"You Had Me at Hello": Clayton & Kristina on Faith, Divorce, Blended Family Boundaries & Building Love That Lasts

You make me a better man, and you make me want to be the best man possible in life.

So many times we throw things away that we can make the most important thing in our life, especially a marriage.

There is still an innate desire to be able to put the swords down, the shield down, let go of responsibility. You have to be present. You have to be calculated. You have to be on your game. My friends, welcome to another date your wife podcast episode. We are here in the Miami studios. Yes. We have been in many different locations, and today we come with an amazing couple who we've just gotten to meet, who we spent almost an hour getting to connect with, who thought we should start the show before we got rid of all the great content, which we've done before sitting for hours before actually doing this show. So we have Clayton, who is our resident hair model.

Right. Which is only a byproduct of listening to my wife, by the way.

Okay. Okay. This was not how you originally started with your hair. No, no. This was. This was your min.

Oh, yeah. When we first started dating, I said, we have to change things.

She's like this.

How was his hair? Christina? How was his hair? Did she do the whole thing? Oh, Clayton and Christina.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. Christina.

Ram.

Oh, I thought we were dropping. I thought we. Okay. I thought we were dropping the last name.

We're married, but we have different last names.

Okay. We're married. We have different lifestyles.

What's the blended last name again? Ramis.

Do you actually go by that? Ramis. Have you ever done it?

Our farm.

We have two.

We have our farm. It's a Ramis ranch.

Ramos. Oh, there you go.

Yellowstone.

Yeah.

Yeah. Way better. Okay, so let's go back. Let's go back. Let's go back. Okay, so you two have interest. Who. You worked together for a long time.

Yeah.

At what point, Clayton, did you think you're sitting in a business meeting?

When she said hello.

When she said hello. Seriously, like, no joke. So I was. I was. My last. Well, 20 years has been focused in environmental toxicology, on the health and wellness side, and grew up in an integrated veterinary practice. So life. Life and business has always been around health, health and wellness and such and then tying different things together. Twenty years ago, I had my first tap from God, because it's the interesting part on how people will hear communication and how you get messages if you're willing to listen. And 20 years ago, God went, that's your path. Follow this. And it was when my life kind of flipped philosophically from understanding diet, lifestyle, Nutrition, exercise, all the stuff that we'd been understanding. And then it was, no, it's addition by subtraction. It's a matter of, you got to remove these problems. And delved into that for a decade. And then I started my first manufacturing company. I was training a sales rep in Newport Beach. And she's like, oh, you got to meet John. I'm like, you know John Salley? I don't know him, but I love the Pistons growing up. And, Yeah, I wore 10 and 11 playing basketball because of Rodman and Isaiah. I'm like, yeah, I want to hang out with John. So I spent the day with him and we got to chat, philosophies, did some cool stuff. And then he ended up going back to New York for an NFL and NBA association conference on joint regeneration and pharmacogenetics and research. And just so happened to meet the keynote speaker. And they ended up at dinner together. And he's like, you're Michael Jordan and you got to meet this dude I just met out in la you guys have to talk to from a business standpoint. So a couple weeks go by and he. I was in Corona del Mar, walking up and down the street. I'm on the phone with my buddy Eric, and John, we're talking. He's like, let me call her. Let me see if I can get her. Because she wouldn't take his calls.

It's like, you wouldn't take John's calls.

He actually said to me, you're the only person that won't take my calls. And I said, I'm running a company. I was. I told you I was trying to make the company successful. My personality was consumed by that and kids. I had sports events after school. So it was not that I didn't want to talk to Johnny. He wanted me to take a job that I didn't think I could take is what happened.

Got it. So I'm on the phone with him, he calls her, and she answers the phone.

I was in a board meeting.

She's got all the bougie healthcare people in the office in Nashville. Answers on speakerphone. And John just immediately clicked over. So when she answered, we were already all together on the phone. And when I heard her say hello on the phone, it was the second time in my life that God went. And it was, that's who you're supposed to do this with. And it was interesting because we.

Well, John said, do you have time for this call? I said, no. I said, I'm in a board meeting and you're on speakerphone. And I said, I don't. And he said, you got to give me five to 10 minutes. Yeah. And they were already on the phone, which I was not happy.

She's like, fine.

You're, like, set up. I was like, I'm not taking this job. So I was wondering, why is nice people on the phone?

And, yeah, it was an echo. Because when you start to understand your soul, you know that this is not the first time here in most instances. Right. We've done this before. So there was this resonance of hearing her voice, of, oh, this is who I'm supposed to do this with. And it was a tap of your purpose. Your mission won't be fulfilled without helping her do what she's made to do. So we talked for. And so no social media, no Google. Didn't look anything up. Didn't know who she was, didn't care. I was, I mean, literally, Jerry Maguire. You had me at hello.

At the time, I was the CEO of a healthcare company in 50 states. I mean, we had Johns Hopkins, Cleveland Clinic. I was the CEO.

Yeah. God loves me.

I couldn't put anything on social media except for LinkedIn. Does that make sense? You don't. At that point, you can't, because some of the information you have is confidential.

So we talked for five minutes. You know, she was going over her. Her background a little bit, and she's got. She's on speakerphone, and I stopped her. I'm like, you just gave me an intellectual orgasm. And she kind of.

That.

She went off speakerphone.

I took it off speakerphone, and I just.

You're still in the board meeting?

Yeah, I'm still in the board meeting. And these men are like 70, 80 years old. I mean, they're very well established in healthcare. I said, I'm so sorry. And then I. And then I said, I need to step out for a second.

She's like, you've probably used that term.

Yeah. I go, how many times did you use that on somebody? Because it's not working with me.

I'm like, I've never, never had this come to mind. I mean, because she's going over some of her cloning history and background. And then, you know. So then we started going into what she's done in molecular design and biotech. And then I was going over some of the concepts that I was working on, and she starts throwing some ideas back and forth, and I'm like, holy shit, this is outstanding. And we Talked for another 10 minutes.

So. Hold up, hold up.

He said he gave Him. An emotional or intellectual orgasm.

Of course.

So.

But.

But this is ridiculous. I'm thinking this guy has one line after.

So you spin it off. You spin off the line, you make the comment. But like, you're feeling like, connected to the purpose or you're feeling like connected to her as a purpose.

Her. No, it was. It was her.

I think he was connected to the purpose. That's my.

Probably. It was the interesting part of when you. There's twin souls, right? I mean, it's very. We talk about it, but it's very rare that you actually see it and that you feel it. And there's no way to explain it. When you get it, it just is. And you're like, holy shit, that's weird, right? And it's like, it wasn't about business or anything. It was just knowing. It's like, look, I'm. I will fulfill who I am through supporting her. And then let's figure this shit out. So we. We Talked for like 15 minutes total. The first time I was watching the phone because she said she had 10 minutes. And I'm walking up and down the street looking like a stalker in cdm and I'm like. I'm like, holy shit. This is. This is insane. So like at 10 minutes, 10, 12 minutes, I stopped her. I said, look, I know you got to go because I know you're busy, but I need to tell you something. I don't want you to take it the wrong way because this is going to sound weird. I'm like, and I've told this to three women in my life. My mom, my sister, my ex wife. I love you. Just don't take it the wrong way. Literally 15 minutes.

And you're like, thank you.

Well, I didn't know what to say.

I was like, we went from intellectual orgasm to I love you in less than 15 minutes.

Yeah, it was like.

He's like, I don't say this to everybody.

It's like, look, I haven't dropped this line before. I was like, you thought that one was good. Check this one.

Well, And I said, I'm going through a really bad divorce. I don't feel the same way.

There's no feelings here.

I'm not sure I like men today.

So you. You're pre framing this thing perfectly. You're planting the seeds. You're like, I'm putting my cards on the table right out of the gate.

I was only working with what. What was basically being downloaded, right? It wasn't like I was putting on a shtick or anything. It was like, holy. I don't. Had no expectations because John didn't give me any insight into who she'd met, who she was. There was no background. I mean, Google, Google was there. She didn't have social profiles. There was no pictures. I didn't look up anything. I didn't need to. I heard her voice and that was it. And that was all. And then we finished that conversation. We exchanged contact information. And then the next morning, well, there were three guys.

Let me go back to this.

They were all better looking than me.

They were very. Two of the guys. Not that Clayton's not good looking, because he is. I am now that one of the guys had been at the CIA. He's a workout fanatic. The other one, same thing. Professional surfer. Now he's one of the two people for the federal government, for agriculture and cannabis.

So Tony Stark of hemp.

He looked like Tony Stark, which was Mexican Tony Star. So every time they would talk, it wasn't on FaceTime. So I kept thinking, this one guy is really funny and I could talk to him for a long time. But I wondered which one it was because I was trying to figure out who it was. Clayton had his head shaved at that point.

It was not shaved. It was shaved.

Completely shaved. He'll have to show you a picture later.

Shaved.

I just short on top, you know, it's kind of a little bit shorter than yours.

No, I would have liked your haircut. Okay. Some people look great, great when it's shaved. Do you know what I mean? Everyone's different. If they shaved our heads, we may not want it shaved. Right. I felt like his hair could benefit from a public because my question to him, I said when we first started, I said, are you trying to make an impact when you meet people? And he said, yes. I said, then we have to change because my goal was to help him. I love, I love. One of my favorite things in life is to make people be their best. Yeah, I really enjoy. I should have been a. Should have been a hairdresser. I love it. Yeah. And I knew he also. He only wore beige and plaid beige. He wore plaid shirts. I was in Seattle that were beige. So imagine a grayish tap top taupe beige every time you see someone.

Oh, you wear it all the time and it's plaid.

Yeah, I like plaid, but not every day. This is nice. Yeah, but I'm involved.

Don't hate the player, hate the tailor.

So anyway, this sounds horrible though. I'm sounding like I'm a shallow person. My goal was to Help him be the best CEO he could be. And that means when you walk in a room, you have to have some kind of presence. It doesn't have to be a suit. It has to be something that catches people's attention. And that was my goal. And I wanted him to be what he wanted to be.

But that was even before because we talked on the phone. And then I had to go down to Mexico to work with a cancer clinic for a couple days. So it was with Jake and Eric, and we were. Jake's aunt was dying of cancer, so I was going to go down and help her for a couple days. So I let her know, and it's like, hey, I want to talk with you, but I got to go down to Mexico, work with cancer clinic, and then we'll be back. And she's like, oh, don't do that. It's not safe and everything. And so the three guys were at a coffee shop in Rosarito. Get on an iPad, and we do. We do. What was it you guys called me? FaceTime. FaceTime with. With her. So the three of us were sitting on a couch on. On FaceTime in Mexico, and she gets on a FaceTime. And all three of us went, holy shit. Like. Because I knew she was smart.

Well, it was so funny.

But then I'm like, hold on. You're hot. And you have the Southern accent.

We thought you were a scientist. I go, I am a scientist.

Yeah. They like a super nerdy idea.

Yeah.

So the three of us are sitting there. She doesn't know.

I was younger, and I.

Because I'd been talking to her. And then I got my two buddies there, and I'm like, oh, now I got competition.

And they're like, they all asked me out. All three of them?

All three.

So we did a couple days down there and then came. Came back. We were in.

I don't know if I did it as a joke or I don't know.

No, it's. No, I didn't know that they were reaching out to you. It was like, okay, how's this gonna go?

Had you guys not talked about it?

No.

Oh, so everybody's. Everybody's making the move, and none of the guys know they're making the move?

I wasn't making the move.

But you were being moved on.

I was like, what's happening?

You were the move. Yeah.

Yeah, she was. She was it. So we came back to la, and then I was in. I was on the beach one morning.

I was in Detroit.

She was in Detroit with the guys that she Met when she was with John Salley because they owned some labs and did some stuff in Detroit. And I just sent her a picture of my arm like this. I'm like, you could be here. I was like, can you come out here so we can meet in person?

No, that's not all I did. Listen, I gotta tell them. This is hilarious. He sends me a picture of him without, like, basically without a shirt on and, like, completely ripped. Like, he looked 18.

There was no AI either.

No, it was from college where he ran track. And I said to him immediately, not to be rude, but I don't think that's you right now. And Clayton goes.

And she was right.

And I go, you just. That looks like a picture from college. That's what I said. Because I'm so used to like.

But that was a joke.

I had boys. Do you know what I mean? Like, I have older boys. I was like, this looks like a picture from high school.

There was a joke in this, though, because one of the guys she had met was like, oh, people say I.

Look like Bradley Cooper, so you gotta.

Have fun with it.

And so I said to him, I'm gonna meet you, and I need to come out and meet you guys. I'm in Detroit. It's much better out there. I'll come out there. And I said, but I don't think you're gonna look like your picture. And he goes, no, I look like Bradley Cooper.

No. Well, you told me that one of the guys that was in Detroit was hitting on her, too, and he just had a big one.

He wasn't hitting on me, okay?

But his pickup line was all, people say I look like Bradley Cooper.

It wasn't a Cooper.

Apparently, he looked nothing like Bradley Cooper. So I told her, I said, look, when you come out here and we meet, I bet I can get you to laugh within the first 30 seconds of us meeting.

And he didn't. He was late at the airport. And I swear, I'm like, freaking Apollo.

Oh, no.

I almost turned around and went home. Because for me to try to meet them when they wanted me to work with them.

Yeah, yeah. And then you're late.

I'm like, I'm sorry. This isn't something I really want. And I'm trying to do. Trying to close. My personality is if I'm responsible. That's why when you asked me why I was here, I don't drop things. Does that make sense? If I commit to you, then I've committed. And so for me, I had committed to meet with them. And they were late, and I just thought, you know, this is not the right time to be late. And they didn't realize how busy I was. I mean, I was really busy running companies. We had interoperative monitoring and surgical care centers in 50 states. And I was a CEO, and it was the worst job I've ever had. So I wasn't happy, but I didn't have time to kind of. I really didn't have time to hang out.

Yeah. Did you feel, though, like you're like, why am I here? Why am I doing this? Or something like that?

I was connected. So if I'm really honest, I felt this connection. I couldn't put the voice with the face was what was happening. Like, I just know I loved talking to him, and I wanted to be friends with him. So my personality is, if I decide I really want to be friends with someone, that I'm going to work at that. Do you know what I mean? And so I did a project. I decided I really want to be friends with this guy. This guy's extremely smart is what I thought.

I think that a lot of times, though, we're so deep in a project of, like, whether it's like, saving it or making it successful that we can lose signs, and then something is, like, pulling us, and you're like, oh, actually, maybe I'm supposed to let go of that and go this direction. So how did that work? Like, immediately after you guys meeting, was it something that you were like, wait, I don't want to be in this position. I don't want to save this company?

That's what happened. I started thinking, I'm tired of not being happy in a job. I know this is a huge responsibility. One of the main holding companies had 17 companies under it. They were interoperative monitoring. It went into acquisitions and mergers. But I had to stay involved on the board for 10 years. The other one, he had to take over, and it never really succeeded. It didn't do a great job. But I knew what happened was I had developed a. Not to get too much into careers, but I wanted to be able to track patients from a natural perspective, workout perspective, and traditional perspective. How do we keep people. How do we make people live longer? How do we reverse aging? How do we regenerate the body? So that was like, a major thing for me. The problem was the world wasn't ready for it at that point, and no one wanted to track it. And everyone was so into the pharmaceutical. That's the only thing they were tracking. Does that make sen.

They were Making all their money, all the doctors.

But what really happened was I thought, wait a minute. And I actually said this to him. I said, you're a lot of fun. I think I might enjoy working with you. And I said to his friend Eric, who. We're all really good friends. Same thing. Let's do this. And then I thought, why am I wasting my life being miserable? What am I doing? And I think it was something I thought I needed to do to prove to myself that I could do it. But I wasn't happy. I really don't love managing people. And so, like, for me, I love helping people. I love making changes. I told you, I love making things better. Right. So when I met him, yeah, it clicked that there was something between the two of us. I didn't act like that to people, and I. I had four kids. So for me. And I was going through a divorce, and it was not a fun divorce, and it had been going on for years. And so because we had companies, we had money, and so it wasn't like you could just rip the band aid off. We were going through it for years to divide stuff and everything, and.

So how long had you been married before?

It was 17 years. Yeah.

What do you think was the one thing that cut it off, ended it? Yeah. Or not one thing. But what was it? If you were putting your finger on a couple things that you learned from it that you brought into the relationship with Clayton?

He played professional football and had had concussions and had some things he was dealing with that our children sat me down and could not be around anymore. So it was a sequence of things that happened over, you know, 17 years. But if you ask me, this is really hard for Clay to hear, but I love Dean, and I love him as a person. It just was not a fit, and it was abusive, and it was wrong for me to be around. He, on the other hand, has a lot of great traits, and I don't have anything bad to say about him. I believe. And it's fine. I know we have a different opinion about it, but from my perspective, everyone goes through things, and you can't judge them. So how can you judge someone with CTE if you've never had cte? So that's where. That's where I am with it. But there was no. My children sat me down and told me they would not stay if we were together because it was so bad of what was happening to me. So it was hard because I'm. And to them, I'm this person during the day, and Then at night, I'm dealing with this constantly, and I just remember thinking, this guy is not. Not that I was going to. In my mind, it was a transition period for me where I just wanted to be around good men, men that were good. I don't believe any man is perfect. So as a psychologist I was trained. If a man meets a woman, what's the first thing he thinks about her? He thinks of what she looks like. Bright. Women are thinking more. It's just because men and women are different. Women are thinking, what is he like as a friend? What is he like as a person? So I was trying. In my mind, I understood what was going on here. I also understood, for me, you go through a period of, like, a honeymoon period. So my goal with Clayton, and he didn't know this, was for him to see every bad thing he could about me.

No, we talked. We actually.

And I actually. No, I actually sat him down. I said, I would like you to know every bad thing about life, everything.

So it's less of that honeymoon phase. There's no surprises.

Let me just throw it all out. And he said, give me more. I love it.

And then you said, here's the list of all the. All of my requirements.

So I also said, if we're going to date, here's what I need. And I made a list.

What's one of the things on the list?

I don't want to go to a party and have to worry about you going into a bathroom and you're kissing a girl in the bathroom. I don't want to worry at night that someone's gonna hurt me. You know, I don't want. I want to be treated like you love me, or else you should be with someone else. That was my point. Realistically, I understood this is not a romantic movie. This is life, and it's not gonna be easy. But I felt like if he knew every bad thing about me to begin with, then there were no surprises. And to this day, when he says something, I'll say, I told you I was like that. Like I told you, sometimes I'm emotional, Sometimes I cry, Sometimes I get upset. Typically, I don't, but I can.

That's when it's scary.

He didn't. So he handed me a blank piece of paper. I said, where's your list? So here I am, a psychologist, saying, we're going to sit down. You're going to give me a list. Nothing's on the list. I go, why is the list blank? And he goes, there's nothing I expect from You. I just want you. And I said, that's not true, but I'll accept this list. And let's. Let's be friends. And we were friends. We didn't date, but we still had this attraction. I got engaged with someone else. Oh, really?

During this time.

Oh, so there was, like, a spark.

And a chemistry during all of this exchange of the list. You get engaged somebody else because you're just friends in your mind.

No, we weren't. We.

Well, we were just friends.

He made some crucial errors during this period. So if you're looking for work, were.

You working together at this time?

Yes. There's definite attraction. He sat my son down, who my son is now 30, and said to my son, just imagine if someone did this to your daughter.

The CEO of.

He told him that he was gonna marry me someday. The first weekend.

No, that is not what I said.

What did you tell Duquesne?

No, you're improperly embellishing him.

Okay, go ahead. What did you say?

In fact, the case. Okay, allow me to retort.

You told Duquesne, so we. Duquesne cried.

We had our conversation.

He was so overwhelmed. With what?

So I packed up my clothes, my golf clubs, and my Jameson in Seattle, put everything else in storage and moved to Nashville.

But, guys, I didn't ask him to.

Move because she said, hey, I need someone to move here that can help run the company. They can't get paid. I'm like, fine. I'll be there in two weeks.

I thought it was a joke when he showed up. I was literally shocked. When I say I was shocked, I was like, what are you doing here? And he goes, I just moved here. And he literally said that I have my golf clubs, my Jameson Swisher, whiskey.

Because I'm black Irish.

I'm like, well. I said, what is that? What does that mean? He goes, I left everything. I don't even drink it.

It's just. It's my Irish roots. It was the same thing. Yeah.

And then he brought me out to his car so I could see it, and I. I literally didn't know what to say. I said, where are you staying? Because you're not staying with me.

I got a place with the extended stay in Brentwood. I was there for 13 months.

Oh, wow.

Because I was like, I don't know where I'm going to live. I don't know what I'm going to do. This is what I'm doing.

Do you have any kids at all?

No, it's the. I think it's part of the Beautiful part of, you know, the lessons that God gives you in your journey. Because my, I was married for 14 years prior and my ex wife gave, gave me the opportunity to not have to. Not by choice, not by my choice.

But so when Clay, when Clay met me, I said, listen, I have older kids. I have four kids. I'm not planning on dating anyone. And he goes, great. I always wanted four kids.

Which is like, no shit. So crazy thing, when I was in college, my girlfriend in college, her best friend, they were both Greek and she was learning to read palms from her grandmother. So she's like, oh, let me read your palms. All right. I'm 21 years old. It's 2000. No, it was 1999. 98. And so she's like, oh, you're going to have this long life because I'm looking at your lifeline. You're going to make a lot of money and you're going to have a family, but you're, you're, you're going to have four kids, but you're going to have a hard time having kids. You're going to have four kids. Okay, you're reading a fricking Paul. Go through life a little bit. Get married. When I was 24, bad idea. Married for 14 years. Why? My ex wife has two abortions. I only knew about one of them.

Oh, wow.

So she didn't want kids.

She didn't realize it till after 20 something weeks. So it was devastating to Clay. Yeah, that's far.

Yeah.

So she just didn't want kids.

Her, she was tiny and her body was little and she didn't want to hurt her body and stuff. Yeah, everyone's different, but it hurt him.

And I didn't find out about the second one until we met. And my mom's like, oh, she didn't have one, she had two. I'm like, okay, but so I get to go, go through that journey. We met when I was finishing my divorce because I had let go. You know, it's like, okay, I'm done. I'm like, God, it's on you now. I'm good. And what was it the second time, first or second time that we had got to talk on the phone after John introduced us and we were kind of going through this introductory process and she's like, oh, I have, you know, I have four kids. And I paused.

Well, I said it because I knew he kind of wanted to go out with me. Yeah.

And she's like, oh, yeah, let me throw this hammer.

Yeah, this is the reality. And I Said, and I don't feel like dating anyone right now. I've gone through a lot. There's a lot of pain in my heart. I'm very open. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you ask me something, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm gonna tell you the truth. So I was very open with Clayton, but there were a couple of crucial things that happened, and I'm glad we didn't date, because he made me a promise that he. Which I don't know if you want me to talk about this.

This is an open book. It's better.

He made a promise to me that he wasn't going. He was wanting to go out with me. He wasn't gonna sleep with anyone. He was gonna show me how much he really cared about me. That lasted about a day. And Clayton.

Hold on.

It didn't last long. Let me tell the story. So he goes, I'm going to Canada to play golf with my buddies, some of our friends.

That's true. I go, oh, you're going there? Not when I was in Nashville. I'm like.

I go, oh, is. Are there girls going? Cause at this point, I'm starting to think I really. I like this person. I think I could date them. My issue was I couldn't. I needed time. Do you know what I mean? I needed time to be alone, take a bath, pray. I really needed time to, like, meditate, work out. And he said, yeah, no, just my friends. And then I'll never forget, Kreider was so little. I was at the grocery, and now I look back, and he was so little. It's so many years ago. So he was 10, and Kreider was bouncing off the walls. You know how kids are. Clay calls and he goes, yeah, I was talking to my preacher, and my preacher said that when you're attracted to someone, it wears off, and so there's no point of being attracted to someone. I go, I don't understand your point, because Clay speaks in riddles sometimes. Then he says, well, Leanna and I went to Canada together. That's his ex wife. And stuff happened. And I go, what happened?

But you called it.

Wait, wait, wait. I said. I said, what happened? And he goes, well. And he went in to tell me every single way. They had had sex in a lot of different ways. And after the fourth type of what he expressed to me, I said, I didn't need to know that information, and I would never tell anyone else that information. And that's stuff you should leave out if you really care. About someone. And I go, what is your point? He said, I just thought you should know. And that's happened twice. So there were reasons I didn't decline those red flags. There were things that I was like, there's just no way I can get into this. Not with four kids. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Because, well, you already went through so much.

I'd already gone so much. I didn't want to go through it again.

Yeah, for your kids too. Like, I need to be with someone I can trust.

Right. Because I couldn't heal the past situation. It was so bad. I tried and I don't. I know if my ex husband was on here, he wouldn't blame me for it. Do you know what I mean? It was just what we had to do. But the last thing I was going to do was because when you said that in the other room, I agree with you. So as a psychologist, they trained us that people that get divorced or having affairs, usually men regret it even more than women did. You know, I didn't know that until I went to school. Because same issues come up. Do you know what I mean? Same with women, though. So for me, I'd already gone through the infidelity, having to deal with it. It had hurt me, but I understood it because men and women are different. I wasn't in at my age to go through it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I don't need to do this again. I've already gone through it and I understand it and I'm not mad. It's just that I don't want to go through it again. So what I wanted was to marry someone significantly older. That would make me feel peaceful and protected and not worry. I know that sounds crazy, but I make money, you know what I mean? So like, for me, and I told him that, I said, I've always made money. It's a gift God gave me. I guess it's not my big problem. I need to feel peace. I want to feel protected. I just want to be happy. I want to travel with friends, have a good life. That doesn't mean I wasn't going to work. Right. But I was looking for. I don't want to turn my head around every day and worry what someone's doing.

You had such a stressful relationship that you're just like, wanted somebody to be.

There and love you.

Yeah. She wanted somebody older who was calm and peaceful. And you got Clayton, you got a hair model. You got intellectual orgasm over here too.

Right?

There's what I Say I want. There's what my soul is saying I need.

I also told him we were friends. I said, I really want you to go out with as many women as you can after the incident happened. Yeah, I go as a friend. I'm not going to stay mad at you. I don't believe so. That's another thing. I don't stay angry. I'm not going to be mad at anyone. Like even my ex husband. When we went through stuff, I just can't stay angry. It's something in me.

Except for me.

So. No, that's not true. I never. So I said, you should go out with as many beautiful women as possible of all ages, and you should see what you want. Because I said, I don't believe if you got married that when you were 24, you actually know what you want right now. So I think you need to take two to three years and date as many people as possible.

Yeah.

And I even introduced him to people. Yeah.

Do you really not stay angry?

No.

See, I feel like I'm similar in that way. Like I just process it quickly and I'm like, oh, I can see why that happened.

I can be mad, though, if something happens again and I want to explain. So we went to this last year, a marriage therapist, which I think you need to go to, I think. And I really want. I'm interested now in your program for Clayton and for me because we're. We're a couple. And you know, going through that with Clay and talking about everything, it's like something that. Here's what Clay said. Christina does bring stuff up. And here's what the therapist said. If you'll stop doing it, you did it. If you'll stop doing that stuff over and over, she won't bring it up. So what I mean by that is I can forget anything and I can forgive anything. But if you keep doing the same pattern, you're keep bringing it up, I'm going to keep. Do you know what I'm saying? I asked you please not to do that. I'll use an example. We're always on the. We are both always working with men and women. Like when people say to me, they don't go. They're never around someone of the opposite sex. That's always been impossible for me in my career because I was in the pharma, biotech at the top of those companies. I traveled with men everywhere. But one of the things that's been hard is I don't. For example, if he sits in a room and everyone's There. And he's talking to the same girl for five hours and no one else.

That'd be a problem.

That's a problem. But this is going to sound really odd to you all, what I'm getting ready to say, and I'm embarrassed to say it. It's more of an issue to me because it's a bad reflection on the marriage and on us as a couple and on our reputations. And I guess I'm a little arrogant. I don't want people to think bad about me or him or embarrass our family. So for me, it's the embarrassment part. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't. So there's triggers with me when he does it, when I'm just like, you have to have a united front. Like, I understand why presidents and their wives handle things the way they do, because you aren't unified unless you present that publicly. Right. So for me, that's an issue. Yeah. So that's something we've worked on because Clay has such a great personality. And when you do what we do for a living and you grow this quickly, you get. You get a lot of attention, and you trust that.

You trust that unity. Like, if you see a strong, powerful couple, like, for me, I'm like, okay, you're good people. We can trust you. If we meet other powerful people and you can sense that kind of disconnect, there's a little bit of lack of trust there.

There is.

So I think if you are in the public eye, like you said, if he's going to be talking to somebody for five hours, you're like, shit. What does that say about our relationship and how do you work on it? So that's not an issue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just. It's. It's a. It's a. But think about this. Everyone thinks differently. And please don't think this wrong.

We don't take anything wrong.

But nothing.

I don't need attention. Does that make sense? Now, I need attention from my children and my parents and my husband, but I don't need everyone in the room's attention because I feel confident when I walk in, I'm there to do what I need to do. I don't need to worry about everyone else in the room. And if someone else is getting attention and not me, it never affects them, because that's who should be getting attention. Clyde loves attention, and so for him.

I think it just happens. Look at me. Look at my hair.

You did this.

So everyone's different about what kind of attention I need. I do realize that. And I think men like attention from beautiful women.

For sure.

I don't know about how other women are, but for me, I'm more about a personality and a conversation and being friends with people. Right. And then I develop, and then they're attractive to me. But I never walk in a room and think this person is so attractive. It's their heart. I know you probably don't believe it's the truth. It's their heart and who they are that I take.

I think that that's how a lot of women are, though. It's like you can see an attractive man, and if you have a very hollered conversation, you're almost like, ooh, oh, that's. You can meet somebody.

Somebody.

And you have kind of that, like, connection. Us as women, we are like, oh. Like, we become more attracted and that kind of thing. Whereas men, I think, get distracted with beauty.

Yeah.

So they can be in a conversation and not have the same connection, but they're like, almost like googly eyes.

Yeah.

Because she's so pretty.

Yeah.

It's true.

Because it's visual and they love the men. They do love the attention.

You're so right. Because I get bored. Yes. It's a conversation. I'm not interested. I don't care how good looking someone. Yeah, yeah. I want to. I want to.

We definitely have men, like, the validation. They would love a beautiful woman giving them a attention. Like, I think it's kind of how men and women are built.

Yeah. But it's even better when you marry that one, though.

When you marry.

When you walk into the room and you're like, I already won. Yeah, I'm with her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

That part makes it easy. I think the interesting part of the difference in brains between men and women. Like, guys, we. We can handle one box at a time. Right? So it's like going into an art studio. It's like, oh, that's a cool art piece. I'm gonna look at that art piece for a minute. They're like, no, you're supposed to have a conversation. I'm like, no, but I'm looking at an art piece. Right. And women are a lot more complex because there's 27 things going on all at the same time. And if you're like her and you have an eidetic memory, which is not fair because anything she's ever heard, seen, read, or been around, she's cross referencing to anything that goes on currently. So if you're like me and you do you do stupid shit from time to time and you might say something or be in a place. It's not what you did then. It's cross reference to all the stuff you've done before.

And you go, yeah, but remember what Ken said.

But yeah, if you do it, you do it. Ken said there's responsibility, it's like, there's accountability. It's like, yeah, if you don't want everything else to be referenced from the past, don't stop doing that.

Just stop doing it.

The triggers. Yeah, but that makes sense. It's like, don't.

But I also do know that don't.

Use this rationale that makes sense all the time. Wait a minute. Testosterone's involved here. Let's be a little bit stupid every once in a while because it's our nature. But I mean We're. We're 1.0.

I think I have such great examples though in my sons. And that's what's hard for like they are such good spouses there. But I think a lot of that's what they saw me go through.

Well, they've had such a great example for the last 10 years.

Yeah, that's right. So what was it? What was the. When you guys get. You have so much going on and you're creating so much. I love your openness. It's a. You're just like us like that. We don't. We on shows, off shows.

I'm sure people don't care inside of you, you know, so it's kind of fun.

We just talk about whatever, like, whatever. Because it is freeing. What, what do you guys create with each other that doesn't involve business, that is just about YouTube. Like have you created that as an experience where it's not. Because we got a place where a lot of our trips were business. We're like, well, I'm taking on a trip. But it was always something was going on in business wise, it wasn't just like us.

Did that bother you guys? Because that bothers me.

It bothered her.

Yeah. No, I was like.

I was like, hey, we wanna what? We had two days for us and two days to do the thing. What are we talking about? This is fantastic. Yeah. She was never buying it. That's why we ended up having to shift it. But what do you guys do you guys do think of that? Trips without business at all.

You're probably together so much. It's like you almost. That's our biggest passionate about it. And so there's that connection in business. But sometimes you have to be like.

It'S being able to talk.

I'll use two examples, and I'm not complaining because this is both of our lives and we're both busy. But for our anniversary, he spent, you know, like $400 and almost $500 on a glass of port for me. And the wine was as expensive. He made this huge, like, dramatic thing, which was really sweet. But then he got. He got up off the table to do a 45 minute zoom during our anniversary.

Yeah.

And he said, I'll be back in five minutes. 45 minutes later, the dinner was done.

Oh, shit.

That was a different one. That wasn't.

I just got up and left. So here's what I was gonna say. So when after that happened, and that's partly my fault too, because I said, oh, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're in this together, right? So I'm like, I knew who he was talking to. I knew what he was doing. Take care of it now. Did I mean, take care of it for 45 minutes? No. But that's our biggest struggle is we're always working. We. Everything we do is centered around work or one more phone call or one more. It's like one more shiny object. And so I said to Clayton, there's enough shiny objects. Like, there's a lot. Like, we could sell one fourth of our stuff and retire. Like, I'm like, I don't understand what's so important about all these people. So I always say that's our biggest challenge right now. And I'm not happy about it. Like, it's something that we talk about openly. We have, like, you all a very open relationship. And I said that next year it has to change. Like, I'm not, I'm not in for it because otherwise what I'm going to do. And he knows, because I'm very honest. I'm going to do some trips with, with women that I'm friends with. I'm going to do something for myself. I've just got to get away.

I can't, for me, have to turn it off.

I can't have 24 hours of every. For 365 days a year of never having a personal life.

I'm telling you now, we have. So we started. That's why, I mean, the entire concept of date your wife was because of that. Because how we were living before and we were trying to put our life back together and our relationship back together, and we just realized we weren't spending. We were spending time together outside of.

Business having fun, you know, like it was always kids.

Other people were involved, or there were other couples and kids.

Kids are a huge thing, and you love them so much, but you still have to have time. Yeah.

You want to get. I mean, it just changed the whole environment. So we started doing date nights with just us.

Yep.

The challenge was in the beginning. Half our day nights were fights. So we just get in big fights during date night.

And I might.

Because you detox from all the other.

Shit going on through the day, and we deal with our own personal shit.

Or we'd be like, hey, we're not going to talk about business. Then we just, like, stare at each other's eyes. What are we gonna talk about?

Like, we're like, that's us, you know, right now. Now we. Here's Clay's big thing. Every time. And now I'm used to it. What kind of new house do you want? I'm like, can we not talk about houses? What kind of new car? I don't need a new car. What about. What do you want to go on vacation? I go, can we just talk about us? Remember when we first met and all you wanted to do is learn about me? Now here's the problem. Other people want to know about me, but not my husband. And so for me, I will tell you, because I'm an intellectual. Emotional. I mean, I'm emotional. I have to have someone care about what I'm doing.

Yeah.

Yeah. So this is what I say to him. I'm very honest. I'm like, when you're not asking questions about me, other people are. So. And I also know other women are right. Or other men, because there's the bisexual. You know, now the world's so different. And so I just. You know, for me, this is our goal. We both know, like, next year, we are going to be focusing on us and not just one.

Is that true for you? To Clayton.

Yeah. It's the interesting part in business of being an entrepreneur.

I love it. I'm coming to bat with you, bro. I got you.

I come here, and it's like we were talking about earlier. You get to the point of, like, oh, I get more from less. Right? And in understanding in business, if. If you're a successful business person, the strongest thing you can do is have everything run while you step away, right? And it's the hardest thing because you want to hold on to the reins. You're like, no, no, I'm riding this bitch. And if you. If you look at, like, the story of Secretariat is the greatest athlete of all time, right? Ron Turcot, who. Secretariat lost his only race because of the jockey. Because the jockey was holding onto him too tight and actually kept him from running. But when he went through the Triple Crown and ends up in the Belmont, and Ron Turcotte just basically dropped the reins and said, you know, this is yorif run, and did something that's never going to be repeated in sports history, right? When you listen to the call of Secretariat running the Belmont, if you're an athlete, you'll cry because it's perfection. But it was only because the person who was supposed to be in control let go. Literally let go, and just said, it's. You take it. And it's the hard. It's the hard part of saying, I gotta do. I gotta do it. Because guys were like, I'm. Like, we were talking about before, if you're an entrepreneur, like, I'm driving, I'm driving, I'm driving. I'll deal with this later. If you understand where your real value proposition is, that if businesses all fell apart and everything went to shit, what's really valuable in your life? I know that the one thing that is most important to me sits here. The other four things came from her. And so being able to get to the point where you just accept, it's like, look, no, this is. This is not important. It could be a meeting, could be whatever. It's like, no, I'm going to do that. And it's. And it's hard. But, you know, and then as a couple, knowing that, you know, from a business standpoint, we've always got something going back and forth. I've got a couple of companies. She's got 30 companies, and they're all integrated because she holds the holding company and the management company that manages my companies, because I need to be managed, obviously. And. And then it's just getting to the point of knowing, okay, where's your. What's really valuable to you? You know, if you put everything else out there, if you've got money, you've got all the things that people look at as success, right? The front facing, it's like, oh, yeah, the facade is really pretty. It's like, you have it as a shit show behind it. It's like, well, you want to go clean up the mess. So, yeah, you guys take care of that. It's good. And, you know, the aspect of understanding time, like. And you don't. I think the. The big part for us is that we found, is that it, because of time being relative, you don't need a massive amount of time to get a lot of quality in it. But when you start focusing on quality, you want more and then you understand the value of more, which makes it easier to say, no, you guys handle that. I'm going to step back from it.

What do you guys think? Because I feel like we've had a lot of, you know, powerful couples and influences in our life. And there's this mission, right? And you almost. There's this calling where you're like, wow, that's I'm why I'm on this world, to help impact and change. And so there's this balance when you're in a relationship where you're like committed to the mission, you're committed to where you're going and you see it, but you can't let the relationship follow. You'll never get to that final step. I think that's one of the things that I see is, and I would say this is like kind of like old school thinking of like, well, you have to sacrifice something. And I'm like, but do you have to sacrifice your relationship or could that actually staying together push the mission even further? Right. I think it's so important to kind of balance that and make sure that in the midst of pursuing what you see, what your purpose is on this earth, how do you stay connected?

You know, I feel like our mission though, I know we're in supplements and I was in pharmaceutical. We're in different areas and we have a clothing line. Like we do different things. The whole mission is family and not just sustainability, but remediation. Because here's the thing, you can live to be 130. I have patents that reverse aging, that regenerate the skin, hair and nails. Having patents is one thing, producing it, improving it is another thing. But if your intention is to live long, but not live with love and not supporting your family, I'm not interested. So I feel like our whole mission, when people ask us why we're doing so many different things, we have a toxic world, there's been a lot of pollution, a lot of war, a lot of things that have happened. We have to be committed. In my opinion, people with influence, people with money, people out there have got to change the world. We shouldn't be living in fear, we should have faith. We should be positive. So that's the mission. And I think when you break up a family, then you break up the mission. And I also tell Clayton this all the time, if they're not a friend of ours and our relationship, they're not a friend of the family, and they're not a friend of mine. So my point is, I have people all the time that will talk to me bad about Clay, and I'm just like, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to listen. Like, there's no. He's not perfect. I'm not either. But it's to me, our mission will never accomplish as much if we were not to be together. Because I do think there's a true love here. And I think us working with other people that have love in their hearts and that are really working towards family are very important. Family's not a sexy word anymore.

No.

You guys know that. Like, it used to be like, it's great to say family, and now it's like, oh, that's boring. But I'm like, no, it isn't. It's actually everything.

Yeah, well, it's disruptive for most people. It was interesting in the point of thinking. It's like, okay, if I have business and I have family and I'm going to lose one by, you know, I have to put my focus over here, so I'm going to lose that. But now, what we're starting to understand in quantum physics, you know, what you hear talked about with energy. Energy is never lost, right? It's always moving. So if you. If you start to really. One desire, right? Because you have to want. You have to want it. That if you want to have the balance and work in. In your relationship and you start to focus on what's really valuable, because that's the important part. That, like, for me, I don't show it all the time, but knowing the most important aspect of what I am, what I'm going to become, even what I'm going to do, revolves around her, right? And I've known that from. Hello, but sometimes you get away from it. But knowing that our success as business people or businessmen as an example, I'll just use that because I get to be the man. Oh.

Because you.

If you. You. If you put the focus into. Into understanding that you're. You're not one, you're not the other, you're both simultaneously. It's like it's everything all at once. And that you. You should be incorporating, you know, every aspect. I grew up. I grew up in a household where my mom and dad work together every damn day. You know, so that was the example that I had. My dad was a veterinarian. My mom ran the clinic. So my dad was working on stuff. My mom was running the front side of everything. Doing everything. So I got to watch the dichotomy of the two of them at work, but then it was home. And it was funny because later on, this was like 10 years ago, I was talking to one of my friends that I grew up with, and she ended up becoming a veterinarian and was working in the clinic with my parents. And when she married one of my best friends, and then that was a chaotic relationship. So we were talking about their chaos. And she's like, have you ever seen your parents fight? I'm like, at home. Never. Never once.

I never did either.

And then she was like, see him at work. Oh, like, they got to work.

It's hard to work all that shit.

Out at work, right? It's like all the frustration, everything. And this is one thing that they taught me. They're like, look, if you. If you have this environment where you're both working together, it's like, get all the done at work. Don't take it home.

Yeah, yeah, right?

It. When you. When you cross. Cross the doorway, that stays.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, so much easier said than done. Oh, but that's. That's the trick. You can apply that to every aspect of life. It's like the life coaching part. Just do this. It's so easy. I'm like, yeah, what? But knowing that if you're. If you're willing, if you. If you understand the value in your relationship, you understand the value in your family, the. The ability to invest at that at the same time you're investing in your business, it's not a loss either way. And especially you're going to be more successful in business. The. The more stability, the more strength that you have in your relationship. One, because if you're sitting down with people, if you're going to a meeting, and if you go as a couple is one thing, because then you're going to light up a room. And it's the funny part with us, with being around politics in areas that we never thought we'd be in. Some of our political contingency is like, you guys work a room like no one we've ever seen. And we're like, we're not working a room. We're just present.

Everyone tells us that we're not. We're not working.

I'm just hanging out with people, talking, and my wife is there and we're going back and forth. And you're like, oh, my, we've never seen this before. I'm like, because you guys are transactional. You don't actually understand what real Relationships look like. And, you know, if you're. If you're in a meeting and, you know, you've got that strength, that strength behind you, you know, it's. It's respected because it's resonant. Even if your wife's not with you or your. Your husband's not with you, and you're in a business setting, there is. There is that level of strength, that foundation. Right. Because everything's built. If you. If you're doing residential or commercial developments, the first thing you have to do is have a foundation. You can't just go, oh, we're building 12 stories. And we.

Right.

We're just throwing it up. Like, probably not gonna last very long.

Yeah. The foundation was gone, our companies wouldn't be okay. Does that make sense? Because they're built on. On basically us.

Right.

So they wouldn't. Now, do other people think that? I don't know, because there's so many people that see what they want or what they wish they had, and it tries to interfere with your life. But I. I personally, I mean, I'm just being honest. I pray a lot. I meditate a lot, and I have faith in the universe that things will work out. I really do. I know there's a lot of bad in the world, but I think there's a lot of good.

Right.

And so I. You didn't completely answer the question, though.

I have a tendency to do that.

Do you remember what it was?

It was the Trumpian weave.

No, I want to know. He asked you if you're going to spin.

Yeah. No. I'm going to throw this curveball hard. You ready?

Okay.

Okay.

So I'm dropping my shoulder.

Two things. Drop your shoulder.

I'm going to hit direct the elbow.

Bowling ring. Let's go. So my experience with her and my experience with every powerful woman who I've ever met who makes money, makes babies, and creates.

Okay.

The traffic is that there is an element. So I'm throwing this at both of you, that even with all the power that you possess, there is still an innate desire to be able to put the swords down, the shields down, let go of responsibility, and actually be not saying that you're men. This is the woman that people didn't even know that she spoke forever. She thought she was just stoic beauty and kind of a bitch, because she was very stoic in how she dealt with life. Very calculated. She's very surgical in the way she deals with things, the way she thinks everything's like. But even with her, there was a moment Like, I just want to be a woman. Can you be more of a man? Can you be man enough to allow me to just be without the responsibility, without anything? And there's not one. One woman, particularly over 40, who I. We've talked to as a couple or I've sat with by myself with in events, or I've sat with our friends or talked to a spouse, asked question, like, for you both. Why is that part necessary? I mean, you guys are run. You're running so much, and you're. Every room you walk into, you have to be present, you have to be calculated, you have to be on your game. You have to watch angles, people trying to take you out, which means you're channeling tons of masculine energy in order to be in that place to harvest it. You're around tons of testosterone all day long. The only way to survive in that environment is to be part of that environment. So what have you found for yourself that has allowed you. Yeah, like, oh, God, can I.

Can I just, like, specifically, Just as a.

Like, with you two together and just with you. Because I don't think a guy.

I feel like, struggle with that.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, I'm like, can I let him down?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Like, how's it going?

How's it working?

It's one of my main things I want in my life. Like, it's. It's. And he gives it to me. We're working on it even more because I don't mind the responsibility. I don't mind the mission, because it's a mission to me. And I think that comes from having cancer and losing a child. I just think, for me, this is so important to me and. But I don't want all the pressure all the time. I don't want to fight a fight constantly. Like, I was in a meeting and one of the guys in the meeting was like, well, I only deal with men. I don't deal with women. And I expect. I'm just going to be honest. I expect from my husband if it's what I want to say. Well, she's going to stay in the room if she wants to be in the room. That's protecting you. That's protecting me and making me feel like I don't need to fight that fight because I'm not a feminist, so people don't know this about me. I'm not. I really am not. Like, I love serving Clayton. I love. If I'm really honest, I miss. I grew up in the South. So I love cooking. I love cleaning, I love taking care of people. I was raised in a home where my parents were together since they were 14. So I love making him happy. I love supporting, surprising him. I love cooking for him. Sometimes I'll cook three to four meals a day to make sure he. He has them.

You do that with the kids. You would cook four meals because each kid would want something different.

But I like. I like this question because this is such. I think this is the critical point of our relationship. Like, I. I want to feel safe and not worry, and I want to lay it all out and me say, I just need a break or, I don't want to deal with this today without me looking weak. And I feel like husbands and men, like, I have the most amazing brother and kids. If they handle it right, they do take up. You should take up for someone that's. I don't want to say we're weaker as women, but women are different. Like, there's a. There's a nurturing, soft part that I don't want us to lose in society. Like, let me be a woman. Yeah, exactly. Let me worry about my hair. Let me take time to talk to my friends. It's important to me. And then I'm a better wife. Do you know what I mean? I'm a better person. But when I'm constantly fighting. Everything you said is so true. When I'm constantly fighting, constantly protecting, it gets.

It's hard and you lose that.

Does she? Is it ever difficult, Clayton, in your experience, for her to let down her guard? Like. Like. Because here's what happened, Danielle and I. She'll say, earmuffs. She'll say, I want you to just be the man. I want you to, like, just own it. I want you to contain it. And I'm like, then put your fucking swords down. Like you're telling me one thing and stabbing me in the balls while saying it. Like, I'm trying to help you here. Be more. Like, it's been a struggle for us. Because she'll say that she wants to have a thing, and then what she'll do is a little bit different.

No, here's the thing. Because, like, I want to surprise your energy.

Don't surprise me.

Me, I feel like I am very anxious.

That is true. I like to be surprised, but I don't like to be surprised.

She, like, surprise me. You never do anything spontaneous. Then I'll plan it, and then she'll be like, anxious. What? What are you going. I don't know.

What to wear, because I don't know what to wear, and I want to plan surprises.

You wanted me to be spontaneous and career surprise, so it's what it did. You get what I'm talking about? She says she wants.

Wait, let me.

Let me.

Hold up.

Hold on.

But what she's really saying is maybe. I don't know. Go, Clay.

I would like to be surprised, but I would like to know what the surprise. Yeah, what the surprise. So I can plan a.

At least I'm not the only one.

To go get the surprise.

Exactly.

Just make sure the surprise is at this time in this location.

Here's the link.

Here's what you see. We're going somewhere. It's hot and sporty. I'm like, perfect. I know what to wear.

Yeah.

You know, but.

Yeah, I would love that.

It's part of.

Do you get. Do you get the question? You understand what I'm saying? The desire is there. Every woman I've talked to like this. The desire is there. And that's always the second question I asked. I said, are you willing to let.

Go of the divine feminine right of. You have these women that are so dynamic and they know they have so much to do, but they won't shut it off. Right?

And.

Is one of the big challenges for me, because she's like, I need you to step up in this instance when this happens. I'm like, yeah, but when I do that, then you defend them. So I'm like, if I. Right.

This is.

And this is not something important. It's not like, oh, I'm just saying she does it. It's like, strong, dynamic women do that because. And it's her nature. It's her nature as a protector that she's. If she wants me to go at a situation, you know, or a person for making a comment, I'm like, yeah, but if I do that the way I know I'm supposed to or the way that I do, you're gonna go, oh, you're gonna defend them? Because that's her nature. It's not that she's going against me. It's her nature to defend someone weaker. So if I come over the top of somebody that did something wrong, she might not, in all instances go, oh, it's okay. I'm like, no, no, no. We don't do that. So it's a matter of having the balance, but getting to the point for your wife to be in a situation where it's like, no, it's okay that I can just let go, Right? That it's not just the safety of the situation and knowing that, oh, there's this one instance, and this is how it is. It's like, no, it's okay to just back off, but it's against their. It's against their nature to do so because, you know, it's. It's the mama bear philosophy. Yeah, right. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. If something goes on, the claws are coming out. Like, don't. Don't make me raise my hand.

The only way I could get a place with where she started to let go was I had to take her out of the country with no business to a place she hadn't been. And about three and a half days in four days in, I would go, oh, my God, there she is.

Yes.

Holy shit, my woman's back. And it takes, like, by the clock. It's like 72 hours in. All of a sudden, all of the. And then about seven days, she's like.

Forget I have kids.

She has company, everything. And I'm like, okay, we've had to do trips.

You can't operate like that for sure.

But that was letting go.

It was like, I'm very similar. It's like, I can be very feminine and all these things, but it is my nature to. I don't know. I like your analogy where you're like. You're like the mama bear. You're like, we did this last night with our daughter. He's like, talking to our daughter. I'm like, he didn't communicate that, right? That wasn't the right way to do it. Like, you know, and so it feels like critique. It feels like I'm critiquing you.

Like, I reword it for Clayton. I go, let me rephrase that. He's like, no, I meant exactly what I said.

No, no, no.

I'm trying not to hurt everyone's feelings. So I'm like, well, I don't know. We didn't mean it like that. He's like, yeah, we did.

The exact defense move you're talking about is exactly what happened last night with our teenagers all the time. I'll come in to handle things, and then she'll be upset for me to go handle it. Why don't you handle your kids? I'm like, I'm going go handle it. Then I go, and I don't like.

The way he handled it.

And then she comes at me about handling.

Then I have to fix the handling. I'm like, that's not how I wanted it that way.

Kids, come here no, same thing happens.

Being the.

The same thing happens. I protect the kids. He's. I'm like, I didn't mean for you to handle it like that. Like, you really up upset him.

Yeah.

And especially being the stepdad and now.

He doesn't know how much I love him. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, of. Of being the. The outlier. The cool part is, you know, they were. They were cool. They had a good start. Bc.

But now, you know, that was another thing Clayton did. So when we first met, I live in a 24 hour gated security.

The kids grew up in. In the projects.

No, no, it's. It's a pretty nice facility. Clayton would sneak in to check and make sure we were okay. He went to all my kids sporting events without me asking him to come.

Yes.

Because here's what he said. We're gonna get married someday. So I really. And I go, no, we're not.

Well, let's go back to the Duquesne first.

So I love him for that. I have to be honest. Like, Clay has a personality. If he knows he wants something, he's relentless. And now what was so weird is here we are working together and we're such good friends, and then we would leave and he would be like, well, I'll see you at the game tonight. I'm like, no, you're not gonna see.

Me at the game.

I go, one game. He goes, mariella's volleyball game. I go, what? She's in fifth grade. No, you are not coming to her volleyball game.

But was there a piece in you that when he kept showing up and.

You'Re like, there was. Because that wasn't happening on the other side. I wasn't getting support. So I started thinking, wait a minute. This guy who's single and he's making money and is successful is showing up at my kids sporting events. He was even dating these, you know, 21 year old women.

I would say, what?

Yeah, he was. And he'd still show up for their games. I kept waiting for him to bring a girlfriend to the game, and it was so funny. But it was. But he literally was like, even if you don't marry me, I think they at least need someone there to make.

Sure to show the support and the cool part of not having kids, but understanding some of the principles of parenting, especially with girls versus boys, but it really applied to. To both of them because of wanting to show the example of what influence. There's a difference between being present and being available. Right. And with. Especially with the baby girl. And it's funny because you think they're not paying attention, right? When they're younger. And our daughter, who's now 20, and she'll make comments from time to time, she's like, yeah, you were stalking us when we were younger. It's like, you were always at these events, but then in the end, you actually saw me. She's like, why were you always at my games? It's interesting, too, this right here, you know, I was there.

She takes that for him over me. So, like, she literally. If we get in a fight, like, she may act like he's the enemy, but if we get in a disagreement, she steps in and takes his side. What Clayton was trying to say, mom.

She does the same thing her mom does. It's in her.

I go, that's not what he said. She goes, that's what I meant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what he meant.

But knowing. Knowing especially as men, that being. Being present, even. Even if it's for those little. Those. Those little things are actually the most valuable right. Of thinking, oh, I've got this. Do. I got this to do. I'll miss that. It's fine. I'll. I'll be. I'll be there later on. It's those small details that kids really, really pay attention to. But with girls, especially when they become teenagers, they don't want you there, but they want to know you're available, right? And it's the one thing that I've had to work with her because I haven't been there the entire time. And I wasn't there early. Early on, but from. I mean, for her, it was basically nine.

You're always there for merit, honey.

But I got to. I got to understand that. She's like, I don't want you around, but if the phone rings, you better answer the damn phone.

She calls Clive before she calls, right? For an emergency, because I might not.

Be present, but I'm there, right? And it's with all of the boys. And it's like when Duquesne was our oldest one was working in the office with her. And when I came in to start my new job, I pulled him aside, like, in the first week, and I sat him down. I said, look, here's the deal. I love your mom.

This is what happened. Of course, he didn't know who Clay was.

Yeah, he was. He didn't know. He's like, okay, new guy. I was like, I love your mom. I'm never leaving. I'll be here for you. Just know that going, Ken comes in.

My office and he goes, who is that guy that just brought me in the office? And he goes, mom. And I go, just ignore it. Oh, my God.

It's like he's a little bit crazy.

Because, you know, you're trying to make your kids okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

And this scared him to death. I was like, just don't. Because at that point, they were all, we were a family. And the boys were like, they're protecting their mom. Do you know what I mean? And so they don't want to be bringing a new person after the trauma we went through. Wasn't even there. But it was interesting because now Duquesne's like, he didn't lie. Like, he told us the truth. You know what I mean? So they have respect for that.

Yeah.

Yeah, they do.

Are all your boys can. Are you guys pretty connected? I know they're older, but you feel like you have a good relationship with all of them.

It's the interesting, interesting part of, you know, trying to be of influence. Especially now with. With kids, it's a lot different. And, like, where. Where they were raised, like, she was talking about being in. In Brentwood and in a. Going. Going to private schools and growing up in a private gated community and the world that they grew up in, when people look from the outside is something that there's no frame of reference to.

It's top five to top 10 wealthiest counties in the United States. People don't realize that.

So there's no frame of. There's no frame of reference in that, you know, where. Where things are from a technology standpoint, what go. What goes on in the world, you know, as. Just as parents, we don't have a frame of reference for what these kids are growing up in. But then being able to take some of the principles that I grew up with and coming a lot of times, those are things that you do with, you know, between 5, 5 and 10, right? Going fishing, you going. Going hunting, you know, all of the, you know, playing sports, doing all this stuff. I never got that opportunity with them. So I. I really try to make sure I'm making an effort now to connect with them on the things that they're. They're wanting to do. Like, I started collecting Pokemon cards because the boys. The boys love Pokemon cards because when they were younger, they had Pokemon cards, and now it's like a popular thing, and it's a good investment. And our daughter loves mew, the Pokemon cards. So I started collecting Mew so I can give her muse. And I'm like, okay, I'm Collecting these. These are for you later on, but we have this. So you find different ways to. To connect with them, to show that you're being present amongst all the chaos. And you try to use any aspect you can as a teaching moment. In some aspects, knowing you're present, you're trying to create opportunities with your kids, but then investing in what they have an interest in and trying to teach lessons through it.

It's hard for step parents. I don't know how you.

I'm trying to buy their.

We tried to buy. Everybody got a new car, and it works. Everybody got whatever they wanted. When Clay first came in, and I was like, this is not a good idea because they have never had this. And, you know, we have $140,000 car. So it was. We've made big advancements, but he's been amazing. And I will say this, it's been hard because at first your kids get jealous of your relationship, but yet they want you to be close because the truth is, if we're not okay, they're not okay. But there's a part of it where they're my. I raised them right. They came out of my body, and so they're like, mom, we just want to have time with you. But I've tried to tell him, even if he was their biological father, they would be that way with me. Does that make sense? They've always been that way with me. They want to go out, like, on my birthday, they each go on a date with me. Like, they love that. So it was hard for cly. I don't know how I did it. I don't think I could have done it. I've thought about that many times. I give him credit for that. I don't think. Think I could have done it.

Yeah, but there's the benefit of being the stepdad, especially with teenagers and like young, young guys when they want to start talking trash.

Yeah.

Because I get to look at them. Who's your daddy now? Argument over.

Argument finished.

And now. And now, like a couple, like Duquesne, our oldest one, we kind of look alike. So when we do events and.

Yeah, they think my husband and.

And Crider, our 21 year old, we were at. We were in the pool of Vegas a couple, like month and a two months ago, and we're talking to a couple people and there's a guy who's a promoter for some of the boxers and everything, you know, so my son is good at meeting everybody. So he's talking to him, and I come over. He's like, oh, you look like your dad.

He's 6.

I'm like, 5, 10. He's like, this is not my dad. He's like, oh, yeah, you look like your dad. Because the aspect of we'll. Humans kind of look like their dogs eventually, or their dogs look like that. So things. Things change.

Similar mannerisms, and.

And he's like, that's not my dad. He's like, well, how long has he been around? He's like, how old are you? He's like, I'm 21. He's like, well, how long's he been around? He's like, 10 years. He's like, that's your dad.

Yeah.

Yeah, sorry, bro.

That's your dad, and you look like him now.

Yeah. No mentorship, energy.

This is. This is how it is. And being able. Being able to see those things. And other people go, oh, yeah, these are your kids. It's like, that's your dad. And I'm like, this is a proud moment, right? You get those. You get those proud moments as a dad with your kids. Like, okay, I'll take that one and put that in my pocket. Huge.

You know?

But it's like, when Merritt told you she loved you, you're like. She tried to act like you didn't hear it. I go, that was a big deal. He goes, oh, no. He's trying not to get too excited.

I'm not gonna cry. I'll go cry in the corner later on.

That was my son with Danielle. Like, that. He's 26, and he came into our world when he was 18, and it was the same thing he was. He's actually. He and I are very tight, but she does the same thing.

I came in as, like, even he was older. He was 18. So I kind of like, even though he was three, when we got married, he lived in Canada, so we needed to raise him. So I kind of was like, I'm just gonna come in as, like, the friend, you know, build some trust there and show up. Keep showing up. And so I feel like we have a pretty good relationship. Like, but, I mean, I call. I want to tell people. I'm like, yeah, we have five kids. You know, like, you know, it took a while.

It took a minute to get there, and it took a minute for Parker get there, too, and then it became, like, totally normal. And then, of course, he had other issues because his mom and wasn't, like, super happy about the idea that he would talk about his mom's online and both moms, which made it interesting, or both dads in the conversation. So we're a Rob show with one experience. You ready?

Yes.

Are you ready for this?

Yes. It's a question.

Okay, so we're gonna start with. You ready?

Yes.

Okay.

What? But if you were to list the three, like, the three things that you love about this man the most, like, of all the things that he is, all the things that he's created, all the things he's pursued with you, like, what are the things that, when you strip it all back, these three things matter the most to me and the reason why I love this man so much.

Think about it. Oh, that's fine.

I think he has a good heart deep down.

And I don't think many people say, tell him this.

I think you have a really good heart.

Say it again.

I think you have a great heart. Okay. I think a lot of people don't see it, but I see it. And I have since I met you.

Is that all? He said three.

He said one. Okay. Three. You are one of the funniest individuals I've ever met in my life. Even when I don't want to laugh. You're hilarious.

Especially when I get out of the shower right now.

Yeah. So sorry. Even my school age for an 85 year old. My Southern Baptist parents laugh at him when he makes jokes. Of course, I'll tell you guys later, another joke he made, but that was hilarious. And then I think you're one of the most intelligent human beings I've ever met. Can't argue, but your heart comes first for me.

Okay.

All right, Clayton, your turn.

Three. Not one.

Three.

Three. Backdoor.

Oh, I do love that he works, too.

That's always a positive thing.

I'm sorry. It really matters to me that he works.

He works. He works.

There's a bonus. Hold on. Yeah.

Things that are a given. He actually.

That hasn't always happened in my life, so I'm very thankful for that. Yeah.

Okay, so three.

Three things.

The first one is the easiest one. Once you're around her for more than a short period of time, you are the personification of love. And it's the hardest thing, but it's the. We talk about the aspect of being Christlike, right? Because that's all we're meant to become.

You.

In my entire journey so far, you are that personification. And you know that. That's the walk that we. That we talk about. So one. That's one. One. A. I'm kidding.

Two.

That was kind of like everything all encompassing as the bailout.

The second one, I'm really Funny.

You know what's interesting? I'm not gonna take you.

We're trying to wrap it up.

You were class clown.

I was, but I'm not funny like you. I'm just joking. You have to name your three.

I know.

You can't say number one encompassed everything. That's not fair.

No, no.

One, we're nowhere.

You're the personification of love. Two, you are the most fun person to be around, period. And it's the beautiful part.

It can't be.

No, it just is, because we can do anything or nothing. And I'm the happiest I can ever be because you're the person that I want to be present with. Third, you work. I'm kidding. That's four. The third one is you make. This is the. Okay, I'll word this properly so you know that I mean it. You make me a better man, and you make me want to be the best man possible so I can fail forward.

Thank you, Clay. That's good.

And you work.

Exactly.

It was horrible that I did that. That was good.

That was good. That allows us to work.

That was sweet.

I made up that whole thing.

Okay.

You guys did great. You know what's fun at, like, sitting with you, too. If we were sitting at the house and we were just hanging out, we'd be, like, talking for three days.

I know.

Just bring on the tequila.

No, I want to learn more about what you guys are doing because I was very interested in what you've done and what you're doing. I think it's fantastic because I think in life so many times we throw things away that we can make the most important thing in our life, especially a marriage.

Yeah.

Yeah. We were. We were. That's why there was such a big gap between our girls. That was our figure out if we're gonna make it years. And.

But that's also, like. I mean, we found ourselves in those years and then came back together and then had two more kids.

Yeah.

So I feel like there's a lot of relationships that end that don't need to end. And your relationship, totally different situation. Like, when I hear that, I'm like, those. Those should come to an end.

They should come to an end because you can't have that happen.

You cannot.

No.

But for us, I feel like people throw in the towel too quickly.

Oh, yeah.

And I realize, like, in a relationship, if something's not going right, there's two people in the relationship. Whether you're the bad guy or the good guy, there's a reason that you're in this spot.

That's why I don't think you should ever dislike someone you are married to, because there's a reason you married them. Do you know what I mean? And there's life connection. And that's why I said what I said about cte. You have no idea. And everyone handles CTE differently. Like, there's a lot of men that have had it, but they're fine. They don't have this explosive anger that could kill someone.

You know, neurotoxicology issue, though.

But from a perspective of what you guys have done, I just really respect it.

Thank you.

I mean that, and I think that. And you. I have to tell you this. I really want to say it in front of you. One of the things that bothers me a lot is when men bully other men for being close to their wives or make fun of them. And I wish you were in the room when that happens. Like it's a weakness because you're so strong. No, I mean this. That you wouldn't put up with that. Because it's not a weakness to love your wife. Yeah.

No. Yeah.

And I don't. Why do men. Why do some men. Because they don't have it properly.

They don't have that connection.

Yeah.

And like, you just. It's training. If you come back to the guys in their 60s and 70s, and then you roll it down to me, almost 50, like, that was the training. Like, you were. Man was defined different. Like, this was the way it was.

Yeah.

Now you. The younger generation, creating another narrative of what they think it is. And so it's like, I don't know. I feel like Gen X, I'm like, in this gap between the wisdom of my father's and my grandfathers and the rising generation of tech and understanding a lot of the liberal perspectives, which are actually fairly accurate.

Yeah.

I'm like, yeah, that shit's not working. I agree. And at the same time, coming back to this piece, exactly what you spoke of, this beautiful wife you worship, which is like the ability to say you embody Christ, like there Christ is. This embodiment is more than just speaking of Jesus. It's like, how do I embody this and this concept here? When a man's connected to God and in his full truth, it is safe for his woman to trust and surrender. And that surrender only happens with alignment. If a man's not aligned. This is never a safe game. And so that's why, for us, it was a bipolar switch for her. Because, like, sometimes I was there and Then other times I was insane, and other times I was there and other times I was insane and all this happened. Now is just the gap between the insanity is further. There's less of those insane moments and more of these grounded moments. Whereas in the past it was just fucking crazy and then not crazy. Now it's like.

Well, sudden. You can. You can tolerate the crazy because there's more moments.

Exactly.

Right.

Because in a marriage, especially if you've got two strong people, there's going to be some crazy.

Yeah. Yeah.

There's no way around.

I mean, there's just.

My psychologist taught me that if couples stop arguing and really the heated arguments and the fights, if those stop, that's a problem.

Yeah. You're not.

But you're not like we were talking about before. If you have heated arguments with your spouse, that's a good thing. That's not. That's not a negative partner. Now, if there's abuse and everything that comes from it. Problem.

Right.

But if there's heat in conversation or in disagreement, and that's because there's. There's a fire in the relationship, if that goes away.

Yeah.

Problem.

Yeah.

Right. But knowing. And for guys, we're like, I'm in charge here. You should never disagree with me. I'm like, no, that's the whole point. You want that because that fire burns on later when you get to cash in fun tickets. You want that burn in. It's like, you might want to throw some gasoline on that thing.

So funny. He'll go, let's go to the bedroom and work this out. I'm like, no, I'm mad now. I'm working this out in the kitchen. I am furious. I'm not taking it out.

We can work out. I'm okay. Work this out right now in the kitchen.

That was literally last night.

Like, we were, like, heated about something with our daughter. And then I'm like, is your hand really on my ass right now? You were just mad. Like, five minutes ago.

I was mad.

And I know, but I'm not mad now. You're right here, naked, laying with you in bed. How could I be mad right now? I just. All I want is this.

So good times ahead.

Just trust me. That's what he waits for. Because he knows we're upset with each other. He thinks we're going to make it up in the bedroom.

Yeah.

Yeah. I just go to bed naked. I love that about that. He makes it funny. I do love it.

Never go to bed alone right now.

Oh, I got to tell this one last Story. This is so funny, Clayton. So I will lock our doors. We have about back area, front area, different. I will lock every door. I will put chairs against the door. I will do whatever. I'll just say, can I sleep by myself tonight? I need 24 hours. And he's like, you don't have 24 hours. We're going to work tomorrow. I'm like, I need eight hours to just think about this. We can talk in the morning, because if I'm that mad, I don't want to say something I regret. And my mother taught us, you never go to bed angry. But I know me and I have a major temper. So I'm like, I need to. Clayton, however he does it, maybe he'll never tell us. He gets in the room when I'm asleep. In the middle of the night, I'm talking. The door, opens the window. How do you get in? How do you get in? We never sleep alone.

Santa never tells a secret.

He just wait until you go to sleep.

So one night, I wake up, and Clayton's crawling on the ground. And I thought, oh, my gosh. Someone's in the room. And I go, oh, my gosh. And he goes, it's just me. He's on the ground, laying on the ground, crawling to the bed. And he had done something that made me mad. I deserved to be mad for just a night. Like I was going to get over it. But anyway, Clay figures out a way to make sure he's in there. And he always says we should never be angry at night.

Yeah, I just get. I just get naked, come to bed, and call her in and tell her to get naked and, like, cuddle.

I try to do that. Then she starts laughing again.

That's what you always do, Clyde. We got to go, by the way, because I'm flying.

All right.

I know.

I was like, we are wrapping up this. Well, listen, as you can tell, this is going to probably have 19 different episodes to it, and then they're going.

To be online on the sex.

Exactly. We're going to talk all about the sex. Sex topics. I know.

It's okay. We will. Yeah. Yeah.

Couple remind us here with the date podcast we're getting. Remember, if you get value from this, which we put out every single week, share it up. Shared with our couples. There's going to be conversations you're going to hear from both these amazing people and my wife here with all four of us today, and topics are going to connect with you. Use the show as a book and a bait. If you're having a hard time with your spouse? Just turn on a show while you're driving one day and say, hey, there's a podcast. I heard. I just, you know, thought maybe might be interested. And then they'll get to hear that you're not crazy. And hopefully it open up topics for you also show itself. Brought to you by Warrior Book. You can check that out@warriorbook.com again. It's a manual instruction. We've been teaching over 90,000 men the last 15 years on how to put themselves back together in a systematic way and ultimately put their lives back together. Check it out. Warriorbook.com and a friend that brings us.

Wait, we gotta. Where can people find you guys real quick?

Oh, drchristinaron.com and we're on all the social media root, DRC Ventures. We have different platforms.

Don't look for me. Sorry.

I'll look for you.

Social media hates me.

No, it doesn't.

If you search Clayton Thomas. If you Google Clayton Thomas. Okay, it's not the black comedian, it's the other one. There you go. You did a podcast with the white Clayton Thomas interview. Clayton Thomas.

Okay. I'm just excited about seeing you guys next time. I really enjoyed it.

Thank you so much. Another episode of the day podcast.