And it was like. It was just like. It was like in a. Like, we were in another place. I don't know where we were, but we weren't here. We were using our bodies here, but we were definitely somewhere else. Like, I had a few moments, like, during it, where I was like, I could. I could. I could, like, legitimately, at a soul level, could find myself. It was almost like you and I were trying to uncrack, unlock a code. There was some kind of a code that was being broken. Maybe this is what they mean with. What's it? Tantrum. Tantra. Tantric medit. What's it?

Yeah.

Sex. It was, like, deep. It was spiritual.

Yeah, it was kind of like a meditation. Yeah, usually it was.

Yeah, it was very wild. It was, like, very intense, very amazing.

So anyway, here's what's so funny, is I have a cold. And after, like, coughing, and you're like, well, I'm gonna go sleep in another room now. So you got. You got what you needed and you're out.

Oh, stop. You got what you needed, too.

Just kidding. Actually, I slept. I always. When I never get sick, and I have this stupid cough, and I actually felt bad the other day. Like, I'm trying to, like, hold in my coughs. I'm like, oh. But then. But then I'm, like, worried about you. So then I don't sleep because I'm trying to, like, hold in my coughs. So I was actually kind of glad when you're like, well, I'm going to go sleep in the casita. I was like, it's been a pleasure, sir.

It's been a pleasure, ma'. Am.

See you later. Special, sir.

Special. So special.

See you on a special night.

For real, though, like, I can see. I mean, it was just. Yeah. It's like. And it's happened in the past, like, five, six weeks. And I will tell you right now, it's a combination of a whole bunch of different things. One of the things it's been is just a relentless commitment. So you and I continuing to push our relationship forward. And on top of that, we like her in. We've done a lot of shit. I mean, when we sit back and look at the last year, we have done a lot of shit. From last photo shoot with the kids to this photo shoot. You were pregnant last year at this time.

I know it's been a wild year. I. I feel like I'm making a comeback of it. I feel like I'm. I feel like I'm a different human being. Like, it was almost like k. Like, this last year with having my fourth daughter, it was like the old Danielle, like, officially died. It's like, yeah, welcome. Yeah, hello. Like, good to have you here. Friends. Like, it's almost like my higher self was, like, rooting, like, when are you gonna let her go? And then, like, when my capacity got tapped, four children in business and everything else, I'm like, she's got to die. She can't keep up with. She can't keep up with me, so she's going to die. And I kind of feel like this last year I really came into my season, and I just. I'm. I feel solid as an individual.

You're I mean, you're. You're having it all is what you're doing.

But I think in order of. This level of accepting myself has also transcended inside of our relationship. Whether it's sex or communication or. Or whatever it is, it's like, I feel like I'm living. I'm living. Not my potential, but I'm, like, living for who. Who I've always been, in a sense. Like, I'm, like, just feeling like, there. There you are. We've been waiting.

That's incredible. Like, I mean, I just. I feel like there's a. There's a piece. You've been asking me for a long time to, like, just, like, be in the space. I think that's why the ice skating thing was a little frustrating for you, because we were. We were being connected. And then Saturday, we were disconnected for, like, four hours. When I took the kids ice skating, instead of having you come, I should have had you come ice skating.

I'm a phenomenal ice skater.

You are good. Did you see my videos? I was ice skating with kids, pushing the green thing.

I think we're both pretty good ice skaters. Those Utah roots.

For guys that don't skate, for people who don't skate, we're pretty damn good skaters.

I was an avid skater when I was younger. And later.

That's an aggressive word.

I mean, I thought I was a figure skater.

Oh, wow.

Okay. I had my own skates. Like, I was like, Ruby. I would go to the skating rink on a Saturday when all my friends were like, no, we're not gonna go. And I was like, is it nerdy if I go by myself?

W. You know what I realized, too, is that Ruby operates a lot like you in the sense that she is very fiercely independent. She does not need anybody.

She doesn't at all. In fact, like, yeah, she's so independent. Like, sometimes I feel bad for not, like. Cause, like, Bailey will talk my ear off. Whereas, like, Ruby. I'm like, Ruby. Like, it's so funny. Like, we could drive all the way to San Diego to the zoo. And I try to spark a conversation with Ruby, and she's just content to be there. And I realize she's very much like me in this space. I was laughing with Val, my trainer, the other day. I'm like, you know, when me and Garrett go to dinner, like, I. Obviously, I want to have conversation at dinner. I'm like, if we're at home, I'm like, I just want him to be a warm body next to me. Like, I just want him to sit next to me. And I'm like, even. Like. Even when you're, like, with Isla in the basement the other day, I was like, what are you doing? You're like, we're playing with toys. And I was like, can you just be by me and play with toys? Yeah. Like, I like people being. I just want you to be there, and I don't want to feel like I'm entertaining you. So sometimes, like, Ruby just being there, I'm like, oh, like, we watch movies a lot together at night and stuff. Whereas, like, Bailey is so different when. When I say, do you want to watch a movie? What she's hearing is like, mom, can I just chat your ear off? And I'm like, for me, I'm like, I don't want to talk. How do I tell my daughter I don't want to talk right now? And sometimes you come to bed, and.

I'm chanty chatty, and you're like, you.

Think you need to ask me about how my day is? I'm like, we can just have sex. I would rather not talk.

Please let me tell you how my day was. By taking it out on you?

No, but sometimes it will. Like, if I'm tired or you're tired, and you'll start talking, and then I'm like, well, why did you do that? And I'm not trying to be critical, but I'm, like, tired. And then I'm like, why are we talking about this right now? Like, why? Like, I understand we've been going all day, but, like, let's schedule this conversation. Like, let's not leave it for pillow talk. And that's, like, one thing for me that I. I used to want to connect in that way where, like, we would, like, talk and then go to bed. And then I was like, when I'm tired, I don't want to talk. Like, I don't. Because it's. I'm. It's gonna spark. It's exhausting. Like, it's gonna spark a conversation whether it's with our daughter, whether it's with work. And it's not gonna lead to sex. It's just gonna lead to getting mad. So instead, let's not talk, and let's just have sex.

I'm not gonna disagree.

I mean, but then some nights, I'm like, I'm kind of tired.

But there's. There's. There's some. Like, there's just a lot of growth in the last year. I mean, the medicine journeys and stuff. I've been on. I go my Fourth journey here in. In two weeks or a week and a half. And like, they mean they played a critical role, but I was. I can also feel a season of them kind of not fading out.

It's just you got what you needed out of it.

There's not.

It's not the same high anymore.

It's not even about getting high.

No, it's not. You say that like I'm saying, like it's like the high of something that's new. I'm not saying high high like it's.

Still there, but there's what. The message that I got from my soul in this one, just like stagging today, was that there is a depth of wisdom that's about to be unfolded in my fourth journey and that it's going to take a good four to six months for me to unpack what I'm going to be shown and then there's no reason to go back. Like, a lot of people look at plant medicine or they look in that direction. They look at it as something.

You use it as a tool.

Use it as a tool. But a lot of people use it as something just to fucking hide too and escape.

You can use it as a tool or you can use it to escape.

Yeah. So would you ever do it?

I don't know. I'm super sensitive. Like, I can't even. I can't, I can't take anything. I literally, I'm so sensitive. Like, I. I took an edible one time and I thought I was going to die. It's like, it's not a good experience.

You're pretty sensitive.

I'm so sensitive. Like, I can't even take. I can't take Tylenol pm. Like, I can't take cold medicine. Like, I can't.

I mean, I think I'd be that.

Person that I'd just be like puking my brains out the whole time. And then I'd be like, I didn't, I didn't see. I didn't see my past life. Nothing was discovered. I just puked. I'm real skinny now and I hate myself.

Do you know what's interesting is that there are the medicines that we use. A lot of it. Not a lot. Most of the women, not all the women, about half the women do get sick after. Like they get nauseous for about a couple, two, three hours and then they're fine.

In my life, I hate it.

Why do you think that is? Why do you hate throwing up so.

Much when I am.

Did you have a traumatic throw up incident? When you were a kid or something?

When I was a kid, I always got the flu and I always was throwing up. And then, like, now as an adult, it's weird. I never throw up. Like, even if I drink too much and wanted to throw up, my body.

Is like, nobody just finds another way to get rid of it. You're shitting this out. Let's go. Oh, you know what I was thinking? The only thing this morning about this, the whole sex and intimacy game was there was. I mean, I came to terms with abuse that I was experiencing as a kid this year, which was, like, super, super, super intense.

Do you think that's true still?

I do. Yeah, I know. Not even think I know. I also know that, like, did you.

Ever get any facts on that, though?

Yeah, I got all the facts I needed. And then along with that, is this also the separation between sex, intimacy, and love, which was part of my first medicine journey. So, like, all those were kind of handled in the last, like, three journeys that I went through, which were really deep. And what I was getting this morning was that there's, like a barrier of some kind of. Some kind of wall that I had built between us. It's not there anymore. And that's what's allowing you in and allowing me out or me in you.

Out, you know, however it created, maybe the space.

Yeah. I just think that there was a wall that's been there my whole life since the time when I was, you know, between five to eight, going through abuse.

I think that's.

And then situations after that.

Because for you, like, you wanted intimacy.

I did.

But you were going after the orgasm. And I'm like, you can have both. And I. And I've always wanted both. And I feel like you allowed the space for me to be like, let me give you this intimacy. Like, you know what I mean? And so. But yeah, I definitely feel like there's been something like a wall or a block removed for you. And maybe that's part of me, like, accepting who I am. And I'm like, hey, you can see me, right? Like, you couldn't see me before. I'm like, babe, I'm hot piece of ass. Like, you can see me now.

Not wrong there. And on top of this, I can feel it. It's just, like, different. Like, I just feel it. It's like a feeling being around you that's like. It's like. It's, like, kind of deep. Do you have this feeling?

Yeah. And you know what it is, is it's less people, like, because you've been gone out of town, like, pretty much like the last, like two months. And it's been like a crazy year. And somebody said, is that hard for you? And I'm like, no. And I was like, I mean, there's been times, I'm like, oh, it'd be nice to see him. But I didn't really feel disconnected. I felt fine. Like, in the past, I had this story of like, oh, my God, he's traveling. And then I would kind of be resentful towards you or kind of standoffish or cold or like, how dare you. Like, you left me. And now I'm like, no. I'm. Like, the time we have together, I'm. I feel like has been great. And to be honest, like, I like having my little routine with my kids at night. And I just am like, I'm good. Like one. One less mouth to feed. Not really. But, like, I think at some level, women are, they. We take care of our husbands. So I was like, I appreciate you taking care of the kids and the element that you add to the family. But. But when you're. If you were gone all the time, like all the whole year, like, that would be hard. But I was like, no, he's not gone. This is not gone like this all the time. It was just like a. A six week window where I was like, hi, bye, see you later. And it. And I remember you being like, you got to just allow me space. You got to allow me space. And I kept trying to give you space, and then you kept worrying about me. And I'm like, I need you. I'm a grown ass woman. I'll be fine. And then you finally were, like, so busy with, like, warrior con and everything that you finally stopped worrying about me. And I'm like, thank you. I got this. You're good. Go. So it became this element of supporting one another, right? Because in the past, you'd always come in and you would be very much like the enforcer. And you'd be like, why am I always the enforcer? And I'm like, I don't know. And so I noticed you kind of stopped trying to be the enforcer. Even, like with our kids in the last, like, six. Six weeks.

Yeah, I don't have enough energy.

You didn't. And I was like, thank you. I'm like, I didn't ask you to be the enforcer. And now you're creating all of this, like, trauma because you're the cleanup crew. Stop. Stop being the cleanup crew. Like, let go. Right? And when you finally let go. It allowed me to show up, which I knew I would and could. I am the mom. And I was like, okay, here's the system. Here's the process. Here's what we're doing. And then I was like, don't fuck up my system. If Bailey comes to you and says, can I do this? What is your response? And you're like, ask mom.

Talk to your mom.

Talk to your mom. I'm like, because you're not involved in this season right now, so you don't get to dictate or decide these. You don't get to make the call. When I've been dealing with the kids right now, and then there's sometimes where I'm like, well, that didn't work.

And then you're like, come clean it up.

And then I'm like, I need you to really step in. I'm now giving you authority to clean this up. But otherwise, like, I'm like, I noticed you stopped trying to come in, but I think, yeah, you were tapped in capacity.

There's been a lot. I, like, I look back at just how much has been done and how much we committed to over the last 12 months and how much we have accomplished in the last 12 months. And then I back out to last 36 months. And I think about just three and a half years ago, you were giving birth to Ayla. And in three and a half years, how much our life has gone nuclear in every category across body being balance in business in three and a half years. And I sit back and I look at that with people, and I think that there's just this deep quitters attitude that seems to be just prolific, like just penetrating people's minds everywhere of they just. They give up and then they spend five years, they've fucking gone nowhere because they keep thinking, I want to get it done in a weekend or in a quarter. But they don't give themselves permission to just keep doing the work.

For years, I think too, is when I think back three years ago, previous house, right before I got pregnant with even Aila, I had a miscarriage right before I had Isla. And I remember feeling that I'm like, man, we're on the fast lane. We're on the fast track. How could I. How could I possibly want more in life? Like, I'm already, like, I've already got so much going on, and then life happens and you don't really have a choice. And you realize you were playing small and that your capacity is so much bigger than you allow yourself to Experience. And so for me, I was like, people think in order to have this level of success, that it comes with this immense amount of stress and pressure, but it really doesn't. There's, like, seasons where it's stressful, but no matter where you're at in life, you're always gonna have those seasons of stress. You just have to decide, where do you want to go? And are you gonna continue to, like, run on this hamster loop of staying in the same place? Because you're always gonna have this feeling at some level of where you're overwhelmed or your capacity's tapped or your kids are shitheads. And so why not focus on results and progress and. And allow yourself permission to succeed? And that's really what we've done, is it's like, this is hard, but who would we have to become to go here? This is hard, but, like, what's next, right? And we just keep asking the simple question of who would we have to become? And it's not any more stressful. It's just your capacity expands.

You know, look at it like this. Like, you can be deeply stressed out about money in one of two places. One, deeply stressed out about money, and you have none. And you can't pay your bills and you can't fund the things your family needs. Two, you can be deeply stressed and have a prosperous, almost limitless amount of money. The crazy part is, you're gonna be fucking stressed either place. And the only place where you think there is no stress is in the illusion of the transition from one side to the other. You're either super fucking broke and you're going to being wealthy, or you're wealthy on your way to being broke and you have taken your foot off the gas. There's the illusion of peace in the middle. But the reality is, stress is part of creation. And you're going to experience it one of two ways, by default or by design. It's stressful to create a marriage that's on fire and to stay on top of it. And it's stressful to be in a disconnected relationship with somebody who's cheating on you. It is stressful to be in a relationship raising kids and constantly guiding and instructing. And it's also stressful to be in a situation with no kids. Because now, like, I'm with people that want kids. I'm with people who have kids that wish they didn't have kids. I'm with single people. Wish you were married. People are married. Wish they were single people in closed relationships wishing up a lay's relationship with open. This is like there's, it's like it's constant. So the decision's only a decision to choose to keep rising. So like, why do you keep choosing? Like, we were talking about this at WarriorCon 4, like our family, like our family interview with, you know, you and me and the kids and then, you know, you and I together.

I just think that we're meant to experience so much more in this life. And I keep getting this impression, like, if you can handle your shit here, like, you're not going to prepare yourself for what's next, like the end, like you think you're just going to die and be saved and like everything's going to open up and you're going to have life figured out. And it's like, you didn't do the simple shit here. Nothing's opening up there. And so that's kind of where I'm like, ah, like we want to say this life is so hard and that if we just say Hail Mary to Jesus or whatever you believe in that, like, you're going to wake up and have a bigger perspective of everything. But if you didn't evolve as a person, the perspective is not going to give you the outcome that you're looking for. And so I kind of just like have to sit back and be like, okay, you're going to be doing the work no matter what. Why not do the work that's going to like, get you further ahead in this game, right? Like, truly, like, they're like, so I think that's to me, like, there's this high in growth, but it's like, you're already going to be putting in the work. Like, period. Like you're already going to be putting in the work. So let's make it intentional. Like, you're already going to hit pockets of pain in your life. You're going to hit pockets of stress in your life. So for me, I think I'm kind of like, okay, well that sucks. And like you said how it's by default or design right now. I feel like I'm in a place where I'm like, okay, I know this is going to take me to the next level, right? So I'm intentionally putting myself on a path that might be uncomfortable because I know the outcome that I'm going for.

That's a stressful place. I mean, it's a stressful place to be. Like when people, when you get, when you get this as an idea, as a concept, you start to recognize that you have far more power over your life than you think. Particularly for all my Christian friends that love to just all of a sudden throw it all into Jesus and say, jesus, take the wheel. It's not that simple. Whatever you consider that there are seasons in which God's saying, show me what.

You can do exactly. Meet me halfway.

How about you stop sitting around and begging for manna? How about you stop sitting around and begging for a blessing. How about you stop sitting around and begging for a miracle when I gave you tools, faculties, capab. Mindsets and tool weapons as a man or woman to create your life to be what you choose it to be? What if you are not meant to be commanded in all things? What if the actual opposite is true, which is you are to get guidance from God. But ultimately, the design of your life is more about what you are choosing and who you unveil yourself to be here in this life than it is sitting around waiting for some checklist. Because I want you to consider if somebody gives you the exact checklist on what to do every single day, there's no power in this. You get results, and yet you have no power because somebody told you exactly what to do. Go left, take three steps. Go right, take three steps. I'm in the season right now, which is interesting, where it's not that I feel like God stepped away from me. I'm in a season where God flat out in dialogue with him, like, I'm having this narrative, and it was a simple reality, which is like, listen, you're stepping into a season of darkness, and darkness does not mean chaos and problem and carnage. You're stepping into a season of darkness, of focus. And it is time for you to learn to trust yourself again at another level. I cannot be here giving you guidance every single step along the way.

Meet me halfway.

Show me what you can do.

I've experienced that in life, too, where I feel like I'm. I feel like there's, like, a legions of angels around me, like, just, like, guiding and leading, directing me. And then all of a sudden, it, like, shuts off, and it's almost like you. We showed you. Go do the work.

Exactly.

And I'm like, okay. And it's not dark, it's quiet.

Yeah.

Because we have to figure out who we can become in the season when there's no voices and there's no support, it's. You are your support. And that's like. It's not dark. It's quiet.

Wow. That's powerful. I mean, if you look at this, if God had to tell you what to do every time he woke up about everything. This would be like one of your kids coming to you and saying, asking you all day long what to do. What do we need to do today? What do we need to do today? Nobody wants an employee like that. Nobody wants a kid like that. Nobody has a child. God does not operate that way with us. He's like, you have been given a purpose in this life which is to reveal the greatness of who you are. The ultimate purpose of his life is to bring the kingdom of heaven through you to the kingdom of earth. This is the purpose. This was the purpose before the fall. This was the purpose before Christ. This was the purpose. Christ came to restore the purpose of life, which is the ultimate ability for you and I to create. Here on this ball of mud called earth, with these fleshy meat suits we've been given. We're here to create as spiritual beings, as soul driven creators from realms that we do not understand in these brains we've been given and here in this place. We're here to create and to forge and to become something here. It doesn't make us become something. We're not there. At some level, what I'm getting is it ultimately reveals an awareness and an acceptance of who we've always been. But you can't appreciate it. Just like a child is raised with wealth, doesn't appreciate wealth until it experiences poverty. Here we are, sons and daughters, created beings of light off of this core perfection, trying to understand the vastness of what our capabilities are. And some of you can't even get off your fucking cell phones every day. Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and change the world. No, you're not. You can't even turn your cell phone off.

If we had a glimpse of how powerful we have been and are meant to become, I feel like people would just like, they wouldn't believe it.

Most human beings wouldn't believe it.

They're like, no, it's not even true.

It happens every day. God's witnessing to all of us through life, around us, all day, every day, showing us who we are, things we're inspired by, the things we're pissed off about, the things that trigger us about other people. They're all there to teach us about ourselves and what's in the way and what needs to be shifted. But it's so much easier to just become a whiny fucking bitch about everything and just sit back and blah, blah, blah. Well, that's what it feels like.

It feels like it, but it's not. And that's the message I keep getting. It's like, like, just make your time productive. Like, you're already dealing with all the emotions and all of the physical realm of being here on this earth. Like, you're already experiencing that. Like, why don't you allow yourself permission to become who you've always been? Like, what is holding you back from doing that? And so it's. I mean, it comes with a lot of work, but I kind of get like, the impression that, like, a lot of you guys are already. You're putting in the time and you're confusing that time with actually, like, progressing. And it's. It's. It's going to be. It's easy and hard all at the same time.

Sent a message. One of my guides close to me and I said, hey, I sent a question message on Sunday. I said, you know, what was it ultimately going to take for you to gain mastery over your body? It's like 45 pounds overweight. I'm like, seriously? I was like, like, I've watched you struggle with this for, like, eight, nine years. Like, what's it going to take ultimately, for you to gain master of your body? And the response was some tactical thing he was doing. I said, that's not going to work. I said, until your answer becomes an obsession to reveal the greatness of who I am at the next level. Until that obsession becomes who you are is an obsession to peel away and carve away the fat suit and show the truth of who you actually are. You're not an obese person. You are not prepared to be fucking obese. Fuck all this political correctness. It's bullshit. You're walking around obese. You are walking around in a prison of your own creation. You're walking around diabetic and causing yourself these issues. You have done this to yourself. No one else did this to you. You're walking around broke and struggling in a game of money now, which is easier than it's ever been before, to make money. This is on you. It's because you continue to refuse to learn the skills required from marketing, sales, leadership, product creation, distribution, et cetera. You are choosing to be fucking broke. You continue to be in a marriage. It doesn't work out the way you want it to. The struggle sexually, emotionally, mentally. It's because you refuse to collide and have the conversations it would change things. Like if you actually stripped all this back to the following, which is, you're not a victim. You're not helpless, and you don't need a blessing. You need to get off your fucking ass and do what's required. And the moment you get off your fucking ass and do what's required, guess what will happen? You'll be amazed at how blessed your life becomes. Consider that your blessing is the fruit that comes off of the root of action, and that your unwillingness to take action is what is delivering up the rotten fruit. Don't like the fruit, change the root. But to change the root, this means you have to change how you are acting and operating.

Like that was like a rap.

I was a little fucking fired up there. I was good.

I was like. I felt. It was like rhyming. You were like in flow. See, it's not that quiet. It's not a season of darkness or quiet.

No, it's just focus. But no, it is leaning on myself.

There you go.

So, like, last, last topic. You ready? I got something for you. We're gonna shift gears.

Let's do it. Cause I got shit to do.

I'm Gen X. You know what Gen X is? Yep. We're about to play something. It's great. Yep. I am Gen X. Gen X.

You know how to go to Instagram, sir?

Stop it.

Does Gen X know how to operate Instagram?

Stop it. Here we are. Ready?

Talk a little bit about Generation X. The generation so terrifying they couldn't even give it a name. So generators were raised in a very interesting period of time. They were raised by baby boomers, so they. They knew a very older and maybe kind of feral way to exist and live their life. But then they were also old enough. So when the Internet and a lot of new technology started coming out, they also knew a lot more. So they had this kind of ability to cherry pick the best traits of baby boomers and millennials, which makes them some of the most dangerous people in the world. Most of the Gen Xers I knew either went to the military, went to rehab, or went to jail. That means the ones that are left are survivors. So for as many changes in music and style and culture that you think you've been through in the last 50 years, they've been through the most. Also, mental illness wasn't trendy back then. So any kind of mental illness that they had, they usually didn't get any treatment for it. So they had to learn how to cope with it themselves. Medications weren't as delicate or as effective back then. And that leaves you with some very fucking interesting people. Get yourself a Gen X friend. But they'll probably just tell you to fuck off. Let's talk a little bit about Generation X.

That's me. Generation. Generation X. You're not. You're millennial.

I'm on the tail end of a millennial. Do you know me and your oldest son are both millennials?

Yep. You guys are two ends of the spectrum. Married to a millennial. My first child's a millennial. I'm seven years older than you, not 20. Like, some would think this. I share this audio because, like, I was watching it this morning, I was like, oh, man, that's actually deeply true. Like, we're the gappers. Like Gen X. Gen X. My age group of 46 years old, born in 1976, that typically goes from 1960 to 1980 is the those born in Gen X. You didn't get a name, but we were like the transition people. And guess what? We're the modern leaders, like coming into the next 15 to 20 years. We're the guys that run the fucking show around here.

That's because you're in that age bracket, though.

It's because we're in that age bracket. And it's because we have the ability to lead across the gamut. We weren't born with a cell phone shoved up our ass, and at the same time, we understand the cell phone. Now some guys in Gen X do shove their cell phones up their ass, so they cause themselves some problems. On the flip side, we come from a work ethic game of our parents, which were baby boomers who were saying, you need to work your ass off to get the things you want. So we kind of have the best of both worlds. That's why you married me because I'm Gen X. He also married me because I'm Batman.

I married you because I was like, this man is going to take me all the way.

Yeah. Well, you know what they also said in the audio there is that, you know, there wasn't medication back there. So they didn't, they didn't classify mental illness at all. They just said, you're.

Everybody has mental illness.

You're a fucking person, you're fine, figure it out.

But even with any kind of medication, you still have to, like, do your part to set yourself up to have success with whatever medication that you're using. I self medicate all the time. It's called fitness.

Yeah.

People are like, you're so in shape. I'm like, yeah, that's my therapy every morning. I hit my therapy session every morning. I ground myself every morning. Morning. And the flip side is I look great doing it. I'm like, but that is my self medication. I Also like to shop a lot. That's. I don't. That's more like retail therapy, but everybody's medication for sure.

You have two forms of medication, but everybody.

I don't actually physically take anything, but I know what works for me, that I've learned to cope with all my quirks and weirdness and OCD and ADD and probably all sorts of things that I. That we all have some kind of mental illness, but we're always. Everybody's designed differently, and it's important to figure out how to cope for yourself. That's. I try to explain to Bailey so much. I'm like, listen. Like, I'm not against if you need to take something or you want to or you feel better taking it, but you got to set yourself up for success.

That's an excuse to not build. You know, people say, yeah, you know, you're fucking crazy. I was like, of course I am. I was, like, fucking out of my mind crazy. You and I were talking about this last night. He said, I think I might be. I think I might be crazy. I was like, of course you're crazy. I'm crazy, too. The most successful people on the planet are fucking crazy.

You're crazy.

No, they're people who will know they're crazy, who channel they're crazy, and who create big shit that normal people cannot do because they won't admit they're crazy. And the minute you admit that you're crazy and you just be honest about you're crazy, like, the game turns upside down and off you go. Yeah, but the more you continue to pretend like you're not crazy, the more your game continues to be normal.

It's almost like you stifle. I always would tell B. I'm like, your blessing is your curse. You're, like, stifling something that could very much. Like, you could channel somewhere. So it's like a balance of, like, is it productive or is it destructive? Right. Is your crazy productive or destructive? And so it's like, learning how to channel it and push it towards something productive has really been beneficial in my life. Like, I always felt like, oh, like, you're just a dumb. You're a dummy. You're a hairdresser. You're this and that. Like, I'm. I have, like. I definitely have, like, some kind of OCD add. Like, I just can't turn my brain stuff, right? And then I'm like, but I'm a very creative type personality. And so I try to channel all that creativity into work and. And business and kids. And all that things. Instead of, like, being like, you need to calm down. You need to calm down. Like, you need to stifle all these things. I'm like, what if I use them or point them in the right direction? So that's really what I try to teach my kids. Because every single one of our girls, I'm like, that's a weird little. Like, there's something, like a little bit, like, kind of different about them.

All of our children are crazy.

And I'm like, huh?

Yeah, they all got their crazy thing.

Yeah. But everybody does. That's what I was trying to get across. Everybody's crazy at some level, and we label ourselves to have it be. Have a negative impact on children. Like, oh, I have add. That's fine. Why is that a negative thing?

I have add.

I have add. I really don't mind it about myself.

I have bipolar disorder.

I have nine Polypolis. That's what I'm saying. It's like we put it in a box of a negative box, right? It's like. Like, that's fine. Like, you have that work. How can you channel it?

Yeah, I got medium but potent penis syndrome.

Oh, my God. So we're gonna end this one. I guess I gotta go. And then you say that.

Oh, that's why they call me Batman.

All right, go.

All right. I'm gonna go exfoliate.

I don't know. Our last podcast, I was being funny because I was like, what are you doing in your nighttime routine?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I ran out all those creams. I ran out all of them. Hey, so listen, I have an appointment.

For both of us.

Oh, good. Get some more shots on our face. That's how we do it. We do some shots in the face. I shaved off the Santa Beard for Warcom 4. My wife's very happy about that. Shaved my body down. And I realized I set a target last year for this. And we'll wrap it on this, okay? I said, by this time next. This year. Last year, I said, I'll be drinking alcohol once a week maximum, which has not been a problem. That's easy. I didn't think that was gonna be easy. That became. Was fucking impossible. And then I did it. And I also said along this that I would walk around actively with a six pack.

You look great right now.

I pulled that off. You know, I've been maintaining six pack now for like three, four, five months.

I came in the gym this morning.

I was on the phone talking to my. Talking.

You were looking at your abs. You were like, in the mirror. And I was like, hi, babe. And I was like, have my AirPods. And I was like, either listening. I could tell you just got done with the workout.

Yeah.

But you were literally just like, just.

And you were looking at me. Looking at me.

I was. And I was kind of laughing because I was like, you were turned on. I was. I was a little bit, but I was like, that's so funny. He's, like, just staring at his abs. But you've never had this good of abs.

Never had this good abs.

My abs look good, too.

You look great.

Both of us have nice abs right now. So that's how we're gonna end the show. We should make a movie about our abs. No, we're not. All right. Thanks for listening to another episode of the date your wife podcast. We try to keep it real raw.

And relevant, and it appears we've done it again. We're out of here.

Two married entrepreneurs just trying to make life work. Hope you enjoy.

Outro ever. We're just two married entrepreneurs. It's trying to make it work.

I'm leaving.

All right, we're out of here. Hope you guys have a great week. We'll talk to you next week or if we don't talk to you next week, whenever we decide to do a show again, since we don't get paid a whole lot to do this show, so hopefully you get some value from it. We're gonna go do some. That does get us paid. And you want to check out more, you can learn more@wakeupwarrior.com or head to dkwstyling. Com. Feel free to cover up. Follow my wife on Instagram Danielle K. White as you'll get a restore by his play by play of what the fuck's going on in our life. I tried to do it. I say committed for three months of stories, and now I'm like, go fuck yourself. So I'm out. See you later. Have a great time. We'll see you next week.