You Can Look Healthy But Not Be Healthy | Date Your Wife | EP 116

Danielle, you don't do these crazy full body workouts. You have to allow each muscle to recover. She's like, so we do shoulders one day. We do back one day. We do legs one day. I'm like, she's like, so you can work it every day, but you're not, like, killing your body? She's like, this allows for the inflammation to go down. This allows you to grow and recover. She's like, recovery is a huge process in growing. And I was like, oh, my God. So I had been doing all these crazy, like, hiit workouts up until I met my trainer. And she's like, you're over training and you're not eating enough. And I was like, yeah, I always feel like shitty. She's like, yeah, you're over training and not eating enough. Your body's not recovering. I'm like, okay.

All right, my friends, ladies and gentlemen, welcome here to the date your wife podcast. And I'm here with my wife, who's got some fancy chains with her mask around her neck. It looks like a necklace with a mask. It's like a bra. It's like a bra thing. But you had it on. I'm looking at it right now. It looks like a bra pouch. It holds a boob.

For a second, I was like, did I put a bra on?

Do you wear bras? You do. You do wear bras.

No, I always lose mine. And there was this cute boutique I went to.

You're not talking with your microphone.

And I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna.

You're gonna do this?

I'm just gonna do it.

You're just gonna do. Okay, so here's the idea. We're gonna get. I don't. I mean, we're getting fancy masks. I don't know how I feel about it. Our nephews are all here at the house. Our nieces were all the masks.

I'm like, what the hell are we still doing this for?

I just don't wear mine. And then I send people in to go do things for me because I just don't want to wear it. People think I'm an asshole for this. Your dad doesn't think I'm an asshole for this. Your dad is 70 years old and hates wearing his mask. He tells everyone. It's stupid.

You know what is weird is when there's people like, we live in Dana Point. It's beautiful, the weather's great. There's great running trails. I can't. I, like, lose my mind when I see somebody running with a Mask on. I'm like, you're a dumb ass. Like, that's the only thing that comes to my mind when I see them running.

Dig deep.

You're inhale. Like, that can't be healthy.

Like, it's stupid.

I can't. I don't get it.

Let me ride my bike and wear a mask.

Or, like, in my car.

Like, and wear a mask.

Well, you know, Covid's very smart. It gets in right in through the air vents. And when you're running past people, it just. It's gonna get you. So. But I'm like. I'm like, these look like healthy people.

Yeah, well, hey, you know what? You can look healthy and not be healthy. That's a great topic for today. You can look healthy and not be healthy.

You know what I was thinking is, like, people. That is a good topic. I was thinking people will, like, judge you for one thing. But everybody has their vice, right?

Everybody has their vice.

Literally. Like.

Like, I've been a judgy asshole about vices.

Every. Everybody's a judgy at one point or another.

So what vice do I have that you're a judgy asshole about?

What vice do you have?

Yeah, do I. What do I do that has you be a little judgy?

I don't know.

It doesn't seem like that happens anymore.

I would say you've kind of gotten into the.

My husband is amazing.

No, I'm gonna bring my. I'll throw myself under the bus.

All right, go for it.

Got really into fitness this last year, and I.

Can we talk about how much you've grown your ass? Because it's incredible. Continue.

Stay on topic.

Well, you said I grew fitness, and all I was thinking that was last night. Lingerie.

It's like, you trade one thing for another. But I. But what I was thinking is, well, let's just think about coffee. Like, I was drinking coffee, and then I. Weirdly, I only took up coffee when I was pregnant because I gave up energy drinks. But then I drank coffee. But then when I was going through my fitness thing, I'm like, I'm not gonna drink coffee. I'm gonna drink pre workout. And the other day, my pre workout spilled on my. Not the other day. Like, a month ago. It spilled on my stairs. Like, we got this brand new house, like, marble, beautiful floors everywhere, and I spill my pre workout, and I'm like, oh, whatever. I go to grab a towel, I go to wipe it up, and I'm.

Like, I wiped it up.

I don't really Care.

You left it there for like 20 minutes.

Dog pee. Cause you're like, it's ruining the tiles. And I come over, I'm like, oh my gosh, that like stripped the, the finish off and you drink it. And that's what I was thinking. I was like, what is that doing to my stomach? Stomach lining. I was like, oh my God. Like so then I was like, yeah, the other day I was like, I'm going back to coffee. I'm like, I. I was like, literally.

So did you really? Because I just saw a new pre workout show up at the house.

Well, I ordered that before I thought about it.

But no, here's the thing. Look at, look at what you're talking about though. Like, is coffee bad? Is energy drinks bad? Is pre work bad? You just swap things, right?

But here's what's so funny is my mom is the one that's like, that noticed him, was like, I wonder what's that doing to your stomach lining? She's like, unfortunately, because she goes, you can get a marble guy to come in and like refinish that. And he's like, she's like, unfortunately, I don't think they could do that to your stomach lining. Hahaha. And I'm like thinking like, mom, you drink like 4 gallons of diet Coke every day.

I know.

And so I'm like, come on. And so that's what I was thinking. I'm like, people are so funny that they'll judge you for one thing, but then they like eat like shit or they drink 4 gallons of diet Coke or they don't work out or. And you're like, are you like, you're like, are you, are you judging me right now?

Well, you know, listen, I come from a family of Mormons, right? So we were both raised in Mormonism and the coffee is not a thing.

And you know what drives me nasty?

Yeah, okay, go for it.

And it's really popular in Orange county too, is pills. I. Prescription pills.

Like, yeah, we don't do that.

I've never done any kind of prescription pills, nor do I care. But it's so funny because people are like, oh, you drink. And I'm like, wait, you're on like six different prescriptions. Like, yeah, I drink.

You should have a glass of wine.

You should probably just drink because I'm not sure if what you do is any different than what I do.

So this, I mean, this happens across the board. I mean, listen, my dad has never, My dad will tell you to this day, he has never had a drop.

Of alcohol, but he's been 50 pounds overweight consistently throughout his life.

But here's the thing he will do is that he will. I remember this. When we were kids, my dad would carve out the inside of these mega mugs. They were, like, 80 ounces of liquid. And then he would go to the Flying J gas station, and he would fill these up, like, two, three times a day. So he would drink, like, 200 ounces of diet Coke, but had never put his mouth on a bottle of beer in his life. And I sit in there and I look at that, and I was like, I don't really. I'm super judgy about the weight thing. Like, I just have. I've really struggled with judging people who are not fit. It's a natural thing for me to be judgmental about that, and I think it's my own paranoia about being overweight and having a body that doesn't work because I'm so committed to what I do with my body. So I'm very judgy about it.

Have you ever had a problem with your weight? Be honest.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I did. Right when we first got married, I stopped working out. I drank ice cream every. Ate ice cream every night.

And I got f. You never had. You did not.

Well, I got fat. For me, I got soft. I didn't get fat. I got soft.

For me, like, you were, like, maybe 10 pounds overweight.

So I. I don't know what it's like to be overweight.

Exactly.

Right? So. But here's. Here's a breakthrough, right? So I'm sitting there, and I'm thinking. I remember. I'm like, you eat three, you know, eat seven cookies, right? This happens easy.

I watch people eat food hangovers all the time.

Yeah, but they'll eat seven cookies. And I'm like, oh, look at you. You're. You're fat because you eat seven cookies. You're so bad. Right? This is. My mind's doing this. And then I'm thinking, well, you just had three IPAs, maybe four. What the fuck's the difference?

Yeah. Everybody sedates somebody.

I'm like, everybody has your. Everybody has your. They all have their thing, okay?

But here's where I have a problem with it, okay? If you drink. Well, maybe. I mean, I guess we don't see what's going on in your intestines. But I'm, like, thinking, like, somebody who has, like, shitty food every day. It doesn't just affect, like, how you feel. Like, I eat crappy, and I'm like, I have a legit. Cause I eat so clean most of the time. I have like a food hangover. I'm coffee. I feel sick. I'm like, I would have rather have had a glass of wine or a cocktail or whatever it is. I'm like, I feel more shitty with the crappy food that I just put in my body. And what's crazy to me is I'm like, you can say like, oh, this per. You had three IPAs and this person had seven cookies. But I'm like, I look at the fact of, like, if you're overweight and your body doesn't move and your joints don't move and this kind of thing like that daily weight on your body has to be super healthy, right? So not only are you feeding your body with shit, but you don't notice, like, how the slow. Like the slow, subtle, subtle takeover that the weight is doing in your body. I don't know how.

Listen, the principle we were talking about here was you can look healthy and not be healthy, right? So we have an assumption that because I don't drink coffee, because I don't drink alcohol, I buy the. Thus far, I am healthy. Or I can take my organic friends who love to eat raw and vegan, and yet they're overweight. And I'm like, okay, well, wait a second. You're doing all this stuff, but you're like, eating 10 times more than you should be eating because it's raw, because it's organic. So this doesn't need to be a fitness show. There's just a similar example with the body side, which is there is an appearance at the things. Look. Wow. There was a fit guy that got Covid that was 49 years old down the road from us in Orange county, and he passed away from COVID Super buff, right? Super fit guy. So. And I was talking to my doctor, one of my doctor clients, Dr. Fedor, who runs the ICU.

Well, people can, even with 35 hospitals over, train.

Well, that's what he was saying. He said that the reason with COVID has been such an issue for the United States is because of the inflammation issues the US Faces that almost every other nation does not at the level we face it. He's all because of obesity at one end. He's like, but there's another end too, which is an increase of stress and over training. He's like, you could take some. He's like, we can take a body of somebody sitting in the ICU that has Covid who's obese, and they Look a certain way because of inflammation. Right? Covid is an accelerator and inflammatory. It inflames the lungs, it inflames the internal organs. And when this thing's all inflamed, it basically crushes your lungs. You have nowhere to go. Right. Your internal cavity just collapse on itself. Well, this can happen when you're super lean too. So you have the appearance that you're doing well. Right. You look like you are, but you're actually not healthy.

I went through the well, I think.

I went, oh, I know where the fuck I'm gonna take this show. I just got my pathway, so keep going.

I went through a phase with one of my babies. It was my. I think it was Ruby, where I was like, over training and I was always sick. I was like, what the hell?

Me too.

And you know what's so funny? Yeah. I remember when you were doing ultramarathons.

Like that and when I was doing insane levels at two times a day. CrossFit.

Yeah, you can't do that. And what's so funny is, even in my whole fitness journey this last year, like, my trainer Val, she taught me. She's like, danielle, you don't do these crazy full body workouts. You have to allow each muscle to recover. She's like, so we do shoulders one day. We do back one day, we do legs one day. I'm like, she's like, so you can work it every day, but you're not, like, killing your body? She's like, this allows for the inflammation to go down. This allows you to grow and recover. She's like, recovery is a huge process in growing. And I was like, oh, my God. So I had been doing all these crazy, like, hiit workouts up until I met my trainer. And she's like, you're over training and you're not eating enough. And I was like, yeah, I always feel like, shitty. She's like, yeah, you're over training and not eating enough. Your body's not recovering. I'm like, okay. So, like, I learned a lot, even like through. Through. Through my whole process.

Oh, there's a. We're. We're for sure not sounding like we're in our 20s with this show.

We're not.

What we've gotta do is we've gotta give ourselves recovery and take some sleep and really take care of ourselves and stretch and touch your toes.

I overtrained. I was in my 20s, so.

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. Everybody overtrains in their 20s. It gets into fitness and Everybody. People just overtrain to get into fitness. And they get super pumped. Begin. They. They think, well, if I go more. And I feel I was just. When I was doing CrossFit, I was just fucking beat up all the damn time. And now I surf, I stretch, I swim, I walk. This is what I do. And then I picked up golf. I mean, if I. I went to the optometrist and I'm now getting glasses, I'm gonna have glasses on my face.

And your beard game is strong.

My beard game is hate the beard. No, it's not going away. The beard is coming. Nope. Me and Seth had a talk.

I hate the beard.

Seth is a Viking.

Seth is fired.

Seth has a kill.

Seth have sex with you?

Seth does not have sex with me. But Seth has committed to me and said. He has said that this beard, if we can go without. He's like, you're going to get a better profile.

Let's have a running back.

You're going to get a better running.

10 days.

No, no, I'm not shaving it in 10 days. I thought you were. The only way you're going to do that. Such an unfair advantage. That's because you're like, oh, cut you off sexually and if you want it. Or you'll come out and try to tease me with a nipple and say, shave it off or you'll get a dumb idea while you're drinking tequila that we should dye my hair.

I will.

And my eyebrows.

I don't use sex.

You will never dye my eyebrows again. That was the worst idea I've ever had. Remember when you dyed my beard and my eyebrows and you were drinking? That was the worst night. It was like having your daughter, like, paint makeup on your face.

Funny.

It was. Except for I look like an idiot.

Until you woke up the next morning.

And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

Don't paint beards and drink at the same time.

All right, so we're coming back to our point where you can look healthy, but you're not healthy. So the glasses, right? You look at me, you're like, oh, this guy's eyes look fine. No, they're not fine. They're not fine. They've slowly had some problems. So I can ignore what's going on, or I can deal with it. Well, I chose to ignore it for about a year and a half. I was like, I'm ignore it. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. I even went and got reading glass, like, three months ago. You would make fun of me about the glasses.

Why are you saying it like that?

I don't know. I like to say glasses. I'm gonna say the glasses. So I would wear the reading glasses last year, and you would make fun.

Of me because they weren't real glasses.

Calling me four eyes.

I can't stand it when people wear glasses just to look cool. I'm like, if they don't have a function, you look dumb.

All right, I was wearing them. Be cool at first. But while maybe I.

You start wearing them on day date, and you're like, does this turn you on?

I'm like, does it slightly turn you on? No. When I wear glasses. What if I have to have real glasses?

I think it's weird to wear glasses if they don't have a function.

Well, they are gonna have a function. Cause I literally can't see half the shit in the test. She told me I have astigmatism. My eyes are almonds. They're not actually golf balls.

You know what your eyes. Lately, I think it's from the computer screen. They do. They look a little bit glossy. Glass glossy.

They're glossy. That's why I have to get glasses.

I remember one time he came home from work.

I'm like, I thought I was high.

I'm all, are you high? And you're like, no. This is what my eyes do after being in front of a computer. Scre on me.

It's horrible.

I. I think I might need glasses, too. I'll find myself, like, going to read something, and I'm, like, holding it, like, far away, and I'm like, oh, no.

Well, the doctor today told me that when you. That in your 40s, this starts to happen, that I'm actually later in life that it's happening. No, I know, but she said there's a rising generation of women addicted to Instagram who are also having to get glasses when they're younger.

People addicted to Instagram need glasses later in life.

And get this girl some glasses so she can look at her Instagra.

All right, so any glasses so I can shave your beard correctly?

Is that what we're calling it now? Shave your beard correctly. I know where you're going with this. All right, so we're gonna go back to this. So look healthy, but not healthy, Right? So let's get off the alcohol and all the pills and all the other shit we're talking about. Let's talk about the appearance of health in marriage and an actually healthy marriage. Because we got blamed for some shit with the Girl who washes your face, Girl. Who's the girl that washes.

Yeah, yeah, I read half her book.

What's her name? The girl that washes her face but doesn't.

She doesn't wash her.

Look it up. She doesn't wash her face.

Girl, I don't know.

Wash your face. I'm looking it up right now. So I'll tell you why I'm bringing this up. Not because I'm gonna throw her under the bus. Her and her husband got divorced. Good for them, right? Don't care if you want to get divorced, girl. Wash your face. What is her name? Her name is. Her name is. Her name is Rachel Hollis. Okay? Now, Rachel Hollis lives in Southern California, I believe. I don't know. I've never met this woman. I have nothing against her, and she sold a shitload of books, so good for her. Her and her husband were married. And her and her husband, I guess, did some posting. They post on Facebook a lot, and they run events together, right? So I had somebody come to my event and to Warrior here a couple months back that asked me the question, are you a real deal, or are you just another Rachel Hollis? And I was like, well, A, I don't know who Rachel Hollis is. And he's like, the girl who washed your face. I was like, b, I've heard of that book, but I've never read it. My wife listened to it, was bored of it in two minutes and put it down again. Not an indicator of whether or not it's good because, like, I don't know, hundreds of thousands of people buy this book. It's the number one New York Times bestseller. So her and her husband post a picture, and they. They train in their networks. They post a picture of them as a couple. My God, my best friend. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Super candid, perfect lighting, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I don't know this.

I don't either. And I didn't see the photo. This guy is just relaying this to me. That's coming in a warrior. So he says, how do I trust that what you talk about in marriage is actually. Actually what's going on, or you're just going to be another Rachel Hollis that makes pretend that things are working and then get divorced.

I feel like we're pretty transparent on our podcast.

I believe we are, too, but I'm saying, like. And that's why I was kind of blown away. I was like, bro, if you don't fucking watch anything that we do, like, we're very open And I'm very open as a trainer about my life and what's going on.

So I don't know if this is even possible, but, like, do you think that they're, like, when people, like, oh, they're happy, then all of a sudden they got divorced and you're like, whoa, I didn't see that coming.

They knew it was coming.

I'm wondering, like, do they have moments of happiness? And it's not like, in genuine. Like, they. They had moments of happ, and then they had a lot of hard times, and then all of a sudden it was just like, we're done. And people only saw the happy moments and they didn't see the other moments.

Because I think that there's key, key word here. People only saw the happy moments.

I think there. I. I think I. Like, I'm thinking of the phrase, like, don't air your dirty laundry. Like, we're very transparent, but we don't need to tell everybody everything, right? Like, there's certain things. I'm like, no, I'm. That's for me and you to talk about. We don't need to air this to the world.

But we air 99% more than 99% of the company.

I do, but I'm just saying, like, when. Like, I'm just saying, like, it's not to say maybe their relationship wasn't good, but maybe they didn't want to share the bads. The bads.

They didn't want to share the bads. Well, that's pretty much the storyline of everybody doesn't want to share the bads, just want to share the goods.

But then I'm just saying, my point is, like, people just assume, like, oh, they're fake. And you're like, well, maybe they're not fake.

But you didn't hear the rest of the story. So she posts this, a picture of her husband, my best friend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. In less than two weeks, posts another picture and says, we're asking for your prayers and your support at this hard time as me and my husband have decided to get divorced. And they just came. It's the same. It's this. It's this principle of, like, don't. Why. Why are you being plastic to the public if there's shit going on?

Okay, let me ask you this then.

Because, like, everybody has shit going on. But I get tired of watching couples pretend they're healthy when they're not fucking healthy. I get tired of plastic people in Orange county around the world being, hey, our marriage is no good. And then I'm talking to the guys like after the fact, or I'm at a cocktail party or I'm sitting in a social event. And I deal with 50,000 plus men on this topic, by the way. So I've dealt with 50,000 plus marriages. I get it. Most people in marriage are not happy.

Really?

Yeah. At least the people that come to Warrior makes sense because they come to Warrior because they're not happy. If they were happy, they probably go somewhere else. They probably. They probably regrow, wash your face. It's probably what they do because they're happy. Until she gets divorced and is pulling the flippy floppy. And then they're not happy. And then they end up at Warrior. That's how it all happened.

I feel like your message though, with Warrior. Yeah, it does. Because we went through so much hard times and kind of like I feel like we're pretty solid now. But I think people, they're like, oh, Garrett, like, they relate to your story. So they're hoping to like turn things around maybe.

Well, I mean, the piece I'm getting at here is this. You can make pretend you have a healthy marriage, but until you get with the reality that your marriage is not healthy and you work on what's not healthy, nothing is going to change. So there's this idea that somehow I can keep being the plastic happy, clappy picture on Facebook, Instagram, social media. We're so happy. We're so happy. I do everything I put possibly can to offset the perfection on your Instagram page because people see how beautiful you are and they see the pretty pictures of us. And I said, let me tell you what happened before the hot air balloon photo shoot.

You know what though? Here's the thing, cuz I've been told, like, oh my God, your. Your Instagram is like, it's a museum. It's almost like too perfect.

It's beautiful.

But you know what? I'm like, I really have that dress. I really have that house. I really have that card. That's really my life. And so part of me is, I'm like, I will not apologize for that person.

Never should apologize.

And I'm like, and I like photography and I like these photos and I like a pretty feed. And this is very much me. But then I can come on a podcast. I can wear a ball cap. I can be real. I can, I can be mean. This is also me too.

Well done.

But people don't think, like, if I can't be real, they can't associate to somebody that has nice things. But I also worked really hard to get to where I'm at.

Yes, well, the key here is that you are offsetting it because of how you show up, in other words, which means you're showing the full range. Hey, listen, I'm regal and stunning over here, and also, I like to wear, you know, the. Make your booty look nice, tight pants with the. With the hat. And coming to the podcast. He's like, those are amazing. Holy shit. I can barely focus. I'm sitting there trying to help our baby get breakfast, and you walked by and almost, like, stabbed her and I with her own plastic fork. I was like, what is this?

Geez, I got three compliments running today.

Of course you.

By women, not men. Because men.

Wait, because no one guy. You had 375 men who had to, like, adjust themselves when you ran past.

They're hot pants.

But of course they're hot pants. I think they almost should be illegal to wear in public. They're so hot, it's almost like running around with, like, you know, a thong on. They were just red, cute pants, but they're just incredible. It's like we took. It's like I took red paint and just painted your body.

Well, they look fantastic for my body, so I'm gonna wear the red pants.

I work hard for my body.

Where are we going?

I already told you. We're here in the game of getting real about what is in your marriage. So you can sit in a place and pretend like things are healthy or you can deal with them now. We had our plastic times. We had our plastic time. Nobody had any clue. Things were going sideways for us. We were in a plastic pocket. Pocket.

No, no, no. Oh. Here's what I was gonna say. I don't think we thought things were bad. I think that I remember feeling like I wasn't very good at communication. I got young at 20. I got young. I got married young at 20. And I remember thinking, like, I didn't like you, but I didn't not like you. But there was no spark or chemistry, like, for a while, and. But we didn't fight. And we were like. We didn't fight a lot. I don't know if you remember this, but we were just, like, you'd work a lot, and then, like, I got pregnant with our first baby and then our second one, I was like. I don't know. Like, there was, like, little things you would do. You'd come by and, like, smack me on the butt, and I'd almost, like, kind of, like, ugh, Like, I was just. But I never. Like, I just thought that was marriage. Like, literally. I was like, well, we're married now. It's just how it is. Like.

You look like you almost vomit on your microphone. Going back to that place.

I literally didn't know any different. I was like, well, I think this is she. Well, I just was like, I guess this is how marriage is. I don't really know. And then it really hit me when I'm pregnant with my second baby, and you come to me and you're like, hey, I'm basically dating another woman. I was like, what the. And then I was like, okay, well, obvious. And. And it did. It caught me off guard. I was like, holy. But then I'm like, come on, Danielle. Like, you. You. You weren't happy. Like, you didn't have these conversations. There was no spark or chemistry. So you're. You're not being accountable for the fact. Like. Like, I was just kind of settling in. Like, I didn't do anything wrong, but I didn't do anything right by not communicating. You know what I mean? So. So I literally got in this place where I was like, everybody wants to point fingers at Garrett. They're like, oh, he's the asshole. He cheated. Even you. You're like, I'm the asshole. I cheated. I'm like, yeah, but to be honest, I didn't. I wasn't, like, attracted to you and didn't have the same spark, but I just was like, oh, this is how marriage is. Like, it's fine. It is what it is. But then why would I be confused when you wanted spark and created that with somebody else? Do you know what I mean?

You were. You. I mean, that's very. I mean, I was young, very accountable way to come at it.

But that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, how was I shocked? Like, I didn't even. I didn't like you. Not like you, but.

No, you didn't like me.

I wasn't attracted.

We really know. We were not.

We got married, but there was this phase where, like, literally, like, that ended.

About a year after we got married.

I don't know, but I just remember thinking, no, it was a slow.

Are you kidding me? Do you remember the photo from Bear Lake with us sitting on the boat? Oh, my God. We've got to find this poker and show them we. I look like I am straight fucking nascar.

Oh, my God. My sister sends me this photo, and we just. We look like we took a hard turn after we got married. Like, we were cute and on fire, and all of a sudden, it's like, we got married and, like, we turned.

Into Mormon fatty cocktails.

I'm pretty sure Garrett was like, if he had a keystone and we drank, that's what he would be holding.

But that's the worst part. I wasn't even drinking.

You weren't even drinking. And both of us just, like, just.

Look, like, pasty, white, soft.

Here we are. Like, we looked like we settled in.

Hard and we were in our 20s.

Yeah. Like, literally, people see that, and they're like, you guys are reverse aging.

And I'm like, this happens in Mormon culture, though.

It happens in all cultures.

I don't know about all. I can speak to Mormon culture for sure.

It's so funny, I think, because, like, I value growth so much, and I feel like we've really accomplished a lot in our personal lives and our business and everything else. Now when I see people that I haven't seen in 10 years and they still look the same, but maybe like, a little bigger. A little bigger or whatever it is, but, like, their hair almost, like, got worse, and, like, they didn't maintain well. And I'm like, but I don't even think they see it.

They do not. Do you think I thought I looked like NASCAR guy in the boat that day? I thought I was hot as shit.

That's what I'm saying. I look back at that picture of us in our early 20s. I'm like, Whoa. We didn't know. We just settled in. We're like, this is marriage. Buckle up. Buckle up, Buttercup. We're doing this.

Buckle up, Buttercup. That's what I looked like. I looked like. My nickname was Buttercup.

Buckle up, Buttercup.

So we were not. I mean, I think you bring up an interesting point, too, which is the idea that you could think you're healthy, but you're not healthy. Like, if all you're surrounded by is people who operate a certain way in marriage and all those people operate a certain way, you may think, hey, I'm healthy. And then you get into a situation which happened with us in 2008. We went to an event called My Lifebook in Chicago. You remember this went to My Lifebook was that building. You go in and you create your characteristics of life.

That was me just trying to try.

Of course it was you trying to try. You were not even like, this was prior to.

If you told me about an event like that, then we get as, like, getaway, and the kids are with the neighbors back then. Not so stoked then I was like, really? I actually skipped half the event shopping in Chicago, which I still would do, but it was fun.

Well, we were at this event, though, and I remember sitting there and they're talking the. The John Butcher who owns My Life book and Precious Moments, a little statue things that my mom had that we always broke when they were a kid and she would, like, lose her mind. He. He launched just this program called My Life Book. And we're sitting out there and he's talking about his sex life, and he's talking about his marriage, and he's talking about his body, and he's Talking about these 12 categories of life and how he's done all these amazing things. And I remember the whole time, sit going, this guy's full of shit. This is why I'm thinking in my mind, this guy's full of shit. Realizing that I'm full of shit, which is, I want that. But I know no one who has what he's talking about.

I think, too, like, you have to allow yourself permission to do the work to get to that place. Right?

I mean, that was 2008. It's not 2011 or 2021.

Settle in real hard to. With where you're at. And somebody's like, hey, I have. I have a pretty good marriage. I have a good life. I have a good family. You're like, you're full of. Because you're. You're probably not giving yourself permission to have that kind of success in your life. And you're like, no, nobody experiences that, so you must be full of shit. But if you actually gave yourself permission, it might be a whole nother story. If you gave yourself permission to not just settle into what it is, like, anything is possible.

That is probably the point that we'll close up on this one with this podcast. I mean, we'll end our final conversation. Not in the next minute, like, next five minutes. If you step into. And just assume that your relationship is unhealthy compared to. Are you ready? Not compared to your parents, not compared to people at the church, not compared to your siblings. Not compared to people you used to hang out with and people you used to go, you know, your Thursday night drinking party with, people always say, well.

It'S not as bad as them, so it must be okay.

You compared it against who?

Danielle, yourself.

When?

Right now.

Against which version of yourself, who you could become. Wow, you're so hot. Red pants and your words. Your lips look nice. Did you get them plumped?

I didn't. I put some lip gloss on, but thank you.

I want to kiss them.

Oh, do you? I'd like to kiss you too, but there's a beard in the way.

Oh, God. Stop it. Okay, so we have this. This comparison, then. So Danielle and I got to this place as individuals, and we got to this place as a couple, where I would say our marriage right now is the hottest it's ever been. Like, God, you're so hot, dude.

Stop thinking about the red tag.

I can't help it. I look at you, and all of a sudden, I want to end the show anyways. Feel that tension.

You know what? I will say this. I feel very powerful. I feel like I'm.

You are very powerful.

I'm like, okay, I got this. I'm like, I got this.

I not only sent you a gratitude snack this morning, I then had to send you, like, three more messages today because of the red pants. As if last night wasn't enough and so inspiration. Then it continued this morning with the red pants.

Very strategic.

That was good. It was a great stratagem. So here's a piece, though. If I'm comparing myself against who I can become, then that means even as hot and on fire as we are right now as individuals and as a couple, the version of us ten years from now will look at us right now and go, you had no idea.

Well, that's how it is in life.

Isn't that crazy?

But that's what's so crazy in life. Like, you look at where we are in, like, business or anything, and you're like, oh, my God. Like, it's been a journey, but I can't imagine it any other way. And I think. And I even noticed this this last week. I've been teaching a ton. And it's so funny, because even my artists, they get so overwhelmed with, like, hey, I want to be right where Danielle and Garrett are right now. They don't start with the problems that are in front of them. Like, right who they are right in the middle.

They're like, hey, I joined DKW Academy last week. When do I get the Lambo and the Maserati? You're like, you don't.

Not for a bit, but not even that. They're, like, trying to solve for. For problems that aren't even problems. Like, they're like, hey, I'm gonna buy a salon. And I'm like, you don't even have a. Your books aren't even full. Probably don't buy a salon. But that's what I think people probably do. They, like, think too Far in the future. And they're like, oh, that's not achievable. And they're really thinking about the work and the steps in between to get there. So they're like, oh, well, those guys are asshole and they're fake. And it's like, no, you just have to be willing to put in the work. But my point in saying this is the work is not that hard. You just have to do it every day. And then when you look back at the person you were, you're like, I wouldn't have it any other way. So if you're listening to this message and you're like, okay, there's some things I can adjust inside my relationship, then do it like you have nothing to lose. You can stay with where you're at, or you can try to get to the next level in your relationship and see what it does for you. And I always say this. I'm like, in becoming the better version of you than becoming the better, you know, even if it's in the relationship, you have no idea how many people you're going to affect. It was so funny. We started going back to church and our pastor.

I love our church.

Like a 10 minute prayer via audio.

Hey, how cool. How cool.

I've never.

How's that?

I was like, I've never had a prayer.

Emotional. Listening to it.

I just.

No, I felt a little bit up.

When people used to say, I'm praying for you. I'd be like, screw you. Pray for yourself. Like, I don't, I don't need you to pray for me. Thank you. Thank you.

You don't need to save me. Was.

You don't need to save me. But now, like, I, well, and I, I. Now people are like, let's pray for you. I feel like, I feel like their intention is so good and that's what I focus on.

Pastor Mark is just incredible.

But, yeah, no, even I was. The reason I was bringing that up is like, in his prayer, he was like, he was like, you and Garrett, as a unit together, will do so much for your family and this and this and this. And I was like. And I'm like, I believe that. So even in strengthening your relationships, you don't realize the effect that you have on other people's relationships or even your kids or everybody around you. And so I always think of it as, like, growing is not just about you. Yes. It's so very fulfilling and rewarding for you. However you impact and are an example to so many other people by, by becoming a better person.

Well, you'll look at. Take something simple as far as, like, church, right? So we have. It's like we started going to Ocean Church, like, three months ago here in Orange County. If you're in Orange county, check it out. Or on Livestream, you can check it out on Sundays. We'll go back. A bunch of replays. Pastor Mark and Pastor Rochelle are, like, incredible people, and the community is just insane, and there's a ton of warrior people that go there. And if you had told me a year ago that you would be sitting under a tent with me with your hands up in the air doing some praise and telling me you feel the power of God in you. If you told me that was the case, if you told me my daughter, who is 14, would be asking now, given her boyfriend is in the youth group. So I understand. But she's coming back and talking to me about her youth pastor who's praying over her, and she's feeling all this warmth inside, and she's, like, getting emotional, talking with me about, if you told me my son is starting to get excited about this, like, my whole family would be doing this, there's no way I would have believed this. Yet I know our marriage and our family has taken a step up in our relationship, in our connection and our love, because we're doing this.

Yeah, I feel like. Yeah, I kind of.

I feel way better. Do you feel way better?

I feel lighter. I don't know how to describe.

I feel a lot lighter.

I feel alive, seriously.

Right? I do. I do. I feel very much alive.

I've always been very, like, goal driven and, like, I feel like I'm very much, like, connected. I would say. Yeah, but I would. Like, I was connected, but I felt like something was missing and I was starting. The only way I can describe it is I was starting to feel worldly and heavy. And I. And to me, I was like, I think I need more light. And I know this isn't like a religious podcast or whatever, but I need more God in my life. I need something. I need more light. And so I kind of was like, I need a pattern interrupt. And we started going to church, and I was like, oh, this is pretty good. And every week I'm like, oh, this is really good. So I.

To the point that you went when I wasn't even here.

I know I was, and I went.

And you weren't even here.

And, yeah, so it's been good. So I just. I don't know. I think you kind of have to, like, listen to. You gotta like, listen to your. I call it my higher voice.

Well, here's the reality. Look at the timing is. We'd moved into the new, you know, warrior DKW castle, and we were excited to be in our new home.

I honestly, with that house, I swear, like, I. It wasn't, like, a small leap. It was a pretty big leap for us. And I thought that was the last house, and then this one is, like, an even bigger leap. And it went so smoothly, and we just recently, like, even we bought it without.

With owning two homes at once.

And I was like, oh, my God. And then our last house just sold, and everything has been, like, just puzzles clicking. And I'm like. To me, I'm like, okay, God, I'll be your messenger. What do you want me to do? And so I feel like it's like, Danielle, you are giving. You are given this, because I know how powerful you are. I know how powerful Garrett are. I know how powerful you guys can be as a unit. And so I feel like I'm being rewarded for listening. And I'm like, cool. I'll be your beacon. I'll be your voice. I'll continue to live my purpose and do what I know I can do. And to me, I'm like. I look at it as, like, well, I think we are probably a very powerful couple, and things are aligning to really, to just.

I think what's aligning is that you and I are aligning with God. Like, there's a power. Like, we've always both been connected, Ben. We've had our experiences with it, but there's a deliberate and conscious effort that we are seeing immediate response from, like, life in the universe.

And, like, God, I feel a softness. Like, I literally feel a softness. And like I said, I was starting to feel hard, callous, and worn a little bit.

Yeah.

And it's so weird. Even, like, down to, like, I used, like. I've noticed even my language is kind of softening a little bit. Me, too.

Yeah.

And I'm like, okay. Like, it's just. It's. It's weird. It's not weird. It's cool.

I had a weird experience. I was sitting in the training room, and I was, like, writing an email copy on the iPad, which I'm gonna read some of it here.

I was like, what you got on your notes there?

And I looked up the word do the fucking work. You know, I like this statement, but I'm like, do we need do the fucking work on the wall? And I was like, what is happening to me? So here's. I'm gonna read. I'm gonna read you something that's part of my general's tent message and then we'll kind of wrap up today's show. So the title of this is so this goes out every weekend and to my student base inside of Wake Up Warrior. You're interested in that. If you haven't figured that out or hadn't participated, I encourage you to go check it out. Wakeupwarriorchallenge.com which is the entry point to Wake Up Warrior. Great place. Massive opportunities we have right now with Warrior inside and outside of the challenge to be able to empower men and women with the tools to be able to find themselves, but also how to find each other and ultimately how to explode your life. And what we call having it all across body, being balanced in business. So if that's you, you're stuck or you just want it more. Check it out. Wakeup warriorchallenge.com so I'm gonna read part of this. Ready?

I'm ready.

Okay. Subject line is, are you willing to submit? Now, I'm writing this time recording the show. It's actually a day before the day before Easter, two days before Easter. But I'm writing it as if it's that morning. Cause I already know what's going on. So here we go. My house is full of Christians this morning. My in laws, my brother in laws, my sister in laws, my nieces, my nephews. But for me, am I a Christian? In 2009, I left the Mormon church. Not because the religion was wrong or broken, but because I felt the voice inside of me calling me to take on a journey of awakening. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. For regular, non denominational churches, leaving the church is not an issue. But leaving a very intense orthodoxy is painful because everything about your life is interwoven into and around the church. Your business, your family, your friends, your clients, your life. So when I stepped away from the religion I was raised in, I stepped away on a sun from a Sunday routine, yes, but it was even more. I was forced to commit identity suicide to choose to cast myself out of the tribe. Everyone turned on us. Everyone except the still voice within me. And that was the trigger to leave in the first place. I had no idea what I was doing or where it would take me. But I trusted, I submitted, I listened, I followed the voice. For the next two years, I would do everything and anything I could to distance myself from the label of Mormon. I wanted to find myself beyond the label. But it didn't stop there. I continued to distance myself from the label of Christian. I continued to distance myself from the label of churchgoer. I continued to distance myself from anyone and everyone that would try to put me into a box with a label. So standing here on Easter morning, I'm asking myself a question. Am I a Christian? Now I'm a. Fast forward to the very, very end of this. This email goes for a bit, but I'm gonna share this last piece. When I walked away. There's a whole bunch I skipped, but here we go. When I walked away from the Mormon church, I walked away from the labels of Mormon, Christian and religion and wrapped Christ up into a simple word, the voice. But now it is evident to me that the voice is and has been for me the entire time. For the last 12 years, I have been forged as a king in Christ. I had no idea what was happening. I could not have planned it. But what I can tell you on this Easter Sunday, as my kids get their favorite dress on and my wife and her sister do the same, I'm sitting here typing this to you with one simple truth in my heart. The truth I've submitted to with no exception. Christ is king. I am a king in Christ. And he lives. It's kind of emotional for me to share that.

I think it's because you've gotten to a place where you're accepting Christ back into your life.

Yeah.

And it is hard being raised in a very strict, like, I would say, like Catholics, Mormons, like that orthodox religion. It's hard. It's an identity. It is. It's not just like, hey, let's get a cup and go to church. Like, when you walk away, like. And I've shared this on other podcasts, like, in the Mormon world, like, if you walk away, like, you. You don't go to the highest kingdom in heaven. Like, you don't get to be with your family forever. You don't go to hell. But, like, there's. They. The Mormon world believes in, like, there's kingdoms to heaven. And if you walk away from the religion and you don't get to be with your family and your friends and everybody that's going to the highest kingdom. And I was like, just in my gut, I'm like, I don't. I don't believe if you're doing that checklist that that's actually going to get you to the highest kingdom. I don't. And I was like, I can't. I can't submit to that. And so then I think we kind of like, took a 180 and we were kind of very, like, anti.

We were anti.

We were anti.

I grew anti religion. Anti church.

Yeah. Because we were like, don't put us. I was like, same. I was like, don't put me in a box. Like, you can't put me in a box. But as strange as that sounds, I always felt very in. Tuned. Right.

Yeah, me too.

And I trusted myself and I trusted. That's why I'm always like. I call her my higher self. And I genuinely still believe that at some level, it's like literally my higher consciousness. It's like kind of helping guide me. You know what I mean? But it's just crazy. I feel like we're at this place where it was like it was time. You know what I mean? It was like, okay, I do.

Like, I feel it. It's just like. And it's taken me 18 months through stacking. I mean, I have hundreds of stacks that allude to this. Just a slow chipping away, chipping away. But I never. I never imagined it. Did you know that? Do you know that I'm committed to be baptized, but I don't know when. And it's not going to be like a formal. Yeah. But I have. It's going to be my own thing. I'm not going to do it on church, at the parking lot, in the swimming pool. Like, I'm either gonna do it. I think I'm gonna do it twice.

I think you're gonna do it in the ocean.

I am. Once in the ocean and once in the mountains, in the lake. And I already have the people I've selected to do it.

I'm sure you do. I'm not there yet.

You don't have to be. I don't need you to be there. I just know that I got there. I didn't know I was gonna be there. If you'd asked me three months ago, would I be here? I was like, no. If you'd asked me three months ago, I'd be saying this. No. If you asked me three months if I'd be ending with prayer at the end of all of our trainings on Tuesdays. You do every single time. And guess who else does. Our young men, Parker and Sammy, who run our teen program. They all end with prayer together, too. And the kids say it's amazing. Some people don't like it. I'm like, listen, if you don't like.

It, I don't like it if it feels gaudy or religion ishy And I.

Get that because I was the guy that was like, don't bring that shit up in my world. I hated it. So isn't that crazy? I became the thing I hated. Wow. That's all right. Welcome to date your wife. We're out of here. Hopefully you're healthy and having a great week. Hope you enjoy your Easter weekend. And if you're listening to this, after the Easter weekend, hope you have a great time regardless of what you did. You can check out more and learn more@wakeupwarriorchallenge.com. if you want to follow more of Danielle, you can always hit her up on Instagram ig on the old IG with the handle Danielle Kwhite. Or you can check her out dkwstyinc. Com. That's all we got for you this week. We'll see you guys next week. We're out.