YOU are the PRIZE, now drop the guilt. | Date Your Wife | EP 136

All right, my friends. Well, welcome to the date your wife podcast. It took us officially 15 minutes to get everything tightened up and locked up. And Danielle had to be critical about 90% of the moves that we made to put this studio together.

I mean, what are you gonna do when clients come?

The same shit I always do when clients come. Be awesome.

Just move cameras around.

No, I'm just gonna leave the cameras up. We're gonna do some podcasts.

This is our podcast studio set up in Garrett's office, which is also located in our home. And it's funny because, like, when I get home, I'm kind of like, I'm done working. Like, I have a hard time working out of the house. So. So my brain feels like, this isn't the house.

This is the podcast studio.

I know I'm gonna have to get used. I'm gonna have to get used to it. Cause I trained all day, I had an event, and then I came home, and I was like, oh. And then I was like, oh, I'm doing a podcast. So I'm like, it's like, for me, if I don't get my workout done in the morning, like, I won't get it done. I can be like, yeah, let's do a podcast at 5pm but, like, my energy is gonna be different at, like, a. Like, a 9am podcast.

Maybe it's better. Maybe it's gonna be better energy. Maybe you're gonna be. Maybe you're gonna lie less. You're gonna do less lying.

Because I lie all the time.

Liar in the morning, not a liar at night. What do they call that? Something. Something in. A freak in the sheets was not, like a show or something like that.

No.

So, hey, listen, we went to Vegas for New Year's. We had a few big moments. You smoked cigars again with me. That was fun.

I know every time I do that, I'm like.

But you realize it was your idea to smoke cigars. I was sitting there by myself. I didn't even know they had cigars.

When I drink too much and then I see cigars, I'm like, every time I drink too much, I want to smoke.

But you don't even hardly smoke. You have, like two or three puffs, and then you act like you don't know how to do it. Every time.

Yeah, it's.

How do I do this again? And then you hand it back.

But you know what I like about it? It's like, I'll be. When I'm a little tipsy and I smoke a little cigar like, buzzes me. I'm like, whoa, I'm back away wakes you back up.

Did you ever smoke cigarettes when you drink them when you're young?

Yeah.

And do you smoke now? Just like, no. When I'm not around, Smoke a pack in the backyard.

You know what's so funny? I smoked a whole pack with Jeremy Finley one time in Vegas.

You didn't smoke a whole pack.

I swear to God we did. He like, we. I. Every time I turned around smoking another cigarette together. And then like the next morning I woke up and I had like, cigarette boogers. And it's like, chair. And he's like, sorry. I was like, that's so gross.

That was. We went to a club. It was like on a Wednesday for your birthday. It wasn't excess. It was something else.

No, it was. It was.

It was.

It was. It was at the win.

Was it? I don't think it was.

So let's talk about. This is a new year.

Okay.

2023.

2023.

And we. So we actually booked a trip to go to Utah. We booked Southwest.

Thank you.

So you already know the end of that story. That trip got canceled.

Yeah.

We were supposed to go skiing. Go to Utah and go skiing. Normally we don't book Southwest, but it was like fly out of Southwest at Orange county or go to lax. And I was like, I don't want to drive to lax. So anyways, flight got canceled. We did not go to Utah. We did go to Big Bear for the first time, which. That was fun. We played with the kids all week. And then I was like, hey, Garrett, let's go to Vegas for the weekend and finish out the year. Because we. I feel like we've had like a like, quite amazing year, but like, a lot has happened in the year. I always. I was like, posting something the other day. I was like, I feel like I grew like five years in one year.

Easily five years in one year.

Like, just like our home, like, everything. It was like I. I had no choice but to level up in every area. But I kind of feel like it was like this year, I think, is going to be explosive for both of us.

Yeah.

And we had to experience this last year to kind of set the foundation of like, what the. Like, it just like, literally, like with having four daughters, we hired like full time home support. Um, I feel like this was really the first year we got to utilize the capacity of this home.

Yeah.

So it was just like, I. I look at our life sometimes and I'm like, wow, we're that family. Like, way far off from what I ever imagined would be possible. Like, I look at my day to day life and I'm like, wow.

Like, that's our normal.

That's our normal. It's wild. But I.

Did you ever think, did you ever think that things would become this amazing?

Yeah.

Like even when you were little, when we first, when we first were together and you're 18 years old, 19 years old, and you're looking at me and I'm like pursuing you, you're thinking, we're going to end up in a castle by.

This guy's a baller. What chip is off in me. And maybe it's not off, but I always expected a lot out of my life. Like, I just even like how I was raised. I was raised in upper middle class and we had a lot of abundance. My parents were both entreprene. But even beyond that, like, I was like, I want to become more than even this. Whereas how I feel like how you were raised, if you would have lived how I lived growing up, you would have been like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, I don't know. I, I feel like being raised that way, I just didn't know any different. And I always expected a lot out of life, but even to the point where I was like, I will figure it out. I will marry a guy that will figure it out. If he doesn't figure it out, I will figure it out. Like, I just knew. I was like, I just had this instinct that I was. There was no. I'm just gonna keep going. Like, I just, I don't know, I made a chip off in me or on in me, I don't really know.

Well, we were talking, we were talking about this in Vegas. We played a game that you created, which by the way, has been a big hit.

I know there's a lot of.

All my clients have watched.

People are like, I loved your game.

I was like, and then I got credit for creating the game that people said I created the game. I was like, well, I didn't actually create the game.

Everyone's like, I love the ending.

TikTok created the game, which was fun.

I found it from some random Instagram influencer who's married. And I was like, that's cute. And then Bailey's like, mom, that's. Everybody's doing that right now. And I was like, well, we're gonna do it our way.

We did do it our way. You up leveled a lot of the stores.

I did not.

One of my clients was laughing is like, dude, my wife And I were watching and the minute she picked Cartier and you had just trash bagged around the one before, he's like, I'm thinking to myself, you, he's gonna, he's gonna.

Pay for that trash, Pay for the trash bag.

And I was like, yeah, you think? We walked in there and they handed her the Jaguar, the panther for $250,000.

Wait. Yeah. So if you guys are unfamiliar with this game I found on TikTok, and it was like the girl was like, this starts off and it's like YSL or dsw, right? And then it's like Dillard's or Dior. And then it's like Cartier or Claire's. And then we kind of added our own little things because we were going to Vegas. And I was like, we were staying at the Wynn and that's right next to like fashion show mall. Plus the Wynn has tons of crazy high end shops. I'm like, this will be the perfect place to do it because we have both like high and low end shops. And we literally went to the ABC store, we got some Vegas postcards, and we kind of like did our own little spin on it. But I was dying because I, I, the ones that I won were like the like Dior Cartier. And what was the last one? Ysl.

Ysl.

I was like, I pick. I somehow I didn't mean to, but I strategically picked not even like, not high end, but like the highest ones in this, in this shuffle in the.

Drawer is up there, isn't it? Well, I didn't think about it with Cartier. I mean like you had, I felt.

I felt bad, I felt bad about drawing the Cartier bag. But prior to that I had gotten garbage sack and Zara and I was like, hahaha. Redemption is mine.

Yes. I mean if you miss out, the game works. It was really simple. We wrote down eight different items on cards who had two sets of cards. Each one card was like a high, high end. Other one was kind of a low, low end Chanel bag, trash bag, Cartier card.

I couldn't believe how p you were to find that trash bag.

I was like, yeah, well, because I wanted it. You know, you got the trash bag and then you, you picked it and we didn't have one. So I had to go into the bathroom at the food court and go swipe myself a garbage bag for you.

Was that a clean one?

Nah, I just threw some out of it.

Really?

Yeah. You never use anyways, it doesn't matter. There wasn't a lot of there was one can in it. So I like got rid of the can, put another garbage. But like, by the time we got.

Done with the game, we were both exhausted.

We. We were six hours. And you had built it to where like we. The. The low end stuff was in the mall and the high end stuff was.

In the malls at the funny because we kept.

So we're back and forth between. It was back and forth half a mile every time.

It literally. And what's funny is I thought like, oh, I'll win a couple. He'll win a couple. But it wasn't. I was like, I won you one. I won you and I actually, no, there was a couple in a row, but it was like back and forth, back and forth.

Like, you know what's interesting? I had a thought about this too. I was talking about this one class today was in my mind as I was thinking. I was like, oh, I won. And then Danielle lost. And I thought to myself, well, why was it win, lose?

Because it is.

Well, like, think about it. Like, why was it win, lose. Like, I was thinking about my head. I was like, why is it a loss for my wife to go to Cartier? Even though. And why was it a loss for you? Why was it a loss for you?

It was a loss for me to get a trash bag. Absolutely. I'm sorry, is that a win, sir?

Might be a win for me.

It's definitely.

But there's a sense because it's all around money. It's all around how much money's being spent. So the guys is like, oh, yes, I got the trash bag instead of the Chanel bag. And you're like, oh, I didn't have any sorrow for you when you got the trash bag. I couldn't tell you were feeling really sad.

I could. You were celebrating.

I was celebrating big time.

You were celebrating.

And then the next time when we.

Go to Cartier, like, it started out, this game started out like you're looking at 20,000. No, the funny thing is the game started out and it was like Dior. And I was like, woo, Dior. But by the time I got to Cartier, I was like, cartier, motherfucker. Like, and then got it real aggressive.

And then. Yeah, like, I got a little. I mean, I just, I just invested in like an amazing necklace for you.

Yeah, I felt bad. I kind of felt bad.

It had only been a week for a minute. So like, you know, since Christmas, I got the.

I got the. The cheapest item I could find in Cartier, which was still a $15,000 bracelet.

Bracelet, which is amazing.

Although Bailey's like, mom, why don't you just get some lip gloss?

I'm like, at cardier, I'm like, they.

Don'T sell lip gloss in cardier. And she's like, they don't. What about, like, perfume? I'm like, they might sell perfume, but why would I get.

Only 15 year olds would offer up lip gloss as a solution to cardi. Because I think it was interesting, I was sitting there with like, you're. You're wearing this beautiful necklace. Know it's $100,000 necklace. And I'm thinking to myself, like, who. Who have I become as a man?

I'm surprised you got me that.

This Christmas, I'm able to deliver up that kind of, like, token to my queen, you know, at 46, I like, you know, I'm the guy that couldn't commit to a cell phone contract and a gym.

You know what I like about that, too? It's that you. It's not even about necessarily, like, the fact that you are, like, kind of open. Not just as, like, spending that, but you're like, I want to do this for my wife. It's like, were is in the past, like, even when you're producing. I remember one year. This wasn't even that long ago. It was like a couple years ago for our anniversary, and I had bought you, like, something pretty significant. Oh, I custom.

I custom rings.

No, I. No, that was another story. But that's also another story. But I made. Yeah, I made this custom cross for you, and I put the warrior because I didn't know you were having those ones made, and it was pretty expensive. And I remember it was for our anniversary. I put a lot of thought into it. And you gave me. And I opened this present. You had gone to the mall literally the night before our anniversary, and you got me this necklace, a necklace with a C. And I was like, what is C for? And I was pregnant, and I was like, what is C for? Do you. Do you think C is supposed to be like Chanel? You're like, no, it's for Charlie. It was literally like, I had spent like $8,000 on this custom cross, and you got me a 200C.

And it wasn't about.

And I haven't. And I hadn't even decided on Charlie. So I was like, it. Why did he get me a necklace with a C? And not only that, I know you went to the mall the night before, and that's what they had. And you're like, Charlie. Yeah, that's the one. I was like, there was no thought. So now not only it's not even about the money. Like, like, I'll be like, hey, like, you know, I'm like, I give you an idea for Christmas. I'm like, I'd love like a necklace. I didn't know it was going to be that significant. I was like, whoa. He. He really went for it. Like, I was thinking something a little bit smaller. But then there's also times in the past where I'm like, oh, that's it. Yeah, I just, you know, I just.

Remember the time that your dad bought your mom suitcases.

Oh, my God, you will never stop.

I'll never forget that.

You, like, took that out on me, but you took that on me for like, years. Like, like, so my mom, My dad would. My dad would. My mom is like me in the sense that she loves gifts. That's like her words of affirmation. And she likes, likes a little bit of thought into it. Like, it doesn't even have to be. No, but she wants some thought into it. And my dad, I love my dad to pieces, but that man is such a cheap ass. Like, and not like to the point. Even if it wasn't like, he doesn't plan anything, even if it didn't cost a lot. Like, he just doesn't put thought into gifts. Like, he's just. And he's, he just is not. He just not wired that way. So he's a very practical guy. He's. He builds homes for a living. He's big burly construction dude. And I just always look at my dad as like a mountain man for some reason.

And that has like, man hands.

When me and Garrett were first married, we were at my parents house for like Christmas or something one year. And my dad was so stoked because he got luggage. But not just luggage. He got it on sale. He's thinking, this is an amazing buy. I'm gonna get my wife this for Christmas. That's just how his brain is wired, I think.

I sure got him like Home Depot or something.

I don't even know. But it was like, it wasn't even like that nice of luggage. Andy got it on sale and she didn't want luggage, so she went, she went off on him. And me and Garrett were like, this is so awkward. This is so weird. But it was so funny because to this day, or not to this day, but forever, you'd be like, well, you're gonna be like your mom and if I buy you luggage, I'M like, please don't ever fucking buy me luggage. And number one, I'm like. And number two, why are you. Why do you keep comparing me to my mom? What did I do to you?

I think that's a role of, like, a spouse, though, is to compare you to your mother.

I compare you to your mother.

That's what I'm saying. Like I'm saying, I think part of being a spouse is comparing yourself to. Comparing your spouse, but not.

But it's like, you compare them when it's, like, a negative attribute.

You're like, yeah, well, when have you ever compared me to your. To your. To my mom in a positive way? Never. When have I compared you to your mom in a positive way?

But we both really enjoy each other's parents. But, yeah, I feel like we've. I feel like we're past that, though.

I love your mom. I think she's a great person. Your mom. Your mom looks hot. You know, she's 70. What is she, 70 right now?

She's 70.

She's a hot 71 year old.

No, that's what you look forward to, babe.

I'm. I'm totally looking forward to it. You look fantastic now at 40.

I'm not 40.

Ooh, almost 40, though. This is the year of 40. We're gone.

I'm still in my 30s.

You're gonna be 40 in less than two, two and a half months.

You know, I feel solid for.

You should feel solid because you are 40. Turning 40 in. Let's see, we got January, February, March, your turn of 40. And in three and a half months. That was a big, deep breath you had there. We were talking about that with Val this morning. Your trainer. I think I started getting gray hair because Val's 42.

That's like. Some girls get grays in their 20s. Yeah, well, I. But I. I feel pretty solid. I don't feel like I look 40, and I've had four babies, so it.

Doesn'T have anything to do with that. I think that's what makes it even better. It's the fact that you are turning 40 and you look like you're 30. It's fantastic. You feel good about that?

Yeah. So I take care of myself, so.

All right, so back to the party. So we do this thing in Vegas, which. And again, like, all these things are occurring, and we're having this trip down memory lane, and we're, like, having this experience shopping, and then we go to the show Awakening, which in Vegas at the. At the win. What'd you Think about that show.

I have a short attention span, but.

I feel like it was only 90 minutes long.

I know, it's rough.

You already lost your attention span.

You got 60 minutes with me, huh? Yeah.

I thought it was really about light and darkness and, like, the way they did it.

I felt like that whole trip was really symbolic for, like. It was, like, a great way to end the year, which I kind of thought it would be. I was like, hey, this will be fun, just you and I. Like, we went to the club for three seconds, literally, to say happy New Year's, and then we were like, this is lame. Let's go to bed.

Let's look at the sequence of what happened, though. We had a great day shopping together, which was great. It was fun. We did the shopping game. That was fun. Then we came back and we got dressed, and we went to the wakening show.

Okay.

Then we came from the awakening show, and we went to this cool little piano bar, and that was where we had the cigar together and we were eating.

I think that was probably the highlight of the night because it was.

That was.

I, like, just hours of talking, and then. Yeah, we're just talking and drinking and hanging out. And even though we were, like, passing time for midnight, it. It was, like, fun. We're just, like, hanging out.

Well, that part for me was more fun than anything.

Yeah, for sure.

For sure.

And the show was good. Like, I mean, I thought the show was fun. I thought it was a really. It was a great way to end the year.

Yeah. Those conversations we're having, though, I love them. Where we get into this pocket where no one else exists. It's just you and I talking. Even though the bar. We were in, the piano bar at the Wind, was, like, completely packed, there were two pianos battling and lots of people talking. And I kept having these moments where I'd look around, I'd see guys or see girls looking at us, and I could sense, like, being around those men as much as I am. Like, I could sense what these men are feeling, which is you and I in our own world, and everyone else is irrelevant. Like, we're just here. And a lot of couples, like, spend time with other couples all the time, and they never spend time with each other.

Yeah.

Talk about that, because that's something we don't do well.

It's funny because I remember my sister. She's now in her second marriage, but her and her previous husband, I was like, they always want to go out with other couples. And then he was very social, and then, like, later, when they're having trouble, like, in talking to my sister, she's like, yeah, we didn't. We, like, we would go together, and there was like, nothing to talk about. Like, yeah, they wanted to be social, but they were, like, so disconnected. They couldn't even. They didn't even really want to be on a date with just one another. Like, it was almost painful, right?

Well, a lot of couples. That's like, a lot of couples not only don't go out, but then when they do go out, they go out with other couples, and so they end up spending time talking to the other couple the other time. And it's weird because you feel like a weird obligation when you go out.

You know what? I think it is too, though, because I have friends here that they're like, why would I go out with just my husband? Like, I see him every day, so they're kind of like, I'm with him every night. Like, we hang out every night. If I'm gonna go out, we want to go out with friends. You know, you're gonna have friends over to your house on a Tuesday night. I mean, you might, but, like, so for me, like, I can think of a couple friends off the top of my head where I'm like, when they go out, that's time for them to be social because they're with their significant other. You and I are so busy during the week, and we have five children, and we. We both work a lot. And so for. And then with bedtime routines, like, we had two little kids, and then we had a break, and then we had two little kids. And those of you parents listening to this and that have little kids, you know, nighttime routine is like, it's a big deal, and it takes like a couple hours. You got to feed them dinner, and then you have family time, and then it's bedtime and bath time. It's like a couple hour ordeal. And by the time you get done with that, you're looking at your husband, you're like, I'm just fucking tired.

Yeah.

And you're both laying in bed at like 9pm and you're like, I got my snowsuit on. Like, peace out. So date nights for couples that have young children or work a lot, for me, they are crucial because I don't. We don't have. It's not like we're empty nesters where we're hanging out, snuggling at night, playing Yahtzee, fucking. We're with the kids and we're working.

Have you ever played Yahtzee I don't.

Even know what Yahtzee is. I just imagine being old and, like, playing Yahtzee.

You put in the dice and you're trying to get three. Three ones and.

Oh, that is a fun game.

Two fives.

I want to play Yahtzee with you. You know, it's so interesting, though, like.

Play yachts in a room. Picture.

I kind of. So last year, when I had baby Charlie and we started to incorporate, we had like, a night nanny and we had more help. Yeah, My. My thought process was my first two kids, I felt like I didn't have any time with just you and I. Right. It was all work and all kids and, like, a little bit of play, but not really. And I was like, why can't we incorporate this time at home together? And the only way we could do it is have support some of those weeknights with bedtime routine. Like, that's truly the only option that I saw. And I felt like you would even kind of fight me on this in the sense that, like, if we had help, then you would be like, oh, I'm gonna work till 8 o' clock at night. And I'm like, I put. I put help in place so that we can be with the kids, but then, like, we kind of disappear. Maybe go upstairs, watch a movie, play Yahtzee, see whatever it is we do. And we have help in the home where they can do the bedtime routine. And not every night, because sometimes I genuinely enjoy. Not like a lot of times. I love snuggling my babies and I like doing bedtime routine, but I would like to spend time with you. That's not just the date night time. I would like to have that date night quality time at the home and be able to be able to let go and have somebody else be in the home with me and take care of my kids. Not have that mom or dad guilt that, like, I can't just let them do their job, that I can't spend time. Like, I can't go have dinner and family time and then have a couple times. I. I just. That's. That was my goal this year is I was like. And when you're like, hey, I'm gonna get off at 5. I'm like, perfect, because I want you to experience, like, the family element. And then there's no reason that we can't have nighttime support. We. We have financial. We. We have the finances and the resources to do it. We didn't do with our first two kids. We've give. We've Got another chance with the next two kids and to almost act as like parents, but also like have this empty nester feel. And we're both a little bit older. So I like the running the game with toddlers like we did. And at least when we did in our 20s, I'm like, I don't. And with how much like work we're involved in, I'm like, I can't run with my toddlers like I did in my 20s and keep up with my business. Like, I cannot do it.

Can you believe that there are people, like, there's guys in Orange county and they're late 50s having, you know, 55, 60 years old.

Yeah. But they got full time support. They, they come in, they see their baby and they're like, I've done this. You're gonna, you're gonna take our kids to bed. Bye bye. Yeah, they don't, they've done, they've done this. The only one put person feeling guilty in that position is the young 20 year old hot wife. And then she's gonna get mad at him, be like, why do you want to be the babies? He's like, I already did that. I had that family. I did, I did that. But babe, here's a nanny for you and some diamonds. You. She's like, fine.

I listen, I. The, the. If I back up the entire process of us as a couple and like the journey we've been on and the place that we've been in date nights has been like the, in like the monumental piece. And I remember the beginning too. It was like a piece where I was fighting for date nights because I felt like there was like this, this ability for us to go out and connect and be together. And then that switched. It went from like you almost resisting a bit of the date night, and then you became the instigator of date night. And now because I was like, now where you're like, you fight for date nights for us, but now you tell me, hey, what day are you committing to?

But now I feel like right now I'm like stepping into the season where I like, I'm fighting with home time with you. Right. I'm like, I refuse to believe, like we have to wait until our kids are grown ass and out of the home to where we can be empty nesters. Because guess what I talk to, I don't talk to a lot, but from the few people that I know and I've heard is like, they get empty nesters. And then they're like, I don't know if I like my husband. Well, it's because you spent years of just persevering and doing this nighttime game instead of like settling into like, hey, I work, you work. Or maybe the wife doesn't work, it doesn't matter. But why can't we have nighttime help? Because those hours together as a couple are crucial to stay connected. And then, like I said, so you have these people that are. They're not only they're juggling kids for 20 years, but then their date nights, they're going out with other couples because they're just so excited to get out and be social. And then they wonder why they're disconnected. They're just kind of like, I mean, you're my person, I guess, but they're disconnected in the sense that there's no passion there. Right.

I literally have no desire to go out with other couples. Like, it's. With the amount. And people will look at me too, with this. And they're like, why? Even with, like, going out with the guys, it's hard for me too, because of how much I work and how much I'm gone. And are you how many kids we have? It's like, if I'm here, I want to spend time with my wife, I want to spend time with my kids, I want to spend time with my wife and my kids together. And like, that's it. And that's. That's. There's a lot of couples that don't really like each other, which is super sad. Super sad to see.

Okay. And I will say, because I just finished coaching women on a two day event.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

And it was amazing.

Were you loving being back in the mix?

Ah, it's so good.

I'm so proud of you, babe. You're so fucking great at it too.

It's so good. And you know what I realized? You know what I realized? This was my favorite part is I love having somebody tell me, like, oh, like, this is my goal or this is my target. And then I love. I'm like, okay, I hear you. Let's dig into this a little bit more. And I find like the root of the problem. And then I'm like, so you think you need. You have a problem with your marketing, but really, you. You're. You don't believe, you know, and it's like this. I can find the root of the problem. And I watch their minds go. And I'm like, blown. I'm like. And I, I mean, I've gone through a lot myself. And so I recognize in things that I've gone through myself, but I kind of, like, ask them questions and lead them down this path so they're like, oh, my gosh, I don't have a marketing problem. It's because of blah, blah, blah, blah. And I don't want to dig too deep in these stories, but I'm like, it's so. It's so cool to, like, walk them through this own personal discovery.

Does it make you excited? Like. Like being able to be back in the mix training again, though? That. That's exciting.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, I. I feel like I was. I've been wanting to get back in that path, and now that my. I've had all my children, that's kind of my goal this year is like, I genuinely love. I love the thought process of what makes people tick, and I love coaching and training, and I love. I love them figuring out. These, like, moments are like, oh, my gosh. And I'm like, you are now. I just made you take a left instead of a right. Do you know the impact that's going to create on yourself, your family, your beliefs?

They don't.

They. They don't till they get momentum and they're like, o, gosh. And now it's like something that I recognize in myself where, like, I can go to an event and I got my. I'm like, oh, that was the best golden nugget. Like, do you, like, I recognize, like, how much that will shift my business or my thought process or my family life or whatever it is, because I've. Because I've kind of. I'm in this. I'm in it. I'm in the coaching space, I guess you could say. But, yeah, it was really good. But what I was saying is, like, I was talking to these women that there was two women in the group, and they're like, you know, I just want to be one of them was like, I just want to be less. Like, I need to be better with my communication with my husband. And I just feel like I say things that I. I just, like, I just, like, blurt it out. I'm like, yeah, I get it. It's like you're tired the end of the day, and we forget. We. We for. With the people that we love that we're the most comfortable with. We end up not, like, thinking before speaking. We're quick to react, right? Whether it's our children, whether it was our significant other, we're just, like, quick to react. But you would never do that, you know, to a client or somebody else. And yet this person that we love, we just word vomit on them. And then at the same time, we're like, I want there to be spark. I want to love you, but your, your communication is not giving you the end result that you want with your husband.

Right?

Right. So in. Even if you're super irritated at him or. I said, women are fixers. So a guy. And I don't. Lisa, in my end, in the woman I deal with, I'm like, yeah, like, we want to, like, attack. I'll use the word attack. But we're, we don't think of it as attack. We're like, let me fix this. Let me fix you. Right. Whereas men are like, why are you fucking attacking me? And we're like, oh, what are you talking about? I'm trying to, I'm trying to help you. You're welcome. And the guy's like, you were attacking me. And we're like, whatever. And then it just creates this rift and this and this disconnection. And it's like the time that couples are having together there, it's just, they've lost that, like, that spark and that chemistry. And so my, I was talking to these women in my event, and I was like, just be careful with your communication. Ask yourself, you want better intimacy, you want better sex. Like, do you need to react? Do you need to respond? How is your tone? Does this get you what you want?

Yeah.

And like, a couple of the women were like, wow, okay. And I was like, I get it. You're tired, you're irritated. But in the end, if you want more intimacy and more connection.

Is that what they wanted?

Yeah. They both were like, we want better relationships. And I was like, okay. But then they both said they needed to, like, work on communication and things like that. And I was like, okay, so too aggressive? Yeah. And I said, here's the thing is women, Women, I don't feel like I'm aggressive, but I'm very to the point. I come across somewhat cold sometimes. But I, I, I am such a lover. Like, I'm literally like, I think I'm a nice person, and I genuinely care about people. Like, even though I come across cold.

I think I'm a nice person.

I think. No, I, I mean, I don't know if I'm nice. I'll just say that. But I genuinely care about people. I'm not vindictive. I'm not manipulative.

Like, I definitely don't. You definitely don't hold a grudge.

That's for sure. Yeah, but, But I was like, telling Her. I was like, listen, that assertiveness, that dryness, that, that, that. Why don't you channel her in. Not in. In the home front, but channel her in business. What are you doing? Grabbing a bar.

Getting a bar.

I was like, there. You're, like, falling over. You look really sleepy all of a sudden. I was like, oh, he's fading on me.

No, no, no, no. I was like, not sleepy. I just, like, I lost. I didn't have lunch. I realized I didn't have lunch today, so bring me a little bar while we're talking.

So anyway, I was like, a lot of times we think, what is our default? Or we women are so hard on themselves. Like, it's like, take that as not necessarily a negative thing, but channel where you feel like it's not working in that area of. In your. In your life, into another area of your life. I'm like, there's business Danielle. There's mom Danielle. There's wife Danielle. There's lover Danielle. There's so many different versions of me, and I just have to learn where to chant. Like, channel my strengths down to how I communicate and everything I do.

So we had had a discussion about this at the mall about strengths, which is like, I have a natural tendency to want to double down, invest on the business, buy technology, poor ad spend, hire team members.

You still want to get an officer.

We still need to talk about. We can talk about it here on the show. And then you have a tendency to want to pour into us just because.

We played the game. You were so irritated. You're like. And I'm like, babe, you were the one that was like, that looks like a fun game. Let's play it. And I was like, he doesn't know what he's agreeing to, but game on.

I had no idea what I was agreeing to. But amidst, like, there was strengths that you have, which is you have an ability and a desire to pour money into our family, our children, our legacy, our future. And my natural tendency is to pour money into the business, into ads, into offices and team members. But these are both, like, strengths of ours, where I put the brakes on at time, where I'm like, do we need the garland? Do we need the Christmas trees? Do we need the lights?

Yes.

And then you say, yes. And then you'll ask me, do we need a new Cadillac in order to drive clients?

We do not.

Exactly. So there's a piece that plays into the chat.

It logically does not make sense or save us money, but that's a piece of. But I'M not buying stuff to save us money. I am literally buying us stuff just because it feels good buying a Cadillac to save money when it doesn't save you money logically doesn't make any sense.

What? Did you do the math?

I did.

You did do the math?

Yes. And I'll tell you why it doesn't make sense. Okay, tell me. Because we already have a Navigator that is not getting used. So if the goal is to save money, then have him. Then not buying a car is the option to save money.

I didn't know we could use it.

I told you that because you said.

It was being used for kids for school.

No, Ruby goes to volleyball, and that's it. And then they go to swim on Wednesdays. I was like, you want to buy a whole nother? And the other thing I started to think about, I was like, God, it's such a pain in the ass. In the car. In the car lineup and the pull up in our garage, I'm like, then we'll have to move an Escalade to get the Navigator out. And then it's like, we're just going to end up taking the escalator all the time. Or the escalator. The escalator all the time. And then the Navigator is going to sit there, and I'm going to be irritated that we have two SUVs, and then I have to shuffle one around. And I was like, and that doesn't actually save us any money.

So you're authorizing the Navigator?

Yes.

To be used.

Because I even asked Sarah, I was like, hey, if for some reason, like, somebody else is using that car, are you cool with using your car? And most. Most of the nannies are like, yeah, I'd actually prefer to use my car. But Garrett was really weird about it, and I was like, oh, well, we just want you guys. You know, this car's a safe car if you're driving very far. And they're like, no. Like, even Heather was like, I can always take my car, but the reality is they don't drive that far. They drive, like, 10 minutes around town twice a week.

Okay, perfect. Well, there we go. You solved it.

You're welcome.

You did well. Thank you. So we're going to use the Navigator, but I don't. To put our. To put our. My. My one on one clients pick them up from the airport.

The Navigator is not like. I mean, I. I told you from the beginning, I'm like, I think an Escalade's cooler than a Navigator. So if we're Trying to get the cool factor.

I'm. The challenge with the Escaladed in. The challenge with Escalades right now is that they're in huge demand and they're, like, very low supply right now. I just talked to one of my clients. Yeah. Yeah. One of my clients right now just bought an Escalade. He lives in Colorado.

Did you research it or just going off of.

No, no, no. I actually called the dealership on the one I was looking at. They have an amazing ESV and it's 50,000 above book, which means it's like, suggested retail value is 158,000, and it's a 50,000 above book pricing. It's true. This is what's happening right now. It's happening all over the place. Escalades, for whatever reason, like, the SUVs have, like, they can't create enough of them, they can't make enough of them, or something's going on. The supply is down and the demand is high.

I'll find one tomorrow.

It turned into a bidding war.

I'll find one tomorrow.

A used one. You might be able to find a new one.

Yeah. Why would you buy a new one?

We always buy a new.

You're already losing money that way.

Yeah, it happens.

Your event store wasn't new.

No, wasn't new. It wasn't new. It was 2016. I'd originally bought a 17. Talk about the craziest deal ever. I buy the 2017 almost brand new. It was like 300 miles. I keep that car until 2021. 2020. 2021, summer of 2021. Then I trade that in for the Ghost sell. The court.

The Ghost is. Was such a random buy.

Such a random buy. I don't even know why I was trying to convince myself the whole time that I was, like, really in love with it when I really.

It wasn't that cool.

Nah. And the problem was for how much it was. It was like 500.

It's a status car. It's like an old man status card.

Well, that's the case.

Or. But like, young guys. Young guys have it. But they have, like, six Ferraris. And that's like, they're at that point in life, they're like, yeah, it's a weekend. I think I'll go buy a. Yeah, well, they're single.

They don't have any kids.

Yeah.

I mean, imagine. Imagine what?

No, even then, they're. They're out of. No, they're at a place in life where they don't give a shit. They literally have, like, Six Lamborghinis lined up in the garage, and they're like, yeah, I think I want a town car. I'm going to go ahead and buy myself.

So People sometimes have a hard time with the money conversation. Like as. Like as couples when they watch us or they'll see other people, they're like, this is quite a triggering topic for you. How do you deal? Yeah, for me, not for you. Just, like, triggering topic in general, like, about us or other people. There's a tendency when you have success that people want to downplay. It's like when you don't have it, you try to upplay and pretend. But then when you get it, you try to downplay and pretend like you don't have it. It's the weirdest thing ever. It's like small businesses are trying to pretend like they're really big, and big businesses are trying to pretend like they're still mom pa small shop. Why do you think that is?

I don't know. I feel like I. I get it at some level because, like, for me, I'm like, still, I still feel like I relate to my students. Like, just get. Taking it back to my students, and I still feel like I. I'm not as much anymore. But I was, like, physically in the salon doing hair, and it was almost like clients were looking at me differently because based on where we live. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, she's still doing hair. Right. And so I would kind of not want to talk about our house. Like, I'd kind of downplay and they'd be like, oh, I know where your house is. I zillowed it. I'm like, oh, cool, right? And it changes the dynamic a little bit. And I was like, still working.

What does it do, though? Like, what has her changes?

I don't know. It just changes the energy in the appointment, I would say. And it's like, what.

What does it do?

Like, all of a sudden it's. Well, a lot of clients are kind of. They don't know about the hair line or the academy and all the other stuff. They're like, so what does your husband do? That's always like, the first thing they ask.

And it's a great question to ask. What does your husband do?

They're not. Yeah.

Have you been able to answer that question still?

No.

What does your husband do?

Go, no, let's keep talking about the other topics.

You don't. You still can't even explain what I do after.

Like, I don't. What do you.

10 years.

I'd like you to explain.

Oh, wow. You can't reverse that. Question me?

I. I'm not saying somebody says to you, like, explain what you do in, like, three sentences. You couldn't do it.

That's not true at all.

Okay, you used to be like, I help businessmen have body being balance and business through the core of the store, the door, the door, and the stack.

You're amazing. And that's not it.

Okay, you explain really simple.

I guide married men with children to get paid more and laid more.

I would not say that to a client at the salon.

Why?

My husband takes married men, and he gets them to get paid more and laid more.

It's super simple. It makes sense, and it's true.

Okay, well, I don't describe it that way. I usually just say he's in the coaching space, and he coaches men. He has, you know, books and programs, and his whole concept is, like, have it all and body being balance in business. And he does a lot of, like, business consulting and things like that. That's, like, basically how I say it.

That's weak.

I don't care. I'm not trying to pitch you. I'm just trying to, like, sum it up. And then they always say, so, like a Tony Robbins. And I'm like, yeah. And then I just keep doing my thing.

I'm like, the modern Tony Robbins. People say that, and they'll be like, oh, you're like Tony Robbins.

But going back to. Going back to like, why people do that, where they. Where they feel like once they start making money, they're like. They feel like they need to, like, it's because they still want to have this, like, relatable factor. And they think that, like, by showing off too much, like, maybe they're not relatable. I don't know. I feel like I tr. I do. I've kind of gotten to this place where I'm like, you know what? I. I've always, like, love, like, say, for example, like, fashion. Like, even when we didn't have the abundance that we have now. I loved, like, showing my new bag or my new shoes or my new cute outfit or whatever it was. And everyone's always like, oh, my God, like, how many bags do you have? And I was like, I didn't even, like, feel like I was being that showy. Like, I was like, I just like, bags, like, leave me alone, you know, or. And then it's like, hey, just because you don't value bags doesn't mean you have to hate on me for Valuing bags, you know what I mean? And then as we started to, like, have more abundance and things and stuff like that, it's like, I still want to show it, but I feel like there I could show way more than I do because I'm like, ah. I don't want to constantly be flexing. Like, whereas before I be, like, before we moved in this house, I'm like, I've been doing videos every day. This house. This house is like, the most amazing thing I've ever seen. And now I'm like.

It'S a weird. It's a weird piece. Like, a lot of. A lot of individuals, a lot of couples, like, they struggle, celebrating success. We talk about a warrior, which is like, the lying factor is not just a lying about, you know, something that's not true. The lying factor is you covering up the truth.

Yeah.

So it's like, you know, Jesus called in the Bible. He's like, you don't. Don't stand up on a hill with your light and cover it with a bushel.

Yeah. Don't downplay it.

Don't downplay your light. And like, there's a result that comes from living the warrior's way. There's a result that comes from pursuing the habit of lifestyle. And that result is prosperity across all domains. And it's like. It's like, interesting. Like, I'd be in a place and watching you as a woman with your physical body, and I'm like, I'm proud as fuck of my wife. She's had four children. Look at her. She's fit as fuck. Like, she looks great. She's a bikini competitor. I'm super turned on by her. She looks hot. And some of the guys I'm around will be like, dude, your wife's pretty hot. I was like, I know. She probably turns you on too. Well, she should. Look at her. She's incredible. And that's like, for me as a husband, I'm like, okay. Yes. And for a long time, I was not comfortable with myself.

You wouldn't want to.

No, I was very uncomfortable with.

You wouldn't want me to be hot?

No, it wasn't. I didn't want you to be hot. I was very uncomfortable with, like, the. You being in full power because I was not in full power as a man. So I was very intimidated by, like, you and intimidated by you being a parasy. See why I needed that bar. I got a little more energy. Fantastic. I was like, dude, I'm like, losing you. I missed lunch.

I was like, losing you all Of a sudden, you're, like, rubbing your eyes.

What am I doing right now? So, like. But for me, that was a really hard thing for a long time, which was being confident enough. I didn't have enough certainty in me to be able to hold the space for you to be able to shine.

Yeah.

In full power. And this happens constantly.

Yeah.

So it's like, even individuals now, like, they'll look at me. I'm like, oh, I can't believe this and this. And you should downplay this. I'm like, I'm not downplaying shit.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, but it's gonna cost you business. I was like, I don't care. It's gonna cost you friends. Don't care.

Yeah.

If you have a hard time with my success and what we are creating.

And you're not my.

Then you shouldn't run with me. Go run with somebody else. That's gonna. Happy Clappy.

Yeah. You should never apologize for what you've built in life. And it's so funny that you bring that up, because even today, coaching the, like, some of my students, I was like, you guys, I think you need to, like, take a minute to really give yourself credit for how far you've gone in, like, the last year. And. And you right now are trying to make these big decisions, but you're reverting back to you a year ago. You're not that person anymore. So you can't even make decisions. Like, you're just dropping back into scarcity, and you're not acknowledging where you've come. You're not that person anymore. Right. And it was. It was kind of funny. It was just down to this girl, like, feeling like she was like, you know, I need an assistant. And I was like, wait, wait, wait. I need you to understand, like, you're the prize. And the fact that you don't see that is a problem. I'm like, you need to paint an opportunity. It is an opportunity for somebody to come and assist you. Instead of, like, I'll just take whoever's available. The old person of you tolerates that. The new person of you shouldn't tolerate that. And you know that. And she was like, oh. And then it, like, blossomed a whole nother ton of things. But.

But, yeah, you realize that's why our marriage works, because we both got to that same place with each other, which is like, you were like, I do. You realize, you know, you, to me, I'm an opportunity, not an obligation for you as a partner. And I got to the same place with myself. Which is like, just so you know, sweetheart, I'm an opportunity. I'm not an obligation. Like, I'm a top tier, high value man and you're a top tier, high value woman. But both of us had to come to terms with that, with ourselves. I had to come to terms with me that I am a high value man. Like, it's not, there's not a deficit of women that would want to be with me in the marketplace and that I could be with, period. Getting to know this for myself was really important and was really powerful because it, Let me see, hey, listen, you're. This is not a. I'm not stuck in some relationship because I have to be. I'm in a relationship because I choose to be. On the flip side of this, you own the same truth, which is like, it's not like, I mean, it's not like at all. I was sitting here talking about this with a couple of our guys last week, and they're like, well, you know, this, this, and this. And I was like, dude, let's not play around. I was like, if my wife, if we, if, if I fucked up, cheated or did something at this point in the game, if I, if, if we were done or I died, whatever the game was, my wife would have a lineup out the door of boys in their 20s, men, young men in their 30s, men in their 40s, and men in their 50s, lined up around the block to take my wife out and to be like, to try to have sex with, be in relationship with and being connected to my wife. You're a high value woman. And that was what makes our relationship work, is that high value woman with a high value man. Both of us aware of our value because we, we both pursue creating ourselves at high value and then knowing that we choose to be with each other.

Why is it that you see, you'll see a couple, that you assume that they both are high value and then it doesn't work.

They don't. I don't think that they. Well, two things I don't think. Number one, they truly see themselves as high value. And number one. And number two, there's no submission on either side. So you get two individuals, super powerful, but one of them's not submitting into things that the other one wants, and the other one's not submitting it to the things the other one wants. For example, me learning to like, invest in you with gifts and be thoughtful about it. This matters to you. And for a long time I didn't give a shit.

But you know what? Though I had to fight you on that though, like, because I could have been that woman that was like, oh, you're right, I feel guilty. And I kind of fought back. I was like, fuck you. Like, I produce. I want these things. They are important to me. If you feel guilty or if you feel bad about them, that's on you. And I'm not going to stop pretending like this isn't my love language that I don't expect to be taken care of and I won't be feeling guilty for wanting these things.

You were screaming at me about that. We were talking about this weekend in Vegas, which is like I was projecting my guilt and shame on you and you lost your mind.

I did. Not in Vegas.

Not in Vegas. Oh yeah.

But lost your mind. I feel like women screaming at me.

You'Re like, don't put your guilt in.

Because here's the thing, I think that women a lot of times, and I've had to work through it on myself, is that we operate in this space of feeling guilty instead of holding the line for what we want. And so we're like, I shouldn't want that. And I feel guilty instead of just being like, these are my standards, this is what I want. I'm not going to pretend that I don't want this and I'm not going to feel guilty for wanting this. And so I had to really work on myself to be like, no, I do want a nice home. I want my husband to shower me with diamonds. I want that. I fucking want that. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I'm not going to be like, oh, I don't need those things in life. No, no. And I'm using, you know, diamonds as, as something that was again, something that I wanted. But I feel like women constantly are like, I don't need that. It's not for me. And I'm like, they're lying.

Yeah, women are lying.

I'm like, I'm like, who wouldn't want that?

Yeah.

Unless your man is like, like if you, if he doesn't. But ultimately a high producing man, he wants to shower his woman with gifts. He loves that. He wants her to accept it because she's living in this guilt. He's.

Guilt and scarcity.

She's not even allowing him to give to her.

I watch this happen. There's a couple couples of guys I've worked with over the past couple years where the wife would absolutely be okay living in a cardboard box down by the river. And they make, they make really good Money and he wants to buy her homes and cars and trips etc and she keeps down playing scarcity, scarcity, scarcity. And he's like coach, like how do I deal with this from, from the sun? I was like, bro, I don't know.

And I will say too, because it really bad.

I'm just saying like, yeah, it really.

Depends like how you were raised. It depends like probably like where you were raised, your religion. There's so many factors that carry into it. And I think for me the reason I've been able to get over that is, you know, we lived, we lived in it, we lived in, in Utah, we lived in the Mormon bubble. And I had to break through, through so many of my old stories. And then not only that is I'm a producing woman.

Yeah.

So I, I had to work through all these things plus I'm a producer. So I'm like, I will not go back to that version of myself. I will not, I will not live in this space of guilt. That's what preventing me from not only experiencing abundance for myself, but pushing myself and my husband and my family to the level in which I know it needs to go. So when I see women saying I don't need this, I don't want it. And they're feeling selfish, I'm like, you're actually being selfish by not breaking outside of that mindset to see what is possible. You don't understand the example of scarcity that you're preaching to your children while living in abundance.

Abundance.

And that's what's crazy to me.

The same comment of, you know, I was listening to a couple of the, you know, a couple different speakers and trainers on this. They were kind of reiterating the same topic, which is parents teaching their kids, you can have and be all you want to be. But then as a kid looking at your parents life and going, well, why don't you have it then?

Yeah.

And this is like, like this pursuit of this breakthrough from scarcity and guilt and shame and this pursuit of having and being okay with claiming the crown of what you truly are destined to have, like what you have been given. And I fully experience this, that God has given us the ability and the dominion and the opportunity to pursue this. This is part of the purpose of this life, right? To pursue the ultimate version of who we could become while we're here and.

Utilizing the tools to do that and.

Not feeling guilty and shameful about it. But again, like I was raised in a home and raised in a culture inside the Mormonism that was so filled with guilt and shame and obligation. Yeah. And everyone I was around operated from guilt and shame and obligation. So a lot of the shit I do and have done over the years has been filled with guilt and shame and obligation. Which fucks up the energy of it.

Yeah.

And then on the flip side of that, the guilt and shame and obligation is married up to entitlement and victimhood and pouty bitch. Which is how I operated with you too. I feel like I'm doing a lot better than I've ever done.

But here's the thing. And I again, coming back to my class, cause I was teaching, I was like, here's the thing. You guys are going to have a lot of moments where you're going to decide to shatter old stories. I said, but guess what? You're human and you have been in these stories for decades. So this is not something that is going to accomplish in the next 75 hard. You're not going to kick these old stories and, and change your patterns and behaviors in the next like 90 days or whatever it is. I'm like, you have spent a decade of your life, you know, of culture and family and lifestyle and beliefs, and you. It's just something that you're gonna have to work on it daily. You're gonna have to daily set yourself up to where you're like, I'm not that person anymore. And also acknowledge that you're human. And sometimes your husband's gonna trigger you off of something he did 10 years ago. But you're going to have to acknowledge the growth and the commitment that you and the work that you have done that you're not that person. So that when you are human and you get triggered and those old feelings come up, you have to remind yourself, I'm not that person anymore. And then you can kind of like diffuse the situation. But it is a daily effort to retrain your stories, your thought process, your patterns. It's not something that you just like all of a sudden over, like the next year, you're like, oh, it kicks that habit. You're like, well, it's. You were in that culture for 20 years.

Yeah.

You know, and I think that's like something that you and I both do. Is it? We do daily actions to become the best versions of ourselves. And we acknowledge the work that we've done to this point. And it's kind of like, I'm not going back there. We might have blow ups, but we're not going back there.

Well, we had it. I mean, it was even sitting in the mall during the game, like, you.

And I. Yeah, that's what I saying.

Like, where I was.

Yeah, you were so triggered.

And I was, like, open and emotionally available and be honest with you at the same time, not go into my little victim box because it was triggering all of the scarcity inside of me, which was so wild because there was no reason for it, but it was so real. And I. Watch how I used to get so angry at you and stifle you, and it had nothing to do with you and had everything to do with.

But I even recognized that. And I was like.

You could recognize I was there.

And I. Normally, I would shut down and be like, I don't care. This is stupid. And I was like, hey. I'm like, are you good? Like, do you want to continue the game?

Yeah.

And you were like, yeah, no, I'm good. I just. I'm like, okay. Are you sure?

Yeah.

And you're like, yeah. So in the past, I would have shut down and not let you express yourself. And I just kind of was like, this is his past triggers coming up. It's not even that we can't afford this, and it's not that we're not having fun. These are his past stories and his past triggers. So I was just like, I can be done, babe, if you want to be done. Like, I was having fun. And you were like, no, no, I'm good. I'm good. I just have to. I have to tell you.

Well, it was good.

Okay.

And I needed. We. It was a good thing. We were, like, three quarters of a mile away from the next mall to walk to.

So, like, the next stop was Foot Locker.

Yeah. Well, and I appreciated the fact that you had held space for me, because I did not. Normally we would not be able to do that. Normally I would pretend like I was okay when I was not.

Yeah.

And you would shut down and do your thing, and we didn't. Instead, you stayed open. I stayed open. We kept dialing, kept talking, kept dialogue, and within about 30 to 40 minutes, like, I was in a really good place.

I took a pocket shot, and then I. I was so funny because it was like. We hit Foot Locker, which. I got some really cool.

I got some cool night shoes. I got them on right now.

And then the next one. At the next one, I felt like I was. No, the next one was Aldo, remember? And although I told you, I. I think if the next one would have been ysl, you would have lost your. Like, you weren't. You weren't mentally in the Space.

God knew.

He was like.

He's like, we need to buck around this.

Yeah.

Garbage.

Garbage Sack, Aldo, and Foot Locker all in ones. Like, I was like, man, at least we made Dior. And then the last one we hit was ysl.

And I was like, cartier.

Cartier, YSL, and Dior were the three I got. And then you got Garbage Sack, Zara, Footlocker, and no, you actually won. If we're going off, wins and loses, you got Footlocker, Zara, Aldo, and Garbage Sack. No, you got four. Garbage. The end was just funny. In the end. The end, it was snacks or sex.

The entire experience was amazing. Like, I'm sitting there with you. We were having a moment, too, also in excess. Like, at the club at. At midnight. And we were walking around. I thought it was, like, crazy, where everyone I was talking to, everyone we were looking at. When we walked in the club, no one was dancing.

That was weird.

It was, like, the whole night. Like, we were sitting there, and no one in the entire club was dancing. But also, there was a bigger piece for me, which is just a recognition of how far we have come as a couple.

Yeah.

Like, just how far from sex we had before we went to the club.

You're welcome.

It was. I mean, we did everything backwards, went to dinner, came back, had sex, then you put lingerie on, to which time we didn't have sex, which. That laundry was amazing, by the way. I know that would have been great to have sex with you wearing the laundry.

I can put it on.

It's fine tonight.

You know, it's so funny. I used to not own any lingerie. And being raised Mormon, it was like, you wore garments. Right.

Or you wore some lacy panties. It would be normal.

Yeah. And even, like, back then, we've been married for 20 years. Like, lingerie was like a slip. I'm like, oh, that's. That's, like a shirt for me now. But. But it's so funny because, like, I enjoyed dressing up outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom. Like, I. I enjoy that. That. I think it's, like, fun. I'm like, oh, this is cute.

How did you make that switch, though? Because a lot of women are not able to make that switch. Like, you're okay. I mean, we had. We were having. If you look at what happened.

No, I think I look at what.

Was happening at New Year's Eve.

I think I was not comfortable with you and. And us, because I actually love dressing up. Like, I.

You love being naked in the lights around.

I. I mean, I have A cute body. I'm good with that. That's fine. Yeah. But I've always had.

A few nights ago.

Yeah, I'm good at that. But, yeah, it. It became. It's not that I had a problem with it. I think I had a problem with us. Like, I probably would have been more comfortable getting in lingerie with a stranger than it would have with you at that point in our marriage. Right. I would have been sexier with some random dude.

I think that, like, I completely agree with you that you would have been more comfortable. We were at that place in 2016, like, just recognizing. I. I remember coming to that place in my own mind, knowing my wife is probably willing to be more sexually expressive with a guy she just met three hours ago in 2016 than to be that way with me as her husband because of just how much fucking.

But even then, I think I had to break through, like, old stories, and we had to get to a space where I felt safe in our relationship, and I wanted to be vulnerable in that way. Do you know what I mean?

I do. Well, it was a. It was an amazing trip. Like, I just. I mean, I. I really. Sometimes I sit back and I look at what we have created in our lives, and it's. There's moments, like, moments that happen. Seriously, like, holy.

I look at what we've done individually and collectively and with our family, and I'm like, I don't. I'm like, who?

I'm like, I don't know anybody.

What? Our lifestyle is a manifest manifestation. I can't even say that of, like, how far we've come. Like, not just, like, on a financial level. Like, the work that we put into ourselves as a couple, as our family. Like, I'm like, wow. So, like, when I have these moments where I've got my homeschool teacher, three nannies, four cleaners, a window washer, and a pool guy, I'm like, you fucking did it.

And you know what? Other people can do this, too.

They can.

And that's the fun part about the show. And the fun part we want to, like, leave you with here on this episode is, like, everything that you can pursue, everything that you see us do, anything that you hear us talk about, these are all things that are possible for you, too. Like, God has not put any kind of limiter on you. You put the governor on yourself and guilt and shame and obligation and all these things that we're talking about that I'm learning how to process, that Danielle's learned how to reject in me and My desire to project them onto her. All of this shit is possible for you. And the only person puts a limitation on you is you. Like, your sex life, your intimacy, your communication, your love with your partner, your ability to lead and inspire your children, your ability to build a family that's on fire. The wealth that you want, the financial abundance that you want, it's not gonna come cheap. It's not gonna come easy. It's gonna come with commitment. It's going to come with a commitment of time and energy and money and sacrifice to be able to get to a place that you want to go. But it's not because it's not possible. Like, you won't have it. Not because it's not possible, but because you're just unwilling to do what's required to get there. From 2016 to now, Danielle and I have gone through like hell and back a hundred times. We've had to die to who we are over and over and over again. Like, my patterns and how I deal with you and how I think about you and how I operate about myself fundamentally changed.

So here's what I am going to challenge you at the end of this.

Podcast is me or the listeners, actually, you. Okay, I'm ready. So you challenge me, I'll challenge them. It'll be like the guy trying to tell me.

So here's what I would like. Here's what I would like out of starting the new new year is I don't care if you're home at 5. I don't care if you're home at 8.

I don't care if I've done good, I've done good.

I don't care. You do. You come home when you want to come home. But what I would like to do is I have. I feel like as a wife, I've let go and submitted to people helping in my life because I want to have. I want to have me time. I want to have individual kid time. I want to have time with you. And so I would love to not feel like, as our two out of our last four kids are little, that we have to pick. We have to persevere. And not to say that we don't love being with our babies, but why can't we have this element, like, not outside of a podcast? Yes, this is very connective and very therapeutic, and this is actually time for us, but I would like to create.

This time of night. Eight o', clock, no kids.

Yeah, well, not even that. Like, it could be seven o'. Clock. We don't. I Would like to have two to three weeknights a week where we're not juggling kids and bedtime and bath time routine. And I'm not waiting for, for you. You're not juggling the kids because you feel guilty that you didn't spend time with them and that we're not getting this place where we're finally empty nesters and our kids are teenagers and now we can have this, this nighttime routine together.

That's like, the thing that's crazy is you play that out to see how couples get.

But that's what I, that's what I'm saying. I literally, that's what I'm saying. I keep getting this message that, like, you guys are in a great pocket and you're in like a fresh start. And we had two more kids and we got, we had these two little blessings that it was like, hey, you've passed round one, here's round two. So I look at it as like, hey, in round two, we have the opportunity to create whatever we want. Which means it doesn't have to be your typical, like, chaotic nighttime routine. Like, we experience that and we have the resources and we have. Sometimes when people have the resources, they won't shift their mindset to say, hey, this is okay. And you know what? Although I love my babies, I kind of want to just go upstairs with my wife and watch Netflix and not clean the kitchen and not play with the babies. And that doesn't mean I don't love them. But tomorrow I'm going to get off at 4 or I'm going to get off at 5 and I'm going to carve out lunchtime with my daughter because I'm also carving out this nighttime with, with, with my wife. Right? So that's what I see couples do is they go all in with their business, they go all in with their kids, and they maybe do one date night a week or they do a date night with couples and then they wonder why they can't go on a vacation and fucking blow up at their significant other because they're not connected like they think they are. And the vacation with time together exposes that shit. So that's what I would like to create. That's what I'm fighting for in our relationship and our family is, I would love to have this time with you at night where it's not a date night and it's just hanging out and talking. And it's not hanging out, pillow talk. It's hanging out and talking at five, at six, at seven, it's not nine o' clock when we're both tired, and then we connect for 30 minutes and pass out.

Agreed.

Right.

I agree 100%. I adjusted my whole schedule for that this year.

Okay. So I'm just sharing. We started this podcast as a wife and as a mother that I am saying I think this should be something. I've already seen it. I know it happens. I'm just kind of waiting for you to grasp it. Grasp this idea, which I think you are. And so when I feel like you're grasping this idea, I'm gonna lean into this idea and I'm gonna fight for it because.

Fight for it. I'm ready for it.

Okay. Well, I think women. I think the women don't fight for what they want, and then they just accept this, like, oh, I should be grateful that my husband's working all the time while they're actually dying inside.

Yeah, I agree with you.

Listen, I'm not dying inside, but I'm.

Just saying, like, Isla's almost four.

Yeah.

And if you play this for forward, if we were waiting for the middle school past middle school game to where they can deal with themselves.

Yeah.

That means that I'm 57.

That's what I'm saying. We. We don't need to wait. We don't need to wait. But also means, like, I, like, I have more time with the babies than you do, which also means, like, if you want to spend more time with the babies, you got to carve it out. Right. And not every single day, but I do believe, like, lunches play a huge role, mornings play a huge role, a couple nights a week with your wife and watching TV in your pajamas before 9 o' clock at night play a significant role. And you do that consistently and you start to crave time with each one of your kids, with your significant other. The p. The reason that workaholics become addicted to work is because they work so much, so they begin to crave it because it's all they know.

Yep.

Right. So you have to pour into these other areas of your life so that it's not becomes a chore, but it's something that you actually want to do. And that comes with time under tension.

This is beautiful. First show here. I like this environment. This is different. You like this environment? Talking to each other this way.

I feel like I'm having a conversation with you.

It's way better. That's what I'm like.

Where do I look? There's nine cameras, a light mic. I don't know where this Mic goes.

Look right at each other. And this is fantastic. So because I got the podcast.

Can we end this though, right now?

We have the podcast with. With Bailey on Mondays, podcast on Tuesdays with you.

Okay, but can I tell you. Can I tell you another thing too, is the were like, I'm gonna get off at 5. And then I was like, but you're like, but I have a podcast Monday through Thursday. And I'm like, then you're not actually getting off at five here with family. It doesn't matter. You don't need to, do you? You honestly should probably have coming of.

All the podcasts in one day.

Yeah, Yeah. I was like, you should probably incorporate them to like a lunch day. Or you could say like, hey, Bailey, we're doing two 20 minute podcasts every other week.

Okay.

Like, you got to be.

We're not doing them at five.

Yeah. Because I'm like, look at it right now. It's 6:34. And that's the last night. Same thing happened with Bailey. So you're like, I'm gonna get off at. At 5. But by the time you're actually off and you get the cameras turned on and you do a podcast, I'm like, it was 6:45. And I was like, so you're not actually off work because a podcast essentially is kind of still work. So you're just working from home from 5 to 7, which you were already doing. Okay, so just calling you out a little bit.

Just make some adjustment.

Let's go make dinner.

All right. I love you. This show's over, my friends. We are out of here. Listen, here's the deal with Wake Up. Warrior has been the predominant male training system in the marketplace for the past decade. Everybody else has spun off the backside of it, which is fantastic. We have no problem with that. We'd love all the people we've inspired to go lead and train men. We've got a ton of strategic partners, white label partners that leverage our software platforms, et cetera. If we can help you out here, would love to help you that. Check it out@warriorlaunch.com. this is the beginning stages of being able to experience this habitable lifestyle. Part of it is about dating your wife, and it's also about having it all across body being balance in business. So check it out@warriorlaunch.com. we've got another podcast we run too called Big Money Stylist, as well as Warrior Dad. Look those both up inside of itunes and any other chat platforms, Spotify or anywhere else where you find podcasts. We're there speaking, teaching, talking, and guiding on all kinds of different conversations. We'd love to have you part of those conversations, too. For now, we are out of here. This is Garrett J. White and Danielle K. White signing off for this week's episode here in 2023, episode number one. And we're going to title this one Vegas Games. All right, we're out of here. We'll talk to you guys next week.